Title: My Heart Told My Head (2/3)
Word Count: 3, 582
Spoilers: Up to date.
Summary: Kurt was going to go to New York at some point, really, it was obvious. Blaine just didn't know he had to be alone for it to happen.
Authors Note: Thanks for all the reviews from the first chapter. :) I'm really glad you guys are liking it.
New York is really, really great. Even more great than Blaine would have pictured it would be. It's actually his first time being in the city, and it's large, and Blaine is in the car that his parents bought him as a graduation present, that Blaine supposed was also a "glad you're finally going to be out of the house!" present as well. He has all his stuff crammed in the back, and he had hit the road early in the morning, and had blasted his iPod through the speakers the whole way, barely even stopping, because he couldn't stop and he wouldn't stop until he was in New York, and now that he was here, he doesn't know why he wasn't born he, or why he hadn't ran away years ago just so he could live here.
Blaine's senior year increasingly got better after his little run in with Burt, they had talked, and Blaine had apologized for the very embarrassing phone message, and Burt had insisted on taking him back to their house, but Blaine had said no, saying he just couldn't yet, and then left in his car. The next day, he went back to glee club, gaining surprised looks from the majority of the room who knew who he was. He was just in time for Sectionals, and they worked Blaine in quickly.
He was okay, just like Burt had said, maybe he wasn't exactly the same, but he was okay, and he ended up graduating near the top of his classes – Tina beat him. He got accepted at Julliard for music, and he was moving on quickly. He was okay, he was perfectly okay, and he was happy, he would laugh. Was it weird to say that he loves to laugh? Everyone should love to laugh, it was fun, it made you happy.
Blaine really liked being happy.
The next day, Blaine goes into a coffee shop after waking up in his hotel, unable to load his stuff in until this day. It's a quiet coffee shop, with a few spare people chatting with friends, reading or typing away on a computer.
Blaine orders his medium drip, and pays the cashier, taking the cup from her and putting the lid on. He takes a sip, and sighs happily. Score, he thinks, as he turns around, nearly running into something, causing him to stumble back slightly, as a loud thunk as the man's books fall down onto the floor.
"Shit, I am so sorry," Blaine says quickly, dropping down onto his knees and beginning to pick up the other man's books. The man isn't saying anything, though, and Blaine doesn't know if he's just shocked, or if he didn't hear Blaine, so Blaine looks up – and he realizes shocked would probably be his best guess in this situation.
"Blaine," Kurt breathes, and Blaine's heart immediately drops. He knew that Kurt would be in the city, he goes to NYADA for god's sake, but he didn't know he'd be running into him this quickly, especially on his second day in New York.
Blaine looks down at the books he'd began to pick up, and just finishes the job, standing up and handing them over to Kurt, avoiding his hands so their fingertips couldn't touch, and then Blaine bends down to pick up his coffee. "It's nice to see you again, Kurt," he whispers, before walking quickly past the boy and walking straight out of the coffee shop, leaving a still stunned Kurt Hummel behind him.
"I look up, and there he is," Blaine says, after he was in his dorm room, too stressed to be able to unpack anything. He's on the phone with Tina, who over his Senior year had became a good friend to him, willing to help him sort out his feelings with Kurt. Tina had turned into one of his best friends during his Senior year, and was so thankful to her for everything. After Blaine had ran into Kurt, Tina was the only person he knew to call. She was currently in California. She and Mike had both gotten accepted into UCLA, and they had rented an apartment together.
"Blaine, he lives in the same city, you applied there knowing you would run into him at some point," Tina says, and Blaine can hear some sort of shuffling in the background, that Blaine can only guess is Tina unpacking.
"I know, I know, I just – I wasn't expecting him to be there," Blaine mumbles, crawling onto his unblanketed bed, and laying on his back. "I would have appreciated a sign to flash in front of my face saying something convenient like, 'Hey! Ex-boyfriend is standing right in front of you and he's as gorgeous as ever, prepare your heart!'"
Tina snorts. "Yes, because that would have happened."
"In my dream land it does," Blaine murmurs, his eyes falling shut. "Thanks for listening to me, Tina, but you're obviously unpacking and trying to spend time with Mike before school starts again, so I'll let you go.
"No, Blaine, it's fine, you know if you need someone to talk to you, you can talk to me. I promise, Blaine," Tina says sincerely, and Blaine can't help but smile.
"Trust me, I know, Tina, I'm just – you don't need to be worrying about me, and we both have unpacking to do. So, I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"Okay, Blaine, talk to you later," Tina says with a small sigh.
"Bye," Blaine murmurs before ending the call and shutting off his phone, looking over at the pile of clothes and posters, and things he should probably set up, because he's going to be having a roommate soon, and he was sure that the person would not appreciate having Blaine's shit laying around.
Blaine tries not to dwell on the fact that if Kurt hadn't broken up with him, he and Kurt could have probably been in the same situation as Mike and Tina. Laughing together, and setting up a kitchen, putting their music together, collaborating and becoming one. Living together, and laughing together, and sharing the same bed every night, and kisses first thing in the morning with morning breath, and coffee breath, and mid-day snoozing right before they have an afternoon class. Blaine picture it all too clearly, and that probably could be what hurts him most of all sometimes.
But he's fine, he's over Kurt, he's over the fact that it's done, and he's moving on. He just needs to stop thinking about the "what if's" and the "could have been's" and he would honestly be fine. Kurt wasn't his one; he would find that person to become one being with one day, to put their CDs together, and to have a mid-day nap, and to cook them supper. Blaine would find that person, he was sure of it. He was certain of it.
Blaine's roommate's name was Mark Thompson, he was a nice man – straight as a fucking stick, though, Blaine realizes as the boy talks on about his town life and his girlfriend, and about how he couldn't wait to get drunk. But he doesn't seem to be homophobic, which is another good thing, because when Blaine tells him "I sorta like dick," he just shrugs and says, "Hey, I guess that means I don't have to worry about you sleeping with my girlfriend, huh?" and Blaine can only just laugh, because, yeah, it's sorta true.
Mark leaves right after he's finished putting his clothes away in his drawer, saying that his girlfriend – her name was Julia – needed help loading in her mini fridge, and a few other things. Blaine waves it off, and goes to his laptop which is sitting nicely on top of his desk and signs on, bringing his legs up onto the chair.
He's on Facebook for a good five minutes, before he sees the little chat icon pop open, and his breath catches in his breath when he sees who it's from.
Kurt Hummel: So the first time you see me in a year, and you run away? :P
What the hell is he supposed to say? Honestly, this is Kurt, Kurt who has probably been on Facebook a thousand times before this, and this is how he decides to have a conversation with Blaine? Honestly, after a full year?
Blaine Anderson: I didn't run away
Blaine Anderson: I was in a hurry, I had to get back to my dorm room.
Kurt Hummel: You go to NYADA?
Blaine Anderson: Julliard.
Kurt Hummel: Oh. Good for you, Blaine. For getting in and all.
Blaine Anderson: Thank you.
Kurt Hummel: Anytime…
Blaine lets out a breath. Is it actually possible for a Facebook conversation to become this awkward? He doesn't know what to say to Kurt, he doesn't have a fucking clue what to say. Which is really funny, because Blaine used to know exactly what to say to Kurt at all times, and they would have so much to talk about. You could go through this exact same chat history and see millions of conversations that they've had.
Kurt Hummel: Blaine?
Blaine Anderson: ya?
Kurt Hummel: You don't hate me, do you?
Blaine bites down on his bottom lip. Does he hate Kurt? Does he hate him for completely dumping him out of nowhere two days before Kurt disappeared to New York? Blaine remembers wishing he did.
Blaine Anderson: No. I don't.
Kurt Hummel: You acted like you did.
Blaine Anderson: …when?
Kurt Hummel: First day of school for you… last year, choir room. You sort of screamed at me via skype.
Oh. Yeah… that.
Blaine Anderson: Oh yeah… that.
Kurt Hummel: Yes, that indeed.
Blaine Anderson: Maybe there was a bit of hatred mixed into that.
Kurt Hummel: So you did hate me?
Blaine Anderson: I wished I could.
There's a pause, and Kurt doesn't answer for a while. Blaine begins to think that he had just left, forgotten about Blaine again and was picked up by the people of New York, leaving Blaine answerless now. Before Blaine's attention gets picked up by the Facebook chat sounds.
Kurt Hummel: Can you do me a favour, Blaine?
Blaine Anderson: …depends.
Kurt Hummel: The next time you run into me at that coffee shop, don't run away. Sit down and have a coffee with me.
Blaine Anderson: …
Blaine Anderson: That wasn't formed in a question.
Kurt Hummel: Please, the next time you're in that coffee shop, PLEASE sit down and have a coffee with me?
Blaine's fingers type out "okay" before Blaine's brain can even catch up with him, and Blaine feels like hitting himself, because honestly? He doesn't even think he's okay with that, but apparently his body thinks he is. Now the next time he sees Kurt he's going to have to sit at a fucking table with him, and look him in the eye and drink a fucking coffee and have a stupid conversation with the boy he wishes he could hate.
He might have to start drinking the shitty Julliard cafeteria coffee now.
The New Directions didn't make it to National's in Blaine's senior year. They were practically starting new again, Blaine, Tina and Artie were really the only ones from the previous year, and Tina and Artie were the only ones from the very beginning. They had a lot of amateur performers in the group, and they really just weren't good enough yet.
Honestly, Blaine was okay with it. He didn't need to go to Nationals to have an awesome Senior year, he just wanted to make sure he passed with good grades, good friends, and a good life, and he thinks he got all those things Tina was a great friend, and an awesome supporter. Artie was hilarious, not exactly a best friend, but a good guy to hang out with and play CoD with every once and a while whenever Blaine needed some guy-time.
But Blaine misses performing, honestly. Now that he's starting in a new place, he hasn't had a lot of time to really perform that much. Every once in a while in class, he'll sit down at a piano and show the class what he was talking about, but a lot of his classes were mostly music history, and theory, he didn't get a chance to really sit down and perform. Plus, Mark hated it when Blaine would blast showtunes and dance around the room, especially when Julia was over.
He's getting restless. He wants to dance, he wants to fiddle around on a piano, and he wants to sing at the top of his lungs. Classes are great, the people are amazing, and he hasn't met one homophobe in his first month of a half in New York – because, honestly, he's at Julliard for music, 60% of the men here are already gay. But Blaine is so restless he can barely sleep at night, when he's coming up with dance moves, and mash-ups he wants to try, he misses the glee club, he misses the daily way of having theatrical release.
Blaine goes searching for a piano somewhere on the Julliard campus, because there has to be one somewhere, and when he finds one, it's amazing. The feel of the keys underneath his fingers again, and he just starts to play, play anything that he remembers, some things that he makes up.
Blaine ends up playing one song he hasn't played in a long, long time, and he sings it loudly, not caring if anyone could hear it anymore. It's a song he was afraid to sing months ago, but now he finds himself singing it an empty Juliard room on a piano.
When he's done, he silently packs up and wanders back towards his room, feeling a little bit light and sleepy, and he gets into his room and crashes on his bed, he can hear Mark's voice asking if everything was alright, but Blaine is just too emotionally drained now to be able to reply. He falls asleep curled up into his pillows.
I hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited. But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it. I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded, that for me, it isn't over.
Kurt Hummel: You're definitely avoiding me, aren't you?
Blaine stared at his computer screen, he was trying to finish an essay, and he knows he should have turned off Facebook ages ago, but he had kept the internet browser up, and just forgot to close it about an hour ago. Kurt's IM shows up and Blaine lets out a breath. It had been about three weeks since he and Kurt's brief Facebook chat conversation, and Blaine has been avoiding him – he's been drinking horrible coffee for three weeks now, and he thinks his tongue has turned stale.
Blaine Anderson: Honestly? Maybe a little bit.
Kurt Hummel: Ha, I knew it.
Blaine Anderson: Ha ha?
Kurt Hummel: I'm not scary, Blaine, I promise you'll be able to return to your studies if you just get one simple cup of coffee with me.
Blaine Anderson: I'm not afraid you're going to KIDNAP me.
Kurt Hummel: ….Then what are you so afraid of?
Blaine bites down on his lip.
Blaine Anderson: Seeing you.
Kurt Hummel: What, am I so ugly that you're afraid to look at me? :P
Blaine Anderson: Shut up.
Blaine Anderson: That's not even a little bit funny.
Blaine Anderson: You're beautiful.
Good going, Anderson. Way to be the creepy ex-boyfriend. Congratulations, you get the idiot award of the year – of your whole entire life. Someone punch this guy in the face because he is stupid.
Kurt Hummel: You flatter me, Blaine.
A few minutes pass, Blaine's afraid to say anything.
Kurt Hummel: Thank you, though.
Blaine Anderson: Yeah.
Kurt Hummel: Please get coffee with me.
Blaine Anderson: Why do you want to get coffee with me so bad?
Kurt Hummel: Because. I just want to see you again, talk to you again. I miss talking to you, Blaine, I miss being your friend.
Wow. Okay. Blaine lets out a long breath. He glances up at Mark over on his side of the room, listening to music and obviously talking to Julia on skype because he has a stupid smile plastered on his face, and he's talking, but Blaine's not paying attention to what he's saying.
Kurt Hummel: You can talk to be about college, what you like, what you hate
Kurt Hummel: Come on, Blaine.
Kurt Hummel: Pretty please? :3
Blaine Anderson: Fine. Does tomorrow at noon work for you?
Kurt Hummel: That's absolutely perfect. I'll see you then.
Blaine Anderson: I suppose you will…
Blaine Anderson was fucked.
The next day, at noon, Blaine goes to that coffee shop, the one with the amazing coffee that he actually really missed. He orders his drink and then goes to sit at a table, looking around the room for any sign of Kurt Hummel – because trust him, he'll most likely recognize Kurt Hummel very easily.
After sitting there for a few moments, someone comes up behind him and taps him gently on the shoulder, he turns to see Kurt's face smiling at him, and Blaine sucks in a breath, giving Kurt a smile, and gesturing to sit down. Kurt's hair is coiffed like it always was, and he looks so much older than Blaine remembers him being – and sexier. He's wearing a nice sweater and a scarf, and he looks great, and Blaine probably looks like he hasn't slept in days.
"I was afraid you weren't going to show," Kurt says, chuckling to himself as he sits down and slips his bag off his shoulder. Kurt takes a sip from his own coffee cup, and they sit for a moment before Kurt says. "How are you?"
"Fine," Blaine says, almost too quickly, shifting in his seat, and giving Kurt a semi-fake smile. "How are you?"
"Just great," Kurt says, and Blaine isn't sure if he's being sarcastic or not, and it's putting him off edge. "Rachel and I are living together, and it's been a little nutty, her stuff is everywhere, and I can't get around. There's no organization, and her
Blaine snorts. "Sounds like Rachel," he says quietly, taking a sip from his coffee, looking for something to do or to say, because he feels so awkward. "I drove down to Julliard at the beginning of the school year, set up my room and things, and settled in –"
"Wait," Kurt sat up in his chair, "Your parents didn't come with you?" Kurt whispers.
Blaine shrugs, "My Dad had a meeting and my mom had like three major surgeries that day, they couldn't get it off."
Kurt looks at Blaine, sighing, "That's ridiculous. They should have helped you, you're their child," Kurt whispers, taking another sip of his coffee. "You seriously don't care that your parents didn't help you move into college?"
"Can we not talk about this?" Blaine snaps, looking at Kurt. He sighs, he didn't mean to snap at Kurt, he came here telling himself he wasn't going to get upset. "Look, I just – I don't care, okay? I know that's a horrible thing to say, but them coming with me probably would have ended with an argument, so me moving in by myself was a nice change."
Kurt nods slowly, looking briefly at Blaine before taking another sip of his coffee. "Look, Blaine, I—the point of this meeting was to see you again, and … and not to have you run away from me," Kurt says quietly. "I just – I was worried about you, okay? Last year, Tina told Rachel who told me you were having a bit of a hard time at first, and … I just wanted to make sure you were okay now. You're okay now, right?"
Blaine sighs, leaning back in the chair, and staring at his hands. He honestly doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to say something stupid, it wouldn't help him in anyway. So he just nods.
"Yeah, I'm okay," he whispers, looking up to meet Kurt's eyes. "Are you okay?"
Kurt smiles, looking relieved, before nodding as well. "Yeah, I'm okay too," he says. "I want us to be friends, Blaine. If that's okay, I miss talking to you – you were a great friend, before you were a great—" Kurt cuts himself off for a moment, laughing softly, and closing his eyes. "You were a great first boyfriend, and I honestly just miss talking to you, and being your friend. So, if you are willing, I was hoping we could … be friends again."
Blaine swallows. He's over Kurt, he really is. It's just the fact that he feels so lonely here in New York right now that makes him miss the companionship. Friendship, after all, isn't that much to ask. He was friends with Kurt, before they were dating. So it couldn't be that hard to just get back into a friendly routine, and having someone to talk to would be so helpful, and just so much better than feeling pretty much alone most of the time.
"Yeah," he breathes, managing to smile at Kurt. "Yeah, yeah, I think I'd really like that."
Kurt smiles at him, and Blaine smiles back. Maybe being just friends wouldn't be so, so bad.