Hello, lesser mortals! Please enjoy this hopefully not crappy fanfiction, courtesy of me. I also apologize for the excessive use of caps.

Disclaimer: Exactly what it says on the tin. Do you need me to spell it out for you? I don't own Hetalia.

"What? L'Amerique's one hundredth birthday is tomorrow?"

Canada cringed away from the Frenchman, worried that he might molest him out of excitement. "Um, yes…"

France winked at him, purring, "Well, I'll have to think up a present for him, no?"

Canada hugged Kumajiro to his chest. Forgive me, America…

"Oh, America," France sang. "I've got a present for you!"

"Really? Wow, thanks, man!" America exclaimed, grinning at the leering elder country. "What is it?"

France smirked. "Well-"

"STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU BLOODY FROG!"

America whipped around, blinking in surprise. "England? What're you doing in New York?"

England ignored him and marched over to the Frenchman. "WHAT'RE YOU DOING TO AMERICA, YOU WANKER! CANADA CAME OVER TO MY PLACE IN TEARS, TELLING ME TO STOP YOU FROM GIVING HIM A PRESENT!"

"I wasn't crying," Canada insisted softly.

His polar bear glanced at him. "Who're you?"

"Aw, England," France crooned. "Jealous?"

The Brit's face turned maroon with rage. "SHUT UP, YOU GIT!"

Francis blatantly ignored him. "Anyway, before I was so rudely interrupted, I want to give you a gift, America."

The younger country stared at him impatiently. "Yeah, so where is it?"

"Ta-da~!" France moved to the side, revealing the Statue of Liberty.

"How did we not notice that before?" England muttered.

"Whoa, thanks, dude!"

France grinned lecherously. "So, I've got an idea about how you can repay me…"

America stared up at his new statue, ignoring France getting decked in the face by an irate Britain. "I'm such a hero that other countries build my symbols of national pride!"

"Um…" Canada began, flinching when England started to go blue in the face from France's hands around his throat, "Don't you think that France had an ulterior motive?"

"Ulterior motive?" America stopped spray painting the bronze statue green for a moment, looking thoughtful. Behind them, the brawling pair tumbled off of the pier. America's face brightened. "What's that mean?"