AN: lmao what is this. I wrote this for SushiBomb as a Christmas gift. Merry (late) Christmas!
Squalo is, uh, thirteen, and Bel is seven.
[edit: Fixed a shitload of mistakes, because like fuck do I proof-read my stuff before submitting.]
Tugging on a small clump of hair in his fist persistently, Bel proceeded to slobber all over Squalo's face. The pair were sitting on the sofa together in the Varia mansion - Squalo watching an American comedy series and commenting on how utterly stupid and not funny it was (Xanxus had weird taste in shows. Squalo could hear him cackling all the way from his room in the middle of the night). It was winter, and it was freezing outside. Squalo refused to do any missions and he wouldn't let Bel go out either in case he froze to death (they only had three people in their so-called assassin squad, and they couldn't afford to lose anyone, even if it was a seven year old). Squalo could hear him giggling along to the theme song or whatever in the middle of the night) whilst Bel latched himself onto Squalo's side and decided to pester the fuck out of him. "What's a 'Christmas'?" asked Bel, using the television remote to smack Squalo's head. He prodded the swordsman's cheek until he couldn't stand it any longer and peeled him off, kicking him half-way across the room.
"Voiiiiii! Quit it!" Squalo yelled (he seemed to yell everything though, and Bel wondered how he hadn't gone deaf yet), then swore as a large pile of white hair fell in a trail on the floor, leading to Bel. The blonde seven year old laughed - Squalo inched away slowly because it was really really really fucking creepy - and repeated his question, grinning like a maniac all the while.
"Christmas? Tch, what a stupid question!" snorted Squalo, but carried on anyway. "It's a time where idiot adults spend their shitty money pointlessly to buy shitty gifts for shitty kids like you, and a big fat paedophile called Santa watches you all the time and comes to your house and eats your shitty mince pies or whatever."
Bel ignored his protests and clambered back onto Squalo as he chewed thoughtfully on a patch of hair. Squalo's hair tastes nice, he though absentmindedly, then demanded, "I want a Christmas every day!" He spat out a particularly dry strand of hair that he couldn't swallow, and continued to talk. "Because a prince deserves gifts all the time! Shishishi, I bet Santa would be a great plaything too!"
The first thing that came to Squalo's mind was oh fuck fuck fuck, I'll have to buy him a fucking present every single fucking day oh fuck, I need to change his mind fuck fuck fuck, and he blurted out, "V-Voiiii, Santa likes to feel kids up!"
There was a lengthy silence and Squalo cursed his big mouth. He fidgeted a little until Bel frowned and tilted his head in confusion, asking, "What's that mean?"
How was he supposed to explain that to an seven year old? 'Oh, it's where people touch you inappropriately!' or 'It's where people touch your dick, even though you don't have one!'? Did Bel even know the meaning of 'inappropriate' (he was always slobbering over Squalo - yeah, he probably didn't)?
"It's what Xanxus does to you every night," he finally said. Bel grinned toothily again and climbed onto Squalo's head, making a nest there and laying eggs - whoops, wrong species. He dropped his head down so the pair were face to face and - wow, Squalo really needs to exfoliate. His skin is so nasty, and I bet that's why he doesn't like people taking pictures of him! - licked Squalo's cheek.
"Ushishishi, that's fine! It's settled! I shall have a princely Christmas everyday!"
Bel stared out of the totally not stolen car window and squished his face up to the frosted glass. He had seen snow before but he hadn't touched it. Oh, woe was the life of a prince, he sighed, and grimaced as he recalled the memory of his parents forbidding him to go out and play in the snow. 'Playing in the snow was for peasants,' they said, and that, 'Do you really want to die of pneumonia? I'd like to see you try and rule from your coffin, usheshesheshe!' (The last one was from Rasiel, who'd sneer at Bel when he would try to persuade (read: beg) his parents to let them play outside.)
Glancing back at the small boy from the driver seat, Squalo snorted and rolled his eyes, lowering the windows. Bel stuck his head out of the car and giggled quietly from the sudden cold as snowflakes landed on his tongue. He decided that it tasted rather plain for a prince and closed his mouth, opting to watch the snowflakes drift down slowly instead.
"Voiiii! It's fucking cold! Shut the goddamn window now and stick your bratty little head back it!" shouted Squalo. Bel withdrew his head and kicked the back of Squalo's chair, slightly annoyed. How dare a peasant tell him what to do! The teen yelled at him, and he kicked again. This went on for while, and then Squalo pulled his seat forward so Bel's short stubby legs couldn't reach it.
"This is war…!" Bel hissed under his breath.
When they finally arrived at the shopping centre, Squalo made sure to hold Bel's hand in his larger one tightly, in case the little brat decided to run off. He looked warily at the high prices of everything and sobbed silently, but let Bel take his pick of the toys. Despite his angry and (a little) mean exterior, Squalo actually did somewhat care for Bel. He had a pretty fucked up childhood and was always belittled by his older twin so the least Squalo could do was cut him so slack whilst he was still young and naïve. Xanxus didn't particularly care for either of them - his eyes were always on his bottles of wine, and only on them.
They wandered around for a while, sometimes stopping to peer at toys through the store windows or to buy some random shit Bel wanted (he threatened the shop assistants with his knives and Squalo almost flipped a table over every time he needed to stop the young boy from killing someone. Bel, when he was on his wanting-to-kill spree, was very hard to stop). A few hours later, they left with a brand new doll for Bel to abuse, bags of red tinsel (Bel insisted on getting red because it was his favourite colour) and a bottle of whisky for Xanxus (fuck the 'you have to be twenty-one to buy liquor' rule - Squalo was part of the mafia and he could buy all the alcohol he fucking wanted to).
The scooter Squalo dug out from somewhere in the garage (it was probably stolen) spluttered to life and Bel hopped onto it excitedly with decorations in one hand and glue in the other. He zoomed around the Varia mansion, squirting glue on the walls and throwing the tinsel on to make it stick. Everything was soon covered in tinsel, including Squalo, and Bel grinned proudly at his decorating skills, until he noticed something out of place.
"Ushishishi, I didn't put that there!" he said, frowning and pointing at some white berries stuck onto the ceiling.
"Voi, well, I didn't either!" replied Squalo as he pulled away a stubborn piece of sticky tinsel from his hair. Then, he lifted Bel up onto his shoulders and Bel grabbed the decoration from the ceiling easily. He held it up to the light and peered at it curiously, poking at one of the berries.
"What is it?"
"Tch, it's mistletoe, you idiot! You're supposed to kiss the person underneath it or something!" Squalo said. He instantly regretted it when a mischievous smile appeared on Bel's face and he leaned in forwards, placing a sloppy kiss on Squalo's cheek.
Squalo rubbed at the spot furiously, a pale blush spreading over his cheeks, and muttered, "If you wanted a 'Merry Christmas', you could've just asked…!"