Bad Santa

This story is not for profit. It's just a little ditty to bring some holiday cheer.

Kim Possible was at the mall with her best friends, Ron and Monique on Christmas Eve. It was not her favorite time of the year to be shopping. The mall was brimming with people, most of whom were eager to stop Kim to thank her for rescuing them or a loved one. Any other time of the year Kim would have welcomed the praise but once again the red head had left her gift buying until the last minute. Too often she bought gift cards at the eleventh hour. Kim was not the organized holiday shopper.

The hero was grateful her friend had suggested they go to the mall together. Monique had to bribe Kim with the promise of a shopping spree at Club Banana with her staff discount card. Kim had her eye on a new green sweater. Green was now her preferred new color. Not that she would admit that publicly. Kim found that green was creeping more and more into her wardrobe. She justified it by saying that the color brought out her eyes and complimented her red locks.

Even though Ron did not celebrate Christmas, he liked to go shopping during the season in the hope of finding a new Snowman Hank DVD. Although it was not expected of him, the blond man liked to buy his friends presents. It guaranteed a good haul of gifts for him in return. Ron also made a good bag carrier. It was the trade off. He didn't have to follow his friends into the changing areas.

Ron had often complained to Kim that women's change rooms were the quickest way to emasculate a virile man. Kim often had to hold her tongue and not respond. In her opinion, the quickest way to strip a man of his virility was a Snowman Hank DVD. She did not want to hurt Ron's feelings.

Kim walked around the mall with her elbows pointed outwards. It was not very charitable but it was the only way she could ensure shoppers would not bump into her. Children she could avoid, it was their distracted parents that did the most damage. After too many years of Christmas bruises, Kim had learnt her lesson. Most missions the heroes went on were less damaging.

Thankfully Kim had made a quick list before leaving home and had stuck to it. This was not the season to be dillydallying. She had one gift to go which the hero knew was located on the upper levels of the mall and in the opposite direction to the food court. Now, she needed to navigate her friends in the right direction.

"Monique, I think we will have more luck upstairs," said the hero trying to be subtle in trying to direct proceedings.

"Kim, there are some shoes on this level that I've been eyeing off. I think they will be perfect for my Santa outfit. Can we please check those out before heading upstairs? Otherwise we will back tracking and creating more work for ourselves," said Monique.

"Please Monique," said Kim begging her friend to understand without having to say it. She really just wanted to get her mom's gift.

"Oh, oh," said Ron. "Mon, I think we should let Kim direct traffic for a while. The quicker she gets what she wants, the more enjoyable our experience will be."

"Ron, you could be right. Remember last year?"

"Totally," said Ron shuddering. "Kim turned the most awesome food in the world into the nacho drink to go because someone couldn't take five minutes out her shopping experience to enjoy a meal."

"Well, it was taking up valuable time. Eating should be a reward for a job well done," said Kim defensively. She knew that she could be single minded. Sometimes the hero hated being reminded of it.

Ron resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to win this argument. "OK, KP, its your show. We can come back for Mon's shoes and a sit down lunch after you're done. How does that sound?"

"I could work with that," said Monique.

"Thanks guys," said Kim, relieved she was able to get her way without much argument.


The detour to the upper level didn't take the trio any time. Thankfully the perfume counter was well attended. Kim had passed the gift-wrapped present to her childhood friend to add to the collection. She was now less stressed and could try and enjoy the experience with her friends. Kim wanted to treat her companions later for their patience and understanding.

As they travelled down the motorized stairs towards Monique's shoe store, Kim noticed a ruckus below her. The mall Santa was located near the entry to one of the mall's larger department stores. There was large group of children and their parents milling about. Some of the children were inconsolable, shrieking hysterically. The mall Santa was standing over the vertically challenged elf and angrily pointing his gloved hand in the direction of the elf's face. The mall photographer was frantically trying to come between them only to be pushed aside.

Kim gestured to her friends that she would like to go down and help with the sitch. As the trio approached the cordoned off area, the drama was resolved by the center's security guards. Santa, the elf and photographer took their positions. Children once again lined up to sit on Santa's knee. Most were reluctant to do so and were hanging onto their parents for dear life.

Kim could never understand why parents made their beloved offspring take photos with the jolly fat guy. The younger children obviously were scared of the man in the red suite if the looks of terror were any indication. She wondered if parents got their revenge by making their children pose for photos, or whether it was leverage at a milestone birthday.

The older children were much more comfortable sitting on a stranger's knee. Maybe it was in exchange for being able to recite their long and detailed lists. Kim wished the children all the best in their requests but she knew realistically some of the more popular items were sold out in Middleton.

Kim studied the not so jolly Santa. She could tell that Santa didn't want to be there and wasn't fond of the children precariously perched up on his knee. And the children were not responsive in return. More often than not, the child would try and make a run for it once the hovering parent stepped back. The photographer expressed his frustration with the padded man, as Santa was often snapped solo. That was not good for business.

If the child did sit still for more than a few moments the cantankerous Santa would quickly cut them off, or hand them back to the awaiting parents once the picture was snapped. On occasion a child would reach up to tug on the red hat only to have their hand slapped away. The hero wondered why such a person, one who obviously didn't enjoy the tiny individuals, would take on such a job in such a stressful and emotionally charged environment.

There was something vaguely familiar about the white bearded man that Kim wanted to investigate further. "Guys, I think I'd like to have my picture taken with Santa."

Monique and Ron looked at each other with confusion. "KP, aren't you a little old for sitting on the old guy's knee?"

"Ron, I don't think eighteen is too old. Besides, I think my folks might appreciate a picture. I ruined too many as a child," said the hero with a smile. "You want to join me?"

"No, I think I might be a bit old," said Monique looking embarrassed by the thought.

"What about you Ron?"

"I might pass too KP. Its not quite in the spirit of Hanukkah."

"OK, it's just me then." Kim joined the line. As she got closer to the front, the hero moved near the photographer and spoke quietly. The man simply nodded.

Finally it was Kim's turn. The twins who were before her left the suited man very agitated. Kim decided that she needed to act quickly. Santa had not seen her in line. The hero decided that she was not going to do the traditional pose. She placed herself across both of Santa's knees and hooked her arm around his neck. Her head was close to the red suited man's ear. The white beard tickled her nose. Santa just looked at her in disbelief.

"Hi, Santa. I have been a really good girl this year and I am top of the nice list." The photographer's flash continually flared in Kim's periphery. "I think I should be rewarded."

Santa did not say a word; instead the emerald green eyes expressed the shock. Unlike, the children before Kim, Santa did not attempt to throw the hero off. Instead the strong arms wrapped the red head closer. Kim was encouraged by the action. She pulled the beard down and kissed the exposed lips. "Merry Christmas, Santa. I've missed you." Santa just deepened the kiss. Kim could feel a warm tongue on her lips.

The wonderful kiss was disrupted when the hero felt an insistent finger in her side. "Lady, this is for the kids. You want more, get a room. Her break is half an hour. I don't care what you do then. Right now we have irate parents wanting their holiday snaps with this good for nothing Santa. And the photographer wants to be paid for all the pictures he's taken."

The angry elf grabbed the hero by the arms and tried to drag her away. The red head tried to make a dignified exit not before hearing, "Merry Christmas, Kimmie."

Kim flushed as she realized what she had just done in full view of the holiday shoppers and their impressionable offspring. She slowly made her way to her waiting friends. She didn't know what to expect. Monique reacted first. "Girl, what the hell was that? Are you out of your mind?" Kim did not respond. The dark skinned girl continued, "You know that photographer will sell those photos to some sleazy tabloid the second he is able to?"

Kim's flush deepened. "I didn't think of that," she mumbled. "I better pay him right away."

"That was Shego wasn't it?"

"Yeah," admitted the embarrassed hero. She couldn't believe her friend was so observant. As much as Shego's green skin was disguised by make-up, she couldn't disguise some of her mannerisms. "Ron, how did you know?"

"You had that look you used to get every time we went to stop Drakken."

"I had a look?"

"Oh yeah. Its one I never got by the way."

"I'm really sorry Ron," Kim said rubbing her friend's arm trying to console him.

"Don't be. It wasn't your fault we broke up," the blond hero said reassuringly. "You have to admit we are better friends than anything else."

"Thanks Ron."

"So what now?" asked Monique.

"Well I thought I should wait for Shego and maybe go for a coffee during her break. Perhaps we could catch up after that," said Kim hesitantly. She didn't want her friends to feel abandoned.

"No problem KP. Monique and I will go and get her shoes and you can call me when you're done."

Kim hugged her friends. "Thanks guys. You're the best."

"Who are we to come in the middle of a blossoming romance? Come on Ron. Lets get those sexy heels. And then we can get mine."


"I was kidding. If Kim could snog Santa, there's no reason you shouldn't live a little. You have the legs for it." Monique hooked her arm around the blond hero's and dragged him towards her heels.


Kim sat on the uncomfortable plastic food court chairs and looked down at her coffee. "So, Shego, Santa eh? That's a big change from working for Drakken."

"Yeah it is. Lets get this straight, it wasn't my idea." The green woman was free from her red suit and beard. She looked more liked the Shego that Kim had fought over the years.

"Whose idea was it?"

"Its Betty's idea of a twisted joke."


"Dr Director," said Shego simply.

"Why would Dr Director do that to you?"

"Its part of the conditions of my pardon. They couldn't let me off scot-free. Global Justice thought I needed to give back to the community. Apparently Santa performs an important social duty."

"Wow," said the hero. "I didn't realize Dr Director was so evil."

"Believe it. She's had me busy since we were pardoned."

"So how long do you have to do this? Is that why you haven't been in contact?"

"Pretty much. Betty has me up until Christmas. Then I'm free from all obligations and can get on with my life."

Kim let Shego's words sink in before asking, "When were you going to say goodbye?"

"I didn't realize I was going anywhere."

"So, you're not going to leave Middleton?" the hero asked hesitantly.

"Do you want me to?" Shego asked with a smirk.

"No!" The hero could feel her cheeks heat up with her admission.

The black lined lips turned up with a smile. "So, you'd miss me, Pumpkin?"

"Yes. Life would be boring without you." Kim picked up her spoon and stirred her coffee unnecessarily. "Shego, if you are free, do you want to come to Christmas dinner at my house?"

"That's a rather random invitation. Will your folks be OK with that?"

"Sure, the more the merrier. Besides you did stay with us, so they already know you."

"That wasn't me."

Kim didn't want to argue the point with Shego at that moment. "My folks like you. They'd be happy to have you around."

"OK, Kimmie. I can do that." Shego glanced at Kim's wristwatch. "Sorry Kimmie, but I have to get back to the merry munchkins. Oh joy!" the green woman said sarcastically before moving away from the table. She turned and addressed the red head. "Kimmie, what do you want me bring?"

"Just yourself. Come around about four."

"I'll be there."

Shego started to walk off when Kim called her back. "Oh, Shego, bring your Santa suit. I never got to finish my naughty and nice list," Kim said with a wicked smile.

Shego smirked. "Kimmie, you'll be the first kid I put over my knee and spank."

"You wish, Shego. Just have your lip gloss ready for the mistletoe."

"That's a bit presumptuous of you, don't you think?" the green woman drawled.

"Ron can't wait. You, him, Ruffus under the mistletoe."

Shego shuddered. "That's just gross, Kimmie. What did I ever do to you?"

"Not enough," quipped the hero. "That changes tomorrow night."

The former villainess laughed in response. "See you at Christmas, Princess." Shego waved before running off.

Kim stood watching the athletic figure maneuver around the throngs of people. As she admired Shego's fine posterior Kim wondered if Monique had talked Ron into buying those red heels.

A/N - I saw too many bad and extremely hilarious kids with Santa photos in the weeks coming up to Christmas that I couldn't help myself. Happy holidays everyone.