Disclaimer: Teen Titans belong to WB and DC comics.

Author's Note:

Happy New Year's everyone! Yes, I know I'm early.

This could be related to my Masks:What if? if you squint sideways. Otherwise, it's not really.

Big fat warning: Baaaad boy thoughts, rather crass. Excessive alcohol consumption. It's also a little disjointed, but it's supposed to be.

Drunken regrets.



Everything's so noisy.


Bzzzzzzz... stupid central heating. Shut up. Too noisy...


God, who knew blood could be so fucking loud. I need to be able to switch off my heartbeat when I'm hungover. That'd be nice.


My tongue feels like I've eaten a fuzzy caterpillar. A gross tasting fuzzy caterpillar. Light hurts. I feel sticky. Sticky and disgusting and I'm so not moving. The world can fuck off for a while.


No, it can fuck off further. Stop being so loud and bright.


Hurts. Why'd I drink so much?


The room smells of sweat and... cigar smoke. I don't smoke...


Starfire needs to stop moving. She's making the bed bounce and each bounce is agony to my poor brain. I'll throw my arm over her, she'll stop then.

"Up for a morning romp, are we?"

My eyes shot open and I stared at the woman beside me. Blonde. She's about the same age as me, but her face is the wrong shape. Voice is wrong.

It's not Starfire.

Not Starfire... Not my girlfriend...

What, the fuck, did I do?


New Year's Eve is always a huge thing in Gotham. Bruce goes all out for it, and when I say all out, I mean all out. Fireworks. Dancing girls. Caviar. Flying the London Symphony Orchestra across for a personal appearance, all out. He blows a couple of million just on one night.

It's also by invite only.

The invitations this year were white trimmed with gold. They were printed, then names and address, in elegantly calligraphy, were handwritten. Then they were hand delivered.

So, I couldn't exactly ignore Alfred as he arrived in the Tower to deliver mine. Just mine. Not one for anyone else.

And it was delivered with the stern Alfred tone. "You are expected to turn up, Master Dick."

"I have plans."

"Break them."

"I'm nearly twenty. I'm not a child to be ordered around anymore."

"It will be noticed if you do not attend this year. Cover, young master."


"Master Wally has been issued an invite and Master Jason is attending. You will not have to spend time with Master Bruce."

I scrunched up my face in distaste.

"We shall see you New Year's Eve," Alfred finished.

"Yeah, yeah. Okay. Fine."

Starfire was most disheartened, mainly because she hoped to spend New Years with me, not because she wanted to go to the party, but then Bruce still wasn't speaking to her with anything that would pass as civility in the known universe. I think he managed a curt 'hello' to her, that was about it. Stubborn bastard can't admit when he's wrong about someone.

"But these events require dates, do they not?" she asked, sitting demurely on our bed as I broke the news.

"I'm going stag."

"What if your father does the 'setting up'-"

"You're my girlfriend. I'm not going to let him manipulate me."

"What if I asked Cyborg to engineer me a hologram ring?"

"He'd still know. Your core personality shines through, Star. He's looking for an excuse to start again, any excuse. Let's not give him one."

She sighed and looked disheartened.

"I'm sorry, beautiful. I really am. But think of it this way, if I go this year, I probably won't have to go for the next couple of years."

She nodded. "And we can have our own celebration when you return, yes?"

I grinned at her. "That's the spirit."


She's naked. God. I can see her breasts. She's rolled onto her side and giving me a full frontal as she propped her head up on her hand and smiled in a seductive manner. "You were insatiable last night," she cooed at me and stretched out her other hand to place it on my chest. My bare chest... she doodled little circles and I was too stunned to do anything about it. "Such stamina. Shall we make good use of the morning wood before I have to leave?"



The party was in full swing by the time I skulked in. The plan was to make an appearance, watch my father get drunk, stay for the countdown and then take the T-Ship back to the Tower as quick as I could and hope that I beat the countdown there. Good thing they're a couple of hours behind us.

I hadn't counted on someone spiking the punch... Jaaason, I'm looking at you.

I quickly found Wally over by the buffet table, really, when is he not right there beside the food?

"Jinx is mad at me," Wally sulked, loading up his tray with as much food as he could.

"Star's mad at me too," I muttered and grabbed a plate of my own. I'll say this for Bruce, he puts on a good spread. I probably won't need to eat for a week.

"I told her I didn't have a choice. It's a family thing, but she didn't understand. She's even more mad at me that you're here too and she wasn't allowed to come."

"Star understood," I grumbled. "I wish she hadn't. I wish she'd thrown a stink and I could have told Bruce where to shove it, but she was so tolerant. Not fair."

Wally planted his hand on my shoulder and shook me a little. "Least we're together, huh?"

"Yeah," I lamented. "But I did so look forward to having sex for the first time in a year."

Wally nodded sagely. "I hear you."

"Although, you'll probably be running to Jinx once you're excused from this party."

We carted our food to the nearest free table. "Like you're not getting on the nearest plane back to Jump," Wally said as he slumped down in a chair.

"You know it."

"Dudes, punch," Jason said and dumped a tray load of cups on the table. "It's amazing. You gotta try it."


"What is wrong?" the woman asked, frowning at me.

Dribs and drabs of memory was cycling back to me... I remembered... god... I had sex with her. A lot. Rising above me as she took me inside her, breasts bouncing from the force, blonde hair curling over her shoulder. Stroking her back as I took her hard, doggy style. Buried myself as far inside her as I could and fucked her brains out. Reverse cowgirl. Slippery nipple. The trapeze. What hadn't we done?

Love had nothing to do with it. I hadn't made love to her at all. Just fucked her. Pure sexual relief, using the other person rather than loving them.

Kissing against the wall, making out in the shower, fucking in the bathroom over the counter, fucking in the bed... she sucked me off against the wall to my bedroom, before we'd even closed the door properly, I remember a drunk Jason wobbling past with his pickup for the evening and leering at us and I didn't even care. I just held her head and told her to go faster.

I picked up. I picked up.

How the hell did this happen?


"I love you, man, I like really, really love you," Wally drawled and draped himself along me.

Jason pointed his finger at Wally, wobbling all over the place as he leant across the table. "Dude, you is drunked. You is."

"Nah. I don't get drunk," Wally slurred. "Metabol.. meetabal... isms... metabolismisms... I breaks it down too fast."

"Dude, you're so drunk," I said. "Face it. Drunk as as skunk in a bunk."

"Nuh-ah. If I are, you is too."

"Such good English there, Wally."

"I fink sssssomeone ssssss-" a gobdual of spit was ejected from Jason's mouth- "ssssspiked da punch."

"No shit, sherklock."

"Sherlock," I corrected, giggling. I mean laughing. Manly laughter. I don't giggle.

"Dudes, we need more," Jason announced, pushing away from the table. "Be right back!"


I cheated on Starfire. With a woman who I couldn't even remember her name. Oh, Starfire was going to kill me, this was her worst fear, that Jason'd get me drunk and I'd do something stupid.

Self fulfilling prophecy.

I groaned and covered my face with my hands as I sat up.

I'm dead. I'm gonna die. It'll be a glorious death, but she'll kill me. As open as she was about sex, she didn't want to share me with other people.

Not okay, Dick. You bastard.

"Are you okay?" she asked, sitting up next to me and I felt her hand on my shoulder.


"I raided Bruce's scotch cabinet," Jason said, plunking several bottles on the table. "We got scotch. Tequila. Whisky. Vodka. All the good things. Alfred's bringing us some lemons and salt now."

"Jason, I dunno if this is a good idea," I said as Wally reached for the closest bottle. "I was hoping to get back to Starfire tonight. Can't get drunk and fly."

"Dude, you're alllllll-already... way past the limit," Wally said, making whole arm gestures to illustrate his point.

"Yeah, but-"

"She won't mind," Jason said. "You can fuck her next year."

I shook my finger at him. "Language, dude. That's mah girl."

Jason rolled his eyes at me as he poured out three glasses. "Bottoms up," he said, pushing one to each of us. "Only live once, Dickie boy."

"Driiiink," Wally coaxed, taking his glass. "One's not gonna hurt."

Famous last words.


Maybe I didn't have to tell her. Maybe I could just keep it a secret and she'd never find out how badly I fucked up...

Except... there'd be pictures... news reports. Hard to keep something like that quiet...

Fuck... she might even know already.

"You look ill."


Jason produced some of Bruce's cigars. Scotch and cigars, good combination. Strictly speaking, we shouldn't be smoking inside the Manor, but New Year's Eve the rules are always bent. Bruce was all over Selina anyway, smoking cigars himself and drinking... and I think I spotted Alfred slipping his once a year celebratory drink into a cup of tea.

Smoke wafted above us as we tried to blow smoke rings and savoured the taste of cigars. I'll give them this, they taste fucking good when they're a grand a cigar.


I did feel ill. Very.

I barely made it to the bathroom before I was praying to the porcelain gods. Again and again, until there was nothing left and I was dry heaving.

I didn't realise she'd followed me into the bathroom, gently stroking my back, murmuring inconsequential under her breath. She seemed like a nice girl.

I was such a bastard.


Smoke wafted around our heads. We were mellow part of the night, run out of jokes to tell each other. Still drinking, but I was starting to feel it now.


The three of us turned our very drunk heads. Wally, who'd drunk more than four times what I'd had, wobbled a little and had to prop his head up.

Blonde. Blue eyes. Legs that went on forever. She was pretty but nothing compared to my girl.

"Can I join you?" she asked. "I really don't know anyone around here and you all seem about my age."

Jason lifted his glass, then held out a chair for her. "Sit down! We'll have you! I'm Jason!"

"Wally," Wally said, grinning.

"Dick," I said, nodding to her.

"Sage," she said, smiling at us.

I don't know why, but she chose to sit next to me, rather than Jason.


"Sage..." I moaned, catching my breath.

"Yes?" she replied.

I leant back, flushing the toilet then sat on the floor. "I think I've done something really stupid."


We were in some dark corner and she was straddling me. We were kissing. A lot. My tongue was down her throat, my hands were inside her shirt and I was squeezing her breasts without a care in the world. I wanted more. Couldn't get enough. Alcoholic hazed sex.

She was moaning and grinding against me in my lap. Round and round and round went her hips. She shoved her breast up against me. Her shirt had become more and more unbuttoned as the night progressed, and now was completely open. Black bra. White shirt. So fucking sexy.

I even went as far as to pry one out of her bra so I could get my mouth on her breast.

I was so fucking hard.

I asked her back to my room.

She came.


"What did you do which was stupid?" she asked, sounding concerned.

I trailed my eyes over her. I couldn't help it, she's naked. And apparently I've had sex with her.

I remembered having tequila body shots off her chest. I remember Wally doing one off her neck. I remember punching Jason for trying one off her stomach.

My head hurt. "I have a girlfriend."

"Yes, I know-"


Jason turned on all the flirting switches he had. I saw the gleam in his eye as he looked at Sage, the way he leant against the table as he talked to her. She was polite to him, a little reserved, but as Jason continued to feed her scotches, she loosened up.

I wasn't really interested. Wally was on the phone to Jinx making doey noises at her and I was daydreaming about Starfire and what I'd do to her when I got home when I overheard Sage say, "I'm attached."

"You are?" I asked, sitting forward on my chair.

She turned her attention to me and smiled. "I am. But they couldn't be with me tonight."

"How can a guy leave a girl to be alone on New Year's Eve?" I asked, then realised I could've been speaking of myself. Poor Star.

"Family commitments," she replied.

"I'm sorry," I said sympathetically, then glared at Jason. "Family can be a pain."

"Bite me, bro."

"I don't mind," Sage said and placed her hand on my arm.

"Dude, you're hashing on my pickup-" Jason sneered at me.

I rested my arm along the back of Sage's chair. "You'd better stick with me," I said. "I have a girlfriend, I'll keep you safe from the drunken singles."

She giggled at me. "You are very kind. She'll be home soon, that's what matters."

She... oh... wow... the thoughts from that. Hmmmm... Starfire kissing Selina... hot...

I caught a flash of Jason's 'battle boner' as he leapt across the table, then I was dumped on my ass as Jason tipped me from the chair so he could take my place beside Sage. "Lesbians are so fucking hot."


"And you have a girlfriend," I groaned.

"Well, actually-"

"Star's gonna kill me," I moaned and clutched my hands to my head. Aaaaand, to add to insult, I'm naked too. Great.



We danced. And laughed. And made fun of other couples. We dirty danced, we hit the karaoke machine, singing 'Barbie Girl' of all things. So many memories blurring together. Me and Sage kissing as the clock counted down to midnight. And we kept on kissing as the fireworks lit up the sky.

Bruce's smug expression as he saw us together and I didn't care what he thought in the slightest.


"You do not remember?" Sage asked, kneeling down beside me, then regarded me with the most odd expression.

"Everything's a blur. I'm still getting flashes." So many blank spots, I was having trouble.

"You drunk too much," she abolished.

I nodded. "Last night shouldn't have happened."

Sage's face flatlined. "Why?"

"I have a girlfriend who I'm madly in love with... and we... I shouldn't have... I don't even know why I let it get this far, I've... I've never been with anyone other than her. I don't..." The room span and I felt so sick. I clutched at my head. I felt so bad. Sick bad but also guilty bad. "Fuck..."


"What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't stay away."

"Contractions. Wow. So sexy."

Sage giggled, her fingers playing with the hair on the back of my neck. "You are drunk."

My hand were warm on her waist as we danced. Or strategically wobbled together around the dance floor. "So are you."

"Yes. Very."

I slipped my hands to her ass, pulled her hips to mine so we were pressed together. "So... if I kissed you right now?"

"I'd wonder why you waited so long."


Huh? What an odd conversation... I don't get it. Why would contractions be sexy? I pulled a face and then scrunched it up as I tried to remember.


"You're so sexy, I can't believe we're doing this!" I said as I dragged her back to my room. I had to stop and push her up against the wall to kiss her. Several times. And it wasn't enough. "Bruce is going to have a fit."

"It is rather sneaky, but I do not care what he thinks."

"I'm going to do you so hard, you're not going to be able to walk in the morning."

She giggled at me.



I shook my head, trying to concentrate. There had to be an explanation. I wouldn't do this to Starfire.

Would I?


Sage smiled at me, then leant in close so she could whisper in my ear as we danced. "You haven't recognised me, have you?"

I was taken aback. "I know you?"

She was rather coy. "Rather intimately."

"I'm... sorry... I don't..."

She giggled. "Okay, close your eyes."

I frowned at her. "Sage, I'm not going to let you kiss me, if that's what you're thinking. I'm never going to be drunk enough to betray my girl."

"Nor I to betray mine," she said. "Please. Trust me."

I warily did what she told me.

"Now. Ignore what your eyes and ears say. What do you feel?"

"Umm... your hips?"

"Dancing with me all night, oh so the gentleman and keeping us the proper distance apart."

"You dragged me here."

"You haven't noticed?"

"No? Noticed what?"


"Dick?" Sage tried again, more insistent this time. "You are scaring me. What is wrong?"

"I can't remember. Something important... I'm not like this, I wouldn't... I just wouldn't." I shot her a sharp look. "You slipped me something, didn't you?"

She blinked. "Slipped you what?"

"You had to, that's the only explanation. You drugged me so I'd fuck you."

She reeled back like I'd slapped her. But it was her fault, it had to be. I wouldn't betray Starfire willingly. This bitch had to have slipped me something that inhibited and forced me to do this.

"It's the only explanation. What are you after? Money? Fame? Bragging rights?" Another flash of memory. "Fuck, we didn't even use protection! Are you going for a paternity suit? That's fucking sly. Bitch." Hungover. No filter. And she's fucking with my life.

Sage stood and glowered at me. "I do not want anything from you. Believe me, Dick, you were quite willing."


"What do you feel?" Sage asked again.

I flicked open my eyes and she frowned at me. "Sorry. Still feeling your hips."

"Will you tell your girlfriend of me?"

"Yes. I'll tell her danced with a pretty girl and spent the night wishing she was my girl. She'll want to know about you and I'll tell her."

"What if you didn't have to?"

I frowned, barely managing to keep my eyes closed. "That would be lying, and I wouldn't do that to her."

"She is lucky."

"She's my world."

Her hips rose a little, like she was standing on her toes. "And you are hers."

"I like to think so," I responded.


I stood too, angry and confused and lashing out. "You had to have drugged me. I'd never betray Star with some slut on New Year's Eve."

Her hand shot out and she gripped my throat, slamming me into the bathroom wall with more strength than should be possible. "Be careful what you say, Dick. You may say something you will regret."


"Can you feel it yet?" Sage asked.

"Why are you dancing on your toes?" I asked.

She shifted closer. "Dick," she whispered. "My feet do not touch the ground."

My eyes flashed open and I stared at her.


I gulped. My eyes landing on the silver ring on her little finger, then travelled down to the other hand, seeing a matching one. Then the necklace... "Shit."

The glare was unyielding.

I immediately resorted to begging. "I'm sorry. I... I couldn't remember... Everything's all muddled and I was remembering the wrong bits. All out of order. I thought..."

She huffed. She didn't release me, but her grip lessened on my neck. "I do not appreciate the names."

"I'm so sorry. I just discovered I say stupid things when hungover. No brain filter."

"Apparently," she said, sour. She released me and folded her arms across her chest, pushing her naked breasts together. And I was beginning to notice what was the same. "And I thought you had enjoyed my surprise."

"I did!'' I said, then amended. "I do."

"Funny way of showing it."

"I was confused. I'm sorry. Have I ruined New Years?" I asked, sheepish.

She narrowed her eyes at me, then gifted me with a smile. "No. You have not. Last night was amazing, so you have many of the 'brownie points' for that. Although they are considerably less."

"So... I'm your girlfriend, huh?"

She giggled. "Jason's reaction was so comical. As was the wrestling you did with him to get your chair back."

I chuckled. "I'm not going to be able to live that down. If he even remembers."

"You shall live. It is... somewhat of a relief. You were most gentlemanly even though you were completely inebriated. Right up until you worked it out. Then you were the 'all over me'."

"Sorry I was so slow," I said, relieved. "Can I make it up to you?"

"Depends. Will you brush your teeth first?"

I laughed. "Of course."

"And shower," she said, wrinkling her nose. "You reek."

I held out my hand. "Only if I can do it with my beautiful girlfriend. Take them off."

She complied, leaving the hologram rings and voice synthesiser necklace on the bench, revealing herself to me in all her glory and leaving behind her 'Sage' persona.

I grinned as she took my hand. "Happy New Year, Star."

Author's Note:

Had to get on Faith's torture Robin kick. Only, its really a "Let's fuck with everyone!"

Had you all worried. Poor Kater was screeching at me ^_^. Neener neener.

Rated humour, cause it's me having a big joke on you.

Jason's 'battle boner' is for Airdrie, as viewed in the comics (it's pants folds. Honest! Phallatic pant folds!). (The second comic cover of Red Hood and the Outlaws sported a very prominent boner for Jason for a while. It was an instant internet sensation).

Happy New Years!

Edit: Epic fail on spellcheck grammar check this time. Sorry guys. I think I got them all.