The Ones That Break You (Part IV)

John knew he shouldn't be doing it in the middle of the afternoon, but he was picturing Evan naked. It was hard not to when he was watching Evan spar in slow motion. Evan and Ronan were taking the marines through a series of exercises, accentuating every move, showing where the balance and power were in each punch. It reminded Sheppard of all the reasons he loved having sex with Evan. Power, precision, balance. The slow movement got faster and faster.

"Shit," John whispered to himself, shuddering and closing his eyes, throwing mental buckets of cold water on himself. Evan was being stingy with his touch these days and John was hard up and horny. It was Heightmeyer's fault. She was trying to coach Evan past his trust issues, and even John could tell she was pushing him too hard. Telling Evan that only got him upset because he was worried enough about therapy as is, and telling Heightmeyer led to an invitation for a couples session. She didn't get that they just needed to be left alone. John and Evan both had dark moments in their past they'd never let the other explore. It didn't all need to come to light.

Teyla shot John worried looks as she wove through the class, offering guidance to the paired off class members. Once she was satisfied that she'd said all she could without getting accidentally kicked in the face, she left the teams to spar and came over to John.

"I do not understand why the two of you continue to hide your mutual affection," Teyla said exasperatedly.

Shit! She'd caught him ogling. "For one, it has no place in this room. For another, it'd just become gossip. I like my private life being… private."

"No, you'd like it to be very public, but you simply wish for the rest of us to pretend we don't know. Except that one night in the cafeteria when you found fit to display your affections," she taunted.

"You promised me you'd stop bringing that up," Sheppard grumbled, crossing his arms. That day he'd 'come out to his team,' it was only really news to McKay, and John was surprised that rumors had not made it through the city and back again. When it came down to it, McKay simply didn't care about gossip, and Ronan and Teyla were tight-lipped about those things. John was pretty sure that Ronan didn't interact with people much outside of these training classes, so he didn't really have anyone to tell.

Evan took a hit to the shin, busting open the skin. John bolted toward him, but Teyla held him back.

"He is fine. Let him finish teaching," she said quietly. Sheppard bristled, glaring at the apologetic marine holding the stick that had injured Lorne. Teyla's grip on Sheppard's arm tightened. "If your love has no place in this room, then neither does your jealousy or vengeance."

Sheppard's ears burned red and he seethed quietly, knowing she was right. Evan had been taking care of himself for years before Sheppard came along… but he didn't have to now. Didn't he know that he didn't have to be alone? Accepting a first aid kit from another marine, Lorne limped to the bench and started gingerly wrapping his bleeding leg.

A bench is a good place for an observer. Trying to appear casual, Sheppard circled around the class, and sat across the bench from Lorne.

"Does it need stitches?" he asked quietly, talking out of the side of his mouth, keeping an eye on Ronan and the others in the class. There were a few marines and mostly scientists getting trained in self defense. Ronan was rallying them all back to the lesson, examining what Lorne had done wrong, and letting them learn from that mistake.

"It's fine, sir. It's gonna leave a hell of a bruise," Lorne said casually. Sheppard stiffened. Lorne hadn't called him by rank in weeks. It reminded John again that his love had no place here. Then Lorne looked up with an all business glance. "Did you need something?"

"Just observing the practice," Sheppard mumbled, all thoughts of his naked lover washed away by that ice cold look.

"Why don't you join in?" Ronan asked, barging into the conversation with his characteristic gruffness. "You're the only one besides Lorne who knows this next sequence well enough to teach."

"I can do it," Lorne snapped. "Just let me wrap this up."

Ronan gave Sheppard a pleading look and Sheppard threw up his hands.

"If he wants his remains splattered across the mat, I'm not going to stop him," Sheppard said.

Ronan's pout turned into a snarl, and Lorne puffed his chest, angry at being stepped over. There was no way to appease Ronan and give Lorne his dignity, and lacking patience, Sheppard figured he'd pull rank if it became a problem.

"Screw it," Ronan said, grabbing both John and Evan by the arm. "I'm taking you both on."


Half an hour later, John was still sprawled on the mat in the gym, wishing he'd taken Teyla's advice, stopped pining, and left the gym. Evan lay on the floor, his injured leg propped on the bench, ice packs precariously balanced on his knee and shoulder. Both of them were groaning from Ronan's vicious "demonstration."

"I don't think Ronan's okay with the two of us being together," Evan said, moving the ice pack from his shoulder to his head.

"That's his problem, then," John said snippily. He wasn't out to win base-wide approval, but he didn't like the thought of his own friends not supporting him.

"No, I mean… I think he misses you," Evan said. "You two were really tight, and now I'm in the mix, eating up all your time."

Sometimes Sheppard wondered if Lorne was a mind-reader. "What about you? I almost never see you with your old friends?"

"That's because I didn't have any," Evan chuckled. It physically hurt for Sheppard to hear him talk like that—like he'd never been loved. Evan treated it like a joke, though. "I had people I sat next to more often than others."

"Well, I'm sure they miss you," John said. Evan didn't answer for a long time and John craned his neck, making sure Evan hadn't passed out. "You think maybe I should go talk to Ronan?"

"I don't know. Can you move?"

John lifted his head and shoulders, but his body was stiff. Groaning, he laid back down. He would rather spend the time with Evan anyway. "Nope."

"Did you bring your radio or do we have to wait for someone to find us?" Evan asked, moving the ice pack from his head to his elbow.

Grunting, Sheppard rolled onto his side. "My radio's over there. I guess we wait."

Scooting closer to Evan, he tried to lay his head on Evan's shoulder. Wincing and hissing, Evan elbowed him off.

"Fuck, Sheppard!" Evan shouted.

"Point to a spot that's not bruised and I'll lay my head there," John countered testily.

With a wry grin, Evan pointed to his crotch, and they both cracked up. A lusty fire stirred in John, and he gave Evan a hopeful look asking about tonight's prospect, but Evan pretended not to notice and pointed to his rib cage. It wasn't the most comfortable place to rest his head, but John would take it. Just as he was starting to get comfortable, Weir came in and raised her eyebrow at the pair of them. Lorne jumped up immediately, mumbled an apology, and limped out for the gym as fast as his injured leg would carry him. Weir turned her critical stare to John, but he stayed defiantly lying down.

"What!" he protested. "We're not in your office."


Sheppard twisted and stretched, wiping his forehead with his shirt. He'd survived his run with Ronan, and the subsequent ribbing about his age and failing health. He'd have gone another lap if Ronan had pressed him to, but it was late and Ronan was hungry. They ate for a little while, making small talk comparing obscure holiday traditions. It was nice to catch up, even though it was obvious that Ronan was avoiding the burning question: why aren't you with Lorne tonight? Why, indeed.

John took a shower before bed. It was twelve hours before his next mission, and he would have killed for some good luck sex with Evan, but unfortunately, they were on a break… again. It was the second time in two weeks Evan had asked for a finger. John had barely teased the rim, and then Evan tensed and needed to stop. John was fine stopping the ass play; it was stopping everything else that bothered him. There was no sex. Evan didn't even want to sleep in the same room. After the first two instances, John decided he'd stop saying yes. Last night, he'd said no, and that got him kicked out of bed just the same. He didn't know what to do; he was pissed off about the whole thing and all he wanted was to sleep next to his lover.

Twelve hours. It'd probably be twenty-four before Evan talked to him again. Damning it all, John toweled off, dressed, and stalked to Evan's room. The door was locked, but John had the code. He hesitated only a moment, but he knew the lock wasn't meant for him.

Letting himself in, John wished he'd hesitated just a moment longer. Evan was sitting naked on the bed, a bottle of lube in his hand. Jumping from the bed, Evan covered himself with a sheet, and blushed hard, looking guiltily at the floor. John was so horny that all he felt was a surge of jealousy and lust.

"Whatcha doing?" he asked coyly, grinning as he swiped the fallen lube bottle from the bed, licking his lips as he eyed Lorne's exposed pecks.

Evan watched him nervously, shifting side to side, worrying the sheet in his hands. Then he squared his shoulders and puffed his chest. "Reclaiming my physical body."

He'd learned that phrase in therapy and John had learned quickly not to criticize or undercut any of those lessons. Sometimes he had to bite his tongue to hold back a joke. Circling behind Evan, he turned one of the chairs toward the bed, plopped down, and sprawled his legs, letting one hand fall suggestively over his crotch. "Mind if I stay?"

Evan's jaw flapped uncertainly, his eyes flickering toward the lube bottle. "You could help…"

"You haven't touched me in two days. You can barely look at me now," John pointed out crossly. "If I start putting my fingers where you don't want 'em, it'll just mess things up even more. I'd rather sleep next to you tonight than experiment with… that."

Nodding contritely, Evan took the lube bottle and sat on the bed. In the awkward silence that followed, John kept imagining himself tackling Evan off the bed and engaging in some naked wrestling, steamy sex, and tender wound-licking until they fell asleep in each other's arms. When Evan dropped his sheet, that urge became even stronger.

Getting on his hands and knees, Evan turned, giving John the best and hottest view of his ass. Every muscle was flexed and hard, the skin smoothly shaved and clean. John's mouth watered just seeing the little dimples on Evan's butt cheeks. He stroked himself through his pants, watching Evan's fingers move over his skin, parting his cheeks, and sliding over his hole. Evan's middle finger drew a small circle around the puckered hole, then pressed lightly. Every muscle tensed and Evan's hand slid quickly down his thigh.

"There's not much to see," Evan murmured, his head dropping in defeat. "I was trying to be ready for you…"

John laughed, pulling his hand off his crotch, and rubbing his jaw.

"Are you laughing at me, Sheppard?" Lorne snarled, his body tensing for a fight. Coming over to the bed, John glided his hand over Lorne's backside, biting his lip when he felt his lover flinch.

"I'm remembering our first time together," John explained, giving Evan's hand a squeeze. "It was my first time having anything up my ass. I tensed like crazy, too, from the moment you reached into my pants. Do you remember what you did?"

"Sort of," Evan said broodingly, slouching on his knees.

John knelt behind Evan, snaking his arms across Evan's torso, hugging him from behind. Then he bent his head down, rubbing his lips against Evan's skin, starting between the shoulder blades and going up the spine, then around to Evan's ear, whispering: "You put your arms around me like this, and you said "We're just having fun, Sheppard. There's nothing that's going to happen tonight that you don't want—that you won't ask me to do over and over again.""

Evan shuddered, his body tensing even more when he felt John's hard-on brushing against his leg. "That's, uh—"

"Uncharacteristically eloquent?" John finished, running one hand down the front of Evan's thigh, trying to soothe the tense muscles. "Yeah, but I'll never forget it."

Evan crossed his arms, clamping his hands over John's wrists, locking John into the embrace, but stilling his hands. "If I remember correctly, you avoided me for two full weeks after that night."

"But I came back," John whispered sweetly, brushing his lips over Evan's neck. "You are so tense right now you couldn't—"

"I know," Evan interrupted, breaking free of the embrace. Finding a towel, he started wiping the lube off his skin, frowning in self-disappointment.

John sat back, frustrated. "Still can't look at me?"

Evan paused, lips parted, looking up hopefully. The conversation that passed between their eyes was filled with all the words they were both too ashamed to speak out loud. There was an apology and an affirmation of love. Evan was beckoning him close, begging for intimacy. But then his eyes drop again. Sheppard knew sex was off the table.

"We could watch a movie or something," Evan mumbled, pulling on his pants.

"Okay," Sheppard shrugged. He wasn't gung ho about the idea, but the invitation to stay in each other's company was a step in the right direction.

When they reached the lounge, Sheppard flopped on the couch and pulled the coffee table close enough to prop his feet up. Lorne put in Indiana Jones—his favorite. Lorne always got handsy after seeing Harrison Ford with his shirt off, and Sheppard didn't know how to take that. When the movie started, Lorne sat on the opposite side of the couch, curling into the corner. Sheppard wondered if it was related to his childhood—why he curled up instead of sprawled out.

Lorne crossed his arms, reaching one hand under his shirt, massaging his neck. His eyes were fixed on the TV screen, his face taking on a catatonic stare. John was starting to regret agreeing to this. Heaving a sigh of frustration, he reached across the couch, and slid his hand under Evan's, massaging Evan's neck.

Evan's eyes widened and they exchanged a look. Sheppard raised his eyebrows. He didn't care how public it was; he wanted to touch his lover. Scooting closer, Evan closed the space between them. Sheppard kicked back the coffee table, making space on the floor so Evan could sit between his legs and he could offer a better massage, but Evan just took a deep breath and laid down on the couch, resting his head in John's lap.

Pleasantly surprised, John hooked his foot under the coffee table, drawing it back so he could put his feet up while he continued the back rub. Evan had been wound pretty tight, but now every breath seemed to relax him a little more, and it made John feel strong being able to offer comfort. A wide grin broke out on his face as he enjoyed the moment of peace.

About half way through the movie, Evan lifted his head and nudged John's legs, making space so they could spoon on the couch. There wasn't quite enough room, and Evan wound up lying half on top of John, his head resting on John's shoulder. It was a familiar resting position, and exactly how John had wanted their evening to end, sex or no. He smirked as he felt Evan's hand slide under his shirt, deciding he could thank Harrison Ford for some things. Wrapping his arms around Evan, he kissed the top of his head. Within two minutes, Evan was asleep. (He always did seem to pass out if his head was rested over John's heart.) John figured he'd wait until the end of the movie to relocate, but somewhere along the way to the Lost Ark, he fell asleep too.


McKay didn't often get the opportunity to save Sheppard's reputation. He saved Sheppard's life almost daily, but Sheppard had that Captain Kirk aura about him, so his reputation didn't often need saving. Even with this secret relationship with Lorne, Sheppard had that Kirk-like persona. Lorne did too. Both of them. It wasn't fair. Either one could have any woman they wanted, and they wanted each other. McKay tried not to be jealous.

Leaning over the couch in the lounge, McKay flicked Sheppard's ear. It was ridiculous seeing him and Lorne molded against each other on the couch—nearly impossible to tell whose legs were whose. Sheppard swatted and squirmed, giving McKay the first hint that Sheppard was pinned beneath Lorne.

"Did you enjoy your sleepover?" McKay asked cheekily.

"What time is it?" Sheppard groaned, stretching his body on the too-short couch.

"Six a.m."

"We don't leave for another two hours," Sheppard grumbled, hugging Lorne like a body pillow and settling back down. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I was going to meet with my science team, but all anyone seems able to talk about is the two of you cuddled up in the lounge," McKay said irritably. "I had to restrict access to the security footage and this entire wing of the city. I can guarantee you, that won't stop photos of this moment from going viral."

Sheppard groaned, which wasn't the 'thank you' McKay had been hoping for.

"Do you know what happens when a bunch of hard up science nerds get a hold of a piece of gossip like this?" McKay complained. "All through my presentation, there was whispering and notes, and they weren't about my brilliant plans to supplement power reserves, no."

"We're sorry," John grumbled, closing his eyes for half a second, then peeking one open again. "I said I'd make breakfast for everyone before the mission, didn't I?"

"Pancakes," McKay said, a smile coming to his face. He was glad Sheppard remembered on his own, because he didn't like to nag. "Your special recipe."

Grunting again, John began the process of extracting himself from Lorne's massive, sleeping body.

"You're not going to leave him here, are you?" McKay asked, suddenly concerned. "Elizabeth made me unlock this room. He is the center of today's gossip. If you leave him here sleeping, people will draw on his face or put shaving cream in his hand. You can't leave him here!"

"Relax, McKay. He's a pretty light sleeper."

"Are you kidding? He hasn't stirred this entire conversation!"

John patted his chest, his eyebrows furrowing. Then he rolled his eyes and nudged Lorne. "Evan."

Lorne stretched. "Is the movie over, baby?"

"Baby?" McKay repeated. "You will thank me forever for muting the security feed. The whole night is over. Good morning!"

Lorne shot up so fast that McKay jumped back. Sheppard shot McKay an accusatory look, and McKay cringed, not understanding.

"McKay. Hey," Lorne said, disoriented, but trying to sound casual. "We were just—"

"I'm very aware of what you were just," McKay interrupted before Lorne could lie to him. "In fact, I don't know that there's anyone alive on Atlantis that is not aware."

"What?" Lorne asked, wide eyes darting between Sheppard and McKay.

"You were right," John shrugged. Right about what? McKay hated not being privy to their code-speak.

"Shit!" Lorne whispered, raking his fingers through his hair. He and Sheppard started having a rapid and intense conversation with their eyes.

"Will you two stop that! It's disturbing," McKay griped. "Come on, Lorne. Sheppard's making pancakes."

"No, I should—"

"Hide in your room until the Wraith come and we need you to play Rambo?" McKay asked tartly. "No. Give up on denial. You can't avoid it."

"McKay!" Sheppard reprimanded.

"What?" McKay snapped. "You two could have stayed in your quarters last night, but no. You chose to snuggle up in the lounge. Everybody's intrigued—they want to know how long this has been going on and how far it has progressed, and you know I only last so long under pressure. You may as well just eat breakfast, let people see you together, and if anyone asks about your sex life, for the love of God, say you're taking it slow."

"Can you make him stop talking?" Lorne asked Sheppard.

"Yes," McKay answered for him. "I will stop talking as soon as I get my pancakes."


It was hard not to feel all the eyes turned on them, the whispers pausing as they walked by. John wanted to show them all just how little he cared about their gossip. He wanted to clear off a table and plant a tongue-fucking kiss on Evan right there for all to see… that may have been the too-many-days-with-no-sex talking.

All the tension he'd worked so hard to massage out of Lorne's shoulders had come right back. John kept brushing the backs of his knuckles against Lorne's, hoping for some indication that it was okay to take his hand. That indication never came.

He left McKay and Lorne at a table with Ronan and Teyla, exchanging a look with Ronan. Fortunately, McKay could make small talk with himself, and make it look like he was engaging everyone at the table.

The conversation wasn't forced after the pancakes were made. To his team, the gossip wasn't news, and the pancakes were delightfully noteworthy. Evan managed a few bites, but he looked sick to his stomach and wound up just putting his head down on the table. Sheppard didn't dare rub his back or kiss him good-bye. His offer to walk Lorne back to his quarters was met with a defeated headshake, and a miserable attempt to eat more pancakes.

John looked back into the cafeteria as his team left for the mission. They hadn't even made it out the door before Lorne was swamped with curious questioners. Zelenka sat down first, then a few marines that John hadn't seen Lorne hang out with in awhile. I didn't have any friends. I had people I sat next to more often than others. John's protective instincts flared, but he had a job to do.

Then something strange happened. Lorne's dour expression lightened and his friendly, social smile emerged. He wasn't being hounded. He was laughing and joking with old friends who finally understood why he'd been so aloof and secretive the past few months. Maybe Lorne didn't see it that way, but John could tell the laughter was genuine. It was precious to see Lorne happy, and now he wanted to stay for a different reason. Ronan had to smack him upside the head and drag him away by the collar.


Lorne never would have guessed that his impromptu cuddle session with Sheppard would make him the most popular man on the base. The ones that came up to him and pressed for details were nice enough. Major Amber Trippett, who had been the closest thing he had to a best friend before Sheppard, informed him quite matter-of-factly that he and Sheppard had broken a lot of hearts today. Then she laughingly added that they'd inspired a number of steamy sex fantasies as well.

"When you said you weren't interested in me, I didn't think you were that uninterested," she had joked while stealing bites of pancake off his plate. She hadn't pressed for details. If anything, she fended off the more pestering gossipers, only letting in the known acquaintances. He and Amber had come from the SGC together, and she'd introduced him to most of his friends. She was the one that made him appear social and pulled him out of his shell. When he had started dissociating with his old friends, she was the one that still came by to check in and see if he wanted to join a poker game or volleyball tournament.

It was great spending the morning with Amber. When he was with Sheppard's team, Lorne always felt like he was hiding, but with Amber, he had someone to stand next to. The world didn't revolve around her; it revolved around them. She didn't shield him from the spotlight; she showed him how to enjoy it. He'd forgotten how fun it was to be around her.

They were running laps around the city before the real talking began. He didn't give her all the details, but he mentioned his family, and why he'd gone back to Earth. She'd met his family a few years ago—he'd wanted to go to his sister's wedding, and thought it would ease tension with his family if he showed up with a date. His mother still asked about Amber on occasion. When Evan told Amber he was seeing Dr. Heightmeyer, she stopped running and stared at him. She knew how much he hated therapists, and couldn't fathom him going in voluntarily and actually talking. Then she gave him a hug and said she was proud of him.

"When I got word that my transfer to Atlantis had been approved, I called General O'Neill and asked him to transfer you as well," she told him as they continued their run. "I knew you'd do well here. And at the time, I was still hoping to woo you."

"So yours is one of the hearts I've broken today," Lorne laughed, bumping her shoulder as they jogged, sending her veering toward the wall. She bumped back playfully.

"Nah, I've moved on," she replied. "You know Dr. Kovarik?"

"The one who's always speaking Czech to Zelenka?" Lorne asked, nearly tripping over his feet in surprise. "For how long?"

"Almost two months now," Amber laughed. "If you hadn't been avoiding me all this time, maybe I would have told you."

"Fair enough," Lorne laughed. He found that he wanted more details, but he was afraid if he pressed, she would press him too. So he dropped the topic, and she let it drop, moving on to the next thought that passed her mind. She would say just about anything out loud, and it made him laugh from the heart.

"Major Lorne to the control room," the page sounded over the station-wide speakers. He gave Amber a look and they picked up speed, running together.


John's team had gone missing. It was a good thing that Amber was there, because all Evan could think about was that morning—how he'd lacked the courage to kiss John good-bye with everyone watching.

"Major, do you need to sit this one out?" Amber asked when they were gearing up. She'd lost her friendly tone, and her voice had taken on the hard commander's edge that made her so damn good at her job.

"Absolutely not," Lorne answered, matching her tone, tightening his armor so that his emotions wouldn't show. He gave her a wry grin. "If I start sitting out every mission to rescue Sheppard's team, I'd lose half my hours."

"Funny. I've thought the same thing about rescuing your team," she commented, raising an eyebrow. They laughed together. No matter how careful they were, it seemed that half the time the gate was opened, they were going to rescue some team or other. It was part of the adventure of being here.


Sheppard winced as Lorne propped his twisted ankle on a pillow and wrapped it with an ice pack. It wasn't a terrible injury, but he was playing it up, and Evan was being insanely sweet about it.

"That settles it. We have to amputate," Evan teased, rubbing John's toes.

"It's not that bad," John protested. Evan laughed at him. "Stop laughing! This is your fault."

"How is this my fault?" Evan cried, laughing harder. He puttered around the room, tossing the dirty clothes in a hamper, and wiping down their boots. "My team came to rescue your team again, and when I brought you through that gate, you were fine."

"Then you had to drop that ancient scroll, and you bent over to pick it up…" Sheppard pouted.

"And you just had to ogle my ass."

"Absolutely," John nodded, smacking Lorne's ass when he walked by. "I had no choice. I don't call you 'sweet cheeks' for nothing."

Evan laughed even harder, rubbing John's leg tenderly. "I cannot believe you fell down the stairs."

"Only one stair," John corrected defensively. "Teyla collapsed too."

"Teyla was hit by a tranq dart," Evan pointed out, flicking Sheppard's arm.

"So was I!" That was John's story and he was sticking to it. Lorne gave him a look, but didn't challenge the story again. Rubbing his hand over John's stomach, he snaked his hand under John's shirt and stretched out next to him on the bed.

"No. Nuh-uh," John said, shoving Evan's head off of his shoulder. "If you cuddle up to me like that, you're just gonna fall asleep."

Evan pouted, but scooted away, pillowing his own head as he laid next to John. His hand wandered under John's shirt, tracing the outline of the muscles before sliding into John's pants. It felt so good. John gazed at Evan and Evan gazed back. Reaching out, John caressed Evan's face, his hips arching, pressing into Evan's hand. Then he closed his eyes. As much as he loved conversing without words, even he had limits to inferring love. Especially considering how they'd parted before the mission.

"I need to hear it," he choked, hoping he didn't sound too desperate.

"I love you," Evan said immediately, turning his face and kissing John's hand. Then Evan nestled to John's side, kissing his ear, keeping his hands masterfully stroking John's dick. "I love you, baby. That's all I've wanted to say since you left for this mission."

"I love you, too," John said, swallowing hard. He had this mental image of him with a wife and kids, visiting his brother, watching the cousins play in the yard. John had never really been keen on the having kids thing, but there was something in his head that told him that that was the ideal picture to strive for. He didn't see that kind of a future with Evan; it was kind of a blur past the here and now. But so long as he kept hearing those words—I love you—he could be happy for the rest of his life.

Evan's lips found his, and they kissed roughly. Then John clamped his hands on Evan's butt and gave it a squeeze. "Turn around. I didn't get to finish ogling," he growled.

Evan licked his lips and snickered hungrily, turning around and straddling John's chest. He looked over his shoulder teasingly and ground his groin against Sheppard's body, grunting like he could get off just from doing that. Even clothed, he's hotter than hell. John dipped his fingers into the waistband of Evan's pants, then slid his hands up Evan's torso, massaging the sweet spots that made Evan's eyes go dark.

Growling with playful vengeance, Lorne opened Sheppard's pants, pulling out his dick. Then he bent over and started sucking, pushing his ass back and wriggling it in John's face. John massaged him through the fabric, wanting to pull it taut, but being careful not to touch anything that might get his lover tense and forestall sex. Evan was taunting him, though, rolling his hips, pressing into John's hands. Snaking his hands around Evan's waist, John unbuttoned Evan's pants, then slowly rolled down the fabric.

"I have not kissed these dimples in far too long," John groaned, running his tongue over Lorne's cheeks, biting down as he kissed. Groaning, Evan laid his head on John's hip and pressed back toward John's lips. Evan played along, alternately flexing the muscles of each cheek. The feel, the taste, the closeness—it was intoxicating. John ran his hand up Evan's body, rubbing his hands over all the skin. Given the way Evan was straddling him, he couldn't get Evan's pants down far enough. Carefully, he wove his hand under the fabric so he could play with Evan's balls, teasing another sweet spot, getting Evan revved up enough to retaliate with a kick-ass blow job.

Biting down on Lorne's ass, Sheppard sucked, kissed, and breathed hotly over the skin. Evan was driving him wild with his tongue, licking around the head of his cock. John couldn't help thrusting into Evan's tight, wet mouth.

Then John's thumb accidentally slid into Lorne's crack. John froze, worried, and Evan paused, equally startled. There was no ripple of tension, but the blowjob hit a disappointing pause.

"You're not—are you?" Evan asked.

"I'm just going to touch you," John growled, straining his body to get his cock back in Evan's mouth. "Don't listen to Heightmeyer. You don't need to reclaim your body. You've already done it. You've already won. Just fuck me.

"I win," Evan nodded, his hand stroking John's cock far too slowly. "I trust you with this. You know that, right?"

John tensed. He did not want to go through this tonight. He just wanted sex. Evan rolled sideways, and kicked off his pants, then pushed John's pants down to his knees and got back in the sixty-nine position. John reached immediately for Evan's cock, hoping that he could just start sucking and blow over the whole topic. Then Evan cupped John's balls in his palm and slid his finger between John's ass cheeks.

"Will you do that for me?" Evan asked, bobbing his ass, pressing it closer to John's lips. John bit back an angry retort, weighing his response. Then Evan reached back with one hand, and pulled his own cheeks apart, showing off his hole. It was weird, but tantalizing at the same time, and very different from before because Evan was not tensing at all.

Tentatively, John kissed the forbidden zone just at the crest of Lorne's cheeks. No flinch. He placed a testing finger just under Lorne's hole and Lorne rubbed his hips fervently against John's finger. He'd certainly mastered not tensing.

Evan twisted around, giving John a lusty look, wetting a finger in his mouth. John's breath quickened, and his loins caught fire. He licked his lips and Evan smirked arrogantly, shoving his spit-slickened finger deep into John's ass.

"Fuck!" John cried, his head dropping to the pillow, his whole body arching as he came hard and fast. It was not fair that Evan knew how to do that. His hips bucked as he fucked himself against Evan's finger, feeling Evan's lips close around his dick, sucking him dry. With the invitation to finger, their sixty-nine suck-off challenge had moved to a new level. John wasn't brave enough to use spit as a lubricant, so he grabbed his lube from the nightstand, dabbed some on his finger, and pressed into Lorne's ass quickly, pausing once the first knuckle disappeared.

Evan gasped, froze, and tensed. John froze too, excited and terrified. The fact that he'd gotten a finger in at all was an achievement. Swallowing hard, he pet Evan's back soothingly, careful not to move his finger inside until Evan adjusted (or told him to get the hell out).

"How do I…?" Evan gasped, stroking his own finger in John's ass, moving in an out. He was asking a question, demonstrating what he wanted, but all John felt was the fiery bursts of pleasure.

"I find that swearing helps a lot," John panted, thrusting rapidly against Evan's finger.

"Fuck," Evan murmured, dropping his head. His body was flush from his ears down to his shoulders, his thighs were trembling, his breathing rapid. As soon as John felt the tension give around his finger, he started to pull his finger out, but then he felt that slight bit of suction. Evan was letting him in, chasing John's hand, until he was fully seated on John's finger, swearing all the way.

John pressed his eyes shut, feeling Evan's body squeezing and pressing around his finger, imagining how amazing that would feel on his cock. "Are you all right?"

Evan nodded slightly, pulling his fingers out of John's ass, and clawing at the bed sheets. Hell, John remembered the first time he'd felt a finger up his ass, and he could not blame Evan for needing to focus on that and nothing else. His face going white, Evan wriggled away from Sheppard's hand, abandoning the sixty-nine, and lying next to Sheppard on the bed. Then Evan tilted his hips slightly.

"You'd better not stop, Sheppard," he panted, looking desperately into John's eyes.

Smiling at the opportunity, John added a little more lube to his finger and slid into Evan's ass again, running his other hand up and down Evan's torso in soothing strokes, just like he remembered Evan doing for him in the beginning. It was easier this time, but also a very strange feeling. He'd only put his finger in his own ass a couple times; mostly, in fact exclusively the first few times, he'd let Evan do it. It was strange, knowing that Evan had coached him through this so effectively, without ever having experienced it.

Now that his finger was inside Evan's body, John wasn't quite sure what to feel for or how much he could move without breaking him. He opted to twist, and then the pad of his finger rolled over Evan's prostate. It was a subtle difference in texture, but John knew he'd hit it, because Evan cried out and swore, burying his face in the pillow and hitting it with his fist. It was so fun to hit sweet spots on Evan. John did it again and again, pumping his finger inside of Evan, until the pleasured, surprised cries turned into winces and then: "Ow, ow, ow."

John pulled his hand free, rubbing Evan's body soothingly, leaning down to kiss between his shoulder blades. When Evan rolled over, and Sheppard saw that the pain wasn't from the fingering but from his straining cock that had been smashed against the mattress. The urge to sit on Evan's rock-hard dick was overwhelming, but Evan was too close to coming. Writhing, swearing, and occasionally wincing, Evan started jacking himself hard and fast, but Sheppard pushed his hand aside.

"Let me," John whispered, cradling Lorne's cock, kissing along the side of the shaft, and circling the head with the tip of his tongue. Evan made quiet, breathy noises, rocking and straining, trying to control and delay his orgasm, which only makes his dick turn purple at the tip.

"Inside. I want to come with you—fuck, baby, fuck!" Evan gasped. John hated when Evan denied himself orgasm, because it made him hurt so bad after. Cupping Lorne's ass, John slid a finger back inside and kept sucking, hoping Evan would give up on his foolish mission. Evan's quiet sex sounds became loud, keening moans and Evan came hard, howling and quaking.

John sucked rapidly, making subtle motions of his fingers inside Evan's ass. Every time he brushed that prostate gland, he triggered Evan's hips to buck and another spurt of cum came out. He kept going until he felt Evan get flaccid in his mouth. Evan's skin had practically flushed purple, his eyes squeezed shut, his body shaking like the shocks were still hitting him. Once the swearing stop, he kept murmuring 'oh, baby' in a way that was either pained or satisfied, John wasn't sure which. John laid next to Evan, hoping only that he didn't get ousted from the bed tonight.

"Can you look at me?" John asked.

Evan's eyes shot open. His pupils were so dilated, John couldn't see any color. John caressed his face, and Evan's whole body twitched.

"I'm smoldering. Fuck," Evan rasped, his head lolling against John's arm, exhausted.

"Glad you liked it," John smiled, kissing tentatively. Evan kept shuddering, squirming, and shaking.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! I still feel it tingling," Evan grumbled, clamping his hands on John's cheeks and holding him in a kiss. "It's like you left something inside of me and it keeps… Fuck!"

Turning on his side, Evan pressed his groin to John's hips. He was already getting hard again! Overjoyed that the fingering experiment hadn't killed the evening, John reached down and massaged Evan's balls, admiring the way his cock was already hard and bouncing.

"Wow," John said. "Someone's feeling like a teenager again."

"I can't stop it," Evan panted, pressing his eyes closed again. Personally, John didn't see the point in trying to fight it. Pressing his tongue into Evan's mouth, he climbed on top of his lover and started jacking him, bringing Evan to full hardness. It did not take long at all. He smacked Lorne's ass and Lorne yelped like a sweet spot has been hit.

"Are you ready to fuck me?" John teased, coating Evan's cock with lube.

"Oh, baby, I need you—" Evan began, but the breath rushed out of him and he couldn't finish the sentence. His pupils were so dark, John wondered if he could see through the lust. Grinning hungrily, John mounted his lover, positioning Evan's tip at his entrance. Evan arched, his hips bucking, and he shoved in way too fast.

"Fuck! Slow down!" John cried, his body bowing as the pain shot from his ass all the way up his spine. It had been too long since they'd done this, and Evan was out of control. Planting his hips firmly on Evan's, John pinned him to the bed, trying to hold still long enough for all the black spots to clear from his vision.

"Kiss me," he ordered, holding down Evan's shoulders, pretending they were wrestling. With his gimped ankle, it was difficult to keep Evan's legs pinned, and Evan was still bucking erratically. Using the kiss, John massaged Evan's tongue in a steady, hypnotic pace, rolling his hips in time until Evan matched his rhythm. Although he calmed some, John could tell his skin was hypersensitive from the first orgasm, because he was shaking.

Reluctantly, John lifted himself off of Evan and laid beside him, keeping him in a kiss, trying to reclaim intimacy. Evan moaned miserably, reaching down and jacking himself desperately. His dick and balls were dark red.

"I'm gonna throw cold water on you if you don't look at me," John warned.

"I'm sorry," Evan gasped, his face crinkling in humiliation. He couldn't seem to catch his breath. "Why'd you stop? Did I hurt you?"

"I'm more worried about hurting you," John said.

"Then don't stop," Evan begged, pulling Sheppard's leg over his hips, thrusting their cocks together. John found the desperation in Evan's voice disturbing.

John kissed him again, trying to slow him down. "Are you having fun?"

"My belly's still tingling," Evan said, looking happy and guilty by the confession. "How long is that supposed to last?"

"It's like a free orgasm, isn't it?" John smiled, understanding. His first prostate orgasm had had quite an afterglow as well. "Just enjoy it. If it starts to hurt, let me know."

Panting into another kiss, Evan snaked his arm around John's waist and pulled him off the side of the bed. He snapped their hips together, then pushed John's face toward the mattress, half manhandling, half wrestling. Hopping on one foot, John hooked his injured leg around Evan's knees, more for balance than to fight. Then Evan shoved a finger in John's ass, hooking his fingertips just enough so that John wouldn't pull free. Not that he wanted to. Evan's fingers were insanely talented at finding all of John's favorite inside spots. He was an experienced top, and knew exactly how rough he could be without making it hurt.

Arching back, John hooked his arms under Evan's shoulders, then hoisted his body up Evan's so that he could use his good leg to kick off the bed. Laughing gruffly, Evan clamped both hands over John's thighs, keeping them balanced until they hit the wall. Then he lifted John up and seated him on his cock. Generally, John wasn't a fan of being lifted off the ground, but tonight it felt erotic. It was a feat of balance and strength, and it took all of John's concentration to keep himself balanced in Evan's arms without tensing his ass. The physical exertion seemed to steady Evan's rhythm, and he pounded in hard, fast, even strokes, grunting in Sheppard's ear the whole while.

John could feel himself getting harder, and he tried to twist his hips to get Evan's dick to hit him just right, but their balance was precarious, and the sweat between their heated bodies was already making it difficult. They got into a bouncing rhythm, and John screamed as he finally felt the jolts of pleasure penetrating his body as his rock hard dick wagged in the air. John cried out airily when he felt Evan coming inside him. Evan dropped one of John's legs, and John nearly fell sideways trying to get his toe on the floor fast enough to balance. Then he felt Lorne's warm, thick hand close over his cock, jacking him. John leaned back, his head falling on Evan's shoulder, murmuring curses in Evan's ear until he came, shooting cum all the way across the room, hitting the edge of the bed. Only then did he feel Evan pull out of him.

They staggered to the bed, Lorne practically carrying him. John felt like his bones had turned to jelly. They collapsed on the mattress, lying side-by-side, face down. John felt Evan's fingers lace with his, and he brought their joint hands to his lips, kissing Evan's fingertips. When John's body had cooled off enough, he nestled closer to Evan, and they wove their bodies together, Evan resting his head over John's heart.

"You don't mind if I sleep now, do you baby?" Evan murmured, his eyelids already drooping.

"You earned it, sweet cheeks," John said, kissing the top of Evan's head. "You won and I'm proud of you."