So I was talking with a good friend, Lilly-sama, or Kisa-kun as she's known on DA. Since Christmas was coming around the corner, we decided to give each other a nice little gift. For her gift, she requested a romantic, humor, and pervy G/V fic. She claimed it was to give me practice writing romance, or something like that lol. So with humor being my strong suit with a side of perviness, this is what I came up with. This is for you Kisa! Hope you enjoy it! And Merry Christmas!
Disclaimer: I don't own Dragonball Z
Loud music blared through the stereo speakers, creating an exciting atmosphere. It was game day and the audience roared and cheered for the upcoming battle of wills between the two opponents tonight. Camera roamed throughout the room until the focused on a young blonde teen, sitting at a table and looking straight ahead with a large smile on her face.
"It's a battle between titans, a collision of two powerhouse singles! Tonight folks, we are in for a treat on this very special night!" Erasa declared into her microphone, greeting the masses tuning in. "Get your popcorn ready and strap on your seatbelts because we're in for the first of many great date nights; I bring to you Videl Satan vs Son Gohan: Date I. I am your host, Erasa, and seated next to me is my very special friend, Sharpner!"
Sitting next to the blonde girl was the ever handsome, ever desirable, and ever deluded Sharpner, his own microphone in his hand. "It's good to be back, Erasa," he said, smiling sexily to the audience.
"This is a date many of us have been waiting for," Erasa spoke up. "On one side we have Satan City's own Videl Satan, my best friend for all of you viewers out there, and perhaps one of the most sought out girls in the entire city thanks to the fame of her father, the heroic Hercule Satan."
"He is truly a great man," Sharpner added, wiping a tear from his eye.
"And on the other side, we have the smartest kid in Orange Star High School, one of the cutest boys, I think, in the entire school, Son Gohan. Other than coming from the country, not much is known about the boy, but we hope to find something out for you viewers tonight as he takes out my friend Videl on her very first date."
"To be honest, I'm not expecting much," Sharpner admitted. "What does a country hick know about dating a city girl? What ever charm he has may work on those simple girls in the boonies, but he's gonna have to step up his A-game to stand a chance at seeing a second date. Of course, I naturally have that kind of game to secure a second date. If I was the one on this date, I can assure you it would have a very happy—"
"And here they are," Erasa suddenly interrupted, her faced turning to catch sight of the couple. Immediately, cameras zoomed in on the two as they entered the scene, each dressed very formally. "I have to say, I love that white blouse on Videl," the blonde said, her blue eyes analyzing. "It totally goes with that black skirt of hers, though I do think the skirt shouldn't go pass her knees, but then that's just me."
"There are so many things I would do to that girl if I—" Sharpner started to say.
"Now Gohan has an interesting choice," Erasa continued, ignoring her color commenter's comment. "While I like the idea of a suit, the yellow is a bit distracting. Hopefully the refs don't call a penalty on him. The dark tie at least matches, so there are some points for him."
Sharpner blinked at Gohan's ensemble and said "He should take that suit and burn it."
"Less than a minute in, the score is Videl 1-Gohan 0. Now, we have then sitting at their table—ooooooh, Gohan is pulling Videl's chair for her, very good—and now they have their menus in front of them and the waiter is taking their drink orders. Gohan seems very sure of his selection while Videl seems to be stumbling. No, there goes her order. What do you make of this Sharpner?"
"If that was me, I would have ordered Videl's drink," Sharpner said. "You have to show the woman whose boss in these situations and the Mountain Boy completely missed a chance to get the upper hand. He'll have to make up for that lack of effort later."
"And now the couple is talking with each other," Erasa informed. "Can we get some audio on that?"
"—for bringing me here," Gohan was saying. "This place looks really nice."
"Oooooh, so this was Videl's idea to come here?" Erasa spoke. "Ouch, you shouldn't have said that Gohan. That makes it Videl 2-Gohan 0."
"You have to give him some slack," Sharpner pipped in. "He is a country bumpkin so he wouldn't know any of the good places to come in the city."
"I guess you have a point there."
"Plus, if Videl wanted to go somewhere, I'd let her take me anywhere, especially to her—"
"And back to conversation!"
"Don't mention it," Videl was saying, brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I've been hearing good things about this place and thought it sounded like something to try out. I'm glad you agreed to come."
"Videl ASKED him out?" Sharpner exclaimed, the audience focusing their attention on him, like it should always be. "How the heck did he accomplish that? Videl never asks anyone out!"
"Looks like the score's Videl 2-Gohan 1 now," Erasa giggled. "And now that the cutie is on the board, we have ourselves a game. Let's see what happens next."
As the cameras returned to the couple, they captured both teens looking a bit perturbed by something. "Did you hear something?" Gohan asked, looking a bit puzzled. "I could have sworn I heard someone scream."
"Yeah, I heard that too," Videl replied with a similar expression. "I hope it's just nothing."
"Me too." Gohan looked into his menu before his eyes flickered back to Videl. "You do look very nice, by the way."
A small blush appeared on Videl's face as she gave a small smile. "And thank you again."
"Way to go Gohan! Complimenting a girl's clothes is always a good move," Erasa announced. "We are tied at 2 all now."
"Wait, Videl said 'again,'" Sharpner pointed out. "That means Mountain Boy there already complimented her…uhh…what ever that thing is that covers her boobs. You sure that counts?"
"You can never compliment a girl's clothes enough," Erasa replied. "It's a surefire way to get on her good side."
Sharpner stared at the blonde for a moment before pulling out a pad of paper and pen and began to write that down. For future reference, of course.
It was silent at the couple's table as the two poured over their menus. It wasn't until the waiter returned with their drinks that they said anything, namely to put in their orders.
Naturally, the blondes were able to get their hands on the order. "Let's see here," Erasa said as she scanned the sheet of paper. "I see a steak, medium rare. That has to be Videl's order, she's such a carnivore. And there's a seasoned duck…with grilled fish…and shrimp…and baked chicken…how much did this guy order?"
"Let me see that," Sharpner snatched the sheet away from his blonde cohort and read the list. "There's no way Mountain Boy ordered all that. Maybe it was Videl? I can imagine her Satan genes keep her fit."
Erasa glared at the boy. "I swear you're calling me fat somewhere in that."
Sharpner blinked at her. "How did you come up with that?"
"Women's intuition. I'm always right so don't bother arguing."
"Hey, I'll argue if I wa—"
"Oooooh! There's more talking!" Erasa suddenly interrupted, whipping around to face the couple. "Get me some audio on that!"
"—eating pretty light," Gohan said, scratching the back of his head. "I didn't want to gross anyone out tonight."
"Well, this won't exactly be your mom's cooking," Videl replied, a small smile on her face. "Then again, nothing's like your mom's. I'm starting to think that I'm gonna be disappointed with this place."
"I'm sure it'll be just fine."
"Dull, boring, blah, blah, blah," Sharpner said, rolling his eyes. "Come on, Mountain Boy, show the girl your moves. We don't have all night, ya know."
"I'm sure they'll get into it," Erasa responded, holding her head off the table with an arm, her hand cupping her cheek. A similar bored expression was on her face as well. "They're just warming up is all."
"So…do anything interesting today?" Videl asked.
"Not really. Umm…oh! Goten found another lizard friend. He wants to call him Lizzy and keep him under his bed."
Videl giggled. "That's, what, the tenth lizard he wanted to keep?"
"At least," Gohan chuckled in turn.
"I need to come over again. It's been awhile since I saw your family."
"What's this?" Erasa perked up. "Videl has already been to Gohan's house? Incredible! When did this happen? Why wasn't I informed? I want that script guy up here, now! I should've had this for tonight's script!"
"Un-be-liev-able," Sharpner spoke. "How the heck did Brains do that? I mean, I've invited Videl to my house at least once a week and she never comes over. What is his secret?"
The dark-haired couple paused for a moment. "I heard that sound again," Gohan said, turning his head slowly from side to side.
"Yeah, that's starting to bug me," Videl replied in an annoyed tone. "And it was louder this time. Maybe it's coming closer to us."
"Uhh, cut to commercial break!" Erasa cried out.
"Hey folks! Willie Hayes here. Tired of going to bed at night and waking up in the morning? Is that pesky morning grumpiness making you grumpy? Well, have I something for you!
"Introducing The Black Pill! Take one of these pills right before you go to bed and all of your problems will be solved! Just watch as the patented black pill formula goes into action on this sleeper. As you can see, he goes right to sleep and as the sun comes up for morning, he doesn't get up! The same can be said for all of the products' users! And that's a guarantee!
"And how much does this miracle pill cost? In most stores, it would run upwards to two hundred zenny. Call now and you can get this pill for the low price of 19.95 zenny. That's right, 19.95 zenny. That's a savings of nearly a hundred and eighty zenny! So hurry and call the listed number in the next twenty minutes and we'll see you a second Black Pill absolutely free. So call now!"
"We welcome you back from the break and in time for the main course," Erasa announced. "Just to give a quick recap, our lovely couple has arrived at the restaurant where Videl has scored 2 points on her lovely blouse-and-skirt combo and deciding to come here on their date. Gohan has managed to even the score by somehow getting Ms. Satan to ask him out and complimenting her clothes. Both fell into a rut shortly after, but now that the food is here, we're hoping to see some fireworks soon."
"I don't know which is more preferable," Sharpner muttered. "Brains making some moves or seeing him flame out. If he does flame out, I can then show everyone how to really go on a date."
Erasa almost couldn't resist the shiver that ran down her spine. "I think that's something the world could live without Sharpner. Besides, we have more important things to report on, namely—oh my God!"
"Huh? What's going on?" Sharpner jolted up, looking around. Then his eyes fell upon the dark-haired couple's table and fell into a trance.
The reason for that trance was Gohan consuming everything in front of him. Like a voracious black hole, he swallowed anything and everything he could get his hands on. The seasoned duck—gone. The grilled fish—like it was never there. The little boy sitting at the next table—he would be joining the missing person's directory. And the most amazing thing of it all was Videl didn't seem the least bit taken back. In fact, she was calmly eating her own food, looking all to the world as if this insane and disgusting event wasn't happening.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Sharpner eventually murmured out, too transfixed on the sight.
"I'm never eating again," Erasa replied in turn. "No food, ever. I'm staying strictly to water and vitamin supplements. I'll never be able to look at a pork chop again. Never enjoy that Caesar Salad from that little place by the school. There's no—"
"Hey, this wasn't bad!" Gohan exclaimed as his feeding frenzy came to an end, conveniently in time for Videl to finish her own meal. "Maybe we can come back some time."
"I wouldn't mind that," Videl said, wiping her mouth with her napkin. "Oh, and Gohan? You've got a little something on your face."
"Oh, I do? Sorry," the Son boy said, his hand automatically going to his mouth to wipe it off. However, Videl stopped him immediately as one of her hands shot out and grabbed him by the wrist.
"Hold on, this isn't the house," she lightly reprimanded him. Moving out of her seat, she moved next to him and picked up his own napkin, which was laid out on his lap. Like a mother with a messy child, she cleaned off his mouth, causing the young man to blush in embarrassment.
"Sorry about that. I didn't mean to get so messy," he apologized around the napkin.
"Do I look mad to you?" Videl replied, giving him an amused look. "It's not like I wasn't expecting something like this to happen. Just be glad I have experience with this sort of thing."
"Yeah, you think my dad knows how to clean himself off after a meal?"
"Oooooh, isn't this adorable?" Erasa squealed.
"Yeah, thrilling stuff," Sharpner deadpanned.
"I'm definitely giving a point to Vi for this one. She was sooooo ready for this to happen. I like Gohan and all, but I don't think I could have handled that…uhh, better not go there."
"You think that adds up to them being a good couple?" Sharpner asked bewilderedly. "She's treating him like a kid! She's mothering him for crying out loud!"
"Love can show itself in many forms. This is just one of them."
"This is the first date! How can you possibly say they're in love?"
"Because a girl just knows it when she sees it. Don't argue, you'll never win.
"Ugh, girls. I will never, ever understand you."
By this point, Videl was sitting in her chair once more, a slightly annoyed look on her face. Due to the blond announcers not paying attention, no one really knew why that was. "So I was thinking we should skip dessert. There's this little ice cream shop down a couple blocks I've been wanting to check out."
"Sounds good to me," Gohan approved. "Do you have a—"
"They're going to an ice cream shop? Which one?" Erasa demanded, looking around at the camera crew. "We need to get there pronto. We can't miss what ever cuteness they're going to do there!"
"I want ice cream too," Sharpner chimed in.
"THAT'S IT!" Videl suddenly shouted, causing everyone to freeze. Turning, she pointed a finger right at the table next to her, which incidentally sat Erasa and Sharpner. "I have no idea what the hell you're doing but I've had enough of it! Leave us alone or I promise you, there will be two extra patients in the ER tonight!"
Both blonds blinked at the girl before Erasa turned to the nearest camera and said "Well, looks like this is it for this broadcast. Tune in next time for our exclusive coverage of Videl vs Gohan: Date II. Until then, this is Erasa and Sharpner signing off."
"But I still want ice cream!"
Gohan and Videl walked down the street from the restaurant, neither looking back at the commotion that was going on behind them. Camera crews were packing up and leaving the place, heading to their conveniently parked trucks to get the heck away from there.
"I am so sorry," Videl spoke, her voice a mix of embarrassment and anger. "I had no idea those two would do something like that."
"It was still an enjoyable evening," Gohan replied, a hand going to the back of his head and scratching it. "Besides, we're still getting ice cream right? So the night's not over yet."
Videl bowed her head a little in acknowledgement. "I guess you're right." At this, she then leaned herself into Gohan's side, Gohan automatically wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "I just hope those two don't show up at the shop to do something crazy again."
"We can always fly away if the do. Hey, why don't we go flying after the ice cream? It's a pretty nice night for it."
"I'd like to, but I don't know if I should in a skirt. Wouldn't want something to look up and just happen to see right up it."
"That's okay, we can use Nimbus."
"The little cloud thing your brother showed me? You sure it'll let me ride it?"
"Of course I do! And even if it doesn't, you could sit in my lap…I mean, uhh, if you want to."
A grin appeared on Videl's face. "I might just sit in it regardless." Nuzzling her head into him, she wrapped her own arms around Gohan's waist. "I believe that wins you a point."
"So what does that make the score?"
"3-3, I think."
Anyone who has seen an American Football game should find this familiar. I used the broadcast as a basis for the story, as evident by Erasa and Sharpner's coverage. And yes, I totally did a Billy Mays parody. It was just too good of an idea to pass up!