Characters/Parings: LaviYuu, Yullen
Warnings: Lavi crack. Kanda torture. Implied gayness. Glitter. Sparkles? :D Lots of swearing from Kanda's mouth.
Summary: AU. Just because Kanda secretly liked to read shoujo manga didn't mean that he had to be blackmailed into joining a cosplay group. Nor did it mean he had to mix with a fujoshi, a gamer and an insane otaku. LaviYuullen.
A/N: Please don't take this so seriously. It's just me attempting to write serious crack with the characters in well, character. Just a warning, LaviYuu will always be my OTP, therefore do not expect 99.9% Yullen.
It wasn't much of anyone's business, but Kanda Yuu had a secret.
But then again, no one in their right mind would've challenged the well hidden shush shush matter even if anyone knew, because the said boy was probably the most anti-social violent bastard in the whole of Black Order High. That, and also because he was absolutely fucking flawless with a sword. Despite the youth's unnatural androgynous beauty that was the source of fantasizes of the entire school, only an insane idiot would even attempt to talk to him. His reputation, after all, far exceeded any wishful thinking amongst his fan club.
Therefore, no one knew that Kanda Yuu, let me repeat, Kanda Yuu, loved to read shoujo manga.
After all, he exuded quite the manly image despite the pretty hair and face. His kendo clubmates would be first to testify his passionate ruthlessness during battle. It was just inconceivable that Kanda would even touch something remotely…un-masculine—considering his crass sneers at anyone who so much fleeting thought that he was a semblance of a girly adjective and his utter disdain for…everything, in general.
Kanda preferred it that way, of course, since he was left alone to indulge in his (questionable) hobbies. He was leaning against the barrier around the roof of the school building—outside it—with the latest volume of Kiniro no Corda in his hands. He had spent the entire kendo training in the afternoon agonizing about the final chapter that would conclude the reverse harem manga, because it was fucking important who Hino Kahoko actually ended up with.
"…You can always perturb my heart?" he read incredulously, scowling at the page with much irritation. "What the fuck is wrong with him?" he muttered under his breath, eyeing Len Tsukimori hug the female lead. "Fucking coward—kiss her already!" he grumbled, flipping the last few pages of the volume, and was even more disappointed to know that the 75 chaptered manga ended without a kiss.
"…She should've ended up with the other idiot…" he scowled, slamming the book shut and tossing it beside him.
With a sigh he stared out blankly down at the school gate several stories below. What a waste of his money. He only started the series because he had completed the game—and now he really regretted starting, because once he started, he felt like he had an obligation to finish it even if it was ridiculously bad. Oh well, he guessed he could add one more shoujo manga to his completed list.
"Did ya mean Kihara?"
Kanda nearly committed unintentional suicide when another voice spoke behind him. Luckily he managed to grab the railing behind him despite his shock, and therefore did not meet a gory death by falling off the roof.
"What the fuck!" was his ever so eloquent remark, and he glared at whoever it was with much annoyance.
A lazy grin was stretched on the newcomer's face as he leaned further forward over the railing, towering over Kanda's crouched form. Kanda squinted, finding the sun to be quite a bitch for it prevented him from identifying the asshole who was responsible for his near death.
"Didja mean Kihara?" the same boy repeated. "Kaho-chan should've ended up with Kihara, right?"
"Hell no," Kanda snapped reflexively back in response. "The piano playing idiot was better."
Then it dawned upon Kanda that this new guy had seen him read a shoujo manga passionately, and what the fuck he actually had a two sentence conversation about it—his eyes widened further when the figure leaned back, allowing his face to be seen…
"Y-you!" Kanda practically seethed, grabbing the boy's collar and yanking him down over the railing mercilessly. He was beyond mortified that this person, of all fucking people, this idiot had caught him in a bad time. "If you tell anybody, and I mean anybody about what you saw today," he hissed lowly. "I'll kill you. Understand?"
Kanda hardened eyes told Lavi the whole truth, but it was just a little difficult to concentrate on the threat when the kendo boy looked downright fucking gorgeous when he was angry. Lavi's crop of messy red hair flopped out of a bandana he was wearing as he hovered over the railing uncomfortably with the metal bar pressing painfully on his stomach.
"Heh, I never took you to be the type," the redhead managed, his grin so wide it nearly split his face. He clearly had no self preservation instincts. "So what do you love about it? The hot girls?" he smirked. "Or the hot guys?"
Kanda spluttered, even if a retort was just on the tip of his tongue. "S-shut up!"
"Or maybe you read it for the doki doki feeling you get when they confess?" the redhead prodded on. "Or when they kiss?"
"Shut the fuck—"
"What's your favourite series?" the other continued without missing a heartbeat. "Fruits Basket?"
Kanda paused. "That fucking sucked," he commented before he realised he was participating in another conversation. Fuck.
"What? No!" Lavi cried indignantly. "It's a classic!"
"It's—…just shut up!"
"What about Skip Beat? You remind me of Cain Heel, y'know,"
"Tsugara Ren is a fucking sissy—" Kanda abruptly stopped, gritting his teeth. "Quit that!" he shouted, annoyed.
It was just proving how much of an avid reader of these sparkly girl comics he was, and it wasn't helping his image at all. He strangled the other harder in frustration.
"Do not fucking call me by my first name," Kanda hissed, tightening his grip.
The grip hardened further.
"…O-okay! Okay!" Lavi cried, pawing at the fists near his neck. "Uncle!"
Kanda growled and shoved the redhead back. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he demanded, swiping his shoujo manga hastily and stuffing it into his bag before the other could comment about it. "I told you to leave me the fuck alone!"
Lavi patted his hair back into his hair accessory and pouted. "But I'm lost," he whined, and Kanda knew it was all a goddamn lie. "You're in charge of me since I'm the new kid and all—I'll tell Komui that you're not doing your job!"
So what if this annoying redhead was a transfer student and that Kanda had been forced into showing him around because of all the school property he had damaged?
"You've been here for a fucking month," Kanda spat back, narrowing his eyes as he hoisted himself over the railing. "Put your stupid memory to use and leave me alone!"
To be honest, Kanda didn't see why Lavi kept tagging around him. A week after he was introduced to the school, the redhead had already made plenty of friends, and Kanda thought he could finally have some peace.
"But you're my best friend, Yuu!" Lavi grinned, reaching out to glomp the other.
Kanda swatted him violently away before he was touched. "Stop fucking saying that," Kanda growled, rubbing his temples. He felt a headache on-coming. "Go away."
"No really, Yuu, I came here to ask you something."
"I don't care," he huffed, slinging his backpack carelessly over his shoulder, and Lavi was dammed it that wasn't the sexiest action he'd seen so far. "I'm going home."
God, Kanda was just wanted to take a hot bath and pretend some annoying jackass did not just find out about his secret.
"Yuu!" Lavi shouted indignantly with a low whine in his tone.
"Quit calling me that, loser!" Kanda snapped, hand already on the knob of the door.
The redhead frowned and puffed out his cheeks. "I'm gonna tell the entire school that Kanda Yuu reads embarrassing stuff like shoujo manga!"
The reaction was immediate. Kanda's hands had magically found way around his throat in seconds. How he crossed the distance so fast, no one would ever know.
"I fucking dare you," the Japanese growled with all murderous intent.
"Oh yeah, I do," Lavi smirked, not at all concerned for his near death. "Who would've ever thought our resident Kendo captain, the epitome of manliness, hides in corners to read girl comics?" he teased. "I bet you even enjoy playing otome games, like, oh, Gakuensai no Oujisama."
Colour immediately rose up his face at the mention of the dating simulation game. So what if he did play it? It didn't change the fact that the game fucking ruined his life because he couldn't unlock the Yukimura Seiichi route. Fuck those Rikkaidai boys.
"Woah," Lavi stared at him, eye wide. "I was just kidding about you playing dating sims—you're really hardcore into this, huh."
Kanda shut his eyes exasperatedly. "You—just…tch," he spat, unable to come up with a retort. "You got a problem with that?" he demanded roughly.
The redhead grinned at the embarrassed figure in front of him. Clearly Kanda Yuu had no idea how cute he looked with his face red and flustered stance.
"No, of course not!" Lavi beamed, clapping his hands together excitedly. "It's even better! You'll love it more!"
"…What the fuck are you talking about?"
"As I was saying, Yuu," he continued, gently prying the other's hands off his neck. He paused for dramatic effect until the tick in Kanda's eyebrow did not look healthy. "I set up a new club!"
"Okay," Kanda stared at him, bored. "Congratulations. Now go away."
"It's that how you address your kaichou?" Lavi crossed his arms pouting. "Where's the respect, dude?"
"You don't deserve any goddamn respect," the long haired male muttered, spinning on his heel to leave. Then he paused. "What kaichou—" oh no, Lavi didn't.
But he did.
"You, Yuu," he snickered at the pun, "Are my first official member! Of course, I recruited more members for Komui to give me the o. k—"
The Japanese shoved him violently for the nth time. "My answer is no, and will always be fucking no."
"But I included your name in the member list already!"
"Then remove it!"
"Come on!" Lavi considered going down on his knees to beg because he knew it would just irritate the other further. "It's like the S.O.S Brigade! Spreading excitement all over the world with Lavi brigade!"
"I fucking hate Suzumiya Haruhi—"
"Or super peace busters!" he put in quickly, because judging by that scowl, perhaps Kanda really had a grudge against Kyon. Because Yuki Nagato was too cute to hate. Mi-mi-mikuru beam! Right, he was getting off track here.
"Yadomi's an idiot."
Lavi frowned, trying to think of a series that the other didn't hate. It proved difficult, and he was supposed to be the otaku. Woah, Kanda was more into it then he initially assumed.
"Uh, 20th century boys."
"Tomodachi?" Kanda sneered, lips curling in distaste. "Go fuck yourself, psychotic freak."
"I've got it!" the redhead snapped his fingers in triumph. "The society for the study of modern visual culture! Genshiken!"
"…I'm not a fucking otaku," Kanda said after a while. "Now leave me alone."
"Right," Lavi rolled his eye passionately. "Because you've only obsessively played all four versions of Harukanaru Toki no naka de—"
"It's five," Kanda cut him off defensively, and then faltered. "Shit. Wait, how the fuck do you know about that?"
The redhead ignored him. "So?" he beamed expectantly. "Are you in?"
"I'm busy," the Japanese stated, pivoting on his heel. What the hell was he doing, wasting time hanging around this idiot? He should've been on the way home by now.
"You don't have anything on Wednesdays," Lavi grabbed him on the shoulder quickly before he left.
"Now I do," he retorted. Anything to get away from the redhead. Anything.
"Huh, I tried to make this easy on you," Lavi mumbled, and shot a serious stare at the other. "If you don't show up…well," he shrugged, flicking his phone open and shoving it right in Kanda's face. "This picture will be on the school's newspaper front page first thing tomorrow morning."
...Oh no the usagi didn't…
It was blatantly Absolute Boyfriend that he was reading. Oh god, and that page—
He made a hasty swipe for the phone.
"Ah, ah," the rabbit grinned, holding the phone just out of reach. Dammit, why did the idiot have to be taller than him?
"Delete it!" he ordered, trying to quell the uncharacteristic flush on his face.
"Hmm," Lavi scrolled through his phone for another picture before flashing it just out of arm's reach. "Perhaps this would be better?"
What could be worse than being caught reading Hanazakari no Kimitachi e?
Kanda's jaw went aslack at how he was so absorbed into reading Sano Izumi's confession that he didn't even notice Lavi creeping on him. I told you that…I'm in love with you! Now that was a much better ending than that stupid Len Tsukimori—wait, his thoughts were digressing.
"Give me that!"
Being the more experienced in roughhousing of the two, Kanda managed to wrestle the offending object and nearly cracked it in half. He watched with satisfaction as he pressed the delete button repeatedly.
"It's okay if you want to delete them," Lavi shrugged, watching him calmly. "I've got a copy of them in my hard drive anyway."
The phone was flung harshly back at him. "God. Damn. You."
"So," he grinned, trying not to laugh at his victory. "I'll see you in the clubroom tomorrow? It's the third music room—"
"Ouran?" that came out of Kanda's mouth before he could stop himself. "Fuck," the Japanese ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "Fuck."
"See, I knew you'd like it, Yuu!"
Kanda fumed, shooting Lavi a glare before storming off. How dare the rabbit stalk him and then blackmail him? He was going to kill Komui for forcing him to be the acquaintance of the kid who became a self-proclaimed best friend of his—che yeah right—and also for approving whatever useless club Lavi had proposed.
Wait, what exactly was the club about?
Kanda was already out of the main gate by the time he actually wondered what the hell he got into, but was too pissed off to care.
Perhaps the Kimi ni Todoke update today would make the crappy day better.
I think I fail at crack. ):