Walking into her apartment, throwing down her handbag, she takes out the paper bag she just got from the chemist. Staring at the small parcel in it, can she do it, does she want to, is it better not to know. No, she needs to know, pushing it out of her mind for the past couple of weeks, there is no denying it now, the symptoms are all there, even though it has been many years ago.

Walking towards the bathroom, it only takes a few minutes. Picking up the small stick in her hand it is there, two pale blue lines, doesn't matter how many times she opens and closes her eyes the result still doesn't change, flinging it down there isn't much to say but "Oh shit" as much ass he had hoped all those symptoms the morning sickness, tenderness, mood swings, she knew it all pointed to her being pregnant, deep down she hoped it was her imagination

Shit she is 45 now, too old to be a mum again, she was a shit mum to James all those years ago, a single mum at her age, can she tell the father shaking her head, no she can't break them up, even if she has been in love with him for 4 ½ years now they had a one night stand all those years ago. Rubbing her hands through her hair, how did it all come to this, dam if only she could take back that night all those months ago, drinking at base seemed like such a great idea at the time, smiling ruefully can she tell him.

Walking to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of wine, before sitting on the lounge, putting her feet up, they never used to ache before, putting the glass down, staring at it, the memories of the night flood back

THREE AND HALF MONTHS BEFORE….

Sitting at her desk, Kerry looks around, hearing a noise she looks up seeing Leon there "good night Kerry" Looking up at the intel officer "See you later Leon" Seeing Leon still looking at her "there is nothing you could of done Kerry, its not your fault that Josh died, he blamed himself for Michael's death, TR did all they could to try to help him and get him in time" Nodding she tried to give Leon a smile, but truth be told, she was to blame, she told Josh he couldn't have time off after Michael's death, maybe if she did give him a few days off, he wouldn't of gone off on his own, she should of realised what Josh is like, she knew what Josh was like.

Getting out a bottle of scotch, she pours herself a glass, sculling it, walking towards the table and chairs, more comfortable than her office. .

Walking out of TR, with Shannon, Lawson sees sitting at the table, turning to his girlfriend "I'll see you later" nodding she knows how hard Kerry was taking it, like Lawson too, both blaming themselves.

Walking up to the fridge taking out some beers, before sitting down, both sitting in silence there glasses clinking against each other occasionally. Turning to face Lawson "to Sergeant Joshua" "why Lawson, why did Josh have to be so careless, going out on his own like that, thought he could do anything. Bloody Josh"

Taking another sip "Josh is the 4th member of this team to die, Lawson" then thumping the table "4 Lawson, Grace, Dom, Michael and now Josh, what does that show about me"

Looking at her "Its not your fault Kerry" he hadn't forgotten about the other 3, but with Josh, he did blame himself more. "I wanted the bloody Raineys so much, I knew Michael wasn't up to it, but no I wanted the Raineys to pay for James. Then it has all turned to shit"

A few hours later, and many beers and shots later, the bottles empty, Lawson goes to stand, getting to his feet, he reaches his hand out, pulling Kerry up off the chair, feeling her unsteady, he reaches for her, wrapping her arms around her. Seeing her looking at him, there eyes locked, those blue eyes, of hers, seeing her lowering her eyes, before looking back up at him. His arms still around her waist. Feeling her arms wrap around him. There bodies moving slowly towards each other. Feeling Lawsons lips slowly meet hers in a slow passionate kiss. As his hands move around her body, there kissing becoming more feverent. Moving away from the table, towards the locker room. Leaning against the locker as there lips meet, there eyes holding each other's gaze. Feeling Lawson's hands, as their pants fall to the ground.

A while later, pulling away from each other, getting dressed. Kerry turns to Lawson "I'm going to catch a taxi. I'll see you tomorrow" Nodding "I'm going for a walk" as they walk out of the locker room.

Waiting at the front of TR for the taxi, Lawson looks at Kerry what just happened, how could he do that to Shannon, seeing Kerry watching him "You ok?" "I Just feel I should go and see Tash again, see how she's going?" Feeling her touch on his arm, he turns to look at her, her blue eyes full of concern "how did it go when you told her?". Looking at her, "how do you think, she hadn't heard from him for a few days. I can't believe it was only yesterday that all of this happened"

Seeing the taxi pull up he turns to her "I'll see you tomorrow" seeing her look at him, her blue eyes filled with sadness like his, all he wants to do is go and wrap his arms around her and fill her lips upon his again, the guilt there he hears her say "see ya"

Watching the taxi pull away, he leaves TR, jogging away. Stopping a while later, his head slightly clearer the fog of the alcohol starting to clear putting his head on his hands, what has he done, he had just cheated on Shannon, not only that but he slept with his boss. Seeing a taxi he hails it.

Walking into TR the following morning after visiting Tash, Lawson sees Shannon arriving, the smile on her face as she sees him , he didn't deserve her. "How's Tash this morning?" Snapping at Shannon "how do you think Shan" Looking up at Lawson in surprise "what's this about, how is she going?" "Josh just died Shan, how do you think she's coping" Looking at Lawson "what's up your arse" then looking turning around at him and looking closer "did something happen between you and Tash?" Glancing at her "I kissed her Shan" looking at Lawson's face closely "is that all you did?" Nodding hoping his eyes don't betray what happened between him and Kerry "I'm so sorry Shannon, I really am"

Seeing Shannon looking at his face "Did you fuck her?" Shaking his head he could tell the truth there "No I didn't, we kissed and that is all that happened"

Walking slightly away from him "something else is going on here Lawson, I'm sure of it"

THREE AND HALF MONTHS LATER

Walking into TR a few days later, Kerry walks into the locker room "Lawson, Charlie" motioning them to follow her. Walking away from the others "Since you two are getting along reasonably well, I'm just going to come out and say this, I'm leaving TR I've got a promotion, I'll still over see TR, but not from down here, Charlie is now at base" Seeing Lawson's mouth open "Lawson your still in charge of operational, but Charlie has the final say"

Walking away from Lawson, she still has to tell Leon, hearing her name called out she turns around "What Lawson" Feeling his touch on her arm "what's this about Kerry, you come in here all of a sudden, say you are leaving and that your leaving Charlie in charge, how long have I been in TR for?"

Not wanting to look at Lawson, she doesn't want to imagine her working life without him in it, but she can't be around him, not until she knows what she is going to do. Looking up at him "You want to be in charge of TR?" "Maybe, you haven't even given me that option Kerry, you choose Charlie?" trying to control his anger.

Looking at Lawson in the eyes "your willing to give up your relationship with Shannon, then, that is what you need to do, to be in charge of TR, Lawson, you know the rules, one of you have to leave, and that would be Shannon?"

Looking up at Kerry "You didn't even give me that option, you just slotted Charlie back in here, again above me, you want me to quit Kerry" Shaking her head "no, that would be pointless, please work with me Lawson" Glaring at her "I have to think about it" before walking out.

Walking towards Charlie her voice firm "I'm still in charge of TR, Lawson stays on the squad, I don't want to have to play peace maker all the time. The two of you get along" before walking away from him.

Walking towards her desk, sitting down, if being 3 ½ months pregnant is tiring her, what will she be like when she is 5 or 6 months. Getting a box and packing her things, she looks around, this is the right and best thing to do. She can't tell Lawson about it, she doesn't want the whole squad to know anyway. Looking at Leon, sitting on the chair, shaking her head she will miss him, there is something about him, no intel officer is like him

A few weeks later…..walking out of TR she turns around, even if she is still in charge, most of the decisions will now be made by Charlie and Lawson. Arriving at the pub a while later, she stands at the door, watching the TR team her team, the team that has made her proud, now minus 4 of the original team, whilst she was Inspector of TR. Walking up to the table, she watches at Lawson puts a glass of wine down in front of her, and Stella gives everyone a shot. Looking around, what harm will a couple of drinks do, throwing her head back sculling the shot before sipping the glass of wine.

An hour or so later, all with drinks Lawson turns to everyone "everyone has a drink" before turning to Kerry "To superintendent Vincent, I don't think TR will be the same without you, 4 years later, and we finally get rid of her, To Kerry" Looking around at everyone, she can feel tears forming in her eyes, bloody hormones "your not getting rid of me that easy, I just won't be around base much, its in good hands, as long as Charlie and Lawson can get along"

Walking out of the pub a few hours later, walking towards her car, its not often, lately that she can go out to a pub and actually drive home. Pulling out away from the curb, her eyes glance in the rearview mirror, looking up again she turns around is that Stella, getting in the car with Charlie, looking around, her eyes must be playing tricks, it looked like Charlie just kissed her.

TWO MONTHS LATER ON

Walking down the stairs at police headquarters, it was taking all of her effort, even as fit as she was, 5 ½ months pregnant, and now showing. Not going to base much at all, easier to go when Lawson wasn't there and she could disguise her growing waist line.

Finishing for the day, she walks out into the fresh air, smiling to herself, James back from rehab a month and half now. Walking along, the crisp evening air, crossing the bridge to Southbank, for an early dinner with her son, not many late nights lately, no drinking either.

Going down the escalators with James a while later, getting off at the bottom, she hears a voice, calling her name, frozen on the spot, she knows that voice anywhere, even if it is 2 months since she has seen him. Walking away from the escalators she turns around "Lawson" and seeing Shannon next to her, seeing there eyes on her stomach and the look of surprise on their face.

Shannon "Your pregnant?" Raising her eyebrows she nods, her eyes lowered before looking up, knowing they both want to know who the father is no doubt. Seeing Lawson looking at her, hoping he had no idea "Congratulations," Giving them a half smile, and wanting to leave before too many questions are asked, she hears Shannon's voice "how many months are you?" Before she can answer, she hears James voice "about 5 ½ months, I didn't even know she was going out with anyone" hoping James doesn't continue she hits him slightly across the back of the head.

Closing her eyes and wanting to hit James across the head harder she opens them, not wanting to look up but feeling her eyes looking up as she hears Lawson whisper "Oh shit" glancing up at Lawson, the surprise that was on his face, now replaced by shock. Glancing at Shannon, she sees her looking at Lawson, then back at Kerry.

Thinking back to a while ago and Lawson's reaction now, she looks at both of them in shock , "the baby 's yours isn't it, you slept with Kerry"