I do not own Star Trek 2009 or Supernatural
Oh yes. I went there. Because the idea of two enormous egos (enormous and egoistic in the best possible way) colliding in one universe just had to be played with. Add in the Winchesters and things become…explosive
Captain James T. Kirk of the Federation starship Enterprise, crazy maverick captain renowned for his wild bravery and ability to get out of damn near any sticky situation, was at this moment in time considering swearing off black holes of any kind, anomalous or not.
Particularly the anomalous ones.
You see, as near as Spock and his nerd minions could tell, they had been on a boring, vanilla run to register a few scans off this oddball black hole when the gravity well in the area spiked and they had been yanked through, the frame of the ship groaning alarmingly as time blurred around them.
Then everything had jarred to a stop.
Picking himself up off the floor, Kirk decided that was it. No more black holes. Starfleet could send nice, vanilla ships on nice, vanilla runs to black holes, who either seemed allergic to Kirk or they were just out to get him and why yes Kirk made an art out of pissing off a lot of people but he was fairly sure he'd never done anything to a black hole, so it made no sense for them to hate him.
Professional. Kirk was a professional.
Therefore he stopped internally bitching about black holes that hated him, gave himself a quick shake and called out for a sound off.
Groggily, Bones picked himself up and replied. Sulu peeled Chekov up to a sitting position, both officers sporting matching bruised faces. Uhura seemed to be fine and Scotty was already squawking over the comm about damage to the engines. Spock was busy running every sensor known to man and a few Kirk was pretty sure weren't supposed to be out of Starfleet beta-testing just yet.
"Sir, we're being hailed," Uhura managed to report.
"On screen. This is Captain James T. Kirk – "
"I am Captain James T. Kirk – "
Both captains stared at each other.
The Kirk who had come through the black hole spoke first. "What the hell?"
"Could ask the same thing of you," the older version retorted. "Why the hell are you impersonating me?"
"Impersonating you? Why the fuck are you impersonating me?"
There was more staring. More sensor beeping. Finally, black-hole Spock turned to his captain. "Fascinating. Sir, if I may postulate a theory?"
"I believe that the anomalous black hole has warped the fabric of time-space. Not only did we travel ahead in time, I believe we have jumped realities."
The most Kirk could manage was an incoherent "huh?"
"According to the expanding universe theory, every decision made creates a branching off reality, sir. A reality in which you chose not to enter Starfleet may conceivably exist, as well as one in which," black-hole Spock nodded to the 'other' Kirk, "your eye colour is different, your facial structure differs and your career flowed differently. As is already evidenced by our experience with the…ambassador."
"That is a logical theory," an older Vulcan who kinda looked familiar but not really (Spock?) on the other ship concurred. "Given your appearance through the anomalous black hole, it is also the most likely, although for a concrete conclusion more facts are required."
"Well isn't that just…fascinating," Kirk grumbled. "How do we get back and how do we ensure it's our reality? The ship can't take much more of that. We'll start to lose hull integrity."
Spock raised his eyebrows. "Captain, at this juncture I cannot offer anything more than preliminary findings."
The older looking dude who kinda looked like Kirk but not really broke in. "I assume then that you really think of yourself as James Tiberius Kirk?"
Kirk spread his hands wide. "Take a look at our ship! It says Enterprise all across the saucer and unless I've done something drastic in my sleep and the admirals have finally decided to boot me to the curb (which wouldn't surprise me), then yes, I am Captain Jim Kirk!"
The other dude blinked but seemed to be taking the news slightly better than Kirk. "Well then. If we're going to have to have this conversation, we'd better establish some sort of naming sequence or this will get really confusing."
Kirk gestured grandly. "Be my guest."
Other Kirk paused. "I'll do us the favour and be James." The wry twist of his mouth told Kirk that neither of them really liked the full version.
"I salute your sacrifice, James. And while I'd love to sit here and chat, I have a ship that's falling apart. I'll get back to you in thirty?"
"Fair enough. We'll try to figure out what the hell happened. Kirk out."
"Only Kirk and the Enterprise could manage to disappear out of thin air."
"Technically, that would be an impossible feat, seeing as there's no air in space."
"Shaddup, Sammy. Any sign of them?"
Captain Dean Winchester was trying very hard to be patient, but curiosity was gnawing at him like a puppy with a hotdog. "You say that their ion trail leads into the black hole. They've been missing for hours. We've been here for hours more. Why don't we just follow them?"
The saner members of his crew glared at him. Ash grinned crazily. "That's what I said!"
There was a quiet moment before Sam sighed and poked another key on his console. "Actually - " "We should go through?" Dean interrupted with glee.
"Yes," Sam acquiesced reluctantly. "There's nothing further here and there's nothing to suggest the Enterprise didn't go through the hole so sitting here won't help anything."
"Awesome. Shields at maximum. Proceed at full impulse."
"Sir, the black hole is fluctuating! Ship registering on our sensors!"
James sat back in his chair, watching with curiosity. The odd-version of the Enterprise was sluggishly coming about to bear, shields flickering. His ship, of course, was in perfect position, waiting patiently.
And a smaller ship vaguely resembling a Miranda-class labelled the Impala dropped out of the hole with a stagger. "Hail the ship," James ordered briskly.
They made connection just in time to hear an epic dressing down being administered both ways in the most amusing fashion.
"The hell Winchester? Now you're stuck too, what the fuck was Starfleet thinking sending you idiots to look for us?" Other-Kirk ranted with ferocity as the new captain scowled, clearly disgruntled.
"You're welcome, dumbass. You're the moron that vanished in the first place, who the hell did you think they were going to send after Enterprise? Constellation?" Both paused to snort in disdain before the new captain regained steam. "When Potemkin vanished, she got stuck in a meteor field and needed a tow. The problem was fixed four hours after we found her. The last time you said you "could use some help," you were cornered by a K'tinga class warship and nine warbirds. It took all of Starfleet's Constellation class ships to bail your asses out of that sling!"
Other-Kirk had the presence of mind to look abashed. "Well. You're still an idiot."
"Thank you, Captain Obvious. Who's the new guy?"
"That's me. We've landed in another timeline, apparently. Don't know why you're so early though. What, is Starfleet getting paranoid?"
"Shit Kirk, how long did you say you'd been here?"
"That's it? You've been missing for twenty seven hours on the other side! And the galaxy's still in one piece despite two Kirks. I'm impressed, but let's not tempt fate. Sam, figure out how to get us back. Now."
James found himself suppressing the urge to snicker. These captains were younger than he, rougher, thrown into command early and clearly used to bailing each other out of strange spots. "I'm Captain James T. Kirk. Call me James. And you are?"
The new captain turned his attention to James with a considering scowl. "Captain Dean Winchester, USS Impala."
James blinked. "Captain Dean Winchester? Starfleet?"
"Yeah, what's it to you?"
Erk. This was going to be awkward.
"Well, we weren't actually investigating this black hole for scientific reasons. Hadn't gotten this far in the quadrant yet. We were chasing Dean Winchester because we have a warrant for his arrest."
"What the hell are you chasing me – other me – Dean for?"
Other-Kirk looked uncomfortable. "Look, I don't like this. Dean Winchester and his brother Sam Winchester," the Impala's science officer shifted in his seat, "are normally private traders, the best at what they do. Discreet, fast and reliable. Two weeks ago, Starfleet put a planet under quarantine. The Winchester boys broke Starfleet law by running the gauntlet and supposedly dropping off a cure. However, when we arrived, the entire planet was dead and not from disease. It looked like poison."
There was silence for a minute as Dean struggled to come to terms with the facts. "I have questions and don't like the line Starfleet is taking," other-Kirk admitted, "but was officially ordered to take the Winchesters into custody, pronounce sentence and drop them off at the closest prison planet. I will freely admit that the Starfleet report is decidedly skimpy on details and I wanted to question them, get the truth. It is true that the Winchesters took off without seeing if the medicine worked, but it is also in keeping with their reputation – they rarely stick around because on occasion hanging around has been hazardous to their health. Of course, this isn't really your problem unless Starfleet tries to arrest you. I doubt that'll be the case."
Dean glanced over at Sam, who gave a miniscule shrug. "Not our problem, I guess," Dean concluded. Other-Kirk looked relieved that Dean wasn't going to take idiot orders regarding someone Dean had never met out on him (despite the fact that the orders were technically about Dean…ugh, this was going to be confusing). Dean shook himself out of his circular train of thought and turned to his first officer. "All right. Sam, Spock, ideas?"
"At present, we have no ideas to give, Captain. We have been studying the hole since our arrival and when a probe was sent through the hole, we could not induce it to return either through remote control or automated programming aboard the probe itself." Spock concluded and Sam looked worried.
"We recorded no probes prior to entering the black hole, Dean."
"So we have no assurance that we'll end up in our home universe," Dean's Kirk (and didn't that just sound creepy) concluded.
"Okay," Dean mused. "Sam and Spock, get together with your nerds and figure out how to go home. We've got some minor repairs to conduct – "
"Hey! How come Enterprise got trashed and you didn't?"
"Physics, Captain," Spock replied. "There was less stress on the smaller object."
"See, yet another way in which the Impala rocks Enterprise."
"Watch it, jackass."
"Touchy, touchy. Anyway, you and I should probably help Jamie-boy over there find the Winchesters and figure out what really happened. Pretty sure neither Sammy or I would poison an entire planet."
Young and crazy was James' first impression upon actually meeting Captains Dean Winchester and Jim Kirk. He liked them, but they were young and crazy, vibrating with contained energy, secure in their own skins but not their positions in the world just yet.
"What happened?" Winchester demanded brusquely in what seemed to be his normal manner.
James outlined the situation and to his gratification, both captains came to the same conclusion James had – they needed to find Dean and Sam Winchester. "Who would want an entire planet dead?" Kirk finally asked.
James shrugged. "It was an agricultural planet, away from the Neutral Zone or the Klingons."
"What about the Romulans?" Kirk asked.
James blinked. "What about them?" Few people in Starfleet were aware of the Romulan Empire's existence and the Empire wasn't interested in playing with the Federation.
Both Kirk and Winchester seemed taken aback. "You're not quasi-at-war with the Romulans?"
James frowned. "No, we're…quasi-at-war with the Klingons."
Winchester glanced at Kirk, who seemed to have been elected spokesperson, being marginally more diplomatic than Winchester. "That's an interesting divergence," Kirk finally said. "Is it possible that this is an overture to Federation harassment by the Romulans?"
James paused, thinking carefully before he spoke. Eliminating the Federation-loyal traders and taking out a series of planets thereby sowing dissent and fear among the colonies would be an excellent way of disrupting the Federation. "It's possible. I just don't know if it's probable. Spock?"
The Vulcan steepled his fingers in silence for a moment. "The factors are in place. All we lack is substantiated evidence. I assume this reality's Winchesters could provide such evidence."
Winchester nodded firmly. "If I were in such a position, I would absolutely have evidence and protocols in place to ensure the integrity of such evidence."
"Excellent. I only met Winchester once but he struck me as a reliable sort. I wasn't looking forward to arresting the man. Spock, let me know the minute you find the Winchesters." The first officer nodded and exited, leaving James to lean back in his chair. "So. While we wait for Spock to find the Winchesters. Starfleet could be facing Romulans. Care to expound just a bit on how to engage them? I hate going in blind."
The younger-him leaned forward, eyes bright. "I know exactly what you mean! And it happens all the time!"
There was a sarcastic snort from Winchester, who was summarily ignored while the two Kirks jabbered on about battle tactics.
"Perhaps we should ask my other self for his readings regarding the black hole," Spock speculated. If he were human, he would have been idly spinning a stylus or something else rather useless.
Both he and Sam were thoroughly stuck and they did not like it. At all. Two of Starfleet's brightest minds and they didn't have a single explanation for how both ships ended up in the same universe yet could not get a probe to repeat the feat from the side they were stranded on.
"This doesn't make any sense," Sam grumbled. "Starfleet ruled this particular area of space a black hole. There is no empirical evidence, however, that suggests a black hole should be permeable. Unless it's a worm hole pretending to be a black hole."
"Again, there is no empirical evidence arguing for the existence of a worm hole," Spock rebutted.
"Unless we just discovered it."
"Which does not help us!" Sam squelched the urge to pitch his PADD at the wall in a childish fit of pique.
"Receiving a data package from other-Enterprise," Spock reported after a minute of Sam staring dully at his data. "It contains all recorded observations regarding the black hole. Fascinating."
Sam perked up. Spock's "Fascinating" was most people's "Eureka! I just single-handedly solved the meaning of existence and saved the world in the process!"
"There is evidence suggesting that a photon torpedo was rigged as a mine near the black hole. Commander Spock was bringing its existence to Captain Kirk's attention when we came through, snared by a gravitational spike."
Silence reigned for a minute as both science officers thought at the speed of light. "That's it!" Sam crowed as his bewildered bridge crew jumped. Why yes they were eavesdropping. Was it enlightening? No, not really.
Spock seemed to understand the unspoken implication though. "I believe I understand your excitement, Sam. The theory is sound. The difficulty of course will be determining the frequency required, for lack of a better term. Perhaps we should inform the captains?"
"Sure, I'll beam over." Sam shoved back his chair and stood, satisfaction radiating from his frame. "We got it, we're going home, we're awesome," he chanted as Ash tried to bore a hole in his first officer's head with a mind-reading glare and Jo tried not to stick her nose in science business, curiosity eating both of them alive.
Of course, that was when a small, nondescript trader dropped out of warp, followed by a very nasty-looking, hawkish green ship, firing at the trader with punitive accuracy.
Sam dropped into the captain's chair. "Red alert! Phasers online!"
"Captain, we have a Klingon bird of prey pursuing the Impala!" a voice reported over the comm and three captains sprang to their feet and a red-alert siren whooped.
"What the fuck are they chasing my ship for?" Winchester demanded and James shook his head as all three headed for the bridge.
"Most likely our Impala. She's a much smaller affair, with fewer shields."
They burst onto the bridge just in time to see the Starfleet-Impala reduce the Klingon ship to battered shields and a damaged hull.
"Haha, that's my girl!" Winchester crowed and James blinked. That was impressive phaser work. Klingon birds of prey weren't exactly tough, but the Impala was a small ship, relatively speaking. Yet it seemed that neither Enterprise had been needed. "Sam, status."
The screen snapped on and Winchester's first officer nodded. "Minimal damage. It appears the other Impala suffered severe shield damage and is surrendering to Captain Kirk on the condition they be given a fair trial."
James stepped forward. "Put them on screen."
The interior of trader-Impala was smoking, wires dangling from the ceiling, lights flickering. An older, battered version of the Winchester standing beside him coughed, waving a hand in front of his face, then did a rather comic double take. "What the hell? Is Starfleet cloning people these days?"
"That's what I said," Starfleet-Winchester replied with humour. "Seems black holes are trickier than we thought. Captain Dean Winchester, USS Impala, from some other reality, evidently."
"Actually," Starfleet-Sam interrupted. "If I could interject, I believe Commanders Spock and I have a tentative solution."
"Please," both Deans snapped and startled at the repetition.
Sam thought it funny, judging from the grin. Sobering at the glare from his captain, he began to explain. "We aren't looking at a black hole. We're looking at a worm hole. We weren't considering it because while the idea of a worm hole has been around for centuries, there's been no quantitative evidence for the existence of such phenomena to date. Until now, as your Impala," nodding at trader-Dean, "left a photon mine behind to slow down any pursuers. It went off, spiking gravity and snaring us at the other end. The reason we haven't been able to go home is because of that gravity spike."
Starfleet-Dean nodded thoughtfully. "So theoretically, all we have to do is create that spike again to redirect the wormhole. Theoretically. How did the Impala get through though?"
Sam shrugged. "We know practically nothing about worm holes. Maybe the door just doesn't swing both ways unless it's forced?"
Kirk and Winchester did not look terribly impressed with the non-answer. "Hail my ship," Kirk ordered, "and get Spock to corroborate. A second opinion is always helpful," he finished with a nod to Sam.
Sam and Spock were still trying to answer their captains when James brought the two trader-Winchesters aboard. They were the only individuals aboard their ship, which James was considering abandoning until he remembered what had happened the last time the Potemkin had attempted to convince the Winchesters to do the same. In summation, it hadn't gone well.
Dean and Sam Winchester were casually dressed in typical, generic flight suits, their clothes still smoking slightly. Dean Winchester was covered in grease and Sam evidenced the symptoms of a man who had spent too many hours on the bridge. "Get Sam Winchester to Bones before he collapses," James ordered, "and Dean comes with me. I imagine the Klingons weren't chasing you just for shits and giggles."
Dean shook his head wearily. "No. I've got a story for you and you won't like it, even if you don't believe me."
James eyed him closely. He wasn't lying.
Wouldn't hurt to have an extra Kirk and Winchester in on the powwow, just to be a sounding board.
Dean Winchester had a wild tale to tell. An anonymous individual had approached the Impala just after the quarantine had been imposed. Sam Winchester had verified that it was indeed an antidote to the virus running rampant on Beta 8-T and they had taken the commission, delivered it with no problems, gotten paid, figured it was a job well done.
Then they were on a routine Romulan ale run to Earth when the news broke about the poison. "Swear to God, we felt sick," Dean insisted and the three captains believed him. Bags under his eyes, drawn skin, tight mouth, nervous fingers – Dean Winchester was a haunted man. "We've got a sample of what we delivered and to date, Sam still can't find a fucking thing wrong with the stuff and Sam's pretty damn smart."
"Amen," Starfleet Dean seconded, Kirk nodding in agreement.
"On top of that, when Starfleet ordered us in to face court martial, we knew what that meant. They didn't want an investigation or a trial, they wanted a culprit to sweep this all under the rug. It wouldn't get to the bottom of the problem and it wouldn't give us our freedom. So we ran. When we heard that not only was the Enterprise on our trail but that the Klingons were looking for us, we tried to lay a few mines along likely routes and hid behind a meteorite. We picked the wrong meteorite and overheard a meeting between Romulan and Klingon war ships. Looks like a few factions are taking war into their own hands. Unfortunately we didn't escape unnoticed. They're planning hits on four different planets in twelve hours." He spread his hands in a helpless gesture and eyed the table like it would somehow magically produce all the answers he needed.
There was silence. "Damn," James finally swore. "We're too far out to call for reinforcements in time."
"Wait, you believe me?" Dean Winchester demanded. James shrugged.
"We already nabbed that sample vial and both Spocks came to the same conclusion you did – it was indeed a cure. That means you're telling the truth, Your reputation doesn't lean towards such insane massacres and if you are lying, all we lose is time investigating. If you're telling the truth…I don't want to be the man who has to tell a board of inquiry I didn't think your story worth investigating." James leaned forward. "The only real question is how to handle the issue. If I go after the ship seeding planets with disease, I allow the manufacturing allies time to move operations."
"Not if we're around," other Kirk volunteered.
Kirk shrugged. "What's another few hours in another reality if we end up saving another few planets as a result? Right Dean?"
The Starfleet Winchester sighed. "Damn it. What the hell. I mean, saving planets is practically in our job description these days."
Kirk grinned. "Give us the coordinates, we'll kick ass and then you can thoroughly confuse the enemy, who will have evidence that both the Impala and Enterprise were in two places at once."
James grew a matching grin. "Excellent solution."
Both Winchesters groaned. "Just a warning," Starfleet-Dean cautioned, "The Impala has yet to come out of a mission with the Enterprise intact and my girl's bigger than yours."
Trader-Dean shrugged philosophically. "Hell, if we end up saving a planet, Sam will feel better and if Impala gets trashed, maybe I can stick Starfleet with the bill."
"We're rarin' to go, capt'n. Ready to dish out an ass-whooping."
"Excellent. Sulu, warp 8. We'll remain at yellow alert. James, if we're lucky, we'll beat the shit out of that manufacturing operation, leave you a message buoy, skip through the worm hole and be out of your hair for good. Preferably before Starfleet thinks we've disintegrated or something.
James grinned across space at them. "Good luck. If you're anything like me, the shit's only hitting the fan, so try to stay in one piece."
Kirk flipped him a salute. "Get the bastards and make sure the Winchesters don't end up in a prison planet. They'd have to break out and the last time they tried something like that, they needed the Enterprise to bail them out. Again."
Kirk blinked. In quadruple stereo, that one word was really quite…something. Almost scary.
Really, the sneaky Klingon bird of prey would have been perfect for its intended job had the Enterprise not known exactly where to find her.
Instead, Enterprise recorded loads of information about the plan to seed planets with disease, beat the Klingons all around space and cleared the Winchester name, since they really had been carrying an antidote and the Klingons admitted to setting the Impala up.
They never did find a message buoy, nor did they find the other Impala or Enterprise.
Kirk decided to wax philosophically optimistic regarding their fate.
"Well, that was quite a ride. Rigging the planet to blow, convincing four Klingon ships to chase us through the wormhole and then imploding the anomaly in on itself with half the Enterprise's warp cores was a pretty good idea, Sam, Spock."
"It was an efficiently logical solution, Captain."
"So why didn't we use your warp cores, huh?" The Enterprise's captain was sulking, mourning his ship's limping slow speed.
"You had more of them than we do, stop bitching. Did you remember to drop the message buoy?"
"I thought that was your job!"
"Wasn't it yours?"
There was a significant pause.
"So they don' t know if we're alive and in our universe?"
"Not everything has to have a perfect ending, right?"
"Hell no. If everything around us went perfectly, we wouldn't stand out as well."
"Good thinking, Kirk!"
There was much patting on the back, all the way back to the nearest starbase. Sam and Spock ended up sending the doctors in to deflate ballooning egos.