this is for being my whole world, thank you for everything.

They say beauty comes in all shapes and sizes.

I didn't believe it at first because I wasn't particularly worried about other people's beauty. In fact, I was only determined to complete one mission; getting Ikuto the embryo. I squatted every bug down that decided to mess with my Ikuto because they had no business being there. That's right, I'm talking about girls. They sickened me sometimes with all their petty needs and wants. Gross.

However, as the years grew by, I noticed that things were changing into a metamorphosis; a butterfly. Ikuto was very fond of that Hinamori Amu girl and I was losing him. Those pesky guardians, especially that blonde bimbo and sugar-high brunette, were always on her side. Tsk, why does she get everything? Why is she so popular all of the sudden? Aren't I suppose to have the true valuable things in life?

...I was wrong.

My judgement on that girl changed over time. She taught me some lessons that my own eyes failed to realize. What? I'm still THE Hoshina Utau, just because she helped me realize a few things doesn't mean I'm weak. I sing my own song after all, not for anyone, for me.

Yet what is she to me now? I always thought of her as an enemy full of popularity and game. However, I was wrong (look, I'm hardly wrong so go away.) and it turned out that she was nice and willing to help others.

(i was hidden in the background, thinking you were very popular in this fandom before i met you. i thought you would be someone who thought high of themselves, but i was wrong. you reached out to me first. you taught me a lot, that's why you're our amu.)

They say happiness is a new found strength, a cure to the darkness.

I was willing to try new things, after all, variety is a necessity. Soon enough, another person had made an impact in my life besides Amu, and it just so happened to be that sugar-high brunette. Yeah, she does have a name: Yaya. However, I've never in my life seen such a happy-go-lucky girl like her. She's always smiling and determined to make others around her satisfied. I often wondered why she tried that hard, but I guess we're all like that at one point in our life.

It wasn't until the battle with Easter that I got to see this girl's true colors. I remember watching her in the sky as she tried to defend Amu and Tadase from that outrageous animal. I could just see it in her eyes that she was trying so hard and that made me think about how I was like that when I was little. During the battle itself, I recognized how alike we were. We both have that little sister personality. Reminds me of El, my angel side.

Ugh, but I just had to spoil to her about Kukai.

However, she taught me something too, just like Amu. This young girl taught me that it was okay to be happy and smile, even if we all do have problems. She reminded me that changing into something I'm not is not okay. The young Utau from before was who I truly was; confident and smiling.

(i have negative thoughts so it's hard to be positive a lot. however, i realized that you were just like me but so much more. you're able to smile and be confident. you're always there for us and make us smile so much. that's why you're our yaya.)

They say laughter is the best medicine.

By now, it seems like I've become a different person and that I'm useless. Hoshina Utau is not useless, for your information. I'm still me but growing up at the same time, jeez. And who would have thought that the next person to make an impact in my life would be another friend of Amu. This particular girl, I'm not too fond of at times. She always claimed that Amu was her best friend, but of course, we all know that she's my best friend. I wonder why I like her though.

It took a while for me to adapt to this human full of evil. She reminds me of me though, kinda like Il, my devil side. You'd think this Rima girl was polite and nice, but you're wrong. She is, at times, but don't be fooled by her ways.

But for the most part, she's a nice person. It was during Nikaidou's wedding when I really got to know her. We were sitting at the assigned table that Sanjo-san put us in (she's a complicated woman, okay.) and it wasn't exactly a good mood. Kukai was eating up his plate like the hog he was and that girly boy was looking around with a frantic look. It was just Rima and I as the sane ones. She looked at me with her arms crossed while I quirked up an eyebrow. Eventually, I slapped Kukai on his head and told him to stop as he grinned at me. Silly kid, anyway. The boys had left and it was just me and her. She introduced herself properly since she had nothing better to do, neither did I, so I worked up a conversation.

This girl is hilarious, let me tell you, the remarks she made about Kukai and his eating habits were out of this world.

Every time Amu and I had a battle in the past, I always had to scan the area for the Guardians. Rima was there and most of the time, her facial expressions seemed to be sad. I wonder what her past was like, but to know that she can laugh like this, it makes me feel okay to not worry so much at times.

Laughter can help you out a lot.

(a difference between smiling and laughter is that anyone can fake a smile and get away with it. or so i thought. you showed me what true comedy is like and your comments always make me laugh. sometimes we have dark pasts but laughing can make up for it. thank you. this is why you're our rima.)

They say being yourself is better than being someone you're not.

I started out as one of those caterpillars wanting to be better than the others. I wanted to be someone that Ikuto could love and only love. I was going to show this world that Hoshina Utau doesn't take no for an answer.

Yet I still had a lot of growing up to do. Amu showed me that my expectations got the better of me, Yaya showed me that smiling and happiness does exist, and Rima showed me that no matter what past you have, laughter is great medicine. This is where I'm in the cocoon and fully evolving into something more; something better. With these things that I've learned, I could become me.

And now, I wonder if I'm a butterfly. I understand these things but I wonder if it's made any effect.

"Of course, you are." Kukai said.

...This guy, he just likes to cut in at random times, doesn't he?

"Shut up and let me have my moment." I said.

"Oh, feisty, hm? Whatever you say," Kukai grinned.

Ugh, anyway. I think I'm still discovering this thing that I call me. I guess that's why we have our guardian characters because we're on a journey of finding our would-be-selves. I feel like I've accomplished a lot this past year but it's just not enough yet. This world is just beginning to see the wonders of Hoshina Utau. I'm not going to give up at all.

Not until I bloom into a beautiful butterfly that I love.

a/n: so this is a christmas present for haruka, shii, and rikan. i really hope you like it. merry christmas, harishikan!