a/n - ughhhhhh, as usual this starts of rubbish. i have an issue with starting new chapters of anything i write.

plus i'm really sorry for not updating sooner, i completely forgot. i am useless.


"Romeo, Romeo, Wherefore art thou Romeo"


Kelly frowned and looked around.

"where the fuck are ya mate?"

Nathan, all dressed up and feeling like a prize twat, stepped out onto the small stage. He was ready to do his version of Romeo and Juliet, so prepared to make a joke out of it. It wasn't going to be what the script said obviously, but what was a play without shitloads of drama? plus it would serve the probation worker right for making him do this in the first place.

Because let's face it, if he had his own way he'd of been shagging Kelly, not stuck performing this stupid play with her. Plus the only people who had come to see the failure of a performance were a group of old grannies (who by the way brought back bad memories of Ruth) and a few burly guys who were already laughing and pointing. But he'd waited so long and Kelly had turned him down so many times, that if doing this would make her see him differently, maybe more shag-able, then he was definitely up for it.

"Jesus, keep your tits on. I'm down here" he hissed in reply to her, and cringed at the small gasps that came from the audience at the choice of his words.

"I mean.. er.. down here, my love?"

Kelly rolled her eyes and straightened up in her puffy dress. This was going to be the most embarrassing and equally shitty thing she'd done in a long long time.

Goodbye dignity.

Hello humiliation.

It was inevitable.

All throughout the play, Kelly knew what was coming. She knew that in love stories it happened. It always bloody happened -

A kiss.

She wouldn't of had any problems kissing anyone else.. But this was Nathan. Their near run in after the whole tattoo incident had confirmed what she knew already: He really was shit with girls.

He was rough and clumsy, and so obviously didn't have a clue what he was doing. And he would always take the piss out of her, making her feel like shit. Kelly didn't think he genuinely wanted to hurt her feelings, but sometimes he would just say things without thinking.

Kelly scowled, wishing Nathan was a different person, and got into the position of lying down on a table that had been pushed onto the small stage. It wobbled as she lay down, awkwardly tilting near the edge of the stage, a second from falling. She closed her eyes and waited. The audience were talking in hushed whispers, but Kelly could still make out some of their muffled words.

"This is what they call a show!"

"This is going to ruin Romeo and Juliet for me forever now"

"They're both deluded! They're just kids. They aren't taking it seriously at all. Why are they even attempting to be part of this?"

"Who knows?"

Kelly's mouth formed a little o, her face filling up with anger. She pulled at the ring on her finger and tugged it off, throwing it out into the darkness, aiming at the voices. She heard a clunking sound, and then a small grunt. She smirked, satisfied, and closed her eyes once again, waiting for the scene to begin.


Nathan popped a tic tac into his mouth - which was actually meant to be the poison for a later scene - and sucked on it, looking at the audience. In his eyes, this was all hilarious. Larking around pretending to be Romeo? Classic. He was much better than Romeo though, or so he thought anyway. He was much better looking but less soppy of course. I mean, chasing after a girl and declaring your love for her was slightly needy. It should be the other way round Nathan thought. But he was sort of chasing Kelly, wasn't he? But she wanted him back, naturally. Well, at least he hoped she did. Because she was really fit, and he was getting slightly desperate.

But whatever. He didn't need her, did he?

Shaking his head at the situation, Nathan looked to the audience, noticing a burly guy with blood on his face being taken out of the room by a group of the old ladies. He shot an amused look towards Kelly and saw that she had opened one eye and was looking at him, smirking. She raised one hand and Nathan noticed that one of her rings was missing. It was strange that he'd known exactly what she'd done without her even needing to tell him. It was also weird that he knew exactly how many rings Kelly wore and on which finger she wore each one, but he ignored that. Instead he mocked being disappointed at her, tutting softly, though smirking as he did so. Putting a tic tac into his hand and rolling it in the palm of his hand, Nathan stepped back out onto the makeshift stage, ready for the kiss.

And maybe the shag afterward.

"I think that went pretty well, don't you?"

"You choked on the fockin' tic tac then coughed it up over me. Yeah, it went brilliantly"

"I didn't see you complaining"

"I think I was too busy getting the fuckin' mint out of my hair"

Kelly rolled her eyes up at the sky and watched as Nathan lit a cigarette before taking it straight out his hand and putting it in her mouth. She smirked at his outraged look, and raised an eyebrow.

"For fucks sake. If you think you've even got a chance of shagging me, the least you can do is give me a fag, yeah? So - don't you fuckin' pout at me Nathan."

"But I didn't give you it, you took it. There's a difference" Nathan replied as he tried to snatch the cigarette back.

Kelly simply tutted in reply.

"Tough luck"

She passed the cigarette back though after a minute, before blowing a perfect smoke ring.

"How do you do that?"

"Practice mate"

"You should teach me, cause I think I fancy you even more when you do it. is it some kind of cock magnet?"

"Why would you want to be a cock magnet?"

"I don't, but y'know. I want to be able to do it"

"You want me to teach you? Ugh, fine, if it'll shut ya up"

Nathan grinned like a little child, and Kelly couldn't help but smile slightly even if she really really didn't want to.

"Ok, put the fag in your mouth, yeah?" She said, rubbing at her eyes, knowing this could take awhile.

"Now take a drag, hold it in.. NO, don't fucking swallow it. You're such a twat Nathan. Ok, hold the smoke in, keep holding it in.. Make your mouth into an O shape, yeah?"

Kelly facepalmed as she tried to say the next instruction without Nathan's perverted mind getting the better of her.

"Now you kinda have to push some of the smoke out, right? Try doing it by trying to say 'uh uh uh' with ya mouth. Now you need to - NATHAN! Are ya even listening?"

"How do you expect me to listen when you're making those noises?"

"I'm trying to teach you for fucks sake. Grow up"

Nathan, however, had taken to circling her, cigarette in hand, asking whereabouts the invisible 'Barry' was and if that was why she was making the noises.

"Are you shagging my Kelly in front of me?"

Kelly hid her smile with her hands. 'my kelly' Fuck, that made her blush.

"Shut up you twat"

Nathan just grinned at her, that usual charming Nathan-like grin that when used, made Kelly's face want to light up like bloody christmas.

"If you're not shagging Barry, then will you shag me?"

Kelly snorted.

"There's no holding back with you is there? So subtle" She said sarcastically, still hiding her face. "I'll think about it, yeah?"

"Seriously?" Nathan's face was full of surprise. Was she actually agreeing to it?

Kelly sighed and once again took the cigarette out of Nathan's hand, putting it in her mouth. She wasn't even going to bother replying. If she said yes, Nathan would take it a promise and Kelly didn't do promises.

"So is that a yes then Kells?"

Kelly scowled at him, then smacked the top of his head.

"I said i'd think about it, didn't I?" She snapped, but then added fondly, whilst smacking him over the head "Fucking idiot"

Nathan stuck his tongue out in reply.