How Cloverfield really ended…note I don't own Cloverfield, also the humor's quality in this is just your opinion.)
(It opens up at a destroyed New York, the military has dropped a nuclear bomb on it in order to stop the rampaging Clover…but it hasn't killed the monster.)
The General (from Johnny Test): (Offscreen) WHAT THE FUCK?
Clover: (roars and raises it's arms in rage.)
Angel: (teleports into frame) CLOVER!
(Clover hears the angel and proceeds to cower in fear of the celestial being.)
Angel: Clover, I know you just reawoke from a very long nap (and Faust's going to have a special place in Hell for causing this whole thing) BUT THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU A REASON TO DESTROY THE WHOLE FUCKING CITY!
Clover: (Pitiably groans.)
Angel: Oh don't give me that, you had a choice and you know it.
Clover: (groans again.)
Angel: What do you mean they struck first?
Clover: (Groans and points at the military.)
Angel: (Looks at the military) Hey you.
General: (Swallowing nervously) yes?
Angel: Did you attack Clover?
General: Yes…but it wasn't our fault, she attacked first.
Angel: First off Clover is male and secondly…HE DIDN'T INTEND TO WRECK THAT OIL TANKER YOU TWIT!
General: (Mad) Why you little-
Angel: Before you finish that statement I'd like to point that I am an Angel, who just happened to receive training from Archangel Michael himself and furthermore-
God: (from Heaven) Joseph finish your job already.
Angel (now know as Joseph): But I am.
God: you certainly aren't acting like it, now grab Clover and leave before you make the rest of your kin look like unprofessional idiots.
Joseph: (groans) fine I'll do it.
(Clover and Joseph vanish.)
God: I apologize for Joeseph's unprofessionalism, I admit Clover did overdo it in defending himself but he still has no excuse for all the death he caused.
General: Than why-
God: Did I take him? Because he belongs to me, and while he was originally in another dimension don't blame him (pulls out Felix Faust and drops him on the ground) blame this guy, he's the one that made a deal with Satan to provide him a weapon of mass destruction in exchange for his soul (leaves…then returns a view seconds later) forgot something (grabs the statue of liberty) I may as well let Clover have this, seeing as you won't want it after this.
And that was the story of how Felix Faust got his magic stripped from him and thrown in prison where he was anally raped every 35 minutes for twelve years and a day while Clover was brought back to his mother who (among other things) disciplined him with a club the of the Titanic.
And they didn't live happily ever after (well Clover did once he'd learned his lesson but Faust was so sore he could never sit again.)