A/N: I haven't updated in way too long. If you'd like to yell at me about it feel free; I deserve it. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
Thank you to all of you who alerted/favorite this story while it wasn't being updated. Thank you to all my girls on Twitter. Thank you to every single one of you who is still reading this story.
Song: Little Lion Man - Mumford & Son
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?
"You're a fucking asshole, Edward Cullen." I scream at him, my voice high and loud. His deep green eyes boring into mine. Those eyes that I had such a hard time looking at before now hold such intensity I can't look away.
Ten minutes ago I would have melted into him, right now I just want hit him. I want to give him all the pain I feel, push it on him, see how he handles it. I don't even know how I am handling it. I feel sharp pains and numbness flowing through my body.
We're standing in his bedroom, only a few feet apart but it feels like miles. We're both crying. I can't stop, it's impossible. "How could you?"
Those words won't stop falling from my lips. My fists clench tight, pressing my nails into the palm of my hand.
"Isabella, please. " He reaches his hand towards me, stopping midway and pulling it back to his side. He knows better. His words didn't ease my pain, didn't cease my anger, they made it all worse. It was like he couldn't think of anything else. Isabella, please.
"Don't." My heart is racing. I can feel the blood pumping through me, throbbing in my chest. My throat feels tight, strained with anger and betrayal causing my breathing to come out harsh and quick. My body is shaking. My eyes are blurred, tears consuming my vision. "Fuck you."
My brain can't seem to comprehend anything. I feel like there's so much more I want to say to him but my brain is scrambling, trying to connect all the pieces, trying to form sentences that will express my thoughts. Nothing. Words float through my mind, none of them what I want. I want something strong, intense, angry, rough and cutting. I want to break through his barriers, I want to puncture his strength. I want him to understand why this hurts me more than anything. Why he's the one who causes me such pain and such pleasure. Why I don't know what to do anymore.
"I thought you were done breaking me." I see him flinch. It causes a shot of pleasure to rip through my body, part of me really is craving to hurt him. "I thought when you came back that you were going to save me, not pick me up to crush me into a million pieces again." I close my eyes and wrap my hands around my stomach. The pain is unbearable. It feels like fire is burning through my heart, like someone is stabbing my stomach.
"The person you love isn't supposed to hurt you. They aren't supposed to make you cry. They are supposed to love you, cherish you, trust you, treat you with respect. You do none of those things. You lie and sneak and hide things from me. " I open my eyes to find he moved one step closer to me.
"Isabella, I swear it was never my intention to hurt you. Please believe me. Tell me what I can do to make this better. Tell me, whatever it is, I'll do it. I can't lose you again." His hands kept twitching, moving towards me and then pulling back. I wouldn't let him touch me right now even if he tried.
I feel the anger slowly wash away from me as he speaks. I hate it and I love it.
I'm not this person. I don't yell and scream and fight. I don't try to hurt others. I have never wanted to hurt Edward, ever. I don't want to now but something inside me keeps pushing me forward, telling me I need it. Telling me that it will make me feel better.
So far, it hasn't. Its only made me feel worse.
I watch his hand run through his hair, pulling violently before dropping back to his side. "I love you, forever. That's never going to change for me. I know you once loved me, too. "
His voice drops down to a whisper, "What can I do to keep your love? What can I do to hold onto it, to show you what we could be together again?"
"How can I love you now? " I pause, actually considering his words. Could he do that? Would I let him? The side of me I hate breaks through again, speaking for me. "Or ever?"
I feel my back hit his wall, not realizing I was moving. More tears fall down my face. "I was ready to forgive you. To get over whatever had happened. To move forward. "
I pause, thinking back to what he had said. My eyes lifted up to his as I spoke. "The problem is that I wasn't ready for what you would tell me. I didn't know you were capable of such horrible things. You aren't the Edward I loved. You never have been."
I instantly regret my words.
It was harsh, too harsh.
I wouldn't say that. It's the anger, the lies, the betrayal speaking.
My words hang in the air, tense and bitter. Neither of us speak.
My mind races, replaying our words in my head. The problem was that everything has truth. I feel like the Edward I knew was a fake version of the actual one. It feels like I fell in love with someone who wasn't there, or isn't anymore.
Is that true though? Is the loving Edward I knew gone?
No. He's still there. Hidden beneath this secret. He's been there since he asked me to dance at my rehearsal dinner. He's been there mixed with this horrid man I hate, the man who left me without a trace.
How do I proceed? What do I do?
Emerald green turned dark and hazy. He was looking at me as if he never would again. He was looking at me like I was a mirage and if he didn't memorize every detail, I'd be gone forever.
I didn't trust myself to speak again. My brain was still running in circles, my heart trying to grasp at hope that wasn't there.
I jumped when I heard a knock at the door, followed by Esme's voice.
"Edward?" She opened his bedroom door to find me pressed against the wall beside it, my face wet with tears. Edward halfway between me and his bed, sadness and regret on his face. "Oh. Is everything alright?"
The tone of her voice told me she knew more than she led on.
"Mom, please leave." Edward's voice was unusually stable and smooth. I knew mine wouldn't be if I spoke. He kept his eyes on mine, green on green locked together.
"Please." His voice got stronger but his eyes never moved. I heard the door close as the silence spread around us once again.
I blinked slowly, trying to clear the tears from my eyes. When I opened them Edward was less than a foot away. I jumped, staring at his chest instantly and avoiding his eyes. We stayed like that for a minute. My body becoming a traitor to my heart, wanting to reach out and touch him. No.
I felt his eyes on me, I knew he was waiting for me to look up.
Taking a deep breath I closed my eyes and opened them on his.
They were shockingly light now, like leaves in the spring , and overwhelmingly sad.
I felt my heart drop in my chest.
I wanted to hug him, lean into him, wrap my arms around him and squeeze.
I wanted to punch him, slap him, hurt him like I hurt.
I wasn't sure what the purpose of him coming close to me was, did he think it would break me down? Wasn't it working?
Out of the corner of my eye I saw his hand twitch before he lifted it very slowly. Gently his finger tips caressed my cheek, His touch was so light and soft I almost didn't feel it. Blood flowed towards his touch, causing my face to turn pink.
"I'll always love you, Isabella. " He whispered as if he was telling himself, not me. His eyes were distant now, far away and lost. Mine were still full of never ending tears. He pulled away from me, backing up and pausing. I thought he would come back, I expected him to say something more.
He opened the door beside me and left, closing it behind him.
The anger had washed away and sadness had taken its place. My mom was still gone. Edward had known more than I realized and still left me. Alone.
Yet, him leaving me this time has left me feeling more alone than I ever have in my life.
His room is silent, motionless. I strain my ears to hear his footsteps, to decode what's beyond the door. I hear nothing.
I feel my body collapse on the floor, I'm no longer in control.
I'm exhausted, tired, spent.
I can't think, I can't feel, I can't speak.
I don't care.
I watch the sun, still high in the sky, from the window. Absorbing its light as I'm consumed by darkness.
"That's right, baby." Slap. "Right there."
"Yes! Michael!" She screams, slamming into me harder this time. "So. Fucking. Good."
I grab her hips and thrust into her with all my power. I feel her getting close, I don't care. I slap her ass again. She loves it rough. Bella doesn't. Bella doesn't like anything.
I wonder if Edward has tried to contact her? I doubt it. I fucked him up pretty good if I say so myself. He'll be staying away for a long time, fucking douche bag. She's mine. Marrying me. It's done. Over with.
Jessica has asked me well over ten times since I got here why I'm getting married. She doesn't get it. She never will. She can't be my wife, I would never want a whore like her anyways. She's a great fuck, that's all.
I haven't heard from Bella since she almost caught me with Jessica in our bedroom. I threw Jess in the closet so fucking fast. It was almost comical. Almost. I don't like close calls. That's why were at her house tonight, safe from walk- ins.
Bella never called me today, she's doing wedding shit that I don't care about. She's supposed to stay at Rosalie's anyway so I'm sure that's where she is.
I wonder if I should be concerned?
"So close, babe!" She moans and reaches her hand in my hair, pulling hard.
My mind goes blank as I feel her come on my dick and I feel myself ready to follow quickly behind.
"What happened, Edward?"
"I lost her."
"Son, I'm sure you didn't."
"No, it's done. She has every right to hate me, to leave me like I left her. "
"You really think that is what she'll do?"
"I've never seen such hate in her eyes. She looked scared of me, like I was not only emotionally hurting her but physically hurting her. "
I'm very sorry."
"What are you going to do now?"
"I really don't know."
I feel warm hands wrap around my torso and under my knees.
I feel myself being lifted and pressed against warm fabric.
I hear a heartbeat, slowly pulling me out of the fog.
The pain isn't gone, I've just given up on caring. Its throbbing and piercing through my bones. My throat is still constricted, closing in on itself, refusing to let me speak. My heart feels like the raw fire that blazed through it has now changed to embers, steady and constant.
I feel myself being lowered, down..down..down, onto something softer than before.
Blankets are placed over me.
I try to open my eyes, figure out where I am, who I'm with.
It's so dark.
Sleep takes over.
My eyes flash open and I'm still in the dark. There's no sound, no movement. I hear breathing and realize its mine, ragged and fast.
My eyes can't adjust to the dark so I move my hand around until I hit a table, then a lamp.
I flick the light on and look around.
I know this room.
My eyes jolt to the spot beside me in bed.
Empty and untouched.
I look around, searching his room in the dim light.
I hear breathing but now it's not me, it's someone else.
I spot him over in the corner, as far away from me as possible. He's using a sweatshirt as a pillow and no blanket. Why wouldn't he just take one from his bed?
My brain fails to question my motives for still being here. It doesn't seem to matter.
My eye lids feel so heavy as they try to close, trying to convince me I need more sleep. I reach towards the table and to turn the lamp off without looking, my eyes won't allow it.
A small scream falls from my lips as a book crashes to the ground.
"Isabella." It's not a question. It's concern.
"The book fell." My voice is mumbled and low.
"It's okay." He's cautious, looking at me like I'm a wild animal in a cage, waiting for me to snap. "Do you- do you want to go back to bed?"
I don't answer because I don't know.
Do I? My brain screams; Yes.
My heart screams; No.
"Can we talk?" I whisper. I need to talk to him.
The cloud of sleep floats away leaving me remembering what we spoke about.
Questions. So many questions.
"Anything for you, Isabella."
A/N: Let's end this chapter with a poll so I can see what you'd all do if you were Bella! Though, keep in mind; what happens next is already written! This is just for fun!
A: Forgive Edward
B: Forget about Edward & Mike
C: Marry Mike
Much love to you all, see you super soon.