Okay before I start the story just some continuity for you all. This is based off the Cartoon for the most part so Wally is the Flash during the founding of the Justice League. That being said he was still Kid Flash at one point in time and I figure Dick Grayson and him would have been friends. Now it becomes more comic cannon for Young Justice. Tim Drake is the current Robin. That will be important.
Thomas continued to cry. The other leaguers in the room began to edge out of the kitchen with panicked faces. If a child was crying because it was in danger they would be able to do something but this wasn't a situation they could solve with superpowers and this wasn't any normal child. No this was a situation for Batman and Superman.
Both Bruce and Clark stared at the screaming child.
"We can't not feed him," Bruce said once again.
"I know," Clark sighed, "Shut up."
"I'm just saying," Bruce started.
"And I get it. So let's just feed him already."
"What do we feed him?"
"Well a banana… I guess," Clark received a Bat-glare as a response, "It's not my fault bananas are a food he can handle eating."
So Bruce cut up a Banana for Thomas. Thomas loved the banana; ate most of it and played with the rest. Clark was getting a bottle ready when it happened.
At first it was a Smell. An awful Smell. A Horrible Smell.
"Please tell me that's not the baby," Clark pointed.
Then the crying started.
"This looks like a job for Superman," Bruce tried to hand Thomas over.
"No way! I'm not changing that."
"Do you have super smell as a power? No. So I'm not doing it."
"You wanted to get more involved this is the perfect place to start."
"Clark, I've been doing the whole parenting thing longer than you. This is only the start of bad smells and it's not even in my top three. Just wait until you get puked on," Bruce finally got Clark to take the baby, "I'm going to get you a new diaper."
"You're mean! And Evil!" Clark called after the retreating bat. He looked down at the crying baby, "You can't be as bad as Etrigan."
Thomas kept crying as a response.
The Flash is the one who came in with the diaper.
"Oh god, that's awful!" Flash threw the diaper at Clark.
"I know. The Bat was too cowardly to come back huh?"
"I got no clue, but you have probably been played," Flash was going to run out again, but Clark used his heat vision to melt Wally's shoes so he tripped, "Ow!"
"If I have to change the diaper you get to stay and suffer with me."
It was the poo to end all poos Clark found as he opened the diaper.
"Oh god, your kid has amazing shit," Wally died coughing and over all being a drama queen, "Don't forget to close it now or you'll be peed on."
Clark did close the diaper to avoid the spray of pee. This was pretty gross but it wasn't like checking if a cow was pregnant so he could handle this at least that's what he kept telling himself.
"It's a lot of poop. Did you bring wipes?" Clark asked.
"No and I could get you some but you melted my shoes!" Wally cried.
"You were being a jerk."
"You melted my shoes!"
"I'm sorry I didn't want to face this alone," Clark went over to the sink and wetted a paper cloth. It was the best he could do in this situation. He'd also have to scrub down the counter when he finished.
Wally was fiddling with the bottom of his uniform trying to figure out way to get the shoe part off, but the way it had melted had him stuck to the floor.
"I hate you right now." Wally declared.
Thomas now a happy clean two year old giggled.
"I'll free you in a minute," Clark finished putting on the new diaper and handed Thomas over to Wally, "Hold him."
Clark dashed around the kitchen cleaning with his super speed killing all germs that dared try to breed in his presents. Wally 's anger was being beaten into submission by the cute two year old trying to play with his mask.
"Awe who's a cute baby?" Wally tickled Thomas getting even more laughs, "No way this is part Batman."
"You'd be surprised," Clark said taking Thomas back, "So Wally, you're friends with Conner right?"
"Why do I feel like you aren't freeing me anytime soon?"
Bruce had escaped the dreaded diaper change. He had a slightly more important mission. Find Wonder Woman and hopefully not to die. Was it suicidal? Probably. But he was a rich boy with issues; lots of issues. One of which was though he acted like a major flirt and man-whore as Bruce Wanye, he did not treat woman like he had Diana lately. A concussion was no excuse for feeling her up in public. He was going to make this right.
Finding Diana wasn't too hard. She was in the gym pounding way on a punching bag. One of his bags, he could tell from the bat logo. Maybe he should stop labeling his stuff like that. She had clearly broken a few of his toys in the time it took him to get here. It would be safer to watch her for now. Let her cool down a bit more because while he had issues a death wish wasn't really one of them.
"I just want to know how to approach him," Clark said. He and Wally were sitting in chairs though Wally was still attached to the floor.
"I get that," Wally sighed, "You're better off asking Nightwing, he has a little bird on the inside."
"I know. Honestly I just don't want the whole bat family to give me the; I told you so lecture."
"They are freakishly good at that," Wally smiled, "All right Supes, I'll help you."
"Okay so first you need to be yourself. Don't try to act like a cool kid or anything cause coming off fake is not going to help you."
"I'm not trying to if in with his posy Wally."
"No but you are trying to form a connection right? So best bet be Superman. Be the nice boy scout all American space alien the world has come to love. Conner does want to know you, we've been telling you that for months."
"You think that will be enough?"
"You're a good guy Clark," Wally smiled, "Now free me from my shoes."
Clark rolled his eyes and handed Wally Thomas. He bent down and ripped the part where the boot attached to the legging on both legs. "That would have been easier if they were separate, like normal clothing."
"Oh really? Cause normally people aren't melting my shoes."
"You think more of your villains would try that. Or what if you got turned into a kid, you'd have way more problems trying to run in that."
"Yes cause that's something that will happen anytime soon."
"You never know."
After watching Wonder Woman destroy three more of his punching bags Bruce had defiantly decided he would stop labeling his stuff with bat symbols. Clearly this just made it easier for upset members of the Justice League take their anger out on his stuff. He liked his stuff. She shouldn't be breaking his stuff.
Alright he could do this. All he had to do was walk up to an angry Amazon. Yeah he could so do that. He faced death all the time. He was the night. He was vengeance. He was Batman.
She just broke another one of his bags.
He was going to wait. He was not going to piss himself. He was not going to be a dead man walking.
"Bruce I know your there." Diana was pissed, that tone said pissed.
He might be a dead man walking after all.
"Would it help if I said sorry? I'm really and truly sorry."
"No. You humiliated me in front of teammates."
"I didn't mean to. I'm sorry Diana."
"Are you even going to explain why you tackled me? Why you yelled at me?" Diana began punching another bag, but this time it was one of her own.
"Clark and I panicked. So he threw me at you. I yelled because I was worried over Thomas. Anytime he eats he ages a full year. He's just going to keep aging and it's likely to kill him in a few months." Bruce flinched as Diana punched the bag again. He was sure she was imaging it was his face.
"You could have just told me. It's not like I want to hurt Thomas."
"You want to hurt me now?"
"No," punch "A little," punch "You should go," punch.
"I am sorry."
"I don't want to leave if you're mad at me," Bruce mumbled.
"I'll be less mad if you go now." Diana heard him anyway.
"Alright," Bruce held up his hands in surrender, "I'll go."
Bruce found Clark and Thomas in the teleport room. Clark was pacing back and forth clearly nervous. Thomas was falling asleep from the movement. It was kind of cute really.
"Ready to face the music and apologize for being a dead beat dad?"
"It'll be fine Clark," Bruce joined them.
"What if it's not fine? What if he doesn't like Thomas? What if he hates me? What if this is what triggers him to go postal? What if—"
Bruce grabbed Clark gently by the shoulders, "Clark, shut up and breathe."
"It'll be okay?"
"Yes. It'll be fine." Bruce sighed, "Besides you think I'm looking forward to the ragging I'm going to get from Tim? His first question is going to be if it's Talia's. Ready now?"
"Batman, Superman and Superbat now transporting." The computer voiced as the three teleported away to the Young Justice cave.
AN: Hi all thanks for the reviews, favorites, alerts and all that they mean the world to me. Hopefully this made a few people laugh. This was a hard chapter to write with everything going on. To be funny. So I hope it makes someone's day.
Shameless plug for my writing partner: You should all read Kita chan's Life in the Fishbowl! Go find it now!