When an Elf Drinks Eggnog

A SasuNaru Christmas Special

For Princess-Anthony-the-Latke-Eater—to our Friendship Pact

Composed by: Koffeeholic

Cast: Sasuke, Naruto, Kiba, Kakashi, Ino, Sakura….

Setting: Konoha City

Summary:

A rich woman causes a disturbance in Konoha Galleria Mall. She frames Naruto for stealing a diamond necklace, causing him to go to mall jail. His friends become witnesses; they get dragged in too. After some convincing, Naruto and a certain raven get out and do a job for punishment—dressing up as an elf and tending to Santa's station. But being Santa's helper isn't so bad when you have eggnog at you side.

Koffeeholic's Word:

The rich lady—for some unknown factor—is supposed to be the fat woman that Konohamaru, Udon, and Moegi had to catch the cat for in Shippuden ep. 1. Drink that coffee with that pumpkin spice and ginger creamer…Happy Hanukkah…I mean Merry (late) Christmas…


A blue-eyed blonde stood at the checkout desk of Harajuku, pensively staring at the pink clock on the wall. Apparently he was waiting for something.

"Come on, just two more minutes 'til I get out of here…I'm hungry!"

Oh, he was waiting for his lunch break. If I were wearing black-spotted orange kitten ears, orange fingerless gloves, and an orange a collar (with a little bell), with a belled orange tail radiating from a tight black skirt to match, I wouldn't miss a second of any break.

There were ten more seconds until the blonde could clock out and make a run for the food court.

'Five, four, three, two, o—'

But before he could leave the desk, two girls were ready to make their purchases.

"Sorry, I'm on my break now!" he rejoiced with a catty smile on his face. 'And can finally take these ridiculous accessories off!'

After he punched in his time card, the blonde made his way to his mini locker to dispose of his getup. And he was interrupted again, by his boss. "And where do you think you're going, Naruto?" she demanded to know as she put her hands on her hips.

"Tsunade-sama! I was…just going to take off the accessories. They're a little too embarrassing for me to wear on my break. So can I?"

The larger blonde rolled her eyes. "Naruto, I don't want to embarrass you. I just wanted to teach you a lesson that you didn't seem to understand: If you really want something, you'll do almost anything—even wear a kitty costume—to obtain it. And you did exactly that for a raise!"

The smaller blonde got steamed. "So can I take it off?"

"If you still wanna keep that bonus you'd keep it on and put on this shirt!" She presented him with an orange shirt that displayed: If you like what you see, come visit me at HARAJUKU!

'I really do need that money…'

Reluctantly and defeated, he snatched the shirt and left to put it on. He returned frowning.

Then his boss gently placed her hand under his chin to make him look her in the eyes. "Naruto, smile. It won't be as bad if you make the best of it." She gave him a light kiss on the cheek. "Now enjoy your break."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama." He left to attend his lunch break he so desperately needed.

As he went down on the escalator, Naruto saw a nearly full food court. It wasn't unusual for this time of year; Christmas was only two days away.

The blonde casually searched for a place get food from. After a minute of thinking, Ichiraku Ramen became the decision. He ordered a bowl of miso ramen with a little fishcake on the side.

When he turned around, two sets of eyes were staring him down. They belonged to his best friends Kiba and Sasuke. "Ooh! I like what I see, so I'm definitely going to Harajuku!" Kiba joked. "But really, Naruto? It's almost Christmas, not Halloween!"

Naruto almost dropped his precious ramen trying not to kill the brunette. "Just shut up! Orange was the only color my boss had left! And I'm getting paid to wear this nightmare!"

Sasuke silently eyed Naruto from the skirt on up, but he couldn't pull his eyes away from the delicious sight of the blonde in the tight articles of clothing. The tail and ears added more to his arousal.

"Sasuke-teme! Stop staring at my ass! It feels uncomfortable!"

The raven immediately broke away from the spell. "Can't help it. You look cute anyway." Naruto growled at that comment.

"Well at least you have pants under that skirt," Kiba added.

"They aren't pants—they're tights."

In Sasuke's head, an avalanche of blood was ready to roll down a mountain. And it felt huge. Luckily, the raven had the power to stop those messy accidents. He made the blood fill his cheeks deeply.

"Are you okay, Saucey? You look like you're on fire!"

"I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Naruto noticed how the temperature of his ramen was getting colder by the minute. "Guys, could we sit? These boots are killing me and my ramen's getting cold!"

The three sat at a table, trying their best to ignore Naruto's uniform. The blonde greedily slurped his ramen.

Beginning another conversation, Kiba spoke slyly, "So, anyone hear about the sale at the Kasukobo at twelve fifteen?"

"Kasukobo having a sale? That's rare," Naruto responded. "Maybe we should check it out. I wanna get my mom some new earrings." He placed his chopsticks in the empty bowl and put his hands on his cheeks.

"We can go now." Sasuke just wanted to escape the busy food court.

"I guess I've got enough time before I have to go back to work."

Kiba was the first to make a leave. "Let's go!"


On the third floor stood the Kasukobo jewelry store. To Naruto's surprise, very few people were going in and out. Maybe the manager needed some time to prepare for the sale.

"Come on, we can get a head start if we go in now!" Kiba pulled Naruto by his hand.

Inside, a portly woman dressed in some of the most ridiculously extravagant clothes moved about. Her hat seemed to be weighed down by the diamond ornaments hanging around the brim. She walked around in a prestigious manner, eyeing the diamond necklaces from behind the glass.

Naruto's drooping ears appeared to match his thoughts. "It doesn't look like there's a sale going on, Kiba. They're not even advertising."

"That's the point. It's what you know, not what you see," Kiba whispered. "And how cool you are. Right Sauc—"

"Kiba, what did I—"

"I was going to call you Sasuke! But you do agree with me, right?"

The raven snarled, "Whatever…"

Kiba returned his gaze to Naruto and pointed to Sasuke. "See what I mean? Now, let's begin by thinking of things your mom likes." He slipped his arm around Naruto's waist.

'He's mine kitten, you mangy mutt! Hands off!' Seeing Kiba touch Naruto like that made Sasuke bitter inside. He wanted to have Naruto. He needed to have Naruto. Only blondes that adorable can't be purchased and wrapped as gifts.

"My mom's favorite color is blue, her favorite shape is a heart, she prefers silver chains instead of gold ones, and she loves outlandish and unique designs."

Kiba joked, "Like you?"

"Kiba!" Then again, he did say outlandish and Harajuku IS intended to be outlandish AND unique.

"Okay, sorry! Here, this looks unique." The brunette pointed to a necklace with the kanji for love as its centerpiece. "What do you think?"

"Nah. It seems too normal." His glance switched to two blue earrings of a familiar symbol—his the Uzumaki crest. And at the bottom of the box said two words: donated and unused. What are the odds of the jewelry having belonged to an Uzumaki?

"These earrings are so right! I want them!"

"And those you shall get!"

As the blonde and the brunette made their way to the front desk, the portly woman called the cashier to service her. "Yes, I would like that one—the one worth eighty thousand yen."

"Yes, Lady Toei." The cashier returned to the counter to retrieve the real necklace. "And what would you like me to wrap it with?"

"White cream silk as always. Hold the cream for me!" Her laugh gave off a scheming air.

The cashier reached into a box only to discover it was empty. "I'm very sorry, Lady Toei. But I have to go to the back room to get more silk."

"I can wait here." The man bowed and sought off for the room behind him.

'Now to get out of here!' She slipped the necklace up her sleeve and prepared to leave. But there was a set of blue eyes watching at attention when she made the action.

"Hey Lady! You didn't pay for that!"

"That's none of your concern, young lady!"

"I'M A BOY!"

Naruto ran at full speed and made a dynamic grand jete over a table, causing his tights to rip down the middle. The sheer sound woke Sasuke from his daydreaming and turned his attention to the air above. He saw a sight.

'Girls' panties? That bonus must mean something to him.'

Then the portly woman let out a false cry—for security. "HELP! HELP! I'M BEING CHASED BY A BOY IN A KITTEN COSTUME! HELP!"

The brunette ran after the blonde. "Come on, Sasuke! We gotta help him!"

"Fine!"

The two ran feverously down to the center of the galleria, where the bonsai fountain stood.

"He's headed for Santa's Workshop!" Kiba shouted. "Folllow the screams of the fat lady!"

Naruto still remain in pursuit of this lady. He saw her run off the necklace without paying, and he wasn't going to let her get away with it. An Uzumaki stands for honesty—and he was doing just that.

"STOP, LADY! YOU'RE STEALING!"

"HELP! I'M STILL BEING CHASED BY A BOY IN A KITTEN COSTUME!" They made it to Santa's Workshop where there were even more obstacles to dodge. There were candy canes, little children, lengthy strings of lights, snowmen, and (human-sized) elves.

Two of them lightly conversed as they saw an orange blur rush by.

'Hey, Sakura Isn't that Naruto?'

'Ino, Naruto's lunch break ended five minutes ago!'

"STOP IT, LADY! YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL FOR STEALING THAT NECKLACE!"

They looked each other in the face flabbergasted. 'THAT IS NARUTO!'

And the crowd of parents, guardians, neighbors, and children all locked their heads and eyes on the action happening.

The lady must have been clever and tired at the same time. She came to a sudden stop and pulled out a string of lights with her foot, creating a trip wire for Naruto to fall over.

"I'VE GOT YOU NOW, YOU FAT CO—OH NOOOO!" The untied laces of his boot got caught in the string. As he landed in the snow with a thud, Lady Toei quickly dropped the necklace into the fake snow.

"HERE HE IS! HE STOLE MY NECKLACE! I DIDN'T EVEN GET THE CHANCE TO PAY FOR IT YET!" Wasn't she just shouting about Naruto chasing her?

Two security guards rushed to the scene with handcuffs prepared. "Alright, what's going on?" the taller one asked.

Lady Toei began to give off counterfeit sobs. She sniffled, "This cross dresser stole my necklace and ran away with it! I didn't even pay for it yet!" Her makeup ran away from her face when tears fell.

"NARUTO!" Kiba and Sasuke came to a screeching halt when they saw the security guards ready to take people to mall jail.

The blonde made his statement, "I did NOT steal that necklace! She put it in her sleeve and ran off! And I couldn't just stand there and let her get away with that!" He stopped to readjust his cat ears.

"Now why would this sweet old lady lie like that? She is one of the Konoha Galleria's most paying customers!" the security guard retorted.

Kiba walked onto the scene coolly, shouting, "DO NOT ARREST THE BLONDE GUY IN THE HARAJUKU KITTEN COSTUME! HE IS INNOCENT!"

'Way to go, Kiba… You save my ass and embarrass it!'

Then two elves pranced over to help. The blonde one informed, "Naruto was telling her to stop!"

The pink-haired one also gave input. "Yeah! And I didn't see anything in his hands!"

"Now will you let me go?" His blue eyes tried so desperately melt through the security's hearts. "They're the proof that I didn't steal the necklace!"

Lady Toei was freaking out. Although she was bankrupt (the reason she ran off with the necklace anyway), she could still pretend to have the same wealth she owned before. She broadcasted in a singsong voice, "ATTENTION ALL GALLERIA WORKERS! I, LADY TOEI, WILL SEE TO YOU GETTING AN EXTRA NEW YEAR'S BONUS! IS THAT CLEAR?"

Workers, except for the ones involved in the crime in progress, cheered happily.

The taller security guard continued, "See? Now why would this sweet lady go steal a necklace? She has enough money for a hundred of them!"

'I'm screwed!'

"And one more time, did you steal the necklace?"

"NO! SHE RAN OFF WITH IT AND I TRIED TO STOP HER!" The rip in his tights presented itself loudly as Naruto sat in the fake snow. Orange panties peeked through the opening and stared Sasuke in the face.

'Mmm…still looks appetizing…'

A pair of handcuffs clicked open. "Alright, kid. You're going to mall jail!" The cold metal stung Naruto's wrists harshly.

Kiba, Sasuke, and the two elves began to worry. Naruto wouldn't steal. He had morals!

"DON'T TAKE HIM AWAY! HE'S INNOCENT!" they all cried.

"You're all going to mall jail!" the security guard shouted. "As his accomplices! Yui, handcuff them!"

"Yes, boss." The shorter man pinned all of their arms behind their backs with the metal restraints. "Come on, let's move." They all walked away to the most secretive part of the mall, saddened by dishonesty.


Half an hour had passed and the group was still behind bars. They miserably kept quiet, for the guards would punish them even more if they conversed.

Due to the low temperature, the two elves shook viciously to keep warm. On the other side of the bench, the boys seemed to keep their cool/warmth. They sat awkwardly close, but not close enough to be considered a threesome.

Naruto squirmed trying to keep his behind warm; that thin skirt was the problem. He didn't want to go crazy in front of his friends, but the cold sensation became too much. Kiba looked over with big eyes. "Are you okay, Naruto?"

"Yeah. Just a little chilly."

Silently, an arm snaked around the blonde, tugging him into the warmth at his right. It was Sasuke.

"Sasuke?"

"You are cold, aren't you?" His eyes were empty, yet concerned.

'Teme…' Naruto snuggled closer to the raven and eventually found himself in his lap. "What are you doing?" the blonde hissed.

"Keeping you warm. Now relax." Sasuke eased his arms around Naruto's waist and smirked into his golden locks. 'And now you're mine.'

Naruto settled for what was happening to him in those moments. He enjoyed being a toy for Sasuke when he dressed up in a crazy outfit. He swung his other leg over and slipped his arm around Sasuke's neck. The raven gave a sigh of contentment.

When Sasuke placed his hands just an inch above Naruto's ass, he remembered something—the hole in his tights. The blonde rested his head so angelically on his shoulder. Sasuke didn't want to hurt something so innocent.

Thinking of Naruto under the skirt erected an object in Sasuke's pants. It unexpectedly probed the hole in search of the fantasies imagined earlier. Finally, it met the orange panties, which felt as if another hardened member was behind them.

'This feels too good to be real…'

Sasuke gently bounced Naruto on his denim-clad erection. An almost inaudible moan was released from the blonde. 'Oh…Sasuke…sasu…' He muttered into the raven's collar.

Before Sasuke could take it further, a loud click caught everyone's attention. The security guard returned, with someone else behind them. "Naruto! How on Earth did you end up here?" It was Naruto's boss.

"He stole a necklace from Lady Toei earlier."

Tsunade's eyes grew wide. "Lady Toei? She can't even afford one now! She lost all of her money at the Poker Hall last week!" She laughed loudly.

"But she said we're all getting extra bonuses for the New Year!"

Tsunade smiled. "Well, she lied. And I am positive the boy in the Harajuku did not steal anything! It's not in his nature."

The group in the cell all chimed, "SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH! NOW LET US OUT!"

"Alright, you're free to go because I've got something else to take care of. But there is a punishment for disturbing the peace."

Kiba worriedly asked, "What's that going to be?"

The security guard looked around. The janitor took care of the floors and everything else. Then he looked at the elves. "Hmm. Santa doesn't have very many helpers this year. Dress up and be of service to him."

"So you want us to be elves?" Naruto turned around to ask; still pressing himself firmly on Sasuke's fading erection.

"Yes."

"That isn't so bad. Right guys?"


The line of children waiting to see Santa spanned about fifty people long, not including the adults. Sakura handed Kiba and Sasuke dark green costumes with and green and red Santa hats.

"There is no way I'm wearing this! I can imagine it jingling with every move I make!" said the Uchiha.

"Oh, come on, Sasuke!" Sakura teased. "Man up and put it on!"

Naruto came up to get his costume. The only reason he was so excited about putting it on was so he could escape the horrifying Harajuku. But his luck ran out.

"Sorry, Naruto. There aren't any more guy costumes left." Sakura presented the blonde with a dark green shirt that appeared to have no midriff, a green and red Santa hat, jingling slippers, eggnog tights, and a skirt!

Naruto sighed. "It's okay, I'll wear it anyway. And my tattoo is not graphic!" He did have a tattoo that caused people to stare—at his stomach. It was Kiba's idea of a birthday present last year.

He left to put on the outfit and returned self-conscious about his looks.

"You look great, Naruto!" Kiba declared. A smile stretched across his face.

"Yeah, yeah. Very funny." He tried to hide the tattoo by pulling the skirt up. To no avail, it gave a good view of his behind instead.

Another blonde came from behind a curtain carrying a platter of gingerbread men. "Naruto, you don't have to worry about your tattoo. It makes the outfit more believable."

"Thanks, Ino." Naruto readjusted the skirt and went to his punishment. As he walked, bells bounced, creating sounds of the holiday.

Sasuke tried his best to hide, but there was nothing in sight to shield him from the eyes around. He took a deep breath and walked to his post holding his head down. When a tanned, bare midriff passed his line of sight, he looked up quickly.

The blonde had a racy saunter in his step and a bright smile on his face. Maybe the Christmas cheer finally caught up with him.

Kiba gave a loud wolf whistle once Naruto could be seen at the white fence up front. He waved back.

"Alright, little guy, go on in to see Santa!" Naruto said as he pulled up the felt boundary. The little boy flashed a smile at Naruto. But mothers in line turned their noses up in disgust.

'The whore! How dare she parade herself around with a tattoo showing on her belly!'

The man in the jolly red suit welcomed him to take a seat on his lap. A purple-haired elf snapped a picture after he whispered a few words in his ear.

"Here you go! Now take this picture to your mommy," she giggled.

"Okay."

Sasuke stood around with Kiba and watched as Naruto controlled the gate. About ten minutes later, a boy tugged on his skirt. Naruto looked down at him.

"Can I take a picture with you?" he softly squeaked. "You look really pretty!"

"Sure." The blonde lifted him up and smiled as a flash hit his eyes.


It was fifteen minutes before closing time. Santa's face was flushed, his speech was slurred vision and blurred, and he had children screaming and crying for Mommy and Daddy just by blowing his breath.

'Mommy! Santa's breath smells funny!'

Two more kids—twins—hurried into the gate to tell Santa what they wanted so desperately. The girl greedily chimed, "I want a kitty, a pink iPhone, and the ability to draw better than Leonardo da Vinci!" Then the boy added, "I want a dog that eats cats, a mini airplane that can fly, and the ability to spit fire!"

Santa ignored them. "Okay, you'll get those things, kids. Now get up. Santa has to take care of some Christmas things." He grabbed a cookie and left the scene.

Momentarily, the elves stood in front of the fence, conversing.

"See, Sasuke. I told you it wasn't that bad."

The Uchiha didn't give much of a response. "Hn."

"Sasuke, why is your face so pink?" Kiba looked over and saw the pink clouds covering his usually pale face. "Are you blushing?"

The Uchiha struggled to answer. "I…think I need to sit down…" He staggered to the big red chair, which was currently vacant due to Santa abandoning it. He plopped down in it and leaned backwards.

"Sasuke what's going on?" Naruto seemed to hover over him from that position.

"Nothing, dobe. Just dizzy." Sasuke reached into the mini-fridge on his left and reached for a small carton of eggnog. He opened it then reached for the bottle of strange liquid.

"Then what the hell is that?"

Sasuke emptied the liquid into the carton. He drank with a smirk, blowing his breath.

"You've been drinking? How could you?"

"Quiet, dobe," he sloppily hissed. "If you can smell it, you should taste it." Naruto grimaced at those words.

"Never!"

Sasuke took the carton from his lips. "Well, you weren't acting like that earlier. I practically had you calling my name when you were on my lap."

"Just shut up, okay!"

Sasuke was shocked. "Naruto, it was only a joke. Have a seat so we can talk it over."

"No!" The blonde had tears streaming from his cheeks. "Just stop it. Stop hitting on me! You know I'm a boy that wears girls' clothes!"

"Hitting on you? Naruto, I was only teasing." Sasuke took another gulp from the carton. "But you are attractive. How could you be uncomfortable with me—an Uchiha—giving you flattery?"

Naruto sobbed, "Sasuke…it's because…I like you—no—I'm in love with you." He turned to leave. "But you were only teasing me, so I should leave you alone and be alone…"

"Naruto, wait." Sasuke seized the blonde by the wrist. "I'm sorry and I want you to forgive me for teasing you like that. I was raised to produce an heir to the Uchiha fortune, but I just can't do it. I'm gay, and I've finally found the heart that my love needs to go to."

The blonde stared with wide eyes. "Then who's the lucky person?"

"You." He pulled Naruto onto his lap and brushed his lips against his. Blue eyes narrowed as they gazed into black ones. "And I really do…love you, Naruto."

"Oh, Sasuke-teme!" Naruto cheered, arranging himself on Sasuke. He kissed him, having the raven slide his tongue part his lips. Eggnog with hints of rum was tasted, creating a milky union between two mouths.

"I hope I don't get drunk from kissing you like that."

"You might. I am intoxicating, aren't I?"

On the other side of the fake snow, Kiba talked to the purple-haired elf while he had his arm around her waist. He cooed, "I got you something very beautiful this year, Hinata."

"Oh, what is it?"

"You'll have to wait. It's going to be a secret until Christmas." The brunette caressed her cheek.

Naruto and Sasuke were still going at it in Santa's chair. Soon, kisses became boring, and the Uchiha allowed his hands to travel south. He stopped at Naruto's groin, hidden by the thin green skirt.

"Are you going commando in a skirt?" Sasuke questioned lustfully. "And in public? Did you really expect this moment, Naruto?"

The blonde replied, "No. You made me cum so much in my orange panties. I had to get out of them." He rubbed Sasuke's hand over his tattoo.

"So I did." Without warning, he shoved his hand into Naruto's eggnog tights and fondled his member. "Oh, Sasuke-teme! Stop that! We're in public!" Naruto hissed in pleasure. "It feels so good! Don't stop!"

As Sasuke's lips reached to graze a tan neck, a shadow was cast over them. "What feels good, Naruto?" it spoke. Sasuke's hands flew out of the tights and Naruto turned around at attention. "Kakashi, when did you get here?"

"I've been here all day. I'm Santa." He was wearing the red suit.

"Okay…"

In his hand was a box wrapped in blue silk. Kakashi presented the box to Naruto dizzily. "What's this?" the blonde asked as he took the box.

"It's a present from the manager at Kasukobo. He wanted to thank you for your honesty."

"Well, dobe. Open it." The blonde eased the fabric from the box to obey the raven. When he slid the top off, an amazing sight met his eyes. The same earrings he wanted to get his mom earlier rested in a velvety cushion.

"Oh, they're exactly what I needed!"

Kakashi lazily smiled. "Glad you're happy."


Christmas day came and the Uzumaki family was all together. Naruto anxiously waited for his mom to open his gift. The time finally came.

"Mom! Open mine first!" Naruto put the box in her hands.

She eased off the blue fabric and took off the top. She gasped at the items before her. "OH, NARUTO THEY'RE JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED! THEY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOUR GRANDMOTHER'S!" She put them in her ears. "How do I look?"

Naruto and his father said in unison, "Beautiful!"

Then, Naruto's cell phone gave a loud ring. "Hey, Teme. How are you enjoying your hangover?"

'Very well. Did your mom like the earrings?'

"She loved them!"

'As much as I love you?'

"Seems like it! Bye Teme, love you."


Koffeeholic's Word:

How'd you like that, Anthony? Even though I celebrate Hanukkah and Passover, I would write this for my best friend of many years. To the pact!