Disclaimer: I don't own Dissidia or Final Fantasy, they belong to SquareEnix. If I did, I wouldn't be poor. WARNING: There's just a bunch of crack and hilarity in this story. OCS and characters from other series will appear. There will be random character bashing in the story.
Chapter 5: Employment and Chaos p4 (Shantotto, Laguna, and Vaan.)
All was well as usual in Jecht's bar. Tifa was given a day off and she decided to spend it by going shopping with Terra, Yuna, and Prishe. The guy Shin, unfortunately, got dragged along against his will (Courtesy of Prishe). Jecht was having a ball at the bar. Tidus challenged him to an arm -wrestling match and Jecht won within seconds. Gilgamesh popped up out of nowhere and joined in on the fun.
"Hey Jecht! How ya doing!" Gilgamesh said. Jecht replied, "Nothing much! Saw your wrestling match! Best one I've seen in years!"
"Though he did go overkill…" Gabranth whispered to the blue haired man who was listening intently.
"I see…" The blue haired man said as he nod.
"You know, I've never asked you of your name. What is it?" Gabranth questioned.
"My name... is Ovan." he answered.
"Really! Well, thanks Jecht! I plan not to disappoint!" Gilgamesh said. The bar door opened to reveal Shin walking in.
"Hey, Shin! Whatcha doing here?" Dante asked.
"Shush! I'm hiding from Terra and the girls!" Shin said as he hastily dashed under an empty table.
"Really? What did they do that was bad?" Gabranth asked.
"You don't want to know." Shin merely replied, causing few of the men to shudder at the thought.
"Okay, we'll lay off on that. But you can relax, it's not like Terra is on a crazy search spree."
"Hope not..." Shin said.
At Terra's Location,
"SHIN! WHERE ARE YOU!" Terra screeched as she rip through car after car. Tifa, Prishe, and Yuna could only watch in disbelief as Terra tore apart the city in search of Shin.
"Should we stop her?" Yuna asked.
"I don't know." Tifa said.
"Well, it's better than doing nothing! We might as well!" Prishe said as she ran over to Terra. Yuna and Tifa followed suit. The result was the biggest and most deadly catfight in history.
Back at the bar,
"I feel a chill somewhere in the city..." Gabranth said, confusing the nearby people.
"What do ya mean?" Shin asked from under the table.
"It's probably his Judge senses tingling..." Jecht joked. Everyone of Jecht's worshipers laughed at the joke like it was riot.
"Well anyway, Shin, the table is obviously NOT going to protect you when Terra finds out you're here." Dante said.
"When I find out he's here? I don't even know him." A young voice said. The speaker was a young man with brown hair, tan skin, and blue eyes. He wore a skin tight high collar black shirt with red straps in an 'X', hakama that are dark grey at the top, with a gold heart shaped badge on it, while the rest of it is tan, a plain black wristband on his right arm, while a black, bronze, and gold armored gauntlet with hints of red on it is on his left one, and dark brown and gold armored boots.
"Not you, Terra. He means the OTHER Terra." Garland said.
"There's another Terra?" Terra questioned.
"Yeah, but this one's a girl." Gilgamesh said, alarming the male Terra.
"Wait what! Are you serious!" Terra said, alarmed by the news.
"Yeah, pretty much!" Jecht said.
"As I was saying, you should probably hide in the bedrooms in the upper floor." Gabranth said.
"Upper floor? When did Jecht get that?" Shin asked.
"A couple days ago! I saw this ad that looked promising and I jumped the gun for it!" Jecht answered. Nearly everyone sweatdropped at the answer while few laughed in amusement.
"Really Jecht? Really?" Shin lament.
'His simplicity reminds of a certain someone I know...' Ovan thought, thinking a silver haired teen in black clothing.
"Hey, I got this so some of my employees can sleep and get back to work without going home, ya know." Jecht retorted.
"And don't you have a bed to hide in?" Terra (Male one mind you) asked. Shin instantly bolted upstairs to hide in the nearest bed.
"Is a bed really going to protect him?" Gilgamesh asked.
"Unless it was Esper-proof, it will not." Jecht replied.
At a random school,
Shantotto waltzed through the halls, ignoring the frighten expressions of students. It had only been a good two days since Shantotto had came to this school and the students were already afraid of her. Why? Well, Shantotto had a little spree with the students.
Flashback: A two days ago...
"Um, who are you?" An unsuspecting student asked. He had a short, bowl-shaped gray hair with matching gray eyes. He wore a black blazer over a white button up shirt, black slacks, and brown shoes.
"Who're you supposed to be?" Shantotto said.
"Yu Narukami." He replied.
"Thunder God? You look more like a Blunder than Thunder." Shantotto said.
"Don't talk to him like that!" A Student said. He had brown hair, a pair of headphones around his neck, and wore the same black blazer and slacks but had white shoes on instead.
"Oh, look. A friend. Who are you supposed to be?" Shantotto asked.
"Yosuke Hanamura." He replied.
"Well, Hanamura, I really don't like it when an uneducated whelp thinks he can back talk me." Shantotto said.
"OH REALLY? Well, what are you going to do about it, shorty!" Yosuke said. BAD MOVE, BRO!
"Bitch, did you just call me short?" Shantotto in a low and deadly tone.
"So what if I did?" Yosuke retorted.
"Yosuke, I don't think that was a good idea." Yu said.
"What's the worse that could that could happen?" Yosuke asked. His funeral...
"How about a swim!?" Shantotto cried as streams of water to circle and converge on the unfortunate Yosuke.
"WHAT THE HELL!" Yosuke screeched. Everyone in the class watch in awe, fear, and surprise at Yosuke's situation.
"Practical lesson!" Shantotto cried as bolts of lightning to strike from above on Yosuke.
"Why, is something burning?" Shantotto taunted as several fireballs hit Yosuke at blinding speed, which soon followed up with an explosion that shook the entire classroom.
"Ah, how it feels good to discipline a group of losers in to knowing their place." Shantotto said as she walked into the same classroom. Everyone in the class flinched at the sight of her.
"Alright then, loser bunches. Today we're going to learn the difference of me and you losers. I prefer that you would pay attention, IF you want last time to happen."
Everyone paled at the thought of it and brought out their notebooks instantly.
"Splendid. Now let's get to work."
Laguna found no sign of Gilgamesh, so he decided to go back to his job. Sitting in his comfy chair, Laguna looked at the papers of possible employees. Laguna owned a comfy daycare center just down the block from Jecht's bar.
"Hmm, let's see. Not him, too creepy. Not her, too tense. Not her, too...something." Laguna said as he looked through the papers. Then a beep came up on his cell phone. He instantly picked it up and answered.
"Mr. Laguna. There's an employee here that would like to see you." His secretary said.
"Hmm, let him in." Laguna said.
"Are you sure. He's a little...startling."
"Ah, don't worry. It'll be fine." Laguna said as he hung up. He then went back to his papers for a bit. It was then five minutes later that he felt he was being watched. Uncertain, Laguna looked and got one the biggest heart attacks in a while.
"OH MY GOD!" He screeched as he looked at the man-thing in front of him. It was tall, very tall, most likely taller than a man. It was thin, real thin. It's skin was white as a sheet. It wore a black business suit as dark as the darkness itself with a matching black tie, and white shirt. The most noticeable thing about it is...that it had no face. It was literally blank. No ears, no mouth, no eyes, nothing.
Laguna stared at the creature for a little longer, before he knew what his secretary said about him being startling.
'Startling doesn't even began to describe him.' Laguna thought as he tried to get as much of his composure as he can. Taking a deep breath, he face the terrifying figure that currently sitting in a chair.
"So, what can I do for you?" Laguna asked.
At the Bar,
"THE FUCK! I DIDN'T LOOK BACK!" Gilgamesh screeched as he lost the game of Slender.
"Yeah, it does something like that." Dante said.
"Well, that was a major cheat." Zidane said, clutching his heart. Gilgamesh only played for like five minutes before he got killed and Zidane was scared shitless to say the least.
"Hey Zidane. Are you alright? You look pretty pale." Bartz said as he looked at his best friend.
"Y-yeah, just a little shaken is all." Zidane said as he slowly returned to normal.
"REMATCH!" Gilgamesh said.
"It's my turn." Gabranth said as he walked over to the chair.
"Go get those notes Gabranth!" Garland cheered from the back.
"Pointless, for those notes and that being will return to the Void." Exdeath said.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever. It's game time!" Kefka said.
Everyone, including a few guys at the bar and Ovan, gathered around the couch and watch Gabranth play the game. When the game started, Gabranth walked through the forest for about two minutes.
"There's a note!" Tidus said as he spotted one. Gabranth walked over to said note and read it out loud.
"Don't look or it takes you." He read out. Gabranth felt creeped out from the note, but he didn't fear what it was talking about. There were things much worse than the creature lurking the woods. He knew from personal experience. The music suddenly got creepy, instantly creeping out most of the people in the bar. Expect for certain people such as Jecht, Ovan, Kain, Exdeath, Cloud of Darkness, Kefka, and Dante.
"Well, this just got creepy." Gilgamesh said.
"Oh please. We can totally overkill that guy without a problem." Jecht retorted.
"You sure? I heard there's duplicates of that thing." A young teen said. Jecht turned to the teen to see it was the same teen from Golbez's talk show.
"Oh, you're that kid from the talk show." Jecht said, though I did just said that.
"Shut the **** up, author." Jecht said, breaking the fourth wall and insulting me, DEEPLY AT THAT!
"Huh?" The teen murmured, unaware of the fourth wall as everyone, well other than Gilgamesh.
"Hey don't forget about me!" Dante said.
"Are you guys...okay?" He asked.
"Fourth wall." They both said. The teen nodded in understanding.
"SO, what were you saying about duplicates of Slender man?" Dante asked.
"Well, A man suffering because his wife had left him, found his life to be unbearable in the he moves to a cabin that his parents owned to find some peace. It was fine at first, until he started hearing noises outside of the cabin. He decides to go outside to check it out, bringing only his old flashlight. He then gets a bizarre static, so he decides to go back to his house, only to find it mysteriously barricaded. Trapped outside, he decided to roam the forest for help. He finds a cabin, in it is note written by a man named Cody. It tells the strange things that happens to him and the paranoia that he has with the forest. He then decides to go to the tunnels to find a way out. After rereading the note he found, he found a key to the tunnels and decides to go. After checking the place, he finds another note from Cody saying that he cannot find a way out and he had encountered a strange being which he described to be a tall suited man without a face and long arms." The teen started.
"Cody decided to go to the nearby mansion that he believes to have a telephone. After finding a key to the mansion, he makes his way outside the tunnels only to encounter the slender man that Cody was talking about . After leaving the tunnels, he quickly tries to reach the mansion, encountering the creature more as he goes around the forest. He finally gets to the mansion, only to find a note from Cody that there were no working phones there and trying to climb the fences were hopeless, as the slender man will always appear. Cody then decided to go to to the sawmill to find something to kill the Slender man. The man also decides to do the same. He decides to check the basement of the mansion to find a hammer. After some work, he opens a door that has a door that needs a key, which is in the house. He goes out to get it, running back to the sawmill to open the door. He then runs through its tunnels, and when he reaches the end of the tunnel, he was horror to see what he believes is the remains of Cody. He soon finds a gun in the sawmill, and goes out to kill the Slender man. After shooting Slender man a couple of times, he believes he killed him. He then leaves the forest, only to encounter multiple Slender men and die by their hands. That was basically the plot of Slender man in perfect detail." The teen finished.
"Hmm, well that's some mighty info, but the result will be the same. Total Ownage. End of topic." Jecht lament before he and Dante brofist each other.
"OH MY GOD!" Tidus, Bartz, and Zidane screeched as they held each other tightly. Gabranth quickly evaded the Slender man and ran to the nearby restroom house.
"Sweet Cosmos, he came out of nowhere!" Cecil exclaimed.
"Hmm, a coward that hides in the shadows..." Kain muttered.
"That's not scary at all..." Garland said.
"A trick like that will not capture me." Gabranth said as he walked over to the restroom house.
"I wonder why there's a house in the middle of nowhere?" Zidane wondered as he calm down a little.
"You're probably in the middle of an abandon park or something." Terra (Male one) suggested.
Probably..." Gabranth said as he walked inside.
"I wonder what this note will say." A voice said. Bartz and Zidane turned to see a young man of eighteen. His hair is black, with the sides of his head shaved and the hair at the back of his head white, and his eye color seems to be grey-blue. His attire consists of a black 3/4 length leather hooded jacket with red interior linings and the British Union flag sewn on the left arm, a gray tank top, black fingerless gloves, black faded jeans, black military boots, and a necklace reminiscent of a bone with a red jewel attached.
"Who are you?" Bartz asked.
"My name is Donte." He said.
"Well Donte, what brings you here?" Cloud asked as he walked inside.
"I was in the neighborhood and I thought I drop by." Donte answered.
"Well, that's interesting." Vaan said as he walk inside the bar clad in a black military uniform.
"Hey Vaan! Haven't see ya since yesterday!" Bartz said.
"Yeah, my job a real time spender!" Vaan said.
"Is that so? Then what is it?" Cecil asked.
"Well, I got a job in the Airforce!" Vaan said.
"WHAT!" Everyone in the bar exclaimed, looking at Vaan with wide eyes.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! How'd you get on the Airforce?" Prishe asked as she walked in, beaten and tattered with an unconscious Terra (Female one) on her shoulders. Yuna and Tifa walked in seconds later and collapsed on a nearby couch.
"What happened to you two?" Gilgamesh asked. Tidus walked over to check on Yuna.
"Terra happened. She went in a frenzy when Shin went missing." Yuna said. Jecht and Dante looked upstairs to see Shin peeking out from the door.
"Ya don't say." Dante said.
"So Vaan, you REALLY got a job at the Airforce?" Donte asked.
"Yep! it was kinda easy though..." Vaan said.
"How was it?" Bartz asked.
"Hey, I'm here to apply for a job." Vaan said as he looked at the General. The General was a tall man with bulking muscles. He was wearing a dark military uniform with several badges and medals on it.
"Is that so? Well, I'll let you apply once you prove that you are worth it!" The General barked.
"Sure! Just put on a plane and I'll show you!" Vaan declared. The General then called a recruit and had him escort Vaan to a jet. Vaan jumped in to the Jet and had the engines starting.
"Here I go! Prepare to eat your words, General!" Vaan Declared as he took off.
"Mother of God..." The General said as he watched the Airforce base burn to the ground. Vaan had found an enemy airship and took it down. But unfortunately, the ship was just over the base, it crashed down, resulting in the scene the General is seeing. Vaan's jet flew down and landed safely behind the General.
"How I do sir?" Vaan asked.
"And that's how I got in the Airforce!"Vaan said. Everyone was silent as they stared at Vaan wide eyed in disbelief.
"If it's THAT easy, might as join." Jecht commented.
"HE. DESTROYED. A. FRICKING! AIRBASE! HOW DID HE EVEN GET IN!" Shin exclaimed as he went down the stairs.
"Oh, hey Shin." Cecil greeted.
"You know him, Cecil?" Kain questioned.
"Why yes. I meet him at Moogle Emporium." He answered, gaining surprised looks.
"I'm surprised, that you go there of all places." Cloud said as he walked in with Lightning.
"Well, Rosa wanted to see the reenactment of our travels done by the Moogles." Cecil answered.
"Oh yeah, forgot you were whipped." Squall said as he entered via the Sky light with a man in a black sneaking suit and a blue-gray bandana.
"SQUALL!" Bartz and Zidane cried as they both attempt to tackle their 'friend' in a hug, but sadly got apprehending by the man in the black sneaking suit, who flipped Bartz and Zidane, then put them both in headlock.
"WHO ARE YOU TWO! HOW DO YOU KNOW SILVER LION! ARE YOU WORKING FOR LIQUID SNAKE! ANSWER ME! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING! START TALKING!" He interrogated the two.
"Snake. Don't worry, those two idiots are with me." Squall said. Snake let go the two, who dropped to the ground with a loud thud.
"I see. Acquaintances of yours?" Snake questioned.
"Something like that." Squall replied.
"Hey Squall! Who's your friend?" Zidane said as he sat up, straightening his neck in the meantime.
"Snake. Solid Snake." The man replied.
"So, Snake? Where are you from?" Bartz asked as he straighten his neck.
"None of your business." He gruffly replied.
"Okay, rude much?" Zidane commented.
"So Squall, where have you been?" Prishe asked.
"Nowhere much. A couple missions for the military here and there. Don't bother asking for details."
"Right, right, top secret and all that crap."
"Well, that's no fun." Vaan complained.
"Well that's life for you, so suck it up." Solid Snake lament.
"I've acquired all eight pages." Gabranth said. Everyone turned to see that he indeed get all eight pages. He recently got the last one at the three rocks.
"ALRIGHT GABRANTH!" Bartz cheered.
"Congratulations!" Firion said.
"Seems far too easy." Gabranth muttered. He turned his view to look for an exit and got something else. Slender Man. Almost everyone jumped at the sight of the figure. The screen then went white and static as Slender's face appeared on the screen. It went black for a few seconds before the static appeared again. It showed that Gabranth was still at the place he last was, but it was morning.
"Wow, talk about a surprising ending." Terra (male) said.
"Meh, there's more surprising endings." Dante commented. As if God heard, Laguna walked in.
"Hey Uncle Laguna!" Prishe greeted.
"Laguna! I was wondering where you were." Vaan said.
"Well, I had a chat with my new friend. A little warning, he's a little surprising.
"How surprising?" Shin asked.
"Just let him in. Can't wait to meet him."
"Okay, if you say so." Laguna then walked over to the door, opened it by a crack, and said, "You can come in! They say they can't wait to meet you!"
"I wonder who the idiot is?" Squall asked no one in particular. Snake had walked over to the counter and was having a conversation with Jecht and Dante about guns. The door opened and the people who were expecting Laguna's new friend got the bomb of a lifetime.
"Guys, this is my new friend and employee of Daddy Laguna's Daycare center, Slendy." Laguna said as he introduced the tall and faceless figure. Snake, Jecht, Squall, Gabranth, Kain, Dante, and Gilgamesh stared at him with blank looks. Bartz, Zidane, Tidus, and Shin had horrified expressions. Cecil, Vaan, Prishe, Tifa, Yuna, and Firion looked like they were having heart attacks.
"Slendy, these are my friends. Be nice to them." Laguna said. 'Slendy' nodded in agreement and teleported to the nearest table and sat down. Everyone just stared in silence at Laguna.
"What?" Laguna asked.
"Laguna, you are probably the craziest guy I've ever known." Jecht said.
"What makes you say that?"
"YOU GOT FRICKING SLENDER MAN AS YOUR FRIEND AND EMPLOYEE! I THINK THAT SAID ENOUGH!" Zidane screeched.
"Hey, he's not as scary as you thought he be when you get to know him."
"Still Laguna, you could've given us a heads up." Yuna said.
"yeah, did you know how scared we all are?"
"Who's scared?" Snake questioned.
"Yeah, I honestly don't think he's even scary." Dante cut in.
"Damn straight." Jecht agreed. Slender didn't seem to mind though, seeing that he was too busy reading a novel titled 'Fear', leaving a good majority of the bar speechless.
"I didn't even know he could read." Tidus muttered in amazement.
"Hey guys! Garland said as he walked in. He looks around to see a majority of the bar frighten by something.
"What with them?" He asked Jecht. Jecht jerked his thumb to a certain table. Garland looked to see Slender reading 'Fear'.
"Oh him? Meh, he's not so bad. Hey Slender!" Garland called out to him. Slender turned from to book and to Garland, who waved. Slender then teleported next to him and before anyone knew, they shook hands like buddies, taking the same majority of the bar by surprise.
"WHAT THE?! YOU KNOW HIM!?" Prishe screeched.
"Yep! While I was kidnapping Princess Sarah, I ran into him in the forest and we talked a bit, so yeah." Garland replied as if it was nothing.
"That's...surprising..." Gabranth said.
"So, you two are close friends?" Vaan asked, still surprised that Slender of TWO people he knew.
"Pretty much. Oh yeah. Slender, Gilgamesh,do you think you guys can make it to the meeting tonight? The Boss was wondering where you two were?"
"I got nothing tonight, so yeah." Gilgamesh said as he walked out the bathroom, dress in a red suit. Slender nodded.
"Kay. Let's go!" Garland said as he walked towards the door with Slender and Gilgamesh right behind. As the two left, everyone stared at the door they walked out of, a good major was thinking one simple question.
WHAT. THE. F**K. JUST HAPPENED?
That's all for this chapter! Sorry if it wasn't funny or random enough and that I was late. Did not had a lot of randomness juice for the story. And there will be more slight delays on jobs. Gilgamesh. Garland, and Slender are in the Mafia if you haven't figured it out yet. Any thoughts, opinions, and constructive criticism are welcome if you have any. Keep reviewing!