So I got bored of planning other stuff. I wanted to take a little break from my projects so I created this fantastic work! Nyah!
Warning: Angst/Suicide/Shounen Ai
Pairing: Ash x Paul (comashipping) (onesided)
Disclaimer: Don't own pokemon. Never have, never will. But it would be cool if I did.
He stood there in front of him, weaker than he had ever been. He stared at the ground, refusing to look at the other boy in the face to reveal the tears that had silently slid down his cheek. However, he wasn't doing a good job at it. The boy standing across from him could tell he was crying by the sniffle noises he made. The mauve haired boy took a step forward to the hurt boy, but he backed away, making the distance the same as it was before.
It was getting no where.
It all started months before when the raven haired teen told the other how he felt. He had told him how his feelings for the stoic teen went beyond any friendship boundary that had been previously set before. He had realized he had feelings for him when he first met him, and they developed each time they encountered. Months went by and the passionate feeling he had developed drove him mad. Literally driven by insanity, the boy had been occupying all of his thoughts that consumed him from the time he woke up to the time he fell asleep in his bed at night. It was too much for him to bear. He couldn't keep it to himself any longer.
Yes, this boy did have other friends. No, he didn't tell them. He couldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. It was mainly for two reasons; one being he had never mentioned to his friends that he wasn't straight. That wasn't his main reason though. It had been the boy he was in love with. All of his friends would try to talk him out of it, giving every reason not to chase after the other boy with all of his heart. They could come up with every reason to give up on him and the boy didn't want to hear it. He knew they're biggest reason would be that the boy he was in love with wouldn't feel the same way towards him, and he'd only be hurt in the end. They wouldn't stand to see him so crushed from a rejection, so they would never let him have the chance in the first place. So, the boy kept this dirty secret all to himself.
Of course, until a few months later.
It ate at him. The feeling followed him like his shadow. The love he held in his heart was growing too heavy to keep to himself. He had to tell the boy how he had felt. Maybe by the slightest chance, the boy might find it somewhere in his cold and unmoving heart to return the love the raven haired boy had. He knew he was risking everything. He risked denial for his heart and rejection as a person if he told the mauve haired boy. He convinced himself he wasn't going to tell him. He told himself that he would reject, so it wasn't worth going through the pain. He reassured himself that it wasn't worth the effort or the risk, and he was comfortable with the state their relationship was at now.
But he told him anyways.
Upon first hearing it, the onyx eyed teen was surprised. He hadn't known that the raven haired boy had felt that way about him. He could tell by the way he said it to him, that he wasn't joking around. He could see the sincerity in his low and soft voice and pure and innocent caramel eyes that he meant every word when he expressed how much he truly loved him. He could see how badly the boy wanted him to feel the same way. To love him, to told him in his arms. But he couldn't. He didn't feel the same. He never would feel the same, and in the most polite way a near emotionless and insensitive person could say it, he told him that.
His heart stopped beating. His mind went blank. All he did was stare. He could feel tears forming in his eyes. He thought he had prepared himself better for rejection, but he assumed it was only natural to feel completely destroyed when having your heart ripped into two. He thought he would feel better telling the other boy, but he didn't. He felt worse, like he wanted to crawl alone into a pitch black hole and die, never to be found again. But he held himself together, and accepted the fact that all his dreams he had would never come true. He knew what he had to do was move on, and forget everything that he had ever felt for the boy.
But he couldn't do it.
Things for the next few months went on normal for the two boys and their friends, or so what the raven haired boy and let anyone see anyways. In reality he was dying inside. He couldn't get rid of the emotions he had, and they had gotten worse. His love for him burned brighter than a candle in the deep of night. He knew that it would never be returned, and it hurt him.
He hated that more than anything. To love someone who wouldn't love him back, and realizing that there was nothing he could do about it. He hated it. He loathed himself for feeling that way. He couldn't get rid of the love he felt, and he only felt his heart getting heavier and heavier each time he saw him. He hated himself for torturing himself like that. He was furious at himself for loving that boy, and letting himself have his whole life revolve around him. Every minute he spent breathing, it was spent thinking about him. It became an obsession. An obsession in which it could not be controlled and it could not be fixed. He was driven to insanity by the one boy, and couldn't take it anymore.
So what was did he do? He hurt himself.
He thought he deserved it. He hurt himself every time he thought about the other boy in any possible romantic way. He did it to make himself stop the feelings. He thought the pain would bring an end to his feelings. But it didn't. It only made each moment he thought about him worse than the next.
He cried himself to sleep every night from that point on. He was lost, he was alone, he was hurt. He wanted someone to pick him up, and make everything okay, and to let him live out his fantasy, but it wasn't going to happen. Only one person could do that, and it was the person that was causing him the pain. It only made it worse.
But he never showed any of this to his friends. He put on a smile in front of them. He didn't want them to expect anything had happened. He didn't want them to ask if he was okay, because he knew if they did he would break down into sobs and never stop crying. He didn't want them to worry about him. His problems weren't for them to deal with. He managed to fool everyone, except the stoic teen. He saw through the façade he showed.
That's what had led them to the current situation. The mauve haired boy had noticed through out the whole school day that the usual "happy" teen wasn't himself. He knew something was wrong. That boy was too quiet, kept to himself, and had a sullen expression on his face. It was so different that their friends had even noticed the boy's unusual character. So, the boy took it upon himself to talk to him after the school day to find out what was wrong, and boy did he ever find out.
He had walked into his house and found the raven haired boy in his room. He found him sitting on the ground with his back propped up against the bed, curled up in a ball. He saw that a pool of deep red blood surrounded him, staining his bleach white carpets. He saw the boy he once considered strong, reduced to rubble with scratches and small crimson scars carved into his arms. His already untamed raven hair had gone wild, sticking out in all directions giving him the appearance of having just been in hurricane like winds. The mauve haired boy said nothing at first. He was too horrified.
He took a step towards the disaster, and it was then that the disaster looked up to see what was torturing him was standing in front of him. His mind went blank, like the day he had learned that this exact same boy didn't feel the same way about him. He didn't know what to do.
The boy asked him if he was okay, even though he clearly saw that he wasn't. He stuck out his hand, in an attempt to reach out and get him off of the floor. The depressed teen swatted his hand away, not wanting anything to do with him. Instead he got himself up and yelled at him to leave, tears once again dancing at the back of his eyes.
The boy asked him again, and the disaster was sent into a rage. He screamed at him like a dozen demons that wailed. He told him how it was his fault for the pain he was going through. He explained exactly how he felt, and how his feelings would never go away. He told him how he wanted so badly to get rid of them, but couldn't. He told him how he wished he was dead now, because he had finally driven himself to his breaking point.
And now, Ash and Paul stood in Ash's room, Ash letting tears flow freely from his eyes and falling to the ground unable to take anymore pain.
The ending is up to your interpretation. I don't really have one, unless you want me to think of one and continue it.
So merry christmas and happy hanaukkah guys! :D