These underlined words that you are reading on this suckish luminescent screen right here right now is my epic-fail disclaimer for the Witch and Wizard trilogy by James Patterson.

Hi, there. My name is Shana, Shana Marie Swain. I'm fourteen. I have curly blond hair and pale blue eyes, but I'm no stereotypical angel. The last time I was truly good and angelic was, well, a while ago, let's just say.

You're probably really comfortable in your chair or on the carpeted floor or wherever you are, reading this. You probably have a great and happy and awesome life, even if you don't realize it. You probably don't – realize it, I mean – but I don't want any crap from you telling me about your issues with your love life or your parents or even if you ever committed a crime in your entire lifetime so far. So you stole a few candy bars from the Vending machine, so what. Me? I've broken out of prisons twice; brained some self-conceited trained adult soldiers; watched the seemingly-regular-but-now-brainwashed people of our world walk around, blank-faced and grey-clothed in a monotone; washed away a port; watched my friend, a girl my age, die with her mouth open in a silent scream seconds before my own death; forced acid rain to pour down from the darkened skies; killed someone by chucking a piece of ice at their temple; and massacred a small group of New Order police men by putting a fog down around them while we, the Resistance, picked them off one by one. I also watched my best friend die right before my eyes, while I sat there helplessly, not able to do anything but look as a pool of scarlet blood formed underneath him.

Said best friend himself wasn't much of an angel, either. But, though I hate to say it, in my world it's kill or be killed. Cliché, I know, but that's just the way things are.

If you've had a relative close to you die, maybe your dad, then I'm offering you all the sympathy and comfort I can. But – and you can hate me for this – I still think I've been in worse situations, and I'm sorry for any insensitivity that might come across to you – I'm not trying to be a brat, I swear. But the thing is, my dad supported my own execution. Practically relished it, in fact; I think he was glad to do away with a literally rebellious daughter who "shamed" him and his position in the New Order. Not exactly the best father-daughter relationship, if you know what I mean.

The one in charge of this whole thing is called the One Who is the One. Yes, I agree that that's a stupid name; I mean, does he have self-absorbed disorder or something? Who died and made him God? But that's just the thing – he wants to become God. (Well, at least no one ever accused him of having unimpressive goals.) And he needs me and my power to do that. And because we don't know the name he was born with, we're forced to call him that, the One. He's the one who coolly killed my best friend without batting an eyelash. He's my dad's boss, my worst enemy.

So, I hate him. You'd think that, the way things are, I wouldn't hate anyone more than I hate the One. Sadly, you're incorrect. There is someone else, someone different, someone who I hate with every square inch fiber of my being. Someone who I hate even more than the One.

My brother. He was the one who betrayed me, the one who turned me in, in to that horrible, wicked society. But I'll get back to that later, in a few seconds.

So, that's me for you. My life, my existence, shortened into a few lengthy paragraphs. But my mom once told me – and I have a large amount respect for my mom – that you can't really tell a story that will really convey how you feel and how things are unless it's described in all its glory. So here I am, telling you this. Here I am, going to tell you a story.

Hi, innocent not-yet-brainwashed girl or guy or whatever you are. My name is Shana Marie Swain, and I'm going to tell you how much I suffered, if you care for such things. I am fourteen years old, and I have curly blond hair and blue eyes. You probably haven't heard of me, but I'm important. You might have heard of my less important older brother, Byron. Yes, you read that right – Byron in-your-face Swain.

He put me in this life. I will make him suffer.

So, whaduyathink? Good? Bad? How do you like Shana so far?

It's hard for me to figure out if Shana is OC or not. I mean, Byron mentioned her twice in Witch and Wizard but she was never mentioned again in the other two books. Her name was never mentioned, or why she was a traitor to the New Order. So, I kind of figured I would have to make this up myself.

We'll just say that Shana is semi-canon.

By the second book, we know that the One already has the powers of Water, Air, and Earth, and that he needs Wisty's gift of Fire. So, where did he get the other elements? (Nudge, nudge, wink, wink.)

Do us all a favour and push that little button right there, where that little messed-up arrow is pointing.

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