Ok guys! I'm very new to this whole writing thing so please be gentle with me. I love CM and decided to try my hand. Rated M for now, just to be safe. Please R&R and tell me what ya think!

Disclaimer: Oh yea….I'm required to do this….unfortunately. I do NOT own Criminal Minds. *makes sad face*

Plus plus also and...the updates might be a bit slow. My internet connection is sucky right now so it makes updating regularly almost impossible.

Ta, Gen Now on with the show!

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Penelope Garcia was one tired tech kitten. It had been a grueling 2 weeks of all-nighters and meals that consisted of coffee and skittles while rummaging through the creepy skeletons in some sickos closet. But it was finally over and her super heroes were on their way home, safe and sound and no worse for the wear. Her team was her family. She worried for them every time they went out into the field and sent up a prayer of thanks every time they returned safely. Deciding there was no point in waiting any longer she moved to shut her babies down and head home. Sometimes she missed waiting for her friends, Derek in particular, to get back to base but things had started to get stilted. Almost as if they didn't really want to see her but were indulging her need to see with her own eyes that they were all still in one piece. So she stared saving them the trouble.

Entering the elevator she made a mental note to text JJ and Emily that she was headed home and ask them to do the same once they landed. They always did and for that she was grateful. Now it's time to give Momma some TLC. She smiled at the thought. Usually Morgan would be the one saying that but something was changing in her Hot Stuff and had been changing for a while now. Their relationship was getting rock but in the last few weeks there was a sharp drop and things went from 'ok' to 'nonexistent'. Gone were the good days of their friendship now she was lucky to get a 'hello' most days. And the girls and Reid had started calling from the field more and more. It hurt, it hurt like hell. Still she tried to get him to open up. To see that she was still the same Garcia that she'd always been. Unfortunately it wasn't working. Making her way to her car she decided it was time to stop replaying things in her head. It was what it was. Nothing could change it. At least until a few weeks ago she still had someone to come home to. Sitting in her beloved Ester in the FBI car park her thoughts took an unwanted turn to the last conversation she had with her ex.

Flashback 4 weeks ago

"I really didn't want to do it this way." Kevin's voice was nervous as he moved bits of his steak around his plate.

"Do what, what way, Kevin?" She was slightly confused now. They had come to a nice restaurant to relax before and start their 3-day weekend early. Thursday's were always quiet at Bernini's and she knew Kevin loved their pasta which is why she had chosen this particular place. Tonight though he'd ordered steak which made her wonder if something was up. Kevin always ordered the same thing; three-cheese ravioli in marinara sauce. It was one the more popular items on the menu and Penelope thought it went rather well with her eggplant, especially when they shared bites from each other's plates. Tonight, there was no pasta and definitely no sharing. He'd been unusually quiet and fidgety, it made her uneasy.

"I don't think this is working out?" He replied.

"Dinner?" She was being purposefully evasive. She didn't want to have this conversation here. To be honest she didn't want to have this conversation at all and but to say that she was shocked was an understatement. The last few months had been rough and more work than usual. They were arguing more and more about increasingly aggravating things. Like what movie to watch, who does that, and where Kevin's socks belong after he shucks them off at night, not on the floor of the bathroom!, and the fact that dishes should either be washed or put in the dish washer and not left in the sink! In the back of her mind she knew this was coming she just didn't expect it now, during dinner.

"No Penny." She shuddered at the nickname. "I don't think our relationship is working out. You've been staying at work longer at night and nagging me to pick up after myself all the time and to be honest the sex hasn't been that great. Most of the times I feel like you're just doing it to keep me happy. I need more than that. I could get the nagging at home from Mother I don't want it from my girlfriend. I want a girlfriend that is all in and not rushing off to spend her every free minute with Derek Morgan!" Kevin continued to vent his 'feelings' loud enough for the closest couple five tables over to hear but Penelope had a tuned him out after Derek's name. She actually hadn't been spending much time with Morgan. He'd been ignoring her after working hours. During cases and over the phone he was his normal 'player' self; it was all 'baby girl' and 'goddess'. But after the lights were out and the files completed he shut her out. No movie nights, drinks or 'dates'. She didn't understand where Kevin was getting the idea that she spent all her free time with Morgan. And then she heard it.

"I've been talking to Marian and she said that it isn't normal for someone like him to be so…well…flirty with someone like you and-"

"Wait!" She was angry now, "What do you mean someone like me? And you've been talking to Marian from accounting! That woman whose been snuggling up to you in the break room even though I'm standing right there and bringing you coffee and lunches and generally trying to break us up?"

"Well technically she isn't trying to break us up, she did. I've been seeing her for a few weeks now. We haven't slept together or anything I wanted to respect you, I was just waiting for the right time to tell you." He at least had enough manners to look slightly ashamed of himself. "And let's be honest! People that look like Agent Morgan don't go for girls that look like you. You know you could stand to lose a few pounds."

Penelope had heard enough. "Listen, you spoilt, lazy, sorry excuse for a man, I don't care what Marian from accounting thinks about my relationship with my best friend and as for respecting me that went out the window when you started cheating on me! News flash Kevin, you don't have to sleep with someone else to cheat on your girlfriend! And those pounds you think I could stand to lose you certainly weren't complaining about them when you were getting laid on a regular basis!" She stood and grabbed her purse, laid a few bills on the table for the meal and started to head for the door only to turn back. "I'm more than happen to give you back your single status, Kevin. To be honest you're more work than you're worth." Then she leaned closer to the table and expertly delivered her last jab.
"The sex hasn't been doing it for me either. I'm so tired of not getting off every time we do it. Maybe you should figure out where the g-spot is before you and Marian start sleeping together. She'll probably keep you around longer than the first night if you do." She stood, patted him on the shoulder softly and spun on her heel toward the door.

And never looked back.

End of Flashback

She hadn't broken down that night until she got home. She'd thought about calling JJ or Emily but didn't have the energy to explain everything. And then her thoughts had turned to Morgan but she honestly hadn't known where they stood at the time so that idea was ruled out. In the end she had settled for a tub of Rocky Road and Sex and the City. It did the trick for the night. Despite her confident appearance, Kevin's words had played on old insecurities that still ached. She knew that men like Morgan most definitely did not go for girls that look like her. Battle was proof enough of that. But in the back of her romantic heart she still entertained some hope that maybe, after all these years; Derek Morgan would finally look her way. So instead of pining away waiting for her Prince Charming to ride in and rescue her; she worked. And she wrote. She had recently discovered the lost art of journaling. She did it every day, multiple times if needed. It helped her gather her thoughts and emotions and put them in their correct compartments so she didn't have to think about them throughout the day and wouldn't have to deal with them at inopportune moments. She would write them down and work through them later, at her own pace in her own way. She would probably stop one day but for now it was like therapy. It was helping her figure out who she was in her own eyes. And she was finding that she liked who she saw in the mirror every day. Not just her body but her soul, her spirit and her mind. She loved everything that she was. Albeit said person reflected in the mirror was more conservative and a bit more sad than usual but not having a best friend to share your life with will do that to a person.

She let out a deep sigh, switched Ester on and opened her phone to text her girls. All she wanted to do was get home and give herself a little TLC. Maybe take a shower and then relax on her couch with a good book and a glass of wine.

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