A/N: Sorry if you're getting new alerts for this story - I'm now reposting it for your enjoyment now that the latest purge has died down. Fingers crossed this story survives :)
This story was written as a Christmas gift for Mrs. Agget.
Disclaimer: I don't own, just play.
Friday 23rd December 2011
"Fuck," I seethed through clenched teeth, my fingers gripping the steering wheel as I negotiated the traffic, while every few seconds my eyes darted toward the digital clock on the dashboard.
I was late. I'd been running late all day, an emergency dental appointment due to partaking in some hard candy ensuring that not only was I pushing to get my errands done on time, but that my stomach was howling with hunger, demanding to be fed. Yeah, that's the last time I'd eat something that was meant to be a gift for Uncle Peter.
So sue me. I had a sweet tooth.
I'd paid the ultimate penance, my mouth a little sore after the dentist had repaired my cracked tooth.
It was two days before the Christmas holiday break, the last day of the business week, and the snowstorm that had blanketed half the country, touted to be the worst in a quarter century, had temporarily subsided enough that it was reasonably safe to venture out. This gave me the small window of opportunity to get to the post office to send a few small gifts to my lovable Uncle Pete and Aunt Charlotte who had moved to Florida the previous year. Oh, and collect my little Christmas present I'd bought for myself.
After my sister Rosalie gave birth to twin boys a week ago, Mom and Dad were forced to head up north to Anchorage to see little Anthony and Masen before their planned trip in the New Year. Rosalie and her husband Emmett were over the moon about the birth, and though the babies were born four weeks early and weighed less than four pounds each, they were doing as well as could be expected. I was happy about becoming an Uncle, but my fear of flying negated any real possibility of me joining them. Because of my refusal to fly, I was left to spend my first ever Christmas alone.
That suited me just fine.
Mom nearly didn't go, but I insisted, telling her that I would probably drive down to Forks to keep Bella and her dad Charlie company if the weather allowed it. Bella was my best friend throughout school and was the only person who knew everything about me. Though we hadn't seen one another much since my family moved to Seattle, we still kept in touch as best we could, Bella's shift work as a nurse at Forks General meaning she kept the weirdest hours on the planet.
But, if it wasn't for Bella, my already pathetic excuse of a life would be even shittier, because she was the one who introduced me to the wonders of social networking.
I had sixty eight Facebook friends at last count, but most of them friends of Bella's from our high school days and her far broader social circles. I found it much easier, far safer to relate to people through the written word rather than face to face, and had gathered quite a posse of people I regularly communicated with. As much as I'd been asked I didn't even chat on Skype because as much as my head knew what I wanted to say, my mouth would just clam up at the most inopportune moments. But via Facebook, I was a god…a completely different person and people found me funny, intelligent, and often came to me for advice, which I gladly gave.
Then there were the acquaintances who shared my love of…well, porn. Bella had tapped into a fan fiction site which was filled to the brim with slash stories, and easily befriended some of the authors, recommending that I friend them as well. When a few of them started a small secret group posting pictures and porn links, I became instantly hooked, my vast collection of Corbin Fisher porn proof of that.
Every day I'd log on and chat openly, posting comment after comment, involving myself in whatever topics my wide variety of friends chose to talk about.
If only they all knew how sad and pathetic I was in reality.
A painfully shy loner, complete with black plastic rimmed glasses, poor dress sense, unruly and far too long red-brown hair and pallid skin, I was the epitome of the classic geek from a cheesy 80's movie. Try to strike up a face to face conversation with me, and all I'd do is stare at my feet while at the same time, not utter a single word.
Social butterfly, I was not.
Adding to the odds stacked against me of ever finding true love, I was not only gay, but due to the high cost of on-campus accommodation, I still lived with my parents. I came out to them just this year, not long after my birthday, and that was only after my mother inadvertently discovered my dropbox folder, which I'd left open without a second thought as I quickly headed for the bathroom, needing a shower and some urgent relief after watching the latest scene I'd downloaded.
God the boy in that scene, Jared was one hundred percent hot with his long, wavy, dirty blonde hair, sexy smirk, and his lithe, muscular body. Don't get me started on the golden boy of porn, Travis. If I had a twin, it would be him. It wasn't as though he looked like me, but there was something about him that reminded me so much of myself. It didn't have anything to do with the way he looked, his lightly tanned and well muscled body as well as his dark eyes and hair making him nothing like me appearance-wise. It was more that I could relate to the fact that he was a shy boy by nature, but found a way to overcome his shyness, and that was why I loved watching him so much. The difference between his shyness and mine was that his was nothing but sweet and endearing, whereas mine was debilitating and as far as I could tell, impossible to overcome.
What I always wondered was if I'd behave the same as him when I finally had my first sexual encounter. I was still a virgin, and hadn't even been kissed let alone fucked, but I couldn't wait to see how I would respond when it finally happened. When Travis forgot everything and just got naked and fucked whoever was with him, all his inhibitions seemed to just disappear into thin air, leaving behind a sexy as hell, confident and horny guy who seemed to revel in every scene. Though he was a power bottom, and good at it, I also loved watching him top too, and spent a lot of time fantasising about being a confident top too, and maybe someday experiencing an intense connection with someone, just like he did in that scene with Jared.
So, after finding my poor dear mother sitting at my desk (I mean, there was no way there was any other meaning behind the words below the icon 'Travis Fucks Jared', was there?) the grunts and groans of the two boys fucking like rabbits the only sound filling the room as I stood in my doorway, wearing nothing but a towel and a severe blush, we had ourselves a little talk.
When the good doctor came home later that day, we talked well into the night and got everything out in the open, where he lectured me on the importance of safe sex and the use of a good quality lube. If I thought that particular conversation was awkward, dear old Dad continued by begging me to only purchase well-made, good quality toys…the stories about more than the odd object or two having to be surgically removed scaring the bejesus out of me.
It was one of the most awkward, and at the same time freeing conversations in my life.
As we talked, I came to discover she and Dad had known about me being gay since I was fifteen years old, when I developed a crush on the son of one of Dad's colleagues, Riley Biers. Worried that I only had one female friend and no guy friends to speak of, Mom and Dad invited Riley and his parents over for dinner one night. He was a year older than me, and his family was new to town, so they thought it would be a great idea to get the two of us acquainted. Unfortunately, as soon as I gazed into his deep brown eyes, I was a complete goner. On top of clamming up like I usually did around new people, I actually became hard, my reaction to him so confusing and embarrassing, it caused me to run to the bathroom and hide there until my parents coaxed me out, telling me our guests had gone home. Though they were disappointed about how the evening panned out, Carlisle and Esme Cullen were nothing else if not understanding of my social ineptitude and awkwardness, and I was lucky they were, I guess.
After that, I spent a long time dissecting my response to Riley while admiring him from afar at school, watching as he dated one girl after another, and it was not very long after that I concluded I was gay. Once I made that realization, though it was scary, I also felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, and I spent the next several weeks after jerking off to images of Riley, his handsome, fresh face taking up residence in my mental spank bank with monotonous regularity. It was a shame he moved away the following year, but I still managed to fantasise about him nonetheless. I knew I didn't have a chance with him, but what I didn't know at the time, however, was that Mom and Dad had somehow sensed my shift in demeanour and finally put two and two together.
When I thought about it, my life wasn't so a bad, I guess, even though my self-imposed hiatus from participating in the human race meant that my only form of release was the nightly viewing of porn, a small selection of toys and my trusty right hand. Instead of involving myself in the world going on around me, I merely spent my time sitting on the sidelines, desperate to participate, but unable to figure out how without embarrassing myself. Doing anything I could to ensure I was left alone, I perfected the art of blending into the background when I had no choice but to be around others, my high school years filled with nothing but awkwardness and being treated like a pariah, interspersed with the occasional unrequited crush.
Things didn't improve any when I started at UW, and though I was in my last year of my degree in Computer Science and Engineering, my acute shyness meant I still hadn't made any real friends that I could count on. I avoided social events, clubs and extracurricular activities like the plague, and spent my time doing nothing else but studying hard and obtaining the best marks I could.
I blaring horn broke me from my thoughts, my mind snapping back to the present.
"Thank you!" I exclaimed as the traffic finally moved. With ten minutes to spare, I pulled into the parking lot of the local mall, surprised when a car vacated the closest space to the post office and I managed to snag it.
The gods were finally shining down on little old me.
It was an early Christmas miracle.
The air bracing as I opened the car door, I grabbed my book bag and got out before slinging it over my shoulder. The gifts, already sealed in Christmas themed post packs and addressed, caused the thick strap of my overfilled bag to cut into my shoulder and bite across my chest. Forgoing my coat in an effort to get to my destination as quickly as possible, I quickly slammed the door shut and locked it before I ran toward sanctuary. I hated crowds, but of course, the combined cessation of the storm and the fact that it was the last business day before the holiday weekend meant that every man and his dog was out and about, doing their last minute Christmas shopping.
Head down, tail up, I ignored the building anxiety and instead focused on getting where I needed to be, only to let out a frustrated whimper when the door to the post office slid open and I rushed inside, discovering there was a slow moving line of people ahead of me.
Just fucking perfect.
I guess it was to be expected, but I sure as hell hoped I'd be able to get my things posted. I'd made it to the post office with a few minutes to spare before closing time, and I knew I'd run out of time to leave doing this until after the holiday as I'd promised Mom I'd get it done the moment the weather broke.
As was my usual thing, I kept my frustrations to myself, rubbing my frozen hands together while shifting from foot to foot, constantly checking the time on the generic white wall clock that sat above the door…as if that would somehow make the line move faster.
But when the sound of pure heaven reached my ears, a laugh so lilting filled the air, it felt as though time itself had stood still.
"Next please," the deep, masculine voice called out after the laughter subsided, the sound of his thick southern drawl so sweet that it caused my head to snap up and my eyes to fix themselves on the person standing behind the counter. I drew in a gasp, for there stood an angel…the most beautiful specimen of man I'd ever laid eyes on, his face so familiar looking, the perfection of everything about him taking my breath away.
The glasses he wore only added to his appeal, and were the same colour as mine, but a little rounder than my severely shaped rectangular ones as they sat perched on the bridge of his perfectly proportioned nose. He wore a plain off white shirt, dark green pants, a red and white Santa hat, and a dimpled, slanted smile through full, pouty lips. As he towered over the counter, the wisps of his hair that peaked out from under the hat told me it was long and wavy, and the colour of sunshine. I briefly worried about what I'd thrown on as I rushed out the door this morning, the hand knitted, rainbow coloured gay pride sweater was Mom's early Christmas gift to me. Before I got the chance to begin panicking about how I looked, however, the realization hit me as to why he seemed so familiar.
"Jared?" I questioned under my breath, blurting the name before I had the chance to stop it, but my voice was soft enough that I was fairly certain nobody heard. I knew it wasn't him…but this guy sure could've easily passed as his brother.
His much better looking, far taller and better built, bespectacled brother.
"A book of ten Christmas card stamps please, young man," said the elderly grey haired woman who stood in front of the line. Suddenly, I wanted to be that woman. Well, in as much as I wanted to be standing at the head of the line, so I could be closer to him, anyways.
She moved forward, as he retrieved a book of stamps from a drawer below the counter and said, "There you go, ma'am. That'll be four dollars and forty cents." To my frustration, she then proceeded to pay for her requested book of stamps in nickels and dimes, carefully counting each coin out as she dug them from her small pink leather change purse.
For the love of…
My patience was wearing thin.
"Merry Christmas, ma'am," he said courteously, patiently, tilting his head toward her as she turned and left, his smile remaining. As he greeted each customer, the time now well after five, my mouth became increasingly dry, while a million fantasies ran rampant through my head as I pictured him beneath me, on top of me, and…inside me.
I always envisioned myself becoming a top…the fantasy of wanting to exert dominance on another to overcome my shyness a strong motivator, as well as the fact that I found the idea of bottoming a little daunting, my thoughts about the matter determining my apparent preference. But as I looked at him, all I could think about was giving myself to him in the most meaningful way possible.
To my frustration, the inevitable physical reactions soon followed. I felt myself beginning to grow hard, while at the same time my cheeks began to heat, and as I groaned under my breath, at the same time attempting to remain in control my eyes were unable to tear themselves away from this fine specimen who stood there, his dimples so pronounced that I wanted to lick them.
As I took in every detail I could without making it too obvious, I discovered that not only was he seriously easy on the eye, he had an indescribably positive aura about him, and exuding great care and courtesy, his smile widened as his gaze flickered toward me before settling themselves on the next customer. Of course, in response to his glances I felt every muscle in my body tighten, and even more heat rush to my cheeks, where my blush bloomed brightly, cueing the nervousness I always felt when my body let me down. I huffed in frustration, pissed that no matter how much I wanted to hide them, my emotions were once more being put on display…my inner thoughts broadcast for all the world to see. And once again, I found myself staring intently at my shoes…doing anything I could to get a handle on my response to him as I battled my usual 'fight or flight' reaction.
I shuffled forward as he helped each customer, petrified that if I looked at him again, I'd pass out from lack of blood to my brain while at the same time, my dick was threatening to bust through my pants. As much as the urge to flee was there, I also felt drawn to him. Besides, I also knew that because I'd left doing this until the last possible moment I had no choice but to stay and get this over with. Though my eyes were averted, the smile I heard in his voice and the feeling of his eyes boring into the side of my head caused my breath to leave my lungs as I made my way to the front of the line.
"Next please." Feeling a little dizzy from lack of breathing, I finally drew in a breath and passed the man in front of me as I shuffled forward.
"I have a p-package to c-collect, and can-can I get these sent overnight?" I stammered in a cracked, quiet voice as I pulled out the two post packs and the collection notice from my book bag and slid them over the counter, my heart skipping a beat as I heard the door open and slide shut, suddenly realizing all the other customers were gone…and we were alone.
"Of course, but with the weather and it being after five, there's no guarantee they'll make it in time. That okay?" he questioned. I nodded as he set the packs on the scale and weighed each individual one, the sound of tapping keys and my heart pounding in my ears the only sound in the room as he silently entered the information into the computer. "Getting some last minute Christmas gifts posted, huh?" he asked conversationally, that smile of his coming through in his voice.
"Mhmm," I answered as I folded my arms across my chest, trying with everything I could to not look at him, swallowing heavily while focusing on his long, slender fingers as they tapped at the keys.
"That's great. I'm all set for the holiday…how about you? Spending time with family?" he asked.
"Not exactly," I shrugged, head still lowered, the anxiety only barely tamping down the lust, the sound of his voice enough to cause my heart to stammer in place of my increasingly absent voice.
"Oh? That's a shame. I'm not either…exactly. My parents live in Texas and I wasn't able to get a flight out with these storms and all…so it's the lame-assed cousin's Christmas party for me," he babbled before letting out a small chuckle.
"Oh," I replied, his presence apparently rendering me more unable to speak with each passing moment.
"Well, I'm sure that whoever the lucky recipients of these gifts are, you'll have made their holidays all the more brighter. Lots of folks are alone this time of year."
"Hmph," I grunted, my blush burning so brightly that I'd give Rudolph a run for his money.
"Ohhhh-kay," he exaggerated with a small sigh. Yep, there it was. I'd managed to alienate yet another guy I found attractive with my warm and bubbly personality! "That'll be sixty eight fifty." I reached in my back pocket, my shaking hands nothing to do with how cold they felt as I pulled out my wallet. I felt like cursing the heavens as I discovered I didn't have enough cash left to cover the cost of the postage, so even though all I wanted to do was make a hasty exit, to my chagrin, this beautiful form of torture was about to be prolonged for a few moments more.
"Would you like any cash out?" he asked as I pulled out my Visa Card and slid it into the slot on top of the keypad, willing my body to not fail me, frustrated as my throat tightened and my blush continued to rage out of control.
I held one finger up, apparently becoming mute, unable to articulate anything further.
"One hundred dollars?" I nodded, knowing I'd have to pick up a few groceries on the way home, I thought that would cover it. "No problem," he answered as I entered my pin and he finished processing the payment before sliding five twenty dollar bills across the counter. Forgetting to breathe once more, I quickly grabbed the bills and unceremoniously shoved them in my wallet.
"Now is there anything…anything else I can do for you?" he asked, the suggestive tone to his voice causing my already shallow breaths to become frantic, as the familiar but unwanted panic began to burn through me.
Shaking my head violently and exhhaling at the same time, I wanted to tell him how much he could indeed help me, but instead of doing that, I turned away from him as if he were brightest of suns on a cloudless day.
"Well then you have yourself a Merry Christmas then…and gay pride rules!" he added as I drew in a surprised gasp before crossing the room quickly and rushing out the door…
A/N: Next we will be hearing from Nerdsper.