A/N. Ok! Here is yet another one of my Fem!Luffy fanfics ideas. Not much else to say except that this is a one-shot drabble unless you guys want me to turn it into an actual fanfic. Yay! Anyways, merry belated Christmas everybody! And enjoy!

Summary: Drabble about Fem!Luffy's life from when she was born to when she died.

Note: A pirate crew is mentioned in here, no it is not the Red-Haired Pirates. They're just part of the storyline, they don't really matter. Oh, and Luffy may be a bit OOC in this, or majorly OOC, depends on what you consider to be Out Of Character. But yeah, anyways, enjoy!

Warning: There is character death, but it is at the very end of the story. This is Luffy-centric.

Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece!


"Life is there for three things. To hurt, to suck, and to spit in your face!"


When I was a baby, the day after I was born, my home village was attacked and nearly wipped out by what could only be described as an army of rogue marines.

Anti-Government extremest, which is ironic considering the fact that the town had nothing to do with the government. Really it didn't and to this day, I still can't figure out why they would have attacked.

When I was two, I ate a Devil Fruit that I had stolen from a bunch of pirates.

Having stopped at the local tavern after a recent raide. They died a week later during a vicious storm at sea. The day before they died, I discovered that the Devil Fruit I had eaten, belonged to the Mythical Zoan class. Who knew it would save my life later on. It was probably the smartest decision I had ever made. The town was wiped clean off the map, and out of textbooks and references not six months later that year.

When I was four, the town that I had started living in, my seventeenth home, and one of the "firsts" in a long, long list of towns I had lived at, was destroyed as well.

Far more viciously then the ones before it. An "accidental" Buster Call. The world government had decided that they didn't need two Logue Towns around. That's basically what it was, you can't even find the name of it anymore, that's how thorough they were in eliminating the town. I'd tell you the name, but you might be killed too. I lost a lot of friends, and adopted family that day.

Five years old, and somebody found me, a vice-admiral soon to be promoted to admiral. When exactly was anybody's guess.

He was lazy, and was literally cold to the bone, a fellow Devil Fruit user, Logia class. Kuzan was what he told me his name was, and he said that he had seen more then his fair share of children like me. He was hoping that if I was actually given the chance all those others were never given, the chance to live and succeed, and turn out better then they had. Not dead and thirty feet under ground. And so he brought me out of the hell-hole that was my life for five bloody years.

When I was six, he wound up leaving me in the care of my idiot of a grandfather, which was the best he could do.

The crazy old man hadn't even known I was alive, appearently I had been a well-kept secret by my father, his eldest son. The true irony of it, was that my grandfather was a famous, but horribly idiotic Marine hero who had supposedly contended with the King of the Pirates, Gold Roger. My father, was a revolotionary, and the truely funny thing in that situation, was the fact that Gold Roger had been my fathers younger brother. It was truly ironic and such a farce. Especially after my grandfather, though I guess I couldn't really call him that, had admitted that my revolutionary father had married a vice-admiral of the marines.

My mother, who I would never meet, never hug, never see again, because she had been killed the day after I was born, had been a retired vice-admiral of the marines. She was supposed to hate him and hunt him down, instead she found love in the unlikeliest of places. She had found it in what was supposed to be her enemy. Guess love really does conquer all, as she had managed to keep it hidden for a whole five years, not counting the years after she got married. Which would turn it into a wopping ten years. Talk about being good at keeping secrets right?

I was still six when I met a pirate for the first time, face to face.

My grandfather had dumped me into the care of some village located on some island in the East Blue, hopefully it wouldn't go up in smoke like all the others, about 30 or so, had. He was famous, a would be Yonko in the next couple or so years, by the epiphet of "Red-Haired Shanks". He was amazed to find out I had lived in a town that was usually swormed year-round by pirates, and had never actually met one. My sarcastic comeback was something along the lines of:

"Oh yeah! Well let's see how many people you meet when you're too busy trying to actually get enough to eat!" Not the best first meeting there is. But he took an immediate liking to me. Said he liked my spirit.

That very same year, I had a bad run-in with some mountain bandits. To my utter shock, at some point during his year long stay, I had gotten attached in a familial way. Something I hadn't even come close to doing again after I had met the marine who had taken out of my bloody life from before two years ago. He still visited, wanting to see how I was doing. He was an admiral now, and a decent one. But I'm getting off topic here.

Anyways, the mountain bandits had insulted Shanks and his crew, and I didn't take it too well. Wound up testing the full extent of my Devil Fruit abilities. Turns out I could make a pretty mean tornado, and still not damage the town. I promised Shanks I would be a great pirate. He laughed, but not in a mocking way, and somehow managed to change my deal with him, from becoming the greatest pirate ever, to finding the place where I truly belonged. He gave me his favorite straw hat as a way of making sure I stuck to it.

I was seven, when I met the next group of people who became "family". A term I hadn't used in a long time, to describe anybody.

My grandfather had gotten wind of Shank's stay at the village, and decided that he needed to wipe out any pirate influences Shanks had had on me. He dragged me all the way up to Mt. Corbo, and left me in the care of what had to be the worst idea he had ever had. Mountain Bandits. I didn't get along with them at first, but I found that unlike all the others before, these guys were okay. They were led by a woman known as Curly Dadan. She was the exception, and didn't stick to the same rules twice. Heck, she barely stuck them once. She wasn't they type you would take for being a girly girl, and definetly wasn't capable of teaching children how to be a proper marine. Where that crazy fool had ever gotten the idea I'd never know. We paid for her inability to raise us the way he wanted her to though, with the number of bumps we got on our heads after his visits.

Oh, did I forget to mention I was not the only child in her care? My apologies. There was a rough looking boy, who annoyed me to no end at first. He had this look on his face like the whole world owed him, but wasn't paying up like he wanted it to. I hated kids like that, people who acted like everything was everybody elses fault, and that they needed to pay up for it soon, or else. My usual response to that was a very rude and snide question, that usually left said person close to tears. I would ask them, "Or else what? Gonna cry to mommy and tell them that life isn't being fair to you?" Mind you that wasn't what got them crying, close enough to it though.

No, what got them crying, was when I punched them in the face, gave them a real reason to cry. Because frankly, if they were gonna ball their eyes out over a couple of words, then I might as well give them a real reason to cry. Somebody telling you what was the truth, whether it was direct and blunt or beating all the way around the bush you wouldn't get to it till the next century, was no reason to cry. If anything, it was a good reason to sock somebody in the face, and maybe rearrange their faces to something a little more easy on the stomach.

But yeah, you get the picture I'm sure. I didn't get along with him, I didn't want to get along with him. He made it even worse by spitting on me. But I wouldn't retaliate. Somebody was gonna wind up hurting a lot more then they should on any day what-so-ever if I retaliated because some idiot spit on me.

Besides, there was a lot worse that could be, had been done to me in my life. Not like one of those worst things that could happen to a woman kind of thing. But the kind of things such as losing you're family when you're barely even a day old, watching as the people who are supposed to be the family you never had until now, your friends, murdered in front of you for something that wasn't even their fault. Yeah, there was a lot worse that could have been done, and the world and life in general had gotten a lot of it out of the way in a short amount of time.

He had this look in his eyes like life hadn;t even permitted him to live, but he was already here. Ten years old too. His name was Gol D. Ace, and he seemed to think I really wasn't worth his time. Thing is, the way I saw it, if I was gonna have to live with you, even if it was for only five minutes a week. I was gonna have to find something good about you, otherwise you wouldn't ever be able to even get in the house. I'd kick you, and the bandits, out of the house and just live in there by myself. See how you like being treated like dirt and then some.

So I followed him, and by the end of six months or so, I was getting sick and tired of having to chase him around the stupid forest. I was five seconds from blowing the whole place apart, and wiping it and Mt. Corbo off the face of this island. Maybe if I made it powerful enough, I could get rid of the stupid nobles too. I really hated those goddanged nobles! Bite my butt is what they could do with all their rich and fancy shmancy lifestyles. Like to see them live a day or two in my shoes. They probably wouldn't make it a second.

But again, I digress.

So anyways, imagine my shock when I finally manage to follow Acey-boy all the way through the forest, and find out he's got another buddy. He thought he had people fooled, but I could tell just by the way he carried himself. He was nobility. What he was doing playing around in a garbage dump I had no idea, but I hated him even more then I hated Ace. He wasn't fooling me, not by a long shot. Seven I may have been, and stupid I may act 99.9% of the time, but you can't lie to me. I was no fool.

I had both of them fooled though. I played the stupid idiot who probably needed both hands to find her own rear end, and wound up getting tied up as a result. They began debating killing me, mind you I had a promise to keep, but Shanks had never said that death wasn't on the list of places people might call home. Who knew, it might have been mine. I almost let my mask of the idiot slip and ordered the two to just hand me the blasted knife, I'd kill myself for them just to get them to shut up! And that's when they ran and hid. Pirates had shown up, pirates they had stolen from.

Bluejam, that was his name. I faked lying badly and even made it horribly obvious, just to get him pissed off at me.

It worked. And then he got to his version of interrogating the answers out of me. I hadn't spoken, I was concious, and I wasn't about to start crying. In all honesty, it didn't hurt, even after he had gotten the seastone gloves out, and started beating me with those instead, hoping to hurt me more, and get the answers out quick. He had gotten desperate around sundown, and by then I was pretty sure I had a concussion. He was still trying to get answers, and I was sure that Ace and that other boy were both long gone by now. Probably high taled it out of there.

I was wrong.

I was seven, when I was saved again, by two people from the kinds that I hated the most.

Ace and the other boy suddenly burst in while Bluejam was hollering and panicking at one of his men. Beat the crap out of both of the subordinates, before the nobility boy made a bee line for me and broke the rope. I was really expecting to die there, and hadn't really cared if I actually had or not. Ace was stupid and stubborn though, and decided to not back down and run from a fight. He would beat Bluejam, even if it cost him an arm and a leg.

I decided it would cost them nothing but a concious and half dead me. I all but ripped that place apart with the winds I sieged control of. When I was concious again, the two were looking like they were debating how to tell Dadan that she'd need to relay to the idiot that his granddaughter was dead finally, and that yes, her somewhat mutalated body would need to be buried. Properly would be preferred, but you could dump it in the garbage hills of Grey Terminal if it fit your busy schedule better.

When they realized that no, I was not dead, and no, they would not need to tell Dadan that she needed to prepare a funeral for a seven year old, they looked relieved. When Ace asked me why I hadn't told him about where their stolen loot had been stashed, I finally did what I'd been wanting to do since I met Ace. I spit in both their faces, and then called them both the biggest idiots in the world. That's when they saw what I was really like. Not some obliviously happy and goofy idiot, but a kid who life had decided needed to be stomped over repeatedly until she had enough and would no longer live.

The nobility boy even said outloud and I kid you not: "Dang Ace, she looks worse then you...". Suffice to say that even Ace was shocked.

Both his parents were dead. And oddly enough, despite the crazy fool's stating that he was my new brother. It turned out that we were cousins. Which explained why we looked alike. His father, my uncle, was the late Pirate King.

The nobility boy, whose name was appearently Sabo, was defintely not what I had expected. He hated being called the term I had originally given him, and even threatened me that if I didn't stop calling him that and associating him with those fools up in the city, he'd sock me a good one and then some. I laughed my head off at that one, and then promptly got into a fight with him when he decided to make as good as he could on that threat.

We came home to Dadan together for once, plus one more. Dadan had been pissed at first, but with the way Sabo had introduced himself to her, she took enough of a liking to him to let him stay.

I was seven years old, a week away from turning eight, when I finally got that family I had been needing.

I was nine, when I nearly lost one of them.

Sabo had pulled an increasingly stupid stunt the following year. Trying to gain freedom after the nobility he was unfortunately related to. He tried to escape via the sea. Bad idea because that very same day, a tenryubiito nearly killed him.

Ace refused to leave either of our sides after that. He absolutely refused to. We were lucky we had been there. I had forced the second cannonball to miss, and then purposely vered that giant ship slightly off course, before forcibly using winds to drag Sabo's ship back to shore so he wouldn't wind up dying out there. I slapped him real good when he was safe and sound, back on shore.

Ace hid him really well, actually, and put me there too. Not even the giant mosnter fool could find us, and Dadan wasn't going to tell him where we were.

"I don't know where those brats are Garp! You think I'd hide them from you? HA! More like feed them to the sharks for all the trouble they cause!" was what she had said. Garp just dropped it after that, and stopped bugging her.

I was 14 when my "brothers" finally left to become pirates. And I followed after them when I reached the same age.

My adventures when I set out to become a pirate, were nothing short of nature defying disasters that somehow always managed to not only get me nearly killed, but also get better, after crap hit the fan of course.

And on the way, I had met people who I could seriously call "family". It was still a foreign and strange concept, something I wasn't familiar with naturally. But that was the only way to describe them. One big, dysfunctional family.

First was the swordsman, Zoro. He nearly got himself killed because he wanted to be the best swordsman in existence. But curse herself to the seventh level of Hell if she ever decided to stop him from attaining his dream! If he died, at least he died trying.

Second, came our navigator, Nami. She had problems, but she was still a friend, and family. We helped her with that problem, as it turned out to be a pesky infestation of bad fish.

Third was the pathological liar Usopp. Ironically, his father was apart of Shanks' crew. Heck, the man wouldn't shut up about him.

Fourth came the perverted cook, Sanji. He wanted to find All Blue, and was pretty cool, when he wasn't yelling and flirting with the other girls.

Fifth was Vivi, a desert princess, who despite having to stay behind and help rule a country, would always be apart of them.

Sixth was a talking reindeer, of all things. Toni Toni Chopper, who ahd also eaten a Devil Fruit. Zoan Class.

Seventh, was Nico Robin, an intelligent woman with a history much like my own, except I wasn't a wanted criminal at age eight.

Franky, that robotic idiot, was our eigth member. Formerly known as Cutty Flam.

Our ninth, was Brook. Former member of the now completely all dead but two, Rumbar Pirates. The second being a giant whale that my crew had met when we first entered the Grand Line. Brook was a talking skeleton, so I wasn't ever completely sure if "alive" could ever be the right term to use for him. Dang if he wasn't one of the coolest things I had ever seen though.

Nine people. Nine dreams, and nine fools who had decided to put themselves in the care of what had to be the most dangerous and reckless person alive.

Me.

I was 18 when I nearly lost my brothers again, and then had to go through Hell, quite literally, and back to rescue them.

Not to mention a war!

My life was screwed up! Seriously.

I had to have pissed off some actual God out there. Because they obviously had it out for me! A war, of all goddang things. They had to make me go through a prison full of insanely strong monsters, and just plain insane people, then try an escape when I found out that I was too slow. Now I had to go through a blasted war to get both of my older idiot brothers.

Who knew it would wind up almost killing all three of us.

We all mad eit out. Shockingly enough, apparently two Mythical Zoan class Devil Fruit users, were far more then the marines had anticipated handling. Kuzan was there though. That really made things difficult. Somewhere inside, I felt I had let him down.

He forgave me. He more then forgave me, he saved my life! All three of our lives, and gosh darn near got himself killed in the process.

My brothers were shocked, they all were, until he revealed what he had done for me.

Three times now my life had been saved. Twice now, it was a Marine Admiral who had done it.

Akainu, the guy who had tried to kill me and my brothers, only to be stopped by the aforementioned admiral, was pissed. He complained that he should have known I would turn out bad. That he should have killed me, especially when he figured out that I was even more similar to Nico Robin. I had also survived a Buster Call, twice, and lived to tell the tale. And just like Robin, I had turned out bad.

Kuzan's excuse was something smart that had caused even the stone-cold, ironic considering he was magma, Akainu to shut up about his Absolute Justice.

How could you expect someone to turn out good, when life had treated them too badly for them to even care about the difference?

And it was true. They all realised it. Right then and there, that if life spit in your face constantly, it was kinda difficult to spit back at it. Especially when it retaliated by making it even worse. It threw very few good things at you, and made the majority of it as crappy as possible.

I had never in my life asked for a good thing, I was too busy trying to keep myself from dying to care about any sort of reprieve.

And those precious few seconds of silence were all we needed to get the hell out of there. And boy did we hightale it. Of course there was no way I was leaving Kuzan to the marines mercy, so I managed to convince Ace and his crew to let me take him with us. They weren't completely against it, as he had saved Ace, Sabo, and mine's life.

But boy were they shocked about my upbringing. Shocked enough for Ace and Sabo to wonder why I hadn't gutted either of them the day I first met them. My answer was quite simple.

What did killing a person ever get anybody but into more trouble then they needed?

Nothing. They dropped it at that.

I was 23 when I finally found One Piece.

I had done it, I had found One Piece. My crew and I, we had won, and now had fulfilled all our dreams. But I still hadn't fulfilled my end of the bargain with Shanks. I still didn't feel like I had found the place where I belonged.

It was funny, and really kind of sad. And I'm sur eto this day Shanks still holds it against me.

But when I turned 30, I died.

I never did find where I truly belonged. But I had a feeling I'm missed it completely.

Oh well, too late now.

The moral of my life, from beginning to end, was actually pretty simple.

Life was there for three things.

One:

To suck.

Two:

To hurt.

Three:

To spit in your face.

There was a break in these, rules, as there always are. After all. I couldn't call myself a pirate when if I didn't break every rule, whtehr it be the government law, or a law of nature.

So of course I had to break it. Which led me to believing that there was a forth reason for life.

Four:

To enjoy even when things are bad.

And so I died, living a life that followed all the reasons for it's existence. I also managed to start another pirate age for another good century and a half at least. Those fools are all looking for my treasure in the Grand Line though. HA! As if I'd hide it there.

I'd tell ya, but then I'd ruin the fun of it. And isn't that part of what life is about?


A/N. Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed that! Please review and See ya!