I don't own Mahou Sensei Negima. That claims belongs to Akamatsu Ken, who really really really REALLY has dropped the ball with the manga's ending, but let's not get there lest I get a migraine…

I don't own Mai Hime or Batman either. Those belong to Sunrise and DC Comics.

I am not making any money out of this. If I could make money out of fanfics, believe me, I'd write a lot more!

Thanks to Darkenning for the inspiration. Also thanks to Shadow Crystal Mage, I Am Not Creative Enough, and the rest of the gang. Darkenning and SCM also guest-wrote some snippets for this chapter. You'll recognize them because they are the good ones.

These snippets aren't in actual continuity with Unequally, 2814 or Decadent. Or with each other, as a matter of fact.

Please try to enjoy and review. In that order.

When Harry met Sally had nothing on this. Aliens vs. Predator vs. Terminator and Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash were warm-ups…

DECADENTLY HABITUAL, HABITUALLY EMOTIONAL

Takahata- by OverMaster

"Negi-kun, not to bother you, but I'd like a detailed explanation on why, as soon as I appeared in your world, the male student body began to boo and hiss at me, the Dean attempted to kill me thrice, and half of the female students I ran into escaped away shrieking, while the other half gave me their phone numbers..."

Takahata Addendum- by Darkenning

Negi took a long look at the counterpart of the person with whom his true love had run off, and calmly told him, "Suck it up."

Nodoka- by Darkenning

"Here we are," Decadent!Nodoka said cheerfully as she slid into the booth, gesturing for her counterpart to take the seat on the other side of the table.

Unequally!Nodoka looked about uneasily. Dressed in her best, rather frilly, dress, she looked very out of place in the rather dark and dingy environs of the place to which her counterpart had suggested they go. "What is this place, anyway?" she asked as she settled in.

"It's a bar," Decadent!Nodoka answered as she pulled her lighter and a small cardboard box out of a pocket of the black vest she wore over her white blouse. Combined with black jeans, she looked far more at home than the other one did. "Mind if I smoke?"

"Y-yes," Unequally!Nodoka stammered. "Um, I guessed that it was a bar. But ..." She looked around, lowered her voice and spoke conspiratorially. "... do the people who are running it not know that we're underage?"

"We." The local Nodoka chuckled as she put away her cigarettes and lighter, then shook her head. "Yes, they know, they just don't care. They serve all types here. As long as you mind your own business, the proprietor will mind theirs. I kind of developed a liking for the place while I was keeping an eye on our Natsuki. She used to have all kinds of clandestine meetings here."

"Ahh," the dimensionally displaced Nodoka said, wondering at that chuckle. She's only a year or so older than I am, right?

The conversation went into a hiatus as their drinks arrived - an iced coffee for Decadent!Nodoka, and a juice for Unequally!Nodoka.

"So tell me," she said abruptly as she sipped at her coffee. "What's it like to be a Card Captor?"

"Do the cards exist here, too?" It occurred to her that it was rude to answer a question with a question, but she was very curious.

Decadent!Nodoka nodded. "According to Yue, there was a Clow Reed, and he created some magical cards, and a girl mastered them ... but this was all while I was in kindergarten, and I've never met her."

"Well, it's scary sometimes, but I have to do my part to clean up the mess I made," Unequally!Nodoka said dutifully. "And it lets me be helpful to our Negi-sensei."

"But you still wonder whether you could do more if you had a pactio like that other Nodoka you met. And like me," she added, with false modesty.

"How do you know about that?"

"I read minds," she observed. In much the same way that someone might say, "People die when they are killed."

"Oh. Um ... but, is that right? Doing that to people without their permission."

"It lets me be helpful to our Negi-sensei," she parrotted the other girls words back at her, making her flush. "I used to worry about things like that. Then I started reading the minds of some very, very bad people, and suddenly their privacy didn't seem important any more. Lots of things didn't seem important any more, when compared to making sure that what was on their minds never became real."

Unequally!Nodoka just stared at her counterpart for a long while before she spoke again. "Why are you so angry?" she asked at last

"Why are you so sad?" the other girl countered. Into the silence that followed, "I bet it's the same reason. Your Negi made a choice, didn't he, and that choice wasn't you. Any more than it was me."

Decadent!Nodoka reached out and rested a hand on her counterpart's hand, and then, with the innate gentleness of an avalanche, said, "Get over it."

Like someone slammed, the displaced Nodoka jerked back. "How can you say that?" she cried. "You're so angry about it, how can you say that I should get over it?"

"Because I'm reading yourmind, and I know that, unlike me, you haven't given him more of yourself than you should ever give anyone," the local girl said, still heartlessly. "You can still be happy. You and your -"

"No, I'm not listening to you anymore," Unequally!Nodoka announced, standing up and edging out of the booth. "You have nothing to say that I want to hear. You, you are the perfect example of the person I neverwant to be."

She watched the girl run away, and didn't smile until she was gone. It was maybe a ghost of the sweet smile that she'd had when she was that young - except that she wasn't sure that she'd ever been that young.

"Then I must be doing something right," she murmured at last.

Deadpool- by OverMaster

"It's done!" Deadpool triumphantly cried as he returned, holding the Cassiopeia high. "To save this alternate dimension from disaster and grief, I went back in time and undid the fateful event that set everyone up in a path of unending pain only broken by brief spells of misleading joy! I went back to Wales when Negi and Nekane's baby were still both alive, and killed them!"

URAE! Nekane gave him a look of utter horror. "Wade! You had to save them both!"

"Oh, was it that? Sorry, Sugar. I always mix the 'save babies' and 'kill babies' orders up. Never mind, I'll just go back again..."

"It's done!" Deadpool triumphantly cried as he returned, holding the Cassiopeia high. "To save this alternate dimension from disaster and grief, I went back in time and undid the fateful event that set everyone up in a path of unending pain only broken by brief spells of misleading joy! I went back to Mundus Magicus when a young Nagi was sleeping, and castrated him so he couldn't leave horny children fated to commit incest everywhere!"

URAE! Nekane gave him a look of utter horror. "Wade! You prevented this universe's Negi, Chisame and Ayaka from ever existing!"

"... I did it, didn't I? I knew there was something wrong with that plan. Never fear, Pumpkin Pie, I'll just go back and fix everything for you..."

"It's done!" Deadpool triumphantly cried as he returned, holding the Cassiopeia high. "To save this alternate dimension from disaster and grief, I went back in time and undid the fateful event that set everyone up in a path of unending pain only broken by brief spells of misleading joy! This time, I went back and did everything right! Nagi kept his wang, and I saved both Negis from an early death! Are you happy now, Sweetie?"

"Uhhhh, actually..." a stone faced URAE!Nekane pointed to where Decadent!Negi and Decadent!Nekane's Negi-lookalike son were caressing Arika and Decadent!Nekane's faces while they took them from behind...

Batman- by OverMaster

"- and that's why I locked myself here," the bearded Wayne said, slightly leaning ahead on his cane. "After Rachel and Harvey, I just couldn't go on. You?"

"I have kept on going after having fought the Harvey Dent I know twelve times already, after one of the assassins who trained me killed the woman I was close to at the time to frame me, after I had my back broken, after my kid sidekick was shot by the Joker and nearly died, after a massive plague rattled my Gotham, and after a planet devourer giant god from outer space nearly destroyed Earth," the Batman standing before him answered.

"Good for you, I guess," Wayne said, accepting one of the snacks Alfred was serving them. "A broken back? Are you sure you aren't a metahuman? Because I wasn't doing that for half as much time as you have, and yet the doctors say..."

"I'm Batman," was all he needed to reply.

"No, you are a dead man, just this short of stumbling into your grave. Or a metahuman," Wayne shook his head. "I wish you good luck all the same. Anything else you wanted to know?"

"... Can I have the number of your Lucius Fox?"

Mai- by OverMaster

Unequally! Tokiha Mai squirmed uneasily on her seat. "So, it's really no joke at all, then. You two..."

Decadent! Tokiha Mai nodded firmly, while her Takumi followed her cue farm more nervously.

Unequally! Tokiha Mai turned to her own Takumi. "And that's the way you feel too..."

Unequally! Takumi, after a moment of silence, nodded with even more reluctance than his counterpart.

Unequally! Mai ran a suddenly icy hand down her face. "My God. I, I really don't know what to say."

Himemiya Anthy smiled and patted her roommate-master's back. "Mai-sama, please don't feel bad. Why, that's the exact same nature of the ties my brother and me share..."

"Way too much information, Anthy!"

Decadent! Mikoto was on her hands and knees, playing around with Chuchu like a kitten toying with a mouse. Unequally! Mai briefly worried that weird girl was going to eat the monkey-mouse, who now was officially the second strangest creature she had ever met.

"So," Decadent! Mai spoke then, "Where did you get yourself a sexual slave?"

"She isn't my sexual slave! I'm not as gone as y-" Then, noticing the sudden pang of pain on her own brother's face, she covered her features with a hand again. "Sorry. I'm still getting used to all of this. I don't get it. If YOUR father is still alive, why does he allow you to-"

"He doesn't know," Decadent! Mai shrugged. "Not like he'd care, I believe, like he's never actually cared about anything in our lives."

"I see," Unequally! Mai tapped on her chin with two fingers. So that was what made the difference between them? Her father had always been, in Mai's opinion, a saint. Maybe Takumi-kun turned out, well, that way, since he lost his father figure at such a young age. "How depressing. I haven't been able to guide my brother through a straight path, although I guess I could have done worse..."

"Hey!" the other Mai said.

"Anyway, I still haven't answered your question," her counterpart said. "Sorry about that. I gained Anthy's hand after defeating an abusive Sempai in a sword duel at a castle that hung upside down from the sky."

"Wait, since when can I, well, you, use a sword?-!"

Decadent! Takumi blinked. "Nee-chan, that part shocks you more than the castle?"

"I don't know!" Mai tossed her hands up. "I just grabbed the sword, entered the duel area, and then something entered me! I've been told that's the power of something called a Dios, and since then, I've had to fight duelist after duelist, since they all want to take Anthy away! And every time, the same spirit posseses me to fight! I'm going to call either an exorcist or a fencing teacher so I don't have to go through this again! Or both!"

Decadent! Mai blinked. "Huh. Poor girl, your life's even weirder than me. How are you handling the whole Hime thing, then?"

"What are you talking about now?"

"What? You know, the whole issue with the Himes? And the red star?"

"Which red star?"

They looked at each other for a moment.

The Takumis looked back and forth between them.

"Anyway," Unequally! Mai finished, with a sigh, "I'll have to ask you to stop fucking my brother around. Not only that's horribly unhealthy for him, not only he needs moving away from that, not only you're a horrible person by playing that 'sandwich' thing with them, but I feel dirty just by thinking you're doing that."

"Oh, sure, and now everything's about you. Why don't you ask Takumi if he wants to stop?"

"I do!" one Takumi quickly said.

"I mean him," Decadent! Mai pointed to Unequally! Takumi.

"Ehhhhh, well, I..."

In the next room, both Naos stared at each other.

"Well, yeah," Decadent! Nao finished the cookies Mikan had brought them, "They taste good! But like hell I'm envious of your deal in life! It has only made you softer! I'd eat you alive in a fight!"

"Wanna test me yourself, knucklehead?"

"Fine with me, bitch!"

"Bring it on!"

Mikan rasped disapprovingly, slightly shaking a wooden spoon around.

Both Naos sat back down grumpily.

A long silence after, Decadent! Nao angrily extended an empty glass Mikan's way.

"More milk, please."

Haruka- by Darkenning

"Yukino is really your unwetting sister, but you haven't told her?" Unequally!Haruka gasped.

"You proposed marrionettage to Negi-sensei?" Decadent!Haruka gasped.

As one, each lifted a hand to point a swirly-tipped finger at the other. "Degenerous!" they cried in synchrony.

And neither spoke another word to the other for the duration of their time on the same planet.

An anthropomorphic personification of language wept in relief.

Reito- by OverMaster

Decadent! Reito sat in silence before the grave.

"Well," he finally said. "I suppose this isn't something just anyone can say to have experienced, if I may be excused on stating the obvious. To be honest, I find the experience to be quite disturbing, although maybe not as much as I should."

He read his own name on the gravestone and the death date yet again.

"So young, too. A true shame, if I may say it myself..."

A tiny part of him, one that grew by the second, gnawing on the back of his mind, just figuratively pointed at the grave and laughed his black heart off.

Outwardly, Reito just smiled pleasantly. "Rest in peace, Kanzaki-san. Goodnight, sweet prince."

Rainyday: Indulgent Tastes- by Shadow Crystal Mage

URAE!Zazie stared at Decadent!Zazie. Only Satsuki had really noticed anything, though sharp-eyed Asakura had felt something was off about the two, even if she couldn't tell what. The two dark-skinned girls were of a height and build, and the others had easily dismissed the fact their facial tattoos were mirrors of each other— that is, flipped, as if one of them was looking at the girl in the mirror. After all, in this strange world were Haruna seemed to an upright, moral girl, Nodoka seemed to be some kind of dark loner needing only a poorly considered, non-specific oath of vengeance, and Evangeline was a genuine, if slightly bratty ten year-old girl, what was a few tattoos?

"…" Zazie said fluently.

"…" 'Zazie' replied.

… Satsuki interjected.

Abruptly, one of them stepped forward and enveloped the other dark-skinned girl in a hug, who was left to blink in surprise.

-—

… Satsuki repeated, a little jealously and slightly annoyed.

It wasn't that 'Zazie' née Poyo had appropriated her kitchen and was stewing something that apparently involved multicolored eggs the size of her head, insect-eyed fish, and the most perverse combination of spices and sugar she'd even seen. Her professional curiosity wanted to see the result.

It wasn't the redecorating. She had absolutely no objection to someone else sweeping up and tidying away, and if the new drapes, lamps, throw pillows, carpet, wall hangings and incense burners were conspicuously out of their regular price range, they were at least quite tasteful and soothing, which was probably their point.

It wasn't the singing, a low, intense, sensuous ballad in High, near-Archaic Mazoku, using words normally reserved for the mazoku-equivalent of religious worship, with several blasphemies thrown in. Or was that the other way around? Her understanding of the language, as well as Negi-sensei's English lessons, were helpful, but even without them she could tell Zazie was being serenaded rather vehemently.

It wasn't even the the fact her bed had been appropriated and decked with satin sheets, silk pillows, a perfume cloud just short of cloying and her naked girlfriend. All right, truthfully her naked, sweating, writhing, spasming, contorting, grunting, humping, sheet-staining, moaning and outright swearing girlfriend sort of had something to do with it, but she had to admit the presentation was a enjoyable enough that she would normally have been willing to give it a pass.

"There! Oh, yes, there, there, there! Oh, Darkness Within, don't stop! Ah! Ohhhhhhh, ohhhhhh Chaos Incarnate, Gold Upon The Eternal Sea, I am not worthy!"

It was that Zazie had been blaspheming on variations of that theme for the last half-hour. That half-hour had contained more vocabulary, grammar, religious heresy, and verbalizing from Zazie then all the lovemaking in their relationship put together. Even for an easygoing, accepting, 3-A girl like Satsuki, that was the sort of thing to get her riled up.

Honestly, it seemed a gross over reaction to a back massage.

'Zazie', still clad in her school skirt, socks and blouse, looked up frim her position kneeling on Zazie's back at that, a slightly annoyed look on her face, and Satsuki winced, reminding herself she should really learn to stop verbalizing her thoughts like that, even under her breath.

'Zazie' didn't seem to take too much offense at the remark, something that was completely unlike Zazie's sister that Satsuki had met. Not long after, 'Zazie' rose, to Zazie's long, regretful whine. 'Zazie' patted her cheek in mock admonishment, and moved to head towards the kitchen area, ignoring Zazie's continued mewling from the large wet spot on the sheets, not entirely made from sweat. As she passed Sasatsuki, 'Zazie' held up her hand. It took a puzzled Satsuki a moment 'Zazie' wanted her to do the same. 'Zazie' tagged her, smiling beatifically as she made a Vanna White-esque gesture towards Zazie on the bed. Satsuki blinked in confusion.

'Zazie' rolled her eyes, pulled Satsuki up, and nudged her emphatically towards the bed before continuing towards the kitchen.

Oh. OH! Well, that had been nice of her, warming Zazie up. Though Satsuki really understand why—

And then all thought about such petty questions was kicked out of her head as Zazie leapt at her and the blasphemies became a duet.

Poyo whistled as she tested Zazie's favorite stew and found it palatable, setting the stove on a low heat to keep it warm as she began setting the table, smiling contentedly at the sounds in the background. There was nothing like losing a sibling to make you appreciate them. She supposed pampering Zazie like this was a bit much, but honestly, she'd missed her sister so…

Whistling, she began to strip as she turned to join in…

Rainyday v2: Childish Indulgence- by Shadow Crystal Mage

URAE!Zazie stared at Decadent!Zazie. Only Satsuki had really noticed anything, though sharp-eyed Asakura had felt something was off about the two, even if she couldn't tell what. The two dark-skinned girls were of a height and build, and the others had easily dismissed the fact their facial tattoos were mirrors of each other— that is, flipped, as if one of them was looking at the girl in the mirror. After all, in this strange world were Haruna seemed to an upright, moral girl, Nodoka seemed to be some kind of dark loner needing only a poorly considered, non-specific oath of vengeance, and Evangeline was a genuine, if slightly bratty ten year-old girl, what was a few tattoos?

"…" Zazie said fluently.

"…" 'Zazie' replied.

… Satsuki interjected.

Abruptly, one of them stepped forward and enveloped the other dark-skinned girl in a hug, who was left to blink in surprise.

One could be mistaken for wondering when Satsuki had adopted a tiger cub at the purring coming from the dorm room.

… Satsuki said in confusion as she watched the two and didn't know whether to be jealous or melt in a puddle of goo. Oh, and be aroused, but that was sort of a given. The twin threesome fantasy is not a purely male fantasy.

Zazie had, of course, been highly suspicious on why a version of her sister from another universe would impersonate her in said universe. A suspicion that had gotten confused when Poyo had been quite insistent on attending Zazie's near every whim. It had gotten to the point, as it did in every wish fulfillment story, that the recipient wanted it to stop, since she wasn't having fun any more. And contrary to narrative precedent, Poyo had.

Now, Zazie was getting a manicure. It was involving a metal file, a power tool, several different grades of whetstones, and an industrial-grade polishing compound that had required they open a window.

"…" 'Zazie chided gently at the state of Zazie's nails, even as she carefully filed down a nick on one of the foot and a half long disemboweling tools with the same hesitant, almost disbelieving care she had when ruffling Zazie's hair.

"…" Zazie blushed, childishly maintaining she'd been busy.

'Zazie' cast a sideways glance at Satsuki, and mused that she supposed Zazie was. Satsuki was looking thinner than the one from her world. She supposed they were both enjoying the exercise.

As Satsuki wondered whether this was a veiled insult— it didn't feel like it— 'Zazie' began a rambling story from when she and Zazie had been children. From the blush and mounting mortification on her girlfriend's face, Satsuki divined it was also an embarrassing one.

As she listened in mounting amusement at Zazie's antics, both in the story and now as her classmate frantically tried to get 'Zazie' to stop but unable to do so since her nails were still clamped on the industrial vice where they were being worked on, Satsuki heard the wistfulness and regret in the imposter's voice. Her sister was dead: Poyo had made that perfectly clear, lost beyond where even mazoku couldn't go, except by going the same way.

It wasn't often one got to say the things left unsaid, even for only a short time…

Conversations with Sayo: Nodoka- by OverMaster

"Sayo..." for a moment, she was about to finish with a '-chan', but then she remembered she had not called anyone using that suffix for decades. "... san?"

The ghost girl offered her a pale, icy hand to help her stand back up. As she did so, Nodoka noticed she was standing from her own body, which lied on the cold and dusty floor of the catacomb, with her neck twisted aside, and her magical flashlight dying at a few inches from her hand. "... Oh. I suppose we can't all die like heroes in battle."

"As long as you don't die alone and with a heart full of regrets, the rest doesn't matter," Sayo said, rather pointedly for being, well, Sayo.

Nodoka flinched. "Good thing, then, I didn't die with regrets."

"Sorry. I correct myself," Sayo quickly said. "As long as you don't die alone and with a heart full of regrets and lies, the rest doesn't matter."

Nodoka gave her a cold glare. "You have changed. And I don't think for the better."

The girl before her nodded quietly. She wasn't any taller the Sayo Nodoka knew, but she was wearing black and white robes, carried a long sword around, and mostly, her face sported a solemn and even stern expression. "Just like you. But, before we go any further, I'm not the Aisaka Sayo you knew, my apologies. Not in any sense at all. I have come from another realm."

Nodoka remembered a certain incident so many years ago. "Of course. The event with the parallel world."

"Exactly. I am," and she bowed formally, "Kurosaki Sayo, at least since my marriage. After taking this post, it is my duty to guide the souls of Ala Alba everywhere to their beyond. No matter the world. Because Ala Alba, you'll see, is special..."

"And I'm not Ala Alba. Not for years and years, too many for me to count as one in the larger scheme of my life. I'm sorry," Nodoka said, "But I can't go with you then."

Those red eyes became harsher, a far cry from anything Nodoka could identify as belonging to Sayo. "And I'm afraid," she said, "This isn't a matter either of us can ignore or especially reject. You are dead, so you must leave with me. This is not negotiable, and believe me, if it were up to me, I'd leave you here, alone forever, since that's apparently what you wish for so much."

Nodoka sighed. "Spare me the rest. I need no magical books to read your mind now. You'll tell me of how I should have moved on, and how I brought this on myself, but do you know what? I don't care. I'm very past caring about any of that."

"Of course you are. You went past that long ago. Today, only your body died. You killed your heart right before killing your maturity."

"My maturity? Please. Just because they gave you a supposedly high rank job, no doubt out of pity, you think you can lecture me on maturity, Kurosaki-san?" she hissed, allowing her blunt lack of any familiarity sink in. "As I cut my ties to that life, one by one, I finally grew up. I stopped being a lovesick child. I...!"

Then Sayo did the unexpected.

She laughed on her face.

Not a giggle. Not a long or cruel laughter, but jut the fact it had happened was enough.

Possessed by a sudden indignation she didn't know she had in her, Nodoka slapped her. "Don't laugh at me! I won't allow that from you of all people! I stopped being a doormat-!"

Then the slap was returned, its power multiplied so much Nodoka fell back, wondering how anyone could feel so much pain after dying. Looming over her fallen spiritual frame, Sayo stood with crimson glowing eyes. "Respect, not me, but my post, Miyazaki Nodoka. You call yourself mature? You more than anyone should remember Lewis' words. 'When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up'. You were mature and brave without realizing it. You became a cowardly child when you tried to forget you feared, instead of keeping it in mind and overcoming it. All because you were rejected by a boy. All your problems, all your issues, all of them stem from that. Well, guess what. Several others suffered from that, and yes, moved on. I told you that as you had expected. Satisfied?"

Nodoka only shot her a truly vicious glare from between her graying bangs.

"No. You still haven't told me of how, had I done what you say, I'd have escaped dying here like a stray dog, leaving nothing but a skeleton to be found in centuries, and a footnote in history books. Still, the fact remains, this is as close to a happy ending as I ever could have had."

"You still haven't learned anything," Sayo noted, with some sadness, almost sounding like Sayo again.

Nodoka flowed back to her immaterial, now vague, feet, looking away. "There is nothing to learn. I already learned everything, back then. This was the only truth left for me."

"No," Sayo firmly said. "This was the only truth, the only path you wanted to take."

"Is there a difference?"

"Yes. All the differences in the world."

"I promised myself I wouldn't cry ever again. Not even if I had to become a monster for it."

"And yet, you not only became a monster, but one who has cried inside every day since day."

"That isn't true. I made peace with my inner demons."

"You didn't made peace with them. You capitulated to them. But if you would have just exhausted your tears while you still could, you would have achieved happiness after it."

"And where were you to tell me that back then?"

"I'd have made no difference. Just like you didn't listen to anyone who told you back then, would you have listened to me?"

Nodoka trembled. "I... I hate you already."

"Yes, you do. Because I reflect what there is in your spirit. Which is all you have left now."

After a long silence, Nodoka agreed. "True."

"Will you follow me now, please?"

Sayo extended the hand again. Nodoka took it quietly. "And... Yue and Paru...?"

"Haruna-san... didn't achieve her peace either. But Yue-san is at peace in her reward," Sayo whispered, sounding even more like Sayo now.

"I see," Nodoka said, after waiting without getting any more answers. "Then, no matter what waits for me, I suppose I can go mildly happy. That is something, isn't it?"

Sayo nodded.

She squeezed the cold small hand, and they walked together into the all-consuming light.

NEXT: Future Unequally Sayo comes for Decadent Haruna's soul! Plus, Unequally Joker tells us the secrets of life and the universe!