This is inspired by/dedicated to all you pervy fangirls/fanboys out there-you know who you are.

...

Draco looked up and down the winding passageway that connected the Slytherin dorms, making absolutely sure that no one else was around. What he was about to take from the bottom of his trunk was not just forbidden at Hogwarts, it was illegal. If he was caught with it, his father could end up with a three-month stay at Azkaban. And then, once Lucius got out of prison, Draco would be dead.

The item was a pendant of roughly the diameter of an orange. It was a flat disc made of silver, with strange, winding sigils etched over its surface. Draco fastened its chain around his neck and dropped it down the front of his robes, smirking to himself. This was going to be so much fun. What he had just donned was a very rare object known as an Omnilegilimensor, which allowed anyone to easily read the mind of anyone else, and which had been hidden in a secret chamber in Malfoy Manor for generations. It had taken Draco months to discover its hiding place, but he'd finally got lucky over Christmas holidays. Now a priceless magical item that may have been the very last of its kind left in the world hung from the neck of a sixteen-year-old boy who was wearing it to amuse himself and perhaps cause some mischief. Well, after what he'd been through the past year, he deserved to have some fun, Draco told himself.

Draco found Crabbe and Goyle in the common room. "I bet Crabbe a Galleon that he couldn't eat an entire chess set," Goyle chortled. Crabbe was busy swallowing a knight. Draco didn't want to know how it was going to come out. The blond boy paused, frowning. He was getting absolutely nothing from his two minions. Had the Omnilegilimensor lost it spowers?

Zabini came sauntering in, and immediately Draco picked up his thoughts. Mama still wants me to introduce her to Draco's father so that she can steal him from Mrs. Malfoy and get her claws into the Malfoy fortune. The darkly handsome boy grinned at Draco. "Did I tell you that my mother is out of mourning for her last husband? She's throwing a ball over Easter holidays. You and your parents are invited."

"Oh, maybe we'll come." Not bloody likely, Draco thought to himself.

"Absolutely everyone is coming," Zabini said. Draco got more from the other boy's mind: If his father marries Mama, we'll live in the same house. It'll make it easier for me to crawl into his bed. And him being my step-brother will make it all the more forbidden and sexy.

WHAT?

Pansy Parkinson emerged from the girls' dorms. Draco, why don't you love me? Why don't you love me? Why why why? Love me love me love me MEMEMEME! Draco reeled a bit as he was hit by a big sucking black hole of neediness. Parkinson looked at Draco with concern. "You're a bit green."

"I need some fresh air," Draco gasped as he ran for the exit. He nearly collided with Snape, who glared at him. He looks so much like Lucius did when he was younger. I'll never forget those days together... and those nights... Draco received a very vivid image of Snape and his father in each others' arms and-oh, Merlin, no!

"Are you ill, Malfoy?" Snape asked, but Draco was running again, getting the hell out of the dungeons. He was in a first floor hallway when a group of giggling seventh year girls walked by. Their thoughts fluttered into his mind like a flock of birds. Well, helloooooo sexy. He can stir my cauldron any time. I'd like to give that little bottom a squeeze. Wish I could see what's under those robes of his. I like to think about him when I have a wank. I'd play naked Quidditch with him and even let him win.

Morgan's flowered knickers! Was sex all anyone at Hogwarts thought about?

"Mr. Malfoy, are you in need of assistance? You look a bit... discombobulated." It was McGonagall. He looks so much like Lucius did at that age. I know it was wrong to get involved with a student that way, but he was just so irresistibly beautiful, and so surprising passionate under that icy exterior. Draco made a choking sound and took off, throwing himself around a corner.

Of course, Harry Potter was there. Draco bounced off of the Chosen One and into a wall. "What's your problem, Malfoy?" Green eyes narrowed, fixing Draco with a look that made him feel... funny. Good Godric. Malfoy's such a prat, but the things I want to do to him. I'd tie him up and- Draco's mind was hit with a barrage of erotic imagery, all of which involved him begging for mercy.

"You, too?" Draco gasped.

"What are you on about?" Potter asked, but Draco was fleeing again. He skidded around another corner.

"Watch it, you careless brat!" Filch snapped when Draco barely missed slamming into the rickety ladder the caretaker was standing on while he hung a painting. Any day now, my Kwikspell lessons will pay off, and as soon as I can do an Imperiius, I'm going to put one on that pretty Malfoy little git there and make him do things that would shame a Knock Turn Alley whore. First, I'll make him-

"!" Draco ran away screaming at the top of his lungs.

...

Before working on the Vanishing Cabinet some more, Draco went to the farthest corner of the Room of Requirement. He found a cupboard and put a bundle in it. The bundle contained the Omnilegilimensor, wrapped up in all of his clothing that was less than utterly modest and baggy. Draco wondered if it was possible to perform a memory charm on oneself. If not, it was going to be a very long time before he'd be able to sleep again.