Disclaimer: I don't own The Big Bang Theory.

Summary: Mistletoe sucks. HowardPenny, oneshot

Okay, so here's my latest venture into The Big Bang Theory fandom. I really like the dynamic that Howard and Penny have, so I decided, in the holiday spirit, to write a little fic like this. I hope that y'all enjoy this and I would love to hear your opinions and everything on it. It's not a long fic, but that's kind of intentional. Anyway, please enjoy!

The Mistletoe Misappropriation

"Hello, hello."

Penny tenses, her eyes moving to the sound of the all-too familiar voice.

Of course it's Howard Wolowitz, leering at her with that all-too familiar smile.

And then he points above them, at the all-too familiar splash of green taped crudely to the ceiling.

Of course.

"No," she tells him sternly, bluntly.

His face falters for a brief second before he's back on the misled confidence train, and saying, "But it's mistletoe, Penny."

"Yeah, well, just because I'm a blonde doesn't mean I'm stupid."

An awkward silence. Somewhere, she's sure that Sheldon's head has exploded.

"Okay, okay, shut up," she says, waving Howard off. "I'm not going to kiss you."

"What happens under the mistletoe stays under the mistletoe."

"That's Vegas, Howard, and no."

"You're completely throwing off the groove of Christmas!"

Penny looks at him as his hands flail spasmodically at his sides. She fights a smile, wants to be able to resist the completely absurd way that he has about him, but she can't help it. Despite her best efforts, the edges of her lips quirk upward, "I wasn't aware Christmas had a groove."

"Everything has a groove, Penny," Howard explains, his eyebrows quirking in that odd way he has when he's trying to insinuate something. It makes him look ridiculous, but not in a bad way - okay, so it's definitely in a bad way if she starts to think that his waggling, pervy eyebrows are not a bad thing. "Especially - "

"I beg you not to finish that sentence, honey."

"Ooh, honey. I'm moving up on the totem pole."

"I'm about to knock you completely off it if you keep on."

Howard looks as if he's about to say something completely inappropriate when Penny shushes him.

"Rethink that remark."

Howard just smiles at her. It's a strange thing to see, a smile from Howard that doesn't seem that it should come from a sexual predator. She looks at him for a moment, tilting her head to the side as if in contemplation, and then Howard starts to babble again.

"You know, it would probably be best if we did kiss. Otherwise, who knows? It could upset the balance of the universe. You know, a butterfly flaps its wings here, there's a tsunami across the world? Well, just think of what would happen if we don't kiss, then - "

Penny sighs and grasps Howard by the back of the head before he even knows what has hit him. She presses her lips to his forcefully - if they're going to kiss, might as well do it right, she reasons - and she finds that he's kissing her back. It's not the odd, repulsive thing that she was expecting. His lips are soft, gently pressing against her own in a pattern that she finds easy to follow.


Almost too nice.

After a while - longer than Penny would have ever thought she would have spent kissing Howard - she parts from him.

"Well, I feel like I just saved the universe," he says, grinning.

Penny rolls her eyes and turns to walk away.

"So, should we make this a regular thing?"

"Don't push it, Howard."

Though, in the back of her mind, a selfish part of her wants to say, "Why not?"