SasoDei – Just Another Day
A Collab between Keono and Woolfy
Deidara was traipsing down the street alone, carrying some groceries in both of his hands as he walked towards the apartment. He had been living with the red head for about four and a half months now, and the spoilt brat had slowly grown accustom to his new life with his lover, Sasori. The eighteen year old was even used to the northern part of the city…Mostly.
The blonde was abruptly stopped by a shabby hobo jumping out of an alleyway in front of him, grinning at the shorter male with his yellow stained teeth, "Why hello there, little girl~ What's a pretty little lass like you doing out here all by herself?"
Deidara blinked at the man with a bored expression, rolling his eyes as he placed the grocery bags on the floor, "Out of the way, un." Just as the blonde had expected, the hobo didn't follow his threat, and made a move to grab Deidara. The younger male lashed out with his trained rapid reflexes, grabbing hold of the bum's wrist, flipping him over his shoulder. The hobo hit the pavement with a winded groan, and the blonde let go, picking up his grocery bags once more, "Thank you."
It had taken at least a month and a lot of self defence training from Sasori, but the younger male was able to protect himself against the usual prey that lurked around during the day. Most people knew that he was Sasori's boyfriend anyway by this point in time, so the more dangerous foes knew not to mess with him anyway; though the red head still was against him going out alone at night.
Deidara reached the apartment and unlocked the door with his own key, entering his shared home and then closing the door behind him. He placed the bags on the kitchen counter and decided not to put them away immediately, traipsing into the workroom, finding Sasori sitting at the bench, working on a small puppet. Deidara moved next to him, watching the red head busying himself with his hobby for a few moments, blinking once he was abruptly pulled into Sasori's lap. The twenty year old smirked up at the blonde before capturing his lips in a kiss. Deidara pressed back eagerly, wrapping his arms around the red head's neck as he felt a tongue enter his mouth.
The blonde moaned as Sasori began to run his hands up and down his sides, their tongues fighting in a war of dominance, the eighteen year old soon submitting to the older male. Deidara abruptly pulled away, clutching his mouth, "Fuck!" He jumped off of the red head's lap and ran as fast as possible to the bathroom, leaning over the toilet bowl as he began to wretch.
Sasori had followed after him, taking hold of the blonde's hair to keep it out of his face while he vomited, giving a frown, "Okay Babe, you've been vomiting for like, three months now. Whether this is food poisoning or the flu, I'm taking you to the school doctors."
Deidara groaned and shot the red head a sharp glare, "No, un! I ain't going to the doctors, un-" He grimaced as he began to vomit again, and Sasori couldn't help but roll his eyes, having heard the argument a hundred times before about how Deidara hated going to the doctors, no matter the circumstances.
"Then did you steal liquor or something and drink it when I wasn't looking?"
A few seconds after Deidara was done vomiting, he glared at his lover. "No, I don't steal shit that'll make me sick!"
Sasori rolled his eyes. "Then what've you been eating?"
Deidara groaned. "Poor people food."
"You're turning more into a brat, Brat. Do I have to teach you a lesson again?" Expecting the blonde to back down Sasori smirked.
Instead Deidara looked pissed beyond belief and he practically shoved Sasori to the ground. "You're going to teach me a lesson? When all I've done is throw up? FUCK YOU, SASORI! YOU ALWAYS TELL ME WHAT TO DO AND I'M SICK OF IT, UN! IT'S YOUR FAULT FOR BUYING SUCH CHEAP AND CRAPPY FOOD! AND LOOK AT THE TOOTHPASTE! YOU LEFT THE CAP OFF, UN!"
Sasori groaned. Not again. It seemed that Deidara would always have more fits nowadays and they would always be so long! He ran out of Advil last time for his migraine. Soon the blonde eventually stopped to throw up and it seemed all of his vigour was gone. Sasori just stood up and began turning around. "'Kay, well I'm just going to go back to the workroom and-"
"But I'm hungry~!" Deidara whined as he clutched at the redhead's leg.
Sasori sighed. "We still don't have a lot of food from yesterday," He grumbled. The day before Deidara had gone into a large rant on what Sasori was doing wrong with his life and started vomiting and he ate almost half the food in the apartment to fill him up again.
Deidara groaned. "Buy some more, un! I want food~"
"But you just bought food five seconds ago!" The redhead frowned at the blonde in disbelief.
The younger male cringed and stuck his tongue out, "I don't want that stuff, that's all disgusting, un!"
Sasori just sighed again. "Okay, what do you want? And not a lot of it."
"I don't know! Why're you always asking me these questions? Am I not good enough for you? Well fine, I'll be happy to just not eat and starve!" Deidara let go of the redhead's leg and crossed his arms, pouting childishly.
"Oh. My. God. You're fucking bi-polar! Make up your mind!"
Deidara immediately had a hurt look on his face and he stood up and shoved Sasori out of the way so he could go mope in the bedroom. Sasori groaned and went back to his workroom. He didn't care at all what Deidara wanted. He was taking him to the doctor even if he had to drag him kicking and screaming.
It was now the next day, that being Monday, and Sasori had brought the blonde to school early so that they could see the doctor who worked at the school. The red head could have always just taken the blonde to the public hospital, but the waiting room there was always crowded and it took forever unless someone was in an absolute emergency.
Deidara, of course, had been literally kicking and screaming along the way; so much so that the red head had had to carry him over his shoulder just so they would arrive on time. "God Brat, how the hell are you putting on weight? You vomit up half, if not most, of the food that you eat!"
The blonde gave a sneer and dug his fingers into Sasori's back, causing the red head to cringe in pain, though he bore it, "AND NOW YOU'RE FUCKING CALLING ME FAT, UN! WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM?" Deidara then proceeded to burst out into tears and release his painful grip on the red head's flesh, "DON'T LEAVE ME, UN! I CAN LOSE WEIGHT! I WANNA STAY PRETTY~!" If Sasori had had a free hand, he would have facepalmed, bust instead he just gave a harsh sigh, deciding it best to ignore the brat.
He finally managed to sit the younger male down on the examination chair within the First Aid Room, where Deidara finally calmed down after the nurse promised him a lollypop if he was good. "Okay then," Nurse Shizune smiled at the both of them, "what seems to be the problem?"
"I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM!" Deidara glared at the women and pointed at the red head, "HE IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM! HE THINKS I'M FAT, UN!" He almost burst out into fresh tears, though he was interrupted by Shizune turning to Sasori.
"Ummm…" She raised an eyebrow of apprehension, sweat dropping slightly, "So what's the problem, Sasori?"
Better to ask the one who had the bad reputation as opposed to the one who was extremely moody. "He's been vomiting for at least three months now. At first we thought that it was the flu or food poisoning, but vomiting is the only side effect he's been experiencing."
"What about the…errr…" She gave Deidara a short apologetic smile, not wanting to offend, "The drastic mood swings…"
Sasori blinked and raised an eyebrow in thought, "Eh, he doesn't seem that different to what he was before…Though he had been improving significantly, but then he has grown much worse ever since he got sick…I guess that sort of counts." He gave a shrug and Shizune nodded.
"Okay then, we'll just go over some standard tests." The raven haired woman began performing the expected tasks, such as checking his temperature and examining him, but after a while she found that there was nothing visibly wrong, "…Hmmm…Perhaps a blood test is in order…" The blonde jumped at that, about to make an escape, though the red head easily grabbed him, "This'll only take a second, Deidara, it won't hurt a bit…Sasori, please hold him down." The red head nodded and pinned Deidara to the chair while Shizune inserted a sterilized needle into crook of his arm. The blonde tried to escape, but his self defence moves didn't work against the red head as he was the one who had taught the blonde. Soon Shizune removed the needle containing the boy's blood, giving a smile at them, "Thank you. I'll run some tests immediately, it shouldn't take more than five minutes~"
Shizune left to go to another room and Deidara began to panic. "She didn't give me a bandaid! I'M GONNA DIE OF BLOOD-LOSS, UN!" Sasori sighed and reached over to a counter where they had cotton balls and tape. Putting the two together he stopped the blonde's bleeding. "Thanks, Danna!" Deidara began cuddling with the redhead who was too tired to do anything. This caught the teen's attention and he looked up at Sasori confused and hurt. "... You don't love me anymore do you, un?"
Sasori blanched. Oh no. "Of course I lo-"
"YOU HAAAATE ME! I KNEW IT, UN! YOU HAVE THE HAWTS FOR SHIZUNE RIGHT? I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BREAKING UP WITH ME!" Deidara began bawling and Sasori pulled him into his lap and held him tight.
"Be quiet, Deidara."
The blonde blinked. "Y-you said my name, un..." Sasori almost sighed when the teen stopped crying. "S-s-so you don't wanna use pet names anymore because we're not together right?" And back to square one.
"No, Babe," Sasori said, making sure to emphasize the nickname, "we are together, it's just I'm very tired."
Deidara looked confused. "From what, un?"
The redhead groaned quietly. "Well, last night you almost set the apartment on fire-"
"Well the label should've said to not put the orange juice carton in the microwave! I just wanted it to be hotter!"
"And last night you kept on moving around-"
"It was too hot! And then when you took the blanket it was too cold, un!" Sasori sighed. He was really getting tired of the blonde's mood swings... Maybe he really was bi-polar? Sasori closed his eyes and leaned his head back, glad for silence for once. "... Hey, Danna."
Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes. "Yes?"
"What if I'm dying?"
"That would seem highly unlikely. So don't worry about it." Deidara frowned and buried his face in the crook of his Danna's neck where it met his shoulder. Sasori in return wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist and began to rest.
A few minutes later Shizune came back with the results and a very confused look on her face. "Um... okay, I have the results," She tried to say enthusiastically.
Deidara looked up and glared at the woman before wrapping his arms around his lover's neck, not even going to bother to let him go. "Well, is it life-threatening?" Sasori asked since it was basically their first question.
"Er no, but uh," She cleared her throat and tried to look professional. "It seems that Deidara is... Well." And the profession went.
"What the fuck is wrong with me, chick?"
Shizune took a deep breath. "Well... You're pregnant."
The statement was followed by a shocked silence. Sasori stared at the woman, Shizune sweat dropped, and Deidara's grip around the red head's neck became suddenly loose. The older male tried to say something, anything. How the fuck is that even possible? You're joking, right? But seriously, Shizune, what's wrong with him? Yet nothing would come out. He looked to Deidara, finding a similar reaction there. His eyes were wide, mouth slightly gaping and his face was completely white. Sasori's eyes then turned to the blonde's stomach, having noticed the new slight bulge before, but having dismissed it as Deidara's body adjusting to his new diet of non-gourmet food. "…" Sasori finally managed to speak, "How far along?"
"…It's hard to say, but…" She frowned and began to fidget her hands, "I'm guessing around eighteen weeks…"
Sasori stared at her, even more shocked. Eighteen whole weeks? That was almost half of what pregnancy lasted! "What about an abortion?" The red head blurted the words without even thinking, immediately regretting it, expecting to be attacked by the blonde.
Deidara, however, didn't even acknowledge the red head, just continuing to stare into space though obviously listening. Shizune cringed slightly and moistened her lips nervously, "It's not an option…An abortion is usually easiest before the 12th week time frame…But I don't think it is even possible…I'm not even sure how Deidara managed to get pregnant in the first place…" Sasori gave the blonde a questioning look, hoping for an answer, but Deidara just continued to stare into space, still pale and quiet. A moment ago Sasori had enjoyed silence, and now he just wanted the blonde to say something…Anything! "…I will allow you both to take the day off of school to discuss the matter and to come to terms with it…"
Sasori gave a slow nod, though all Deidara did was unwrap his arms from around the red head and continue to remain silent.
The blonde had said nothing all the way home, and as soon as they walked into the apartment, he had disappeared into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him. Sasori cringed as he shut the front door, wondering whether or not he should be there for Deidara, or if he should give the blonde time to himself…
Sasori knew the blonde too well to let him do the latter. The red head went to the bedroom, opening the door, taken aback by the sight. Deidara was currently trying to climb out of the window onto the small ledge of their fifth story apartment. Sasori quickly dashed forward and grabbed the blonde, pulling him back to safety, much to the struggling male's chagrin, "LET THE FUCK GO!" Well, there went the silence, "I'M GOING TO FUCKING JUMP! THAT'LL FUCKING KILL THIS FUCKING LEECH INSIDE OF ME, UN!"
Sasori spun the blonde around, frowning down at him, "Brat, if you do that, then not only will you kill our baby, but you'll also end up decorating the pavement with your brains and organs."
Deidara stilled, blinking up at the red head, "…Our baby?" His expression turned into a dark glare and he grabbed Sasori's hands, "OUR BABY?" The blonde slipped the red head's hands up his shirt until his palms were pressed against the slight bump of the younger male's stomach, "THAT'S NOT OUR BABY, UN! THAT'S YOUR BABY! THIS THING IS ALL YOUR FUCKING FAULT!"
Sasori blanched as Deidara glared at him like never before. If looks could kill. As quickly as Sasori could, he grabbed the blonde's hands and put them behind his back.
"WHAT THE FUCK!" He had to practically drag the blond to get to his dresser where there were the handcuffs. Once Deidara heard metal clinking he stopped struggling. "Oh fuck no, un." As quickly as he could, he kicked Sasori right behind his knee causing the redhead to fall down and loosen his grip on Deidara's wrists.
Deidara ran away as quickly as possible. "BRAT!" Sasori quickly got up and began following him to the workroom, handcuffs in hand. "Shit, shit, shit!" The blonde picked up the closest thing there was; which was a knife for carving wood. He tried to stab himself in the stomach but was stopped when Sasori grabbed his wrist and twisted it, making him gasp in pain and drop the knife. Sasori practically slammed the blonde onto the table so that he could put on the handcuffs.
"LET GO OF ME, YOU BASTARD! I WANT THIS THING GONE! I DON'T WANT IT! ... I don't want it." Sasori noticed that Deidara was now quietly sobbing, muttering things that were incoherent to the redhead.
Sasori let Deidara up and turned him around so he could look him in the face. "Deidara." The blonde still wouldn't stop crying and Sasori was left with one option. He smashed his lips to Deidara's, painfully, causing the blonde to be taken aback. The tears soon stopped and Deidara began to slowly kiss back, leaning into Sasori. The redhead took the chance to slip his tongue inside the blonde's mouth and the teen eagerly met him, moaning as he did so. Before Sasori knew it Deidara pulled away and looked confused. Paling once more, Sasori rushed Deidara to the bathroom so he could puke for the first time that day.
"See what this thing is doing to me? It's killing me, un!"
Sasori groaned and waited for the blonde to finish up, holding his hair out of the way so he could puke. Deidara didn't have much to lean on, due to his hands being cuffed behind his back but at least he wasn't trying to hurt himself. Five minutes later they were on the couch, Deidara still bound. "So... what're we going to do?" Sasori asked and Deidara just glared at the wall to his left, not wanting to look at the redhead for getting him pregnant. "Brat-"
"We're not keeping it," Deidara answered, his voice full of strained rage.
"What?" Sasori asked as he looked at the blonde, confused.
"I said we're not keeping it!" Deidara yelled as he turned and glared at Sasori. "You think I want this thing, un? We may not be able to get an abortion but there's always adoption!"
"Deidara, listen to yourself! You're actually going to give it up?"
"Well I think I have more say," Sasori said crossing his arms. Deidara just blinked.
"And how is that? I don't see you being all fat, un!"
"Well I worked very hard that night! All you had to do was lie there!" The blonde blanched and looked just about ready to explode, and Sasori knew that this was getting him nowhere. "Deidara." The boy was taken slightly aback by the unusual firmness of the red head's voice, "First of all, we are going to keep this baby. As you said before, the baby is mine and not ours; therefore I decide. Given that even with both of our wages, we won't be able to-"
"EXACTLY!" Deidara sneered at the red head, "WE CAN'T FUCKING AFFORD IT! YOU COULDN'T EVEN AFFORD TO SUPPORT ME WHEN I FIRST MOVED IN; I HAD TO GET A FUCKING JOB! I DON'T THINK A BABY COULD GET A JOB, UN!"
Sasori continued to be firm with the blonde, "You're quitting your job, too." Deidara stared at him, completely dumbfounded, "You're going to be a stay at home mum." The red head almost smirked, but he was in too serious a mood to do so, "And I'll quit my job at the library as well. I'm supposed to have graduated from school already anyway, I can always just ask Kakuzu for my degree and he would give it to me. Then I'd be able to find a proper job that pays better than both our wages combined. Whatever it takes, we're going to keep this baby."
Deidara was silent for a few moments before he gave a sneer, "What the fuck is wrong with you, un? You now expect me to quit my job? In fact, now you trust me to stay home alone while you're at work and for me to not do anything? I WANT THIS FUCKING THING DEAD, UN!"
Sasori narrowed his eyes and within several seconds flat he had the blonde pinned to the couch, kneeling over him, "No I don't trust you alone; I don't even trust you when I'm around, thus the handcuffs…I'll probably get Konan to look after you while I'm at work or something, to keep you away from the knitting needles. But Deidara…We are keeping this baby…Our baby…" The blonde opened his mouth to argue, but Sasori silenced him with a small kiss for several seconds before pulling his lips away, "It isn't my child, Deidara, it is our child. You're as much to blame as I am. Sure I was the one who planted my seed inside of you, but why the fuck didn't you tell me that you could get pregnant?"
Deidara stared up at him like a deer in headlights, lip quivering slightly before he began to cry, "H-HOW THE FU-UCK WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I C-COULD GET FUCKING PR-PREGNANT YOU ASSHOLE, U-UN?" He whimpered and Sasori couldn't help but feel pity for his love.
He wrapped his arms around the blonde and pulled him onto his lap, resting Deidara's head in the crook of his neck, tenderly stroking his hair as he cooed softly to him, "It's alright…I don't blame you…" Sasori listened as the blonde began to cry out all of his emotions; his frustration, his anger, his shock, his misery. And all the red head could do was try to comfort him as best he could.
The next day both males had school and Sasori was planning on graduating early to get his diploma. Deidara didn't want to leave the apartment in the first place but Sasori made him since he wasn't going to leave the blonde alone. "People are going to make fun of me," Deidara complained as he had his arms crossed over his stomach.
"Babe, nobody can see the bump through your shirt; you're going to be fine," Sasori reassured with a kind smile as he wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulder.
Deidara just glared slightly. "But what'll happen when people notice me get... fat, un," He said the word with bitterness sounding off his tongue.
"We'll deal with that when the time comes, but for now you have to worry about graduating your self. Maybe when you graduate you can get a better paying job and we may be able to move out of the North?"
Deidara's face brightened at the idea. "You mean we could live somewhere like where I used to live? I want one-hundred acres of land and a three story house! Oh, it's going to be so pretty! Can it be on the beach?" Deidara smiled up at Sasori hopefully and the redhead almost sweat-dropped.
"Uh, not that much money, but enough that we may be able to move. But then again someone has to stay home and take care of the baby..." Deidara's face darkened and he threw Sasori's arm off of him before stomping off towards the school. Sasori sighed. "Me and my big mouth." In the end he just followed Deidara to his class before saying goodbye, but the blonde just turned his head away and Sasori kissed his cheek.
"Whoa, Dei you look like you could punch a wall. Is everything all right?" Deidara just ignored the bluenette and began taking notes for once. He would graduate early so he could get a way better job than Sasori so that he would have to take care of this thing! The thought made him sick and he grimaced. Something was living inside of him and he was providing for it. It was the spawn of Sasori, and any spawn of him made him shiver in fear. He just hoped it wasn't evil or something.
The first periods whipped by quickly and the blonde realized he had far more homework than he thought. And most of it was work that he didn't even bother doing. "Hey, Babe, why so glum?" Deidara looked up to see Sasori put an arm around his waist, pulling him towards the canteen.
"I have a lot of homework," The blonde grumbled and Sasori just chuckled.
"I could help you with that, if you want?"
Deidara just looked up and stared at his lover. "How do you get all of your work done, un?"
Sasori just sighed. "Well, sometimes after a hot, steamy night of sex and you being passed out by now, I get bored and instead of waking you up and demanding more love, I go and do my homework, but in bed. I wouldn't leave you alone after any night, Babe~" Sasori chuckled as Deidara's face became slightly pink.
"I shouldn't have asked, un..." The red head smirked down at the blonde for a few more moments before buying two meals for them from the canteen. They sat down at their usual table and began to eat in silence, until Deidara gave a horrified expression, "Oh my gawd…The canteen food actually tastes nice, un!" The blonde glared at his stomach, "It's this fucking leeches fault! How dare it make canteen food actually taste good! It's the work of Satan!"
"…Well, it's nice to know that you now get food cravings for the canteen food." The blonde gave him a blank look and the red head rolled his eyes, smirking as he did so, "I've read books on pregnancy at the library before. I'll borrow some at work tonight and take them home for you…Which reminds me…Konan!"
The bluenette appeared out of nowhere, smiling down at both of them before taking a seat across from the duo, "What is it, Saso?"
"Deidara is quitting his job," he gave a slight shrug, "can you watch him tonight for me? Make sure he doesn't do anything…Suicidal."
Konan blinked at them in confusion, giving a slight frown, "Well…I guess that's okay…Sure, I should be able to watch him. It'll be like a slumber party! Except it'll end when Sasori gets home!" She smiled widely at the blonde, who was currently devouring the canteen food, "So what is the reason?"
Sasori grimaced and looked around before giving a sigh, "I'll tell you later…Just don't tell anyone…" Konan gave a smile and a nod before moving over to her usual table.
Deidara managed to pull away from the food for a few moments, "Do you really have to tell her, un? I don't want people to know that I have the spawn of Satan growing inside of me…" He shot a glare at his stomach, "STOP FUCKING MOVING IN THERE, OR I'LL FUCKING GIVE YOU MOTION SICKNESS, UN!"
Everyone was used to the blonde screaming, so he didn't attract any attention by the outburst, though Sasori blinked at the blonde, slightly taken aback, "You can feel it moving?"
"I think so. I've been getting a feeling like the butterflies for like, two weeks now, but I didn't know what it was. I'm guessing that this thing is the culprit…I SAID STOP FUCKING MOVING! Not even born and already the thing doesn't listen to me, un! Some parenting…"
Sasori grimaced slightly and hoped that the baby at least had the red head's temperament; the world really didn't need another Deidara, no matter how much Sasori loved him. The red head then began to wonder… "Who do you reckon it'll look like…?"
"It better not fucking look like you," Deidara crossed his arms and gave a sneer, "just one of you is too many, I don't need a clone of you running around the place as well, un." Sasori gave a slight frown, but then a smirk, placing a kiss on the younger male's cheek.
"And it better not have your attitude," Sasori whispered against the blonde's cheek. Deidara just grumbled something and continued to eat his delicious food.
"SEMPAI!" Deidara cringed and tried to ignore Tobi. "How are you feeling, Sempai?" The boy asked as he put his elbows on the table and stared dreamily at the blonde.
"Like shit now go away, Tobi, un!" Deidara began eating his food again, wondering why Sasori wasn't beating the kid up.
"But, Sempai!" Tobi grabbed Deidara's wrist and the boy was suddenly flung across the room. Deidara looked up to see Sasori standing and glaring at the masked boy.
"What was that for, Sasori?" Deidara asked as he looked at Tobi's unmoving body.
Sasori shrugged and sat back down. "He touched you and I didn't like that."
"But he's touched me before, un!"
"Yeah, well now you're super fragile," Sasori said as he smirked at his love.
Deidara just turned away from the redhead, a blush on his cheeks. After lunch the two went their separate ways for class and the blonde found he still had a shit-load of homework so he just gave up and decided to take a nap.
"Deidara!" The blonde's head snapped up and he glared at his teacher for ruining his nap. It was Kurenai and he began wondering how he got into Art again. "Stay awake!" She yelled as her baby began making cooing noises as he played on the floor with some toys. Deidara narrowed his eyes at the baby and it seemed that the baby seemed to notice before smiling at him. His eyes widened and he had a strong urge to throw one of his books at the little baby. Then out of know where it seemed Sasori's voice entered his mind. 'How would you feel if someone threw a book at our baby?'
"It's yours, not mine, un!" Deidara yelled, confusing the people around him.
"Just stay quiet, Deidara, I'm trying to teach." The blonde scoffed and put his head back down. She didn't say he couldn't nap.
The blonde was awoken by Sasori shaking him lightly, glaring at the red head that had appeared out of no where, the latter in turn just smirking down at him, "The bell's gone, but before we head home we have to stop off at Kakuzu's office to ask for my diploma. I asked him earlier and he agreed to give it to me, though he said that he would have to print it out and all that, so we need to go collect it now." Deidara blinked up at him and gave a sigh, nodding his head as he stood up with a slight mumble. As they were leaving the room, they walked by Kurenai, who was currently holding her small child in her arms and smiling, "Good luck, Sasori, I'll miss you!" She then turned to the blonde, immediately giving him a sour look and a slight nod, "Deidara…"
The younger male glared at the woman, and Sasori cut in before Deidara could make the snarky comment he was about to scream, "You're baby is so cute, Kurenai Sensei, would it be okay if I held him?" She blinked at Sasori before smiling brightly, handing her young child to the red head. "Awww, he's so cute~ Don't you agree, Babe?" The blonde gave him a sour expression, knowing exactly what the red head was up to, "I wish we could have our own child, aren't babies just adorable~?"
"FUCK OFF, UN!" Deidara glared at him for a good few moments before storming out of the classroom, leaving Sasori to roll his eyes.
Kurenai took her child back off of the red head, raising an eyebrow at him, "I think that you might have to forget about having children. Even if an adoption agency lets two men adopt, there is the fact that you're both so young…Plus the fact that Deidara has less maternal instinct than a rock…"
Sasori shrugged thoughtfully before giving a nod and a smile, "Good point, thanks for letting me hold your child, Kurenai Sensei. Don't be too hard on Deidara when I'm gone!" He quickly hurried after the blonde, easily catching up to him, "Hey, no need to get pissed off, Babe, I was just messing around." The younger male shot him a glare, and the red head just gave him a peck on the lips, "Come on, Babe~ We'll have our own baby soon anyway~"
"YOURS!" Deidara glowered at him with murderous intent, "IT IS YOURS, NOT OURS, UN! DO YOU THINK THAT I AM HAPPY ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M CURRENTLY CARRYING YOUR FUCKING OFFSPRING?" They got a few odd looks, though the hallways weren't currently that crowded anyway, "YOU'RE JUST GOING TO END UP KICKING ME OUT ANYWAY! ONCE I GET ALL FAT YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING REALISE THAT YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE AND I'LL END UP LIVING ON THE STREETS, PREGNANT AND STARVING, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, UN!" Deidara abruptly flung his arms around the red head's neck and Sasori thought he might have been crying though he couldn't tell, "DON'T LEAVE ME!"
The older male almost groaned; the blonde's mood swings were beginning to make him dizzy. He pulled Deidara away from him, smiling sweetly down at the younger male. "I'd never kick you out, Babe; even when you do get all big I'll still love you." Sasori pressed his lips to the blonde's to silence him, and Deidara successfully calmed down as he pressed back. As much as the red head would have loved to continue, he had to pull away reluctantly after a few moments, "Now we need to go to get my diploma from Kakuzu so that I can get a better job to support the three of us~"
Deidara just ignored the three of us part and let Sasori wrap an arm around his shoulders as he led him to the office. The blonde didn't want to go to the office due to the terrible memory of Hidan being sexed up on the desk but Sasori seemed confident enough to go and if he was going, Deidara would be dragged along as well. When they reached the office Sasori opened the door for Deidara and followed in behind him before going to the receptionist.
"One sec, he's almost done," The old woman said her eyes never leaving the screen.
A few seconds later the door opened and Deidara scrunched up his nose as the scent of sex wafted in. In the doorway Hidan was smirking lazily, his shirt undone showing many hickeys all over his body and his usually slicked back hair looked like it had been shoved into a toilet and had been given three "swirlies". And beside him was the principle, a few buttons on top were undone on his shirt and his tie was loose; surprisingly his hair looked normal and was just plain down to his shoulders. He had an arm wrapped around the albino while Hidan leaned against the doorway, almost like he couldn't stand. "That was a great fuck, Kuzu," Hidan almost slurred as he leaped up and kissed the older male tongue and all.
"Ah ah ah," The receptionist ticked. "We made a deal. In the office I hear and see nothing, but outside I do."
Kakuzu moaned and pulled away. "Right." He turned his gaze to the couple standing by the counter and Sasori smirked before giving a small wave. "Oh yeah." The principal stepped back inside his office and got a paper. "Here's your diploma, you're graduated now. Live life and don't make stupid choices like comin' back here. Now Hidan we have to talk about your grades. Back in my office." The miser closed the door and more sounds were heard.
Deidara almost gagged and Sasori pulled him out of the room. "Aren't you supposed to complain about hunger about now?" Sasori asked his love, wondering where their routine had gone.
Deidara blinked. "Oh yeah... Danna~ I'm hungry, un!" The blonde clung onto the redhead's arm. "Feed me!"
"Okay what do you want?"
Deidara just glared at him. "I don't know! Good food, un!"
"Very descriptive, Babe. Do you want something from the convenience store?"
Deidara shook his head angrily as he and Sasori began walking out of the school, already heading back to their apartment. "Only bitches work there and they always try to flirt with you, un! It's like I'm not even hot! I'm a guy, aren't I?"
Sasori chuckled and kissed the blonde's cheek. "Nah, you're just cute," He cooed before taking a turn, leading them to the apartment.
Deidara pursed his lips in irritation, glaring at nothing in particular, "Girls are supposed to be attracted to cute as well, un…" Sasori rolled his eyes, continuing to smirk as they reached the apartment complex.
They climbed up the several flights of stairs and entered their home, closing the door behind them, neither expecting to see a random blur of blue pounce at them. Deidara was pulled to the side by Sasori, both successfully dodging the glomp as Konan landed on the floor with an 'oomph'. She giggled and stood up, sticking her tongue out at both the males, "Yo Saso~ I'm here just like you said! If you're wondering how I got in, I just picked your lock~"
Deidara gave her a horrified look and Sasori gave him a supportive smirk, "It's alright, Babe, Konan is the best lock picker around. The apartment might be crap but the lock isn't; she's probably the only one I know who could probably pick it. Plus, everyone knows I live here~ So they won't be trying to break in anytime soon~"
Konan giggled again and gave a nod, "He's right, I'm the best lock picker around. So, a few questions…Why is Dei quitting his job, and why do you need me to baby-sit him?"
Deidara paled at the sound of the word 'Baby', for a moment thinking that she already knew somehow, before he realised that she had meant it as an insult for the blonde, "HEY, UN!"
She giggled and brushed it off, before Sasori sat both teens on the couch, pulling the blonde onto his lap, "Okay then, now Konan, we have to tell you something…" Deidara gave him a pleading expression, but Sasori simply wrapped his arms tighter around the blonde in reassurance. "The reason why Deidara is quitting his job is because we just found out yesterday that he is currently…Carrying my child."
Konan blinked at them in puzzlement, frowning, "Carrying you're child? First of all, I didn't know you had a child, and secondly, I don't see him carrying anything…Are you trying to make my brain hurt again?"
Sasori facepalmed and the blonde gave a growl, "I'M FUCKING EIGHTEEN WEEKS PREGNANT, UN! GOD, ARE ALL POOR PEOPLE THIS FUCKING DENSE?" The red head hit him lightly upside the head, chiding him for being so rude.
Konan stared at him, eyes wide in awe, and she suddenly gave a loud squeaking noise, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S THE CUTEST THING EVER!" She grabbed onto Deidara's hands, freaking the blonde out a bit, "WE GOTTA START PLANNING! EIGHTEEN WEEKS IS ALMOST HALF WAY! WE'VE GOTTA DECIDE ON NAMES, BUY CLOTHES, SET UP THE NURSERY; OH MY GAWD THIS IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!"
Sasori sighed and Deidara just stared at her speechless, "You two have fun tonight. Konan, the reason I need you here is to look after Deidara; keep him away from windows, knitting needles, sharp objects, and anything else that might be used to perform suicide or a back alley abortion…Also, I have to go to work now, so make sure that he eats." Deidara moved off of the red head's lap as Sasori stood up and the red head moved to the kitchen, picking up a slice of uncooked bread.
"Huh? Suicide? Abortion?" Konan frowned at the blonde, "Why the hell would you want to commit suicide or get an abortion? Are you upset that you only just found out?"
Sasori began to eat the piece of bread with nothing on it, needing some sort of sustenance to keep him satisfied until he got home. Deidara glowered at the bluenette, baring his teeth in irritation, "WHY THE FUCK WOULD I BE UPSET THAT I JUST FOUND OUT, UN? I'M FUCKING UPSET BECAUSE NOT ONLY AM I FUCKING PREGNANT, BUT I'M FUCKING CARRYING THE SPAWN OF THAT FUCKING BASTARD!"
The red head gave a chuckle and moved back in front of the blonde, having finished his simple dinner, "Love you too, Babe~" He gave Deidara a peck on the lips before moving over to the coat rack, pulling on his jacket, "Thanks Konan; take care of him and remember what I said!" He gave them a departing smile and a wink at Deidara before closing the door behind him.
"What do you wanna do first, Dei?" Konan asked excitedly as she grabbed the blonde's hands in her own.
Deidara just glared at the shorter girl and pulled his hands away. "Help me kill this thing without Sasori finding out, un," Deidara answered as he tried to find something to stab himself with. Konan gave him a blank expression before taking hold of his hand and pulling him over to the couch.
She towered over him with a glare. "You will not kill this baby. This is the first yaoi baby in history and I will not be missing its life! You are going to raise it looking cute and adorable and I will come over and babysit as much as possible! Don't ruin this for me!" Konan gave a sniffle and Deidara raised an eyebrow before glaring and standing up.
"So just because you want a yaoi baby I'm stuck with it?" He practically yelled.
"Yes!" Konan squealed as she hugged her friend. "And you and Saso are going to look so cute raising it, no joke! And I can help you guys! My little sisters all grown up and we still have her crib and all! I'm sure my mom and dad will let you guys have it and we have some baby supplies still left over. OMG! What if it's a girl? She'd be so fucking cute!" Konan just hugged Deidara tighter around his arms still talking. "And what if it looked like Sasori?" She gasped. "She could be a daddy's little girl! Wouldn't that be cute! And you could be a stay at home Mum and take care of her!"
"Konan, for the love of god, LET GO OF ME, UN!" Deidara screamed as she squeezed even harder.
The bluenette blinked before letting him go with a small chuckle. "Oops, sorry, guess I got carried away," She giggled and rubbed the back of her neck as Deidara rubbed the feeling back into his arms.
"It's fine, just don't try to suffocate me again... Wait maybe you should do that-"
"Dei~!" Konan whined. "Keep the baby and its cuteness!" Konan then pulled Deidara to the kitchen and sat him down at the table. "What do you want to eat?" She asked as she began looking through cupboards.
"Lucky charms with mustard!" Konan cheered as she began pouring the cereal into a random bowl and then pouring some milk into it. Soon the mustard came and Deidara almost gagged.
"That's going to taste like shit," He muttered but Konan just set it out in front of the blonde.
"Eat! My mum loved this when she was pregnant." Konan sat down and shoved the bowl towards her friend.
Deidara stared at the bowl sceptically and picked up the spoon before taking a bite. His eyes widened and he took another spoonful, already enjoying it. "Holy shit! This is fucking amazing, un!"
"Can't the baby hear by now or something? Or is that later on...?"
"I don't fucking care, I'm eating! This thing better appreciate that I'm eating for it!" In a minute the cereal was all gone and Konan had dragged the blonde towards the couch to watch a soap opera.
The soap opera was concerning an oddly relevant story concerning a woman who fell pregnant, but the man who was the father did not want the baby, even though she did want to keep it. After some time and some arguing, the boyfriend had grown sick of it. He had knocked the woman unconscious and he had taken her to have a back alley abortion; she died during the operation. The show ended with the man in the pouring rain, screaming about how he had not wanted to kill her; he had just not been ready for the responsibility.
By the end of it, both Deidara and Konan were crying, "Oh my gawd, that the saddest thing ever! Dei, don't get an abortion!" She pulled the blonde into a hug, the latter hugging back. Usually he would not be so emotional over such a cliché movie, but his mood swings had taken control over him.
"I won't get a back alley abortion, un!" He wept and hugged the girl tightly, before his mood abruptly changed and he shoved her away, "But I still wanna kill this thing!" He wiped the tears from his eyes and crossed his arms stubbornly, Konan wiping her eyes on her sleeves before giving a smile.
"So what room is going to be the nursery? How many rooms are in this place? Let's see…Kitchen, living room, three wardrobes, hallway, bathroom, bedroom and Sasori's workroom…" She pursed her lips in thought before giving a smirk, "That means that Saso-Sweetie will have to give up his workroom if he wants to keep the baby! You can't just stuff a crib in there either, there's all those pointy sharp tools! Come on!" She stood and dragged the blonde into the workroom before he could say anything, "Wow, I haven't been in this room for years!" She made a twirl and went to the desk, picking up the old stuffed toy dog, raising an eyebrow at it, "What the fudge is this?"
Deidara crossed his arms, sneering in irritation, before beginning to slowly inch towards a rack of sharp carving tools. "It belongs to Sasori; apparently it was his childhood toy or something, un." He grabbed one of the tools from the rack and made a move to stab himself in the stomach, but was stopped once a foot kicked the object from his hand a few seconds before it could even wound the blonde. Deidara growled and crossed his arms once again, tighter than before, glaring sharply at Konan.
"I already promised Sasori that you would both be alive by the time that he came home~" She smirked at him at he just continued to glare at her, before she gave a thoughtful hum, "I wonder if Sasori really would be willing to give his workroom up for the baby…I mean, he probably really does want this kid, but even I don't know which he would prefer; he loves this room!"
Deidara blinked in surprise, before giving a wide smirk at the opportunity. YES! THAT WAS IT! The red head would never agree to give up his workroom, and it was the only suitable room that the baby could live in. It had probably been intended to be a second bedroom anyway before the red head had moved all of his things in there; hadn't his grandmother used to live with Sasori a while before the blonde moved in? Perhaps it had been her room or Sasori's in the past. "We'll just have to see, un~" Deidara smirked evilly, hoping that he would be able to persuade the red head to give the baby up for adoption when it was revealed that they needed the red head's workroom.
When Sasori came home around ten pm he was surprised to find Konan and Deidara still awake. The duo was on the couch, stuffing their faces with popcorn while watching some demolition derby. "Hi, Saso!" Konan waved her hand and Deidara didn't even say anything.
The redhead sighed and walked into the small living room, before turning off the TV. "Hey, un!" Deidara looked at Sasori confused and Sasori smirked.
"Time for bed, Babe. Thanks for watching him, Konan."
The bluenette just nodded and got up, stretching her arms. "No problem. My curfew is eleven so I'm good... Can I spend the night here?"
"You just said you have a curfew of eleven, and it's midnight…" Sasori replied as he began picking up random wrappers off the floor. "What did I say about making a mess, Brat?"
Deidara just sighed. "I was hungry!"
"I do have a curfew but it's not every night that I get to spend some time with you guys... at night... where stuff can happen."
Sasori sighed and chuckled. "I think you should get home, Konan."
The younger teen sighed dramatically. "Fine. See you guys at school tomorrow," She said as she gathered some of her things before leaving.
Sasori turned to Deidara. "Now, where did you get all this food?"
Deidara shrugged. "Me and Konan went to the convenience store."
"And where did you get that money?"
"Konan paid, un." Deidara shrugged once more and stood up, also taking a long stretch.
"She was only supposed to watch you, not fill you with junk that's bad for you and the-"
"Oh about that," Deidara said smirking, "since you are forcing me to keep this parasite, where would it be staying, un?"
Sasori raised an eyebrow confused at the question. "In our room, of course."
Deidara just continued to smirk. "Hm... well then I guess we can't have sex anymore."
"Well, if it's in our room then sex obviously isn't an option. We'd just wake the thing up. Wait! Unless we had another room we could shove it in." Sasori blanched. "How about your workroom?"
Sasori almost snarled at the thought. "Hell no. That's my room!"
The blonde frowned. "Wait, you won't give up your room for this thing, un?"
"No, that's the only thing I even care about in the apartment!" Once he saw Deidara's face, he realized his mistake. "No, I meant only room, I cared about-"
Deidara just stormed out of the living room sniffling. "Well sorry I can't be better than a fucking stupid room, un!" Deidara screamed as he slammed the door to their bedroom. "Maybe I should kill this thing since it seems that it only makes us argue!"
Sasori gave a harsh groan and followed after the blonde, finding him trying to open the window in their bedroom, though failing since after last time, the red head had locked it. The twenty year old made his way over to Deidara, wrapping his arms around his growing waist, giving a sigh, "You really need to lighten up; most couples are usually happy when they find out that they're going to have a baby."
"Well I don't think you've noticed…BUT WE ARE NOT MOST FUCKING COUPLES, UN!" Deidara struggled meagrely against the red head, though Sasori was still stronger than he was and the effort was futile. The older male pulled the blonde over to the bed, sitting on the edge of the mattress with the blonde sidewards on his lap.
Deidara instinctively grasped at the red head's shirt, burying his face in the older male's neck with a groan of frustration. Sasori stroked the eighteen year old's hair, giving a sigh, "…So I have to give up my workroom?"
"Or adoption! We can always put the thing up for adoption, un!" Deidara swallowed and licked his lips, "Yes, let's give it up for adoption, and then you can keep your workroom!"
Sasori was quiet in thought for at least a minute, before soon giving a sigh of exhaustion, "Fine." Deidara almost burst out in a wide grin as he finally succeeded in persuading the red head into putting the stupid parasite up for adoption, but his mood was killed a few seconds later, "…I'll give up my workroom for the baby…"
Deidara gave a growl and tried to push the red head away, though Sasori already had his arms wrapped tightly around the blonde, "LET GO YOU FUCKING BASTARD! I WANNA FUCKING GET RID OF THIS THING, UN!"
Sasori gave a sigh and buried his head in the crook of the blonde's neck, "I don't see why you don't want to have my baby; imagine if those guys had ended up raping you and you got pregnant with one of their children. Better my seed growing inside of your belly as opposed to someone else's~"
"I'd rather not being pregnant at all by fucking far…" Deidara gave a sigh of exhaustion, slumping against the red head, his vigour gone, "Hell, I probably would rather being pregnant with some random hobo's kid; that way there wouldn't be the chance of this fucking bastard baby being like you, un…"
Sasori gave a smirk, sensing the blonde's apathy, and he let go of the younger male, "Come on, we have to get ready for bed. You have school in the morning, and I need to start looking for a job tomorrow." He grimaced as he kicked off his shoes and the blonde crawled off of his lap, slumping down on the bed, "And I also need to see how much it is to rent a storage room for my workroom stuff…I will move most of my puppet equipment, but I am keeping some, though I'll keep it safely at the top of the wardrobe."
Deidara's eyes suddenly widened and he stifled a gasp, "One fucking second…Since you're at work…YOU WON'T BE AT SCHOOL TO BEAT UP TOBI, UN!" The blonde gave him a horrified look, and the red head blinked at him while getting to his feet, before giving a smirk.
"Careful, Babe, it almost sounds like you want me around~" He chuckled and quickly stripped down to his boxers, "You can just hang out with Konan, Kisame and Hidan's group; tell them that I want them to keep Tobi away from you. They'll be more than happy to beat the idiot up." He shrugged and turned off the light, crawling into bed and pulling the blonde against him.
"I fucking don't want cereal, un!"
Sasori heard a crash and he turned around only to see the plastic bowl on the ground with cheap cereal and milk spilt everywhere. "Well, you don't have to be a brat about it; you could've just said so. Now come on, we have to go soon so I can drop you off at school." Deidara crossed his arms and leaned back against his chair. "And you're going to have to clean that up." Deidara just groaned and Sasori threw him some paper towels. "Knock yourself out." The blonde ignored the redhead's instructions and ripped one paper towel before wiping half-heartedly at the spillage and then throwing away the soaking napkin. "Oh, Babe~" Deidara looked up to see Sasori holding a tie around his neck. "You have to tie my tie, Babe~"
Deidara just glared. "Like hell I do, un."
Sasori just ticked his tongue. "If you don't tie it then I won't be able to get the job, then we'll be losing all our money and live on the streets. Then you'll have your caesarean out in an alley by a drunk ex-doctor. I'm sure you want that, right?"
Deidara just eyed the redhead. "We don't have a lot of money anyway. I'd still have to get surgery in an alley anyway."
"Nope! Job comes with health insurance, now, tie," Sasori said, gesturing to the cloth around his neck. "And I'm sure you can tie one. Unless you've been cheating everyday for your uniform and have been using a clip on." Sasori smirked when he saw Deidara glare but walk over to him.
"You better make a whole lot of money for making me do this, un," Deidara grumbled as he began to tie his lover's tie. He had a strong urge to strangle the redhead with the cloth but decided against it because it would probably make him mad and he would be punished or something.
Sasori chuckled and pecked the blonde's lips. "That's the plan, Babe~" Once Deidara was done Sasori gave him another kiss as a thank you and let the blonde get ready before leaving. "Did you do your homework when Konan stayed with you?" He asked as he opened the door up for the blonde who just scoffed.
"No, we just watched TV and ate junk food. I thought you knew that, un." Deidara slung his bag over his shoulder and walked out of the door.
Sasori sighed. "You have to do your homework. You've been in school for how long and you won't even do that?"
"It's fuckin' hard! You try it!"
"I have. For two extra years mind you that." The couple began walking down the stairs and Sasori just hoped that Deidara wouldn't try anything stupid while he was away, but the blonde had classes with Hidan, Konan and Kisame which he hoped would keep him safe.
Deidara scoffed and rolled his eyes, "Pfft, cry me a river, un. At least you're not fucking pregnant, so stop complaining." Sasori chuckled lightly and draped an arm over the boy's shoulders.
"Yeah," Sasori smirked widely at the blonde, "but at least the baby will have the most beautiful mother around~"
Deidara gave him a dark glare, "It doesn't matter how much you complement me; I'm still pissed off at you for getting me pregnant, un."
The red head rolled his eyes and placed a quick kiss on the blonde's cheek when they reached the entrance of the school. "Well I'm off to try and get a new job so that I can support my growing family~" Sasori chuckled and Deidara simply mumbled something beneath his breath before walking forward into the school, leaving the red head alone. The older male shook his head, still smirking, before turning to leave the school grounds so that he could go to his interview.
Deidara gave a sigh and looked down at his growing waist, "Well…It's just you and me, baby…" The blonde gave a disgusted scowl, "Oh fuck, now I'm doing it! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN EXIST? I ALREADY HATE YOU, UN!" He got a few odd looks, but he easily brushed them off, giving a small frown. Wait…How the fuck had he gotten pregnant in the first place (aside from the obvious)? HE WAS ONE HUNDRED PERCENT MAN, DAMMIT!
"DEI!" The blonde was abruptly glomped by a certain bluenette, and barely managed to grab onto the wall before hitting the ground. "Oh wait…OH NO! I SUCK!" Konan quickly straightened the blonde up and dusted off his clothes for no real reason, "If I glomp you too much, I might hurt the baby!" Konan smirked at Deidara, and the blonde just rolled his eyes.