"Chakotay?" Kathryn found herself asking, furious as she tried to regain some dignity, she didn't really know what she was asking but she didn't really like the implications of it.
"How many others?" he growled in a low deep tone as he circled her as she set her jaw and placed her hands on her hips.
"None" Kathryn spat at him furious.
Chakotay rounded to face her "none?" he growled seductively, part of him really didn't want to end believe what he was saying, the other part of him really needed to know.
"not like that" she whispered softly and Chakotay saw a Change in her, her clear command stance was gone she looked weak before him trying to avoid his eye contact as she bit down on her bottom lip. Chakotay wanted to believe it was in anger but deep down he knew "flirting" she whispered almost unbearable to hear "a little but you knew that" her wide eyes shot up to look at him. He had been there he had known. He had just never thought the true implications before. She was a caring tactile person. Who had a deadly glare just as deadly as her flirtatious smile.
"Where?" he demanded.
"Where what?" she asked genuine confusion drawn across her face.
"Did you kiss Kashyk, in your bed?" he snarled "ready room against the bulkhead, the mess hall?"
She issued a death glare but he ignored it and watched her closely till she told him "the cargo bay"
"Cargo bay" he almost whimpered his breathing deep and steady.
"Chakotay" she whispered stepping to him and placing her hand gently on his arm.
"Why Kathryn?" he snapped brushing her hand away in disgust.
"If he had asked you, if any of them had asked you would you have had sex with them?" Chakotay demanded of her his fury rising. He couldn't believe he had got it all wrong, he flirting with him wasn't because she loved him, because she wanted to be with him it was all because she wanted to use him to achieve a goal.
"I was captain of Voyager" she insisted anger emitting from her "it was my duty to get my crew home" then she turned from him and administered the blow "I was alone"
"You were never alone Kathryn" he told her as he had done so many times before.
"I wasn't the only one" she spat trying to show why she felt so alone. "Riely, seven"
"none of my entanglements were acts solely as payment to get us home faster" Chakotay pointed out but softening just a little as he looked at her and saw real true passion and love in her eyes.
"I did what I did" she told him firmly and Chakotay realised if he didn't
"I should have took you a long time ago" he growled at her as he rested his hands firmly on her shoulders and looked down into her shining blue eyes.
"Excuse me?" came her response as she set her jaw and stared firmly up at him.
"kathryn I don't want some harlot, some passing whore" he whispered much softer than he had been, regret clearly drawn across his darkened face and kathryn suddenly realised what he meant about taking her, if he had got her into a relationship with him at the beginning maybe she would never have felt so alone. Maybe she wouldn't have felt to need to flirt with anyone.
"Chakotay" she whispered stepping forward and taking in his expression of hurt she knew it, she could see it, he had it all wrong and he was about the break up with her.
"I don't want to be the next flirt to keep me at bay" he told her sadly and firmly as he ran his fingertips once more over her cheeks "and I don't want you on your hands and knees begging for coffee because it makes me feel good" he told her as he raised her coffee stained bra into her eye line so she could see it. He had expected her to fight to push it away but instead she closed her eyes and tried to turn from him where he held her in a tight grasp. Chakotay realised this was all wrong, she wasn't angry or strong or uncaring as he had thought she was ashamed. He suddenly didn't want to be holding the offending bra as he cast it aside and relaxed just a little as he took her chin gently in his hand turning her face to him as he told her "and I certainly don't want you ashamed to look at me" he whispered. This wasn't a tall how he had planned it with himself as he took to transport.
"Chakotay I am so sorry" she whispered in that husky voice she reserved only for him
"I don't want you to be alone" he told her breathing hard as he allowed his eyes to rest on hers and he knew what he had to do "I will personally to my dying day ensure you and your children are never alone." he whispered lovely as he placed his firm copper brown hand on her abdomen where she carried her baby inside her. Kathryn stared at him, she was so sure he was about to break up with her, so sure he was disgusted with her. "never again will you feel to need to act sexually with a man simply to achieve a goal" he told her as she tilted her head upwards biting her bottom lip to fight back the tears "you will only ever have to be with a man because you want to for loves sake." then ever so softly he ran his fingertips over her jaw line sending an involuntary shiver through her body. Quickly Chakotay withdrew all physical contact from her as he said darkly "never again will a man who repulses you lay his hand on you again and never again will a man raise a hand to hurt you."
Slowly Kathryn shook her head, how could he think this, it had just dawned on Kathryn where he was going with this "Chakotay I, you -" she sputtered but he wasn't listing.
"I will personally see to it kathryn, and when he comes" at this Chakotay turned from her "the man you will truly fall in love with I will be there, jealous, but there to support you."
"Chakotay" she raised her had shaking her head asking him to stop.
"No kathryn shut up and let me finish, for once please!" he snapped.
Taken aback she thought the urged to smile as she gave his a crumpled look and began "okay but Chakotay-"
"I will be here as your personal servant if you let me admiral" he talked over her "you will always be my peace admiral"
"admiral?" she asked eyebrow raised, crooked smile forming on one side of her mouth as she let her eyes flash deliberately to where he had removed her rank insignia.
"Kathryn" he corrected himself firmly with a nod.
Clearly trying to hold back laughter she told him softly "that's a nice speech Chakotay but-"
"But?" he snapped letting her know she was walking a very fine line. He had given her the best she could, given the circumstances and she was repaying him with sneering.
"Can I finish now?" she snapped.
"Sorry" he mumbled hanging his head.
"Firstly" she smiled advancing towards him seductively "your beautiful when your angry, my angry warrior"
"Kathryn" he growled in warning as her hand had slowly gone up to trace the lines of his tattoo.
"Let me" she whispered giving him a look of pure love as he grabbed her wrist to stop her touching him. Never again will he let her use his physical attraction towards her against him. "Please" she begged. He had never seen such love radiate from a woman towards him. This wasn't lust, seduction or manipulation this was love.
"secondly, I am so sorry" she told him looking deep into his eyes as he fingertips found his mouth "sorry for keeping you out on Voyager, so sorry for all the lies" looking up at him Chakotay saw something he had never really seen, fear real fear. Sure she would suppress it, hide in behind her admirals mask he waited for it. "I was scared, I have been scared for a long time" came the admittance that shocked him and pulled down all his angry walls.
Chakotay was just about to respond when the look in her eyes changed, changed again to the way she had looked at him all those times on Voyager. "Kathryn don't please, I don't want to be the next man you use" he told her.
"Chakotay" she asked stepping back here brows drawn together and her eyes blazing "you believe Jack over me?"
"You just admitted it" he pointed out firmly.
"no" she said slowly and softly "I admitted I kissed a man to use him to save the ship, I also admitted I used my femininity for gaining some goals but I never once said I used my relationship with you that way."
"Kathryn?" Chakotay asked stepping back as she went in to kiss him.
"Damn it Chakotay I don't want a servant in you I want a lover" she shouted anger flaring as she looked at him with her tears flowing.
"Lover?" he question softly.
"Boyfriend" she whispered.
"But I thought-" he began.
"You're a p'tack" she shouted to interrupt him.
"great- thanks" he said stiffly nodding slowly at her in anger.
"A handsome one" she added with a laugh to which he looked at her and smiled at her sincerity "hay if I was the whore of the delta quadrant what that make you?" came her husky voice.
"Her more than willing lap dog" he told her moving to her and wrapping his arms tightly around her, running his hand over her tight delicately tiny breast confined in a bra and her uniform turtleneck.
"No" she gasped struggling to pull away "Chakotay not now" she shook her head desperately. "Not this way"
"Kathryn?" he asked surprised and confused as he pulled away saying deeply "I do repulse you"
"No that's just it" she whispered resting her delicate hand on his chest where jealous breath was hard and heavy "Chakotay, I don't want it to be about sex for us" she whispered with a husky voice letting he words fill the air. As he looked down at her she looked up at him with her glistening blue eyes and told him "I love you Chakotay you great p'tack I sure as hell have fantasised over our sex for nearly nine years don't ruin it now here like this"
"Love me?" he gasped at her admission.
"Yes you, I love you." she laughed as her crooked smile broke out to her eyes. Chakotay smiled warmly at heterosexual admission with made her cup his face in her slender hand and tell him softly "I love those dimples" as he drew he into a hug she allowed her body to sink in to his as she slapped his back and shouted "but don't you dare think this is over" the pulling away with that knowing twinkle in her eye she shouted "how dare you go to see Jack and how dare you believe his twisted lies" then through gritted teeth she started stabbing him with her finger on the chest "and I promise you if you ever do anything that might threaten the safety of my unborn child again I swear you won't be able to sit down for a month! I don't care how angry you are or what you think of me!" as Chakotay looked into her eyes he knew she was furious. She loved him yes, she was genuinely sorry but she was truly seething with him.