In my Head, Under my Skin

DISCLAIMER: The Good Wife does not belong to me. It is the creation of Robert King and Michelle King. I'm writing this fiction to express my love for the series and maybe vent a little.

"So you let her go," ASA Dana Lodges said, entering newly appointed Assistant District Attorney Cary Agos's office.

"I didn't have much choice. Alicia Florrick came barging in threatening to sue. Seems like we used that hospital gimmick one time too many."

"You know it was probably Kalinda who got Lockheart and Gardner their mistrial? I'll bet she was the one who discovered that the judge had friend-ed the jury member," Dana pointed out heatedly.

"Sounds like her."

"And that doesn't bother you?"

"It does. You know what else bothers me? Talking about it."

His new girlfriend blessedly held her silence. Cary supposed it was because he'd never been this terse with her before.

"Look, it's been a long day. I'm tired and I'm angry. I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

Dana nodded at him and left his office, closing the door behind her. As soon as she did Cary let his head fall on his desk.

It was becoming too much. He'd though he'd finally grown a pair and gotten over Kalinda when he had her arrested to stop her from interfering in his case. But seeing her when her handcuffs were taken off, the pitiful hopeful expression on her face when she saw that it was Alicia who bailed her out…the vision had broken what was left of his heart.

He knew Kalinda and Alicia's friendship had been over since the older woman found out Kalinda had had a one night stand with her husband. He also knew that Kalinda freezing him out a few months back had nothing to do with her feelings towards him, that shutting herself off had been a natural instinct after her and Alicia's falling out. Cary knew that.

But it had still stung. Enough that when she finally got over her pain and came back to him, he'd wanted to hurt her.

What did that make him?

I like normal.

She'd said that when she explained why she sent him a change of address notice. And he'd believed her. He knew she hadn't intended on hurting him. He had simply been collateral damage in Kalinda's journey to "normal".

But he on the other hand…he'd wanted to cause her pain. Because she hadn't taken his feelings into account when she'd wallowed in her pain. He hadn't mattered enough for her to do so.

Cary whatever I felt I didn't invent.

What the hell did she feel?

He knew that she cared about Alicia. That she was as close to a best friend that she ever had. He'd heard her voice when she'd called him to ask him to find out who Blake had talked to, what he had said.

She had been terrified. He hadn't known what of at that point.

It had all been for Alicia.


That woman seemed to take away everything dear to him without even trying.

It's not that he thought Kalinda was in love with his eternal rival, but simply having her cherish her friendship that much, to go that far to try to protect it, even enlisting his help, only to have everything collapse on her…

What would it take to have her care that much about him? He'd been in love with her for over two years now; had even managed to kiss her twice and not have her recoil in disgust.

Welcome back to normal.

The first time she'd kissed him back, and he'd been over the moon with happiness.

Where had things gone wrong?

I'm not freezing you out.

She had been, but then she came back.

How've you been?

Only he'd decided he'd had enough.

You can fake someone else but you can't fake me.

He couldn't handle their dance anymore. So he put an end to it.

You tend to use people's feelings to further your investigations.

And it was too late to take it back, not that he was sure he wanted to.

You think that's what I did with you?

Dana, Kalinda. He was stuck between a rock and hard place, between a woman he was attracted to and whom he knew full well wanted him, and a woman he was slowly but surely becoming obsessed with.

"What are we doing?"

A woman who acted like she wanted him…

"I have no idea…"

…only he was too cowardly to believe it.

Their second kiss had been longer, more intimate; too good to be true.

Just like last time.

And like aversion therapy, the memory of Kalinda's subsequent cold shoulder after he'd gotten close made him stop. He'd walked out, not trusting himself to spend another second in her presence, told himself he was too happy with his relationship with Dana to mess it up.

He was supposed to have gotten over her.

I don't like you being in my head.

But based on Dana's suspicions and his agony, that hadn't happened yet.

Then get me out.

If only he knew how; was starting to think it was impossible.

Kalinda had forever taken residence under his skin, and for that he hated her.

Almost as much as he hated himself.

Author's note: I love Cary. He's just so intense; I expect he's a seething mass of frustration underneath his calm exterior. And Dana is a very intriguing character as well. I can't wait to see what will happen in this triangle. Please review. I'm just starting my foray into this fandom and am interested to see what people think.