A/N: This was an experiment. I had the idea, it wouldn't let me go to sleep until I typed it up. I wrote it down. Here it is. Please, no flaming...I know it's not the best most 'in-character' piece, but it was fun and I think a funny idea. Took some liberties...had to mess with stuff for it to work, but you know. If you like fluff with Amy and 11 then you should at least enjoy this. Not a continuation of my other story, this is stand alone. I have the same idea to do this for Rosex10. If anyone wants to read that, let me know in the comments and I might try and write it. =^_^= Hope you enjoy and comments are greatly appreciated.
Confessional: How did it happen?
First Account: Amy Pond
(Stops laughing.) So, you want to know how it all happened? Right. Well. That's a good one, actually. Wow, um, I would have to say that it starts with everything going a bit mad, you know, as usual. We were flying…oh, someplace I don't remember, and we're sliding all over. Holding on for dear life, that sort of thing. I was trying to keep myself together and he was buzzing about all chaotic like and then things finally settled.
"Oh, you poor thing. Come on, old girl, what's wrong? Tell me." The Doctor got up and began to stroke the console. He began to look over the controls, like usual, keeping me in the dark. After walking round the thing near five times, completely ignoring me, by the way, I finally tried to get a word in.
"What's happened? You look worried."
He sent a half glance in my direction, but otherwise kept looking at the ship. "Well, if I knew what had happened I'd be fixing it, wouldn't I?" He shook his head. "Sorry. I just…well I don't really like it when I can't figure out what's wrong."
I smiled. Wasn't that the truth. I turned around and leaned back over the console, like I did when I had nothing better to do. I mean, I'm no help when it comes to fixing space ships. Honestly, I could barely manage to fix the chain on my bicycle. My fingers were suddenly interesting, but after holding them in front of my face I got bored of looking. I leaned back further, hair falling over the controls. He was taking forever.
There were a few crashing noises, a grinding sound, and something like a whirligig behind me. I turned around and he was throwing things over his head. He'd been at it for a few hours by then and I was thinking to myself it might be time for a break. Not for him, but for me. I was so bored.
Stalking along the console all predatory like, I slid next to him. "So. What're you doing now?"
Again, just a passing glance to acknowledge I had spoken and he was back to work.
"I'm trying to calibrate the—"
"Yeah. Sounds fascinating. How 'bout a little break?"
He snorted. "I'm fine, thanks."
"Please? Just a few minutes. What's it going to hurt?"
He considered. "What can't it hurt? I think I've almost narrowed down the problem to twenty-seven distinct glitches and if I can isolate one of them then the sooner we can stop drifting around in open space like sitting ducks."
"So, an hour? That sound good?"
"Do you even listen to a thing I say?"
"Sometimes." I reached toward him, taking whatever contraption he had in his hands and putting it down. For some reason, the movement made him freeze completely. His empty hand was still hanging in the air and he stared at me like I changed my face or something. I waved a hand in front of his eyes. "Doctor?"
With a start he jumped backward, hand running through his hair. "What? Yes. Amy. How long have you been…" He took a second to breathe. "What…okay. What is that?"
I chuckled. "What is what?"
"That. You. What on earth are you wearing?"
I looked down. "What? A t-shirt and this skirt that I actually quite like. These boots are getting pretty comfortable, too. I—"
"No." He hit his forehead. "No. No. Not your clothes. What is that…smell?" He looked at me a bit manic. Honestly, it was a bit scary.
Quickly, I pinched at my shirt and tried to smell it. "What?" I didn't smell bad. At least, I didn't think so. Maybe with his alien nose I did and that made me a bit uncomfortable. "I don't…what smell? Is it bad?"
He put his hand over his mouth. "No. Not, well. Where did you…is that some sort of perfume?"
"Yeah. When we were on…" I snapped my fingers to jog the memory. "What's its name? That one with…never mind. It was on sale so I bought it. Does it mean something?" I asked because I was completely confused by his reaction. Covering his mouth like that, I almost felt like I'd spritzed myself with toxic fumes.
He nodded. "Okay. Any chance you can go wash it off?"
I snorted. "Why? Is it deadly or something?"
"No. Maybe." He shook his head. "No. Of course not."
"Then why the overreaction?"
"No reason. I'm not…overreacting." He shrugged and removed his hand, but it was obviously to avoid the question. Big mistake, that just made me more curious.
"Doctor, you're not telling me something." I took a step toward him and he jumped backward. His hand in front of him as if to ward me off.
"Stay there. Just…don't come any closer." He looked around.
"What's got you all jumpy?" I asked. Not waiting for an answer I closed the distance in a few steps and grabbed his wrist when he tried to retreat. "Oh no you don't. I want to know what's going on. Now."
For a second, he didn't say anything. He swayed on his feet, falling a bit in my direction before catching himself. His eyes were nearly closed and then they fluttered open like he'd been daydreaming. Taking a deep breath, he licked his lips.
"Could you…" He began in a slow and rather quiet voice. "Possibly, for my sanity, take a few steps back?"
Now I was getting worried. "Sure. If you tell me what the hell is going on? I've never seen you act like this. It's sort of freaking me out and—" I had to stop because he moved his cheek next to my head and I could hear him sniffing deeply. "Um…okay. What the hell is going on?"
He moved back, shaking his head. He slapped himself roughly across the cheek and then moved away from me again. "Nothing. Everything's just fine, Amy. No cause for alarm." He kept retreating, tripping when the stairs were behind him, but not turning to look at them. "Seriously. I'm just going to…bit of a headache."
"Were you sniffing me?" I asked. He stopped retreating.
"No. Definitely…no. Not a…why would you ask that?"
"Um, let's see, cause you were just sniffing me?"
He paused. He looked at me and I really thought that he looked afraid. Afraid of me? I wasn't really sure. But there was fear in his eyes and that bothered me. "Look. Can you just…" I put my hand on my forehead. "Just tell me? I'm worried. You're acting all…more crazy than usual. What's wrong with this perfume?"
"Nothing wrong…exactly…" He sighed. "I have to go."
The idea struck me just as he spun and started to head up the stairs. "Wait." I called and he stopped, but didn't turn around. The theory in my head was pure insanity. I think. I mean, what it was starting to look like I didn't actually think it could be, but I didn't have any other explanation. I took a few steps forward, closing the distance as I worked through things to try and confirm my suspicion. When I was on the step in front of him, I looked down and he was closing his eyes, hand on the railing.
"Doctor, do you…like my perfume?"
He didn't open his eyes. Or respond at all, for that matter.
This…if I was right then oh my God. How perfect would that have been? Come on. It's not like I haven't been watching him all this time and never even considered him in a romantic sense. Actually, if I was being honest, that was probably the thing most often on my mind. He just always seemed so untouchable. Like he was there, but not really. At least, not when it came to anything intimate. A hug, sure, he actually seemed to enjoy it. And he would hold my hand or press his forehead against mine. Sweet almost friendly gestures, but nothing on par with the passion and intensity that sometimes, occasionally, sort of, would slip through my thoughts in the form of daydreams or what have you.
"Doctor. Do you think I smell good?" I leaned my chest forward from the step above him, purring the words carefully. I wanted to gage his reaction. He merely groaned.
Fine. Bold it was. I took a step down, my foot in-between his boots, which put my leg between his. He hadn't been expecting that and his eyes shot open. I didn't allow much space between my face and his, and I held his collar to keep him in place.
"Are you going to answer me?" I toyed. Playing with him was just too easy. I tossed a strand of hair behind my shoulder and he took a deep breath. I decided to try a different approach. "Doctor, I just want to know if you're alright. You're acting a bit weird and I'm getting worried."
His free hand gripped my shoulder lightly and he raised his head to touch his forehead to mine. I've heard that smell could be a really powerful sensory detail. Like, it could evoke memories and all this other stuff, but I guess I never considered his on switch to be a special type of perfume. In his own, sort of awkward way, it was like he was some normal guy trying to work up the courage to kiss me.
So, I did him a favor. Pulling his collar with both hands I kissed him. I was going for the innocent 'put lips together' and be done type of thing. But he just inhaled deeply and then he was pushing me backward. Not away, just back. He did that awkward thing with his hands, like the first time I tried this. Like he didn't know where to put them. He moved them around my shoulders and around my back, but finally, he settled on pushing his fingers up through my hair and grabbing the back of my head. It was a nice move and I can't say it felt horrible. Actually, I kind of swooned right then, but I'm not really proud of it.
I was nearly on my back over the stairs and then he pulled away. His eyes were horrified. And he detangled one hand to rest it on the stairs and keep balance. My hands were still gripping his collar like a lifeline. He began to shake his head slowly, in realization.
"No." He moved away even further, but I retained my grip on his jacket. "No. No. No. Amy, this…I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. Never happen again. Could you…" He pulled a bit harder and then looked down at my hands. "Could you let go now?"
I wanted to laugh, but I held it in. "Why the apology? Do I look like I want to complain?"
He laughed darkly, not at all amused. "That's not really the point, Amy. I should have…I let that get out of hand."
"Oh, but we were just getting started. I'm the one who kissed you, remember? You weren't, like, taking advantage or anything."
He began to pull at my wrist with his other hand. "That's exactly what I was doing. You're just not getting it." He fussed over my hands, but I wasn't about to let him go. "And could you please let me go? This is hard enough as it is."
"What's hard?" I wiggled my eyebrows. He probably wouldn't get the euphuism, but I thought it was hilarious.
"Amy. This is serious. You have no idea what you're doing—"
"Oh, lighten up already. Things were going so well before you opened your big mouth."
He looked offended and stopped fussing with my hands to rub his over his chin.
"Look, why the big show? It's not like this wasn't expected."
"Come on. You mean you haven't been flirting with me all this time?"
"I most certainly—"
I laughed. "Don't even try it. You've been flirting with me so hard it's a wonder I haven't jumped you before."
"You have...and I distinctly remember protesting then as well. Flirting?"
He would be one of those. The kind that flirt out of reflex. Although, I really felt he was being a bit dense on purpose. I didn't see it often or for very long, but there were times when he looked at me like he suddenly realized I was a woman. "Yes. Flirting. And I'm not engaged any more. So what's your excuse this time?"
"My excuse? My excuse is that this is all kinds of wrong and I can't even…I'm over nine hundred years old Amelia—"
"Don't call me that." I groaned. Really, at a time like this that's the last thing I wanted him to call me. He worked his shirt free and stood up, adjusting his bow tie. For all the jokes I made, he sort of pulled it off.
He rotated his shoulders and his hands flittered about uncomfortably. He was always fidgeting, like he didn't know what else he should be doing with his hands.
I sat up on the stair, looking crestfallen. I know I looked crestfallen because I felt crestfallen. So close and he ruins it.
He stood there, awkwardly. Looking at me. I put a hand on my chin and slumped in my seat. "What?" I droned.
"Nothing. You just…you look really angry."
"No. I'm not angry. I'm just confused and a bit frustrated." Seriously, he can't just do that and then expect all those hormones to just disappear.
"See." He put his hand over his face. "That's why. That's the problem. I'm sorry." He backed away further. "I'm so sorry, Amy."
"Why are you apologizing?" I snapped. "Unless you're sorry for practically making-out with me and then just deciding that it wasn't a good idea, then save it. I don't know what else you have to be sorry for."
He looked at me solemnly. "Honestly, Amy. I'm sorry for whatever you want me to be sorry for. That was…uncalled for and I wasn't thinking clearly. Actually, I probably should just go away now. Leave you to yourself for a bit. And…if it is at all convenient, could you just throw that perfume into…I don't know, a black hole or something? Obliterate it, actually." He began to back track and get off on a tangent that I wasn't in the mood to follow.
We passed the rest the next hour in silence. I was still perched moodily on the stairs, watching him get back to work. He seemed to have forgotten everything, but I was still…well, a bit hung up on it. At that moment, all I could do was plot different ways of getting past his defenses. I was ready to play it dirty at that point. When you want someone bad enough and they give in, even just a little, you can't help but hope that there's a chance. Plus, he never said that he didn't want to do it, he just said it would be a mistake. That I can see, but he is way overdramatic about that kind of thing. Probably thinks the whole of space and time would fall apart if he spends the night with a girl.
I got up and walked to my room. Once inside, I did a very dirty and evil trick. After I changed into an outfit that was a bit more comfortable, and by comfortable I meant flattering and a bit scandalous, I took some more of that perfume and gave myself a fresh spray. I didn't want to overdo it, too much of a good thing could be just as damaging or worse than not enough. However, I was satisfied that I hadn't, but that it would definitely catch someone's notice. Giving everything the once over in my mirror I rolled my shoulders confidently. Poor guy, he didn't stand a chance.
Once I was just outside the main room, right above the stairs, I nearly ran into him walking the other direction. He paused, looking at me with concern. "I was just going to check if you were...o…kay…"
"Yeah. Fine." I replied crisply. With a flip of my hair, I took a step past him and stopped. Craning around I saw his body go stiff. Bingo. Win.
"You didn't." He breathed.
I took a step backwards, shrugging innocently as I looked up at him. He stared straight ahead, stiff as a board. "What? I dunno what you're referring to."
He shook his head. "Amy. Do you have no…" He took a breath. "Just once, it would be nice, if I could say something and have you actually hear me."
"I hear you. I just don't listen." I grinned.
He looked down at me, looking pained. "You're such a cheater."
Again, he was close to me, his eyes nearly closed. He inhaled deeply, his head hovering near my hair. "You don't play fair."
"Hey. Never claimed I did."
He teetered on his feet and I put my hand on his arm to steady him. It was also a nice time to move in closer. Maybe let the front of my shirt rub against his? He swallowed and took a steadying breath.
I gently put my forehead against his chin, moving forward and resting against him comfortably. I loved that secure feeling I got when we hugged like that. We weren't actually hugging, his arms were stubbornly at his sides and I was resting my hand flat against his chest. But still, it felt the same. Almost timidly, I tilted my head up, letting my nose rub along his jaw.
Yeah, that got a reaction. A sharp hiss of breath and then I was speaking across his cheek, up along his ear, and down his neck. "Doctor, you don't have to be so noble about this. We're adults. I can make up my own mind, and if there's no other reason to tell me 'no' then that, you've lost."
He kept very still while I moved, making sure to let my lips brush against him occasionally as I spoke. I brought my hand up and onto his shoulder.
"Please don't leave again." I purred against his neck. When I got no answer, I took that to mean he wasn't protesting. Raising my hand up his cheek I turned his face toward me and moved in slowly. He wasn't retreating. He kept his eyes on my face.
When I closed the gap I couldn't help my eyes closing. I inhaled and pulled his head closer, my other hand moving around his neck.
For a few seconds, I just kissed him. He didn't really give anything. Then I could feel him breaking. He wasn't as stiff and he began to put actual effort into returning the kiss. His hands were still at his sides, but I suspected this was going to be a slow process. That was fine. I liked the anticipation.
I kept moving things along, but slowly. I gradually parted my lips and was a bit thrown off when he went full 'no holding back' anything on me. His hands did that thing where they went up my back and into my hair, holding the back of my head. The effect was a small moan on my part, but that only had him pushing me backward. My back hit a wall and I pulled at his hair roughly. So, things would be taking that route. I wasn't going to complain.
The next thing I knew was that we were slowly working downward. Not our mouths, just our bodies. When my back was stretched on the floor, he removed his hands from my head and supported himself with a hand on their side.
He stopped kissing me, but he kept his eyes closed and didn't pull away from me. "This is not…this is not a good idea."
"Stop being dramatic."
"I'm not. Amy, I'm trying…so hard to not do this and you are not making that easy." His forehead once against rested on mine, and I smiled happily despite the conversation. I rather liked having these talks with gravity at my back instead of my feet. His leg was resting between mine and he was partly resting on top of me, though most of his weight was supported by his hands. Yeah, he could be talking about quantum physics and I'd have been content.
"I don't want this to be easy. You're just being stubborn." I argued. "Give me one good reason."
"I can give you twenty."
"Do you not want to do this? For you, not for the consequences, but do you really not want to be kissing me right now? Because you're not attracted to me?" I raised my eyebrows. There was no lying here. If he said he wasn't, fine. Then I would gladly concede and stop immediately. But I knew that his reasons had nothing to do with me in that sense. I was positive.
"Nice try. But you have to answer."
He fell forward, his head resting on the ground next to mine. "Do I get a do-over? I don't want to answer that."
"Because then you'll just use that to convince me that this is a good idea." He groaned into my shoulder. He sounded a bit pathetic right then.
He lifted his head. "What?"
"Doctor, I'm not really holding anything back here. That much, I think, I've made pretty clear." I motioned to my outfit. "I'm not expecting you to propose to me, so you don't have to worry about anything like that. Even if…" Okay, I was going to say this although it was only half true. I took a breath. "If if it is just this one time, please, if you don't have any objections to me, just give me that. If you're attracted to me, and even a little consider that you might want this too, then just give me this one time."
"You think…" He took a breath. "Okay."
I opened an eye. "Okay, what?"
"Okay. You win. I can't argue with any of that. Unfortunately, I suppose you understand more than I thought and I can't argue that you aren't incredibly beautiful and maddening and impossible and you smell…" He closed his eyes again. "Magnificent. I just want you to understand the consequences may not be nice and that there's no going back."
He smiled. "I doubt that."
"But I win?"
"Don't you always?" He responded. I squealed a little, like a school girl getting her first crush to talk to her. Then I pulled him down and gave him all the motivation I could to not interrupt again.
And that's it. The rest is a bit private and I don't really think it's necessary. Draw your own conclusions. I answered the question. That's how it happened. Do I regret it? Not at all. Does he? Probably, but he'd never say if he didn't. So that doesn't count. Was it amazing? Uh, yeah. Will it happen again? Can't answer that. (Leans forward conspiratorially.) Yeah, sort of already did. (She winks.)
What? Oh, don't look at me like that. It's not like it's a big secret.
"What did I say? And then you go bragging about…are you proud?"
Uh, maybe. Should I not be?
"I don't get it. Just…don't be so obvious. Use a little discretion, I have a reputation."
Yeah. Yeah. (She winks.) You get the rest. I'll save him the embarrassment.