A/N: Anything can be High School AU fic. ANYTHING. (Apologies if someone's done this already).

"Jesus Christ!"


"Time for school!"

Damn it. It had felt like the day would never come. For a while, I had kidded myself that it never would. And yet here it was, 24th of August, and I was going to school. For the first time ever.

I stumbled out of bed and threw on some clothes, eyes still shut. I knew my way around the house very well. I left my room and turned down the hall, without the need to see where I was going. My bare feet navigated the wooden floor of their own accord.

Even I had to open my eyes for the stairs. It took a moment for my vision to work at all, and even then everything was a colored blur. I forced my eyes open as wide as they would go, and eventually I was able to make my way downstairs.

I took a left and entered the kitchen, where I saw my father eating a bagel.

"Dad, can't we talk this over?" I knew it was a lost cause, but I really, really, didn't want to go.

"Son, I'm done homeschooling you. I know you wanted me to get you a tutor or something, but I've made up my mind. You barely have any friends, Jesus. You need to get out, to meet people. Have a life of your own! I never did." God looked sad, and I knew he was sincere. That didn't stop me from being annoyed. He always said he knew best, which got usually got on my nerves. And God never wanted me to do the stuff I wanted to do.

Maybe he was right this time. I really didn't know anyone my age, but I didn't think I was missing anything. Was I?

Maybe some distance from God was what I needed.

I realized that I hadn't answered him yet, so I gave a kind of generic nod. I poured myself some cereal and we ate in silence for a few minutes.

Ten minutes until school started. And damn was I still tired.

"Hey Dad, can you give me a ride to school?"

"Jesus, it's like a couple blocks. You'll live."

And so, I walked out the door, with only a hurried goodbye to my father. My backpack weighed me down heavily. Luckily, this was a hilly part of town, and the school was much lower than my house. The walk to school would be easy, but for the way back, I'd be screwed.

I descended down the hill, following the road to Siddhartha Gautama High School. Ours was a small town, so I didn't think I'd have a problem finding my way around. Hopefully.

When I arrived at the building, it was almost time for school to begin. Everyone hurried towards the front doors, and I didn't really get time for a good look at anybody. By the time I reached the doors, a huge crowd surrounded me. I wasn't ready for this at all. But it was too late now. I made myself smile, and mentally assured myself that things couldn't be that bad.

Luckily, the first thing was an assembly, so I didn't have to go to class right away. Some adults were herding everyone into the gym, which I can tell you was the largest room I'd ever seen. All of the bleachers were completely full, so I was stuck on the floor with a bunch of other kids. Most of them were chatting animatedly with each other. Of course, I didn't know anyone yet. There wasn't anything for me to talk about, so I kept my mouth shut and stared at the front, where some teachers were milling around.

Finally, an announcement came, from an elderly man who was probably the principal. "Good morning everyone, and welcome back to school! I know we're going to have a great year and…" Blah blah blah. I didn't know anyone could talk about having a great year and being happy to see everyone for five minutes, but he did. I tuned out for a while, and so did everyone around me. Some of them went back to talking with their neighbors. I just sort of looked at the floor.

Eventually, more speakers were called up, but they all said the same kinds of things and seemed exactly the same. The only deviation was the final speaker, who was just a kid. "Ladies and gentlemen, Student Body President Pilate!"

This one said pretty much the same things as all the staff did. In fact, he kept looking at them, as though for approval. Despite it all, he was a decent speaker. A pity he had nothing to say.

Bored out of my mind, I imagined myself as student body president. I'd actually do something. Still, I kind of doubted that these guys would put me in charge. I'd heard student elections are just popularity contests, and no one knew who I was.

That wouldn't last forever, of course. I was sure that by some point, I'd have some kind of reputation. I just didn't know what yet.


Jesus attends classes, and makes a few new friends. Also, we get to meet Satan! :D