Disclaimer: Don't own, of course. :)
Well, she's not pretty. You're sure of that. Sure it's not the reason why you have to—you must—watch her all the time. She's curious, she's quick to catch on, and she's a threat to your existence—as peaceful as it is to be Dauntless, of course, because let's face it, you're no Amity. You're Dauntless, through and though. Nothing more. Nothing less. Not Amity (because there's no way you could be happy all the damn time, not with your past). Not Candor (because why would you voluntarily choose to tell your secrets? They're hidden for a reason.). Not Erudite (well, yeah...you just don't have the superior brain for that). And you sure as hell are not Abnegation. Not anymore.
She doesn't know that. But she might find out. Soon, if you're not careful, which is why you've got to do this. Keep on the down low. Keep an eye on her.
No one will question it, either. Why would they? You're Four, first in your initiate class and could have been a Dauntless leader if you wanted to. You were named because you have only four fears...although you do wonder...if you were to head off to the fear landscape right now, would the simulation change? Would you now be afraid that one simple, sixteen year old once-Abnegation girl had found you out? Or have you already accepted it, that she can and most certainly will find out everything you have worked so hard to keep locked in the past? Your feet itch to move now, to sprint through Dauntless corridors until finally reaching the fear landscape, just to see if you really are afraid of her.
Afraid. Of simple, little Beatrice Prior. Tris.
You keep your cool, though. The day's just starting, and you're overseeing a bunch of pansy transfers who throw halfhearted punches at each other in order to boost their rankings. They mean well, they do, but they're all only just beginning to take this thing seriously. It might look like they're putting everything they've got into those kicks and jabs, but everything they've got is nothing. It needs to be more than that, and only a few show that they're understanding that. The rest, you think as Peter thrusts his entire body into throwing a single knife at a target, just want to use brute force and call it a day.
A suspiciously gleeful-sounding noise, not unlike a giggle, erupts from Eric's throat at the display of pure strength, and you resist the urge to start throwing knives at him. You liked it better when he was sulking from losing at the game of paintball the night before, and the thought almost brings a smile to your face except you keep your features passive, not wanting to bring attention to yourself.
Because then anyone would see what you're really doing is watching her. Watching her practice the stance you demonstrated for the class, watching her line up the knife with the target but refuse to let go until she'd made a couple more practice throws. Watching her adjust the ponytail she'd pulled her hair into and remembering the night before, when you were watching all that hair wave around in the fierce breeze on top of that ferris wheel platform. Yeah, your heart had been thumping because of the elevation, but if you wanted to get really Candor here, you'd admit that some of that had been because...
Because of nothing. Because it was really, really high and you don't like things really, really high, even if they are accompanied by a Stiff with plain hair, a plain face, and a plain crazy tendency to dangle her toes over a dangerous height.
Tris made it look as if having courage, being courageous, was the easiest thing in the world, which it wasn't. You would know, having pretended the same thing for two years. You worked hard to be the man you are today. To be Four. Then she comes in, being the first one to jump off a ledge into the Dauntless compound, climbing up abandoned ferris wheels in the dark of the night, defending a fellow transfer by offering to take his place when Eric orders you to throw knives at him—
Which is when you stop thinking about all that stupid shit because Tris is now standing underneath a target with Eric urging you to throw knives at her.
This is why you need to keep an eye on her. Watch her and make sure she doesn't get into stupid situations like this one. You've got to stop thinking of what might happen when she catches you watching—because she does catch you, you know. If anything, she thinks it's because you're her instructor and she's a student with potential. Potential to figure out everything about you. She knows about the height thing, about one of those four fears (though you're still not sure four hasn't evolved into five now, but you'll check on that later). She will find out about that other thing, the one you didn't want her knowing about. You're just waiting for her to figure it out, wondering why she hasn't already.
As you prepare your stance, line up the dagger in your hand to aim it to the side of her face, you wonder if she has, but dismiss that possibility. If Tris knew, she would say something. Maybe. You're not sure. Even when you were Abnegation, when you were just a boy named Tobias with a father who liked to shut you in a closet, it wasn't like you were around her much. You weren't around anyone much. There's no way she could connect that gray-clothed, drab weakling of an Abnegation boy you were then with the strong, nearly-fearless Dauntless man you are now.
She will, though. You know she will. You might even be a little tempted to tell her yourself, but you don't because you don't know her well enough to predict what her reaction will be. And it kills you that you have no idea what she'll say, what she'll do when she finds out that connection.
Whatever it will be, though, it can't be as stupid as what she's doing now. Standing up for Al—Al, of all people—by offering herself in his place under the center of a target and waiting for you to launch the first knife. You want to curse Eric, beat him to a pulp like you did two years ago to gain the first spot in your initiate class, but you keep your eyes fixed on hers. On Tris's. You wish the rest of the class wasn't there, that they were all gone so he could stride over to her, and stare at her close up without anyone questioning his motives.
So you want to watch her all the time. There's nothing wrong with that. If you watched her all the time, every moment of every day, you could spot situations like this one and stop them before she got herself into them. Not exactly protecting her from herself...but doing exactly that. You're kind of like a stalker but with good intentions. Which is why you need to watch her. Even if it might feel weird watching her. Even if it feels weird that it doesn't feel weird watching her. Even if it feels weird that watching her is starting to stop being about her protection and more about the fact that watching her is...well, it's watching her.
The first knife flies, and when the metal of the blade sinks into the wood of the target, her eyes snap shut, closing off that link between you and her. You still think this whole thing is ridiculous, but your muscles can't help but tense up as you ready the next knife. You don't like that she's over there, but you can admire the selflessness and the courage in her act, even under the fear in her bright eyes.
The Abnegation and the Dauntless, both showing in her. Together. Like you. Which is why you tell her to open her eyes again. You want her to see that. You're the same.
You want her to be watching you, too.
Authoress's Notes: I just read Divergent the other day and ABSOLUTELY LOVED IT. Just saying. I think it was Four/Tobias. He just got to me. I instantly loved him, as soon as he helped Tris out of the net, without knowing anything about him. Which is when I know a book is going to be good, when I just know I'm going to grow to love a character before knowing him/her. So, my first fic had to be from his POV. I was really kind of digging the second person POV for this one, probably because it suits the rambling voice I've got going on. To be honest (I totally just wanna just go around saying 'to be Candor'), I had no idea what I was doing with this little stream of consciousness...thing. But I think I tied it together in the end, so...yayy!
This was just a little experimental piece for me, to see how I'd like writing Divergent fics. I liked it. I'm hoping to contribute more, though probably not anytime soon...I still have other fics in other fandoms to get to, haha. So this was a test run, to get a feel for writing for this fandom, as well as to see if I could get Four/Tobias's character. I don't feel it's totally in character, but I'm confident I can work on it until I'm satisfied.
I want to write a fic about Caleb next. Because he's up there with Four on the list of characters I adored. Even if he wasn't in the book much until the end, my nerdy soul resonates with his. Us nerds gotta give props to other nerds, so I expect I'll be writing something about him soon enough. :D
Sorry for my rambling! Anyways, thanks for all of those who read/review!