This chapter is completely optional, and could even be construed as a different story altogether if you so like. But, they also go well together, too, so I decide to combine them. You're free to decide if it's 'canon' or not~
It wasn't very often that I was scared. Usually anything that was frightening I would just trust in the Lord to help protect me. I wasn't scared of ghosts or aliens or anything supernatural of the sort. I wasn't scared of death; I wasn't scared of being hurt. But I never thought to be scared of others dying or getting hurt. Of course, this doesn't mean I wasn't unfeeling when my friends were in pain or close to death. I was a little scared then…but never this much.
It all began in the midst of battle, this fear… I had faith in him; I trusted he could handle himself. But as I was trapped by the enemy as was everyone else, the fear started to grow. I could see him over my captor's shoulder, struggling against another person. But I couldn't watch for long as the man in front of me stole my attention away. However, a few seconds later, as the fear started to clog my mind and distract me from fighting properly; the man grunted and toppled over, quite dead.
"You idiot, gather yourself and stand!"
Looking up sharply at my savior, I couldn't help but smile and breathe a sigh of relief at seeing the blond glare down at me, a hand outstretched to assist in bringing me to my feet. But as I reached out to take his hand, his narrowed eyes widened slightly in surprise, as did mine. He was shaking now, and I could see a deep red seep through his clothes out of the corner of my eyes. But I dared not break my gaze with his, for fear if I did that I wouldn't be able to see its clear blue colour again. But already I could see them dimming slightly as his expression softened to one I've never seen him wear before. Pain.
"A-Alaude…?" I whispered, beginning to tremble myself. Next second I knew I was standing up, holding the bleeding man's limp body, glaring daggers at the man who held the dripping sword: the sword dripping with his precious blood.
I was torn. Should I murder another to revenge my beloved's approaching death? Should I let myself fall so as to not spend a single second away from his side? The man wasn't attacking just yet. He seemed to be enjoying my suffering, my confusion, my anguish as Alaude's life bled out in my arms. The fear was consuming me; I didn't know what to do. But as the man appeared to have lost interest and raised his blade to do me in, he was shot and killed as well. Frozen, I stared at the two bodies at my feet, and turned my gaze to the pale face against my chest. The others were finished their sides of the fight, no one hurt too terribly. Which allowed all of them gather around me as I crumbled, sobbing incoherently as I clung to the body of Alaude…
It took me a while to calm down, but the fear never left. In fact, it continued to grow. No matter how many times they would tell me he would survive, I struggled to believe it. I wouldn't stop praying, I refused to move from his bedside. I read aloud from my Bible to him in hopes he would wake up from the sound of my voice. But for several days, there was nothing that would change. The others learned to leave me in peace, only coming in to give me food or fresh bandages for Alaude. I couldn't sleep, only doing so when I passed out from my tears. And when I did sleep, it was only filled with nightmares of his pale face, scared eyes, blood seeping through his coat…and that horrid grinning face of the man who killed him.
It was during one of these nightmares that I was woken by Primo, who had found a doctor willing to come to the house to check on the blond's status. Reluctantly leaving his side, I was lead out of the room so that the doctor would have more room to conduct his examination. 'What if he dies while I'm not there?' I wondered, causing myself to shake and feel sick with worry. Leaning against Primo, I took a shuddered breath, waiting for the physician to return. But when he did…
Being told I could go back to Alaude, I did, though this time reluctantly, but for a different reason. Why would the doctor not want to tell the verdict while I was around? Could it be…? Looking up from where I was studying the still man in the bed, I stood as the doctor and Primo entered, both very serious. Opening my mouth to speak, the man raised his hand, signaling me to remain quiet. Then beckoned for Primo to speak instead.
"Knuckle…we're going to let him go."
I froze once more, as blood rushed past my ears, making them ring as my head span. No… Please…no…
"He's not going to make it…and it'll only be torturing him if we continue this. I'm so—"
"NO!" Finding my voice, I clenched my fists, tears coursing down my face. "NO! He'll live! He'll make it! You just have to wait longer, please! Just a little longer…just a little…! God will heal him! He'll heal him, please…please, don't…don't!" Crying and struggling, I was caught in a tight hug from Primo and pulled out of the room as the doctor pulling out a syringe from his little box. Over Primo's shoulder I could see the physician pick up Alaude's wrist, and I couldn't hold back the scream as I tried to reach out and stop it from happening. But no matter what…
Dropping my arm, I stared, my face scrunched up in pain as I could practically see the remaining life escape my beloved's lips. Those lips I never got to kiss…those lips I never got to hear words like 'I love you' from… Clinging to Primo, I wept more than I ever did before, pressing my tear stained face into his shoulder as he tried to comfort me.
"Alaude…Alaude…come back…please…I love you…"
"…I love you…"
Waking up with a start, I laid there for a good ten seconds, letting the relief that it was all a dream wash over me. It was just a dream…how lovely that thought was! But now I couldn't sleep again. I didn't want to have a continuation of that dream or anything of the sort. Sniffling, I sat up and rubbed my eyes, to find my whole face was soaked in tears. Aha… But before I could even think of go and wash my face in the basin I had in my room, there was a knock on my door and it opened. Catching myself blushing as the blond swept into the room, I refused to look up at him and simply tried to dry my face on my blanket.
"How many times have I told you to keep it down now?"
"Sorry…I had a nightmare."
"All dreams are considered nightmares by your standards," he snarked, arms crossed. Looking up, I frowned about to voice my opinion on that, when he cut in again. "But what was it this time? Worried about tomorrow?" Of course, the tone in his voice simply said that he was just curious for the sake of knowing and nothing more.
Lowering my eyes, I looked at the bed and tugged at a loose thread on my blanket. "…Yeah. I dreamed that…you got hurt and…" Trailing off, I couldn't bring myself to say it. Luckily, he didn't need me to.
"You dreamt I died? Hmph. How foolish of you. I won't die, tomorrow will be too simple for me to even become close to death." But still I didn't look convinced. Hearing him sigh, I didn't look up, not until he sat beside me. But when I did, I was surprised at how close he was, and even more so when I felt his cold soft fingers on the back of my neck, pulling my head forward. I could barely breathe at this point, my heart beating in my ears. What was he doing? Why was he doing this? Was this even Alaude?
But I ended up not even caring, as our lips met and time seemed to stop. For several beautiful seconds we remained there, until I finally broke apart, my confusion getting the better of me. Or perhaps it was to avoid me from being too greedy. "Wh-what are you doing?" I stammered out, blushing still as I touched my lips. In truth, that was my first kiss… Or at least my first one with a man. Not that I minded.
"It'll help calm you down, won't it? You've wanted this for some time, correct?"
Feeling my face heat up more at this, I glanced away as his hand brushed my face before we drew together again in another kiss. This time, one that was much more passionate. Letting myself be pushed back into my pillows, I sighed into his mouth, my fingers wrapped around his neck as his hand trailed my side. How perfect this was, it was better than I ever thought it would be. To be kissed like this by Alaude… It even seemed like he was enjoying it himself, but it could be an act put on just for me. But even then, that itself was touching enough.
Sadly, it couldn't last forever. As my hands started to slip under his shirt after a few minutes, he pulled away and stopped me. "No… If we go too far, we'll be too tired for tomorrow," he said, though if the slight ring of disappointment in his tone was from my imagination or not, I wasn't sure. It was clear on my face, however, which made him sigh in exasperation. "That's enough for now… Don't worry now; what you dreamt was just a dream. I won't die. Now go back to sleep," he said, slipping off of me as he patted my head and then just left.
Watching after him, I smiled softly and nodded. "Thank you… G'night, Alaude…" Running my fingers over my lips one last time, I relaxed with the satisfaction of knowing how he tasted, finally drifting back to sleep…
Standing by the window, I watched as a group of men carried something wrapped in cloth out to their vehicle. I could just barely breathe. I wondered if my heart was still beating. Every part of me screamed in pain. What was I to do…?
'You said it was just a dream.'
'You said you wouldn't leave.'