Erttheking's Christmas Special
Author's Note: Considering that at least half of the planet's population consider this time of year to be a holy time for one reason or another, I thought that it would be nice to put New Origins on hiatus for a couple of days and work on a nice little Christmas gift for my viewers. Now before you pull the politically correct card on me for saying "Merry Christmas" and not "Happy holidays" I'm Catholic, I celebrate Christmas, so I'm going to say "Merry Christmas" and if there's a problem with that well, tough luck…God I am a bit of an ass aren't I. Well, one with the special. WARNING: WAFF ahead, repeat, WARM AND FUZZY FEELING ahead, this one-shot is far more light hearted than both Fight for a Purpose and New Origins, mainly to reflect the holiday cheer. Also this is non-canon, mainly because the cast from two of my stories meet up. Also the fourth wall may be broken.
Taylor Winters tilted his head back, sipping on the glass of wine in his hands. "So I'm stuck miles away from any support, I lost my weapons, and a crazy albino bitch is electrocuting me, WITH HER BARE HANDS!" Lowering his head, Taylor looked at Aaron Colton who was sitting in an overstuffed armchair near his. "Then Ahsoka completely loses her grip, crashes her starfighter on her, and then stabs her in the freaking neck!"
"And she didn't die?" Taylor asked, looking incredulous.
"I thought the same thing," Aaron admitted, "No, couple of weeks later she's as right as rain trying to kill us, and I've got the scars to prove it, she freaking impaled me! Well Ahsoka managed to knock her out and we took her prisoner…but, go figure, she escapes and hunts down Ahsoka. I finally cut her damn head off that day, god how can someone be such a sociopath that they dedicate their lives to hunting one person down?"
"I know the feeling," Taylor remarked grimly, "in my verse there's a Jiralhanae named Sukron, first met the guy when I was paralyzed by some sort of flash grenade and he was setting my men on fire."
"How come we haven't seen that grenade again?"
"I don't know, the author forgot about it or couldn't think of a way to fit it in or something," Taylor replied, "anyway as you can probably imagine things only went downhill from there, I wake up strapped to an operating table with the guy playing tic-tac-toe on my chest with a combat knife and a hot flamethrower nozzle. Oh yeah, and he cut my finger off too."
"Tell me about it, and kinda like your problem, mine refuses to die. I set him on fire and Tali stabbed him in the fucking SPINE, and a couple of months later he's running around jabbering like the madman that he is, and sporting some shiny new implants while he's at it." Raising his glass to his lips, Taylor downed the rest of his drink. "At least Ventress is dead, when this whole thing is over and done I gotta go back and deal with the guy."
"Wouldn't Iasa want revenge on him too? He did kill Demas."
"She's got her own problems to work with, with the whole RSN political shitstorm."
"Hope people don't get the impression that Thel thinks that Iasa is one of the greatest warriors that ever lived. They do know that he's doing what he's doing out of respect for the choice that she made and that she was being wronged right?"
"I hope so, I mean in the same arc Thel single handily kills one of the big baddies that have been hyped up for most of the story, with his own gun no less."
"Well, we're still probably going to have to deal with flak with that somewhere down the road, even if our fanbase is pretty good about this kind of stuff it's still the internet."
"What are you two talking about?" Both ODSTs looked up and saw Tali and Ashoka approaching them, sitting down next to their respective partner.
"This and that," Aaron said, "by the way, I hear you two are getting close to the end of your story."
"It's getting there," Tali said, "there's still a lot of ground to cover."
"Seriously?" Ahsoka asked, "You already passed us long ago in terms of length and popularity and you're still going at it?"
"The author is trying a lot of new things out, including a lot more characters," Taylor shook his head, "you know I thought he learned his lesson with you guys about spreading himself too thin."
"Ah cut him a break," Aaron said, "both stories are turning out alright, even if he is worried about how New Origins is going to end."
Within a different section of the house that they were in, four Humans in naval uniforms sat around a table, Fleet Admiral Anderson, and Admirals Hall, Patterson and Hanson. "So let me get this straight," Hall said, looking annoyed, "am I the only one here that has been injured?"
"Well not exactly," Hanson said, holding up his arm to display a long thin white scar, "Flood boarded my ship and tried to take it over, I took part in the defense. A stalker form got me, but then again if what you said is true then I got off easy."
"Really," Hall said, "Figures," she muttered, taking a sip of the coffee that she had in her hands.
"Oh relax Elizabeth," Sarah said from Hall's implant, where she resided, "it's not like the author has a hatred for you."
"I guess," Hall muttered, "he did make me take out a super-carrier with a nuke."
"See?" Anderson said, lightly patting Hall on the back, "don't get so worked up."
"Fine, fine," Hall said, lightly pushing Anderson off of her. "You were saying Hanson?"
"Yes, well then the A.I. starts taking apart the engine room like it's just lego, couple of days latter my old tub was flying with the speed of a Forerunner ship."
"Funny how Core never got around to upgrading my vessel," Patterson muttered drly, brushing her hair out of her eyes, "I only gave the Coltons their SPARTAN augs."
"Forgive me Admiral," the Forerunner A.I. said, suddenly appearing overhead. "Mr. Damon requested that I retrieve drinks for him and his wife. What were your complaints?"
"How come you never upgraded my cruiser?" Patterson asked, her frustrated look melting away to be replaced with an amused one.
"Oh, most sincere apologizes," the floating sphere said, "I was unable to find the required time and resources in order to make the upgrades to your vessel."
Patterson chuckled slightly, "It's fine Core, I was just joking."
"Ah, that is quite a relief to hear, now if you may pardon me, several people have requested refills," and with that, he disappeared again.
"You're making the incredibly advanced artificial intelligence serve as a waiter?" Anderson asked, looking at Hanson with amusement.
"He volunteered, he's always trying to help out in some way or another. 'Admiral do you wish to know the history of my creators, Admiral, may I get you a drink, Admiral, do you wish for a lecture on quantum physics' the thing is a regular workaholic."
"Oh lord," Anderson said.
In the neighboring room, Damon and Crystal Winters stood by Emily and James Colton. "So, your son married an alien too," Damon said, looking at Emily, "go figure."
"It does seem a little odd that both Taylor and Aaron would fall for non-human women," Emily admitted, "but they're both sweethearts and frankly I don't see the downside."
"Well there's the whole lack of grandkids things," Crystal said, "they'll probably have to adopt."
"Really? Aaron and Ahsoka had three kids, all of them biologically theirs," James interjected.
"Oh yeah, that's right, your story had much softer science," Damon said.
"Everything that happened there was stuff that happened in the Star Wars universe, it wasn't out of place at all," Emily said defensivly.
"Yeah, well what about hopping from one galaxy to another in the space of a couple of days. I get the feeling ert really didn't do any research there," Crystal said.
"I don't recall there being too many complaints about it," James said, "besides, if you really want to make a criticism, it would have to be about your characters."
"I beg your pardon?" Crystal asked.
"Think about it, a mother with a son and a daughter, the former falls in love with an alien and their biological father is never shown and barely mentioned. Mother is a member of the UNSC and the kids follow in her footsteps and she then marries a man who acts as an excellent stepfather to the point where he is treated like the actual father. If you really want to get picky you have the strong woman who is a secretly a SPARTAN, a cool elderly Admiral, a high ranking alien commander with a tendency to go berserk."
"Good point," Damon mentioned, "there's a lot of things that our tales have in common don't they. Still there are some differences, we were shown fighting in the Second Contact War, you two didn't come in until halo and after."
"Well we can't be exact copy pastes of each other, people would get pissed," Emily said.
"Pardon me," Core said as he floated in-between the four of them, levitating a tray in from of him. "I do believe that you requested drinks."
As they reached out to take the drinks, five Sangheili stood out on the lawn in front of the house.
"I do not understand the meaning of this Human holiday," Viluse remarked, staring around at the surrounding buildings, taking note of the bright lights that adorned them. "Our holidays to Staliu are much more quiet, and I must say that I prefer it that way."
"Alien culture is an acquired taste," Ramore said, his nose buried in a datapad as usual. "Macbeth you truly are a fool. Your work is sloppy, the more bodies that you pile up the more likely it will be that you will be caught, and why, dare I ask, did you take the advice of three old hags that you had never met before?"
"Dare I ask what he is reading?" Viluse asked, turning to face Vadmare' Katar.
"Plays written by some Human a thousand years ago," Vadmare answered, "his name escapes me, I doubt that he was very important."
Isonia chuckled softly, prompting her daughter to look at her in confusion. "Mother?"
"Oh nothing, he is merely referring to a defining figure in Human culture, saying that his name holds no weight is on par with saying that Falnar 'Harnerr was a poet of no significance."
"Truly?" Iasa said, glancing at Ramore who was muttering something about a forest moving, "I have heard him quote those works that he reads. They are...less than impressive. I have read some Human literature and it was far more impressive than that."
"What did you read?"
"I...forget the title. Something about fourteen Humans that apparently belonged to some sort of subspecies and a standard Human with odd powers that traveled through truly bizarre lands to obtain a massive horde of treasure. It was rather enjoyable tale, I do believe that there was a movie made of it. For some reason the Human population, even the author, became extremely overexcited when that was announced." She shook her head, "I have no idea why."
Viluse shook his head, "Human culture, I fail to see why everyone is so obsessed with it. First there was that stream of 21st century war games, then those movies about people fighting inside a computer simulation and do not get me started about those poorly written books about that emotionless girl failing in love with a stalker. "
Not far away several more figures stood. "So," Liara said, looking at Rebecca with confusion coating her face, "this holiday is celebrating the birth of your god's son?"
"That's the core element," Rebecca said, "it's evolved beyond that though and people have different ways of interpreting it now. Nowadays a lot of people view it as a time for family and friends."
"Truly?" Liara asked, "from what I have seen it seems more like an opportunity for corporate expansion."
Not far away, Nicole and Amber laughed loudly. "Yeah, for people that don't celebrate it that's a common complaint," Amber said, "that all it's about is buying shit. In reality that just some people capitalizing off of the holiday and how some people really celebrate it...but I've gone on a shopping spree or two so I can't really criticize."
"Yes, yes she has," Nicole said, "one time a couple of years ago she dragged me into the mall and actually convinced me to-"
"nononononono," Amber quickly sputtered out, clamping her hand down over Nicole's little face, "I already told too many people about Ramore and the eggnog, no point in telling more people."
Neriena chuckled as she approached Liara and her adoptive daughter from behind, putting an arm around each of them as she did. "It's a rather unique time of year, I've only celebrated it a couple of times but it feels just as wonderful as every holiday for the Goddess that I've ever taken part in, even if I don't believe in any Human gods. When you have a Human daughter you learn to explore these kinds of things though."
"Tell me about it," Rebecca said, grinning widly. "you used to spoil me rotten, getting me just about every last thing that I ever asked for."
"Cut me some credit, I did draw a line when you asked for a car."
"I was six," Rebecca said dryly, "saying that you put your foot down there isn't much to brag about."
Liara began to giggle madly, "you asked for a car when you were six?"
"She most certainly did," Neriena said, grinning "and that's not all she did."
"Oh God help me," Rebecca muttered, pressing her palm into her forehead.
"Should've seen this coming sweetie," Neriena said, ruffling the woman's bright silver hair, "I always told you that I would tease you to death if you ever got a boyfriend."
"Boyfriend, girlfriend, same policy." Rebecca sighed in sadness.
Up on the roof of the building, a lone figure laid with her back against a chimney, looking up at the night sky, filled with stars. "It's cold up here." Jane craned her neck around to see Jen approaching from behind, clad in her bright white armor, her katana on her back.
"Yeah," Jane muttered, looking back up at the stars. Walking to where she lay, Jen crouched down and lay next to the SPARTAN.
"What's up?" she asked.
"Not a whole lot." Jane said honestly.
"Everyone else seems to be having a good time," Jen said, "maybe you should join them."
"Thanks but I'll pass, I don't want to ruin their fun."
"What makes you think that you'll do that?"
"I have been to a single party in over a century and those that I have been to have been stuffed up political parties, I would have no idea where to start and I would stick out like a sore thumb."
"You should give it a chance."
"No offense but I'm not like you, you had a normal childhood, your SPARTAN training didn't start until you were already an adult. I...I don't think the way you do."
"I can appreciate that," Jen said, "still, I doubt that the crewmen of the UNSC Normandy would mind their Captain gracing them with her presence."
"Look Jen," Jane said, tilting her neck to look at the SPARTAN IV, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but...this is something that I need to work out."
"I know," Jen said smiling widly, "more than you know."
"I had a talk with him," Jen said crypitcally. "He told me what he had planned for you. It was...interesting."
"What did he say?"
"He made me swear not to tell," Jen said, "he said something about throwing time and space into flux and causing the apocalypse if I mentioned it. He said that he has a plan for you, and parts of it you will love and parts of it you will despise, that's all I can say."
"Will I know when it happens?" Jane asked.
"Oh yeah," Jen said getting to her feet and walking to the edge of the roof. "It's been nice talking to you Jane, you know you're an interesting one. You're a combination of Commander Shepard and Noble Six, you belong to both the Halo and the Mass Effect universe. You're a bridge between two worlds. There are only a few that can make that claim, remember that." As she finished, Jen calmly stepped off of the roof, falling three stories and landing gracefully on the ground.
"Hey," Matthew said from inside Jen's neural implant, "are you planning to get her together with either Jun or Garrus? I wouldn't put it past you."
"Her? Nah," Jen said, "can't you tell? She's clearly asexual, probably because of the older augments messing with her hormones.
Jane gave a frustrated sigh as she got to her feet, watching the other SPARTAN go. "Ert always was a fucking tease," she swore.
"Shepard?" Jane turned to see Garrus and Jun standing behind her. "Do you mind if we join you?" Jane stared at the two, who looked back at her with uncertain eyes. Slowly, her lip curled into a smile as she nodded.
Author's Note: Yeah I know that I didn't spend much time with each of the characters and the whole thing was kind of short but...the thing is there isn't any major plot, any character development or anything like that. It's just the characters relaxing...and taking jabs at me. Also it's freaking Christmas time, if it feels like I'm phoning it in...it's because I am. I'm not going to be pouring to much time into this, besides it IS just a one shot...yeah this was kinda just fluff.
Oh yeah, and there's a new trailer for the Hobbit movie...pardon me a moment
...ok nerdgasm over.
Merry Christmas everyone.