Oneshot - Stay
Sinopses: And if Elliot would chose the boy and not Olivia? He would sacrifice his biggest love? Decisions. Making a choice is always a sacrifice. And you, what would you choose?
N/A: I wrote this oneshot in portuguese, but I translated to english. I hope it's good enough. It was based in the song "Stay" by Bon Jovi.
That Day... That damn day when everything didn't work. Why he had to be so damn married to his work? It was his fault. Not Olivia's.
Metro Station, a crowded place and they were there, undercover. Everything could be right if the counter guy didn't screw up. Who you are trying to fool, Elliot? You know it's nobody's fault, but yours. What? It was Olivia that didn't react? It was she that didn't shoot the damn guy when she had the chance? And she got hurt by the Gitano's knife? Do you really think that the detective Olivia Benson would let him hurt her so easily? Yeah, I doubted it too. You never could think that, because you know her. Really well, don't you think? So were you out of your mind when you did the wrong choice? Ok, I don't have the right to say that it was wrong, but it what it seems to everyone. It was so obvious what you would choose! And now we are surprised with your attitude.
The boy is so close to you! Alone at the crowd. Suddenly you hear a sound. Liv's body falling at the ground. You were desperate needing to decide in a few seconds what to do. The job? Or the love? Which could be the more logical? Exactly. You did it thinking about your job. You run up to catch the boy, just a little child. You catch him in your arms. You see Gitano running out with the girl at the stairs. Your mind tries to say that it was the right choice, that Olivia would be fine. It was Benson, right? Wrong!
Fin come up at your side catching the boy, and when you were trying to pay attention about what he was saying, you see Liv standing there, lay in the ground. Liv's body is at the ground, while she's trying to contain the bleeding. You see more blood coming out between her fingers in her neck. You are afraid. You can't hear the sounds around you. You run up in her's direction. You are at your knees right beside her.
"Liv? Are you fine? Please, tell me! Tell me!" your voice is wrecked.
Olivia gets tears in her brown eyes. You knew it. She doesn't need to say it. However she tries to say something, but the words don't come out. She is trembling. You're going crazy. So, you don't know how, but Cragen is standing at your side, saying to you go away so the doctors can put her at the stretcher. You can't go out of her side. You just can say those words over and over and over.
"Sorry! I'm so sorry!"
You enter in the ambulance right beside her. She still can't say anything. Probably she's in pain, all because of you. How could you? Guessing that she was fine… Guess? These things you can't simple guess, you need to be sure about it.
Then she is in one of these rooms doing you don't know what, because you are at the waiting room at the hospital. They didn't let you go with, but they leave her behind that closed doors. You were almost insane, trying to figure out what was happening. Maybe it was serious? There are many people? Of course there are! John, Fin, Cragen, Alex, Casey… Even Huang and Melinda! But you can't see them, hear them. You are lost. You're scared.
"Every singer's always singing about someone else
Another bleeding heart, another brand new start
But this time I'm singing all about myself
I made it be so lonely
Even my piano wants to cry"
"Elliot, are you okay?" Huang ask you to the tenth time. You stare at his eyes, yours are tearing apart.
"Why didn't I go after her? My partner!" you say.
"Every choice is a sacrifice." He says with a worry face.
But Elliot prefers to sacrifice another thing… Or not? He is almost exploding. The kid didn't have any guilty after all. Why he must to be sacrificed? For some Elliot's whim? But Olivia isn't a whim, no way! Why it must to be so hard?
"Elliot Stabler?" he listen a voice calling him.
"These arms weren't there to hold you
And when I was home I was miles away
Now you've got every right to go girl but I'm standing here"
It was the doctor saying that Olivia went through a little surgery. The cut was very deep. She was fine, but sleeping like she was in a coma. He gave her sedative. She was talking while sleeping, and she was calling for its name. You ask him to see her. The doctor agrees and guides you to her room. 201. You'll never forget that number.
You enter into that white room. You see Liv lay on the sheets. She is pale. Some tears drops of your blue eyes. You never thought you could see her like this. The awesome detective Benson, bounded into a bed for something so… idiot! Compared to all she have been through! You hold her hand while you say in a low voice.
"I'm so sorry, Liv. I—I never thought, I…" the words get stuck in your throat.
You are afraid. Afraid of you could never see her again, never see those deep brown eyes again. So you make a wish, a single wish.
"I'm begging you
Stay just a little longer
You've always been the one who's stronger
I can't let you go"
"Stay." You whisper.
You asked. You begged. You wished. So everything comes at your mind. Her smile, the little jokes between you two that always made her smile. And God! How you love that smile! Or when she's mad, you love her face. And her ironic smile… Everything!
"I'm begging you stay
Stay because I need you
With every breath I breathe you
I can't let you walk away"
Idiot! You're a stupid, Elliot! This is your fault, completely! How many signs she gave to you? And you were always behind your wife whom just knows how to make babies!
How many times you entered at Benson's apartment? Just a few, I know. Did you realize that little photo of you and her in the corner of the shelf? It was her fist day at work. You two seemed so happy! What happened into the last years? She need to be almost dying to you figure out that you can't live without her? You can't breathe without her? What? She knew it? How can you say something like that? She was always in doubt about you two, and you never did anything to say that you love her. You wasted your time, right? So much time… And why you didn't say it yet? What are you waiting for?
"There are things I didn't ever say or do
Like I would die without you
Didn't mean I didn't want to
But every song I ever sang I sang for you
And every night away from you
Knowing you'd be home's what got me through
Tore up all the pictures of our wasted yesterdays
I'm fighting for tomorrow, standing here"
"Liv, please don't give up! I'll not give up on you." He hold her hand thigh and his lips are shaking. So he says those three words…
"I love you. Always loved you and I will always love you."
You give her a kiss in her front begging for it is not too late. It can't be! She is Benson! Strong, brave, tough, woman. And you love her. God couldn't be so unfair like this... Wait a minute! God? What He has to do with it? Who denied attention to her until this moment were you! And not Him!
I know I've done you wrong
It'd be easier to move on
I'm telling you
I'm begging you
Stay just a little longer
You've always been the one who's stronger
I can't let you go"
And then you cry like you never did before. How long you were there? You don't know, but you couldn't go out from there. Never ever ever ever. You need to see Olivia gets up, she will! You believe it. Believe it? For real? I don't know… Yes you do! You have no more doubts, and you sure about it. You are sure that you love her more than anything. Suddenly that sound starts to make an eco inside your head, and it shows that is something wrong. She was in dangerous. Piiiiiiiiiii that line was always up and down, and now she's straight. A straight, fine and stared line, and it could mean just one thing… No! You scream with the top of your voice, for the doctors and the nurses.
"Liv, please! My love you need to stay! You need it! I beg you! I can't let you go away! I could never forgive myself! Please!"
I think your pray was heard, because the doctors could stabilize her. Then she came back to the same coma sleep. You spend hours and hours right beside her, praying. Yeah, maybe Kathy isn't so bad. She even went there to visits Olivia wishing her the best from her heart. And you know why do you believe her? Because she already said to you that Liv is your saved place. Kathy always knew that she could never compete with Olivia. And why she could want to fight? If you two didn't love each other anymore… Maybe all of it is driving you crazy? A time to another you can understand things better? No… Maybe Olivia could approve your attitude, you guess it.
"Ell… Elliot…" it was like a voice of an angel calling your name.
You run next to her holding her hand. Her eyes are brown again and her face is a little blushed. She smiles lightly.
"I'll stay with you forever." She says. Your smile is bigger and bigger, and your eyes are shining. The love is stronger after all. And she promised to stay.
What? It's not a big deal? Why so drama? Drama? Dear when it is love for real there is no drama. What we see from outside doesn't mean what we have inside. A smile doesn't show your soul. You can look fine, but your heart is in pain, broken, scratched. You're bleeding. And Elliot's desperate? Incomprehensible. No one could ever know how it feels, seeing you'll lose someone who is that important to you, to lose Olivia. And know it would always be his fault.
Choices. Always a sacrifice. How about you? What would you choose?