Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling!
A/N: If any of you read any of my current 'in-progress' stories, I know I didn't upload as promised on Christmas day, but it's complicated… sorry guys! The new laptop I got on Christmas has absolutely no writing programs on it whatsoever, and I can't get onto my old laptop because the chargers broken and my brother threw it away. I'm waiting on my uncle's friend who offered to download a Microsoft word program onto my new laptop, and I'm unable to get to any of my stories because something's wrong with the my flashdrive key thingy, so I'm waiting for my payment so I can buy a new charger, and I'm waiting for my uncle's friend… right now, I'm only able to do new things on my brothers laptop, which only has "text edit" so I have to then upload it as a DocX then copy it onto my mom's laptop when she's sleeping, and start a new document. It's extremely complicated, and I'm trying to keep my patience, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I had to write something, and I owe you guys something… I hope you enjoy it.
Also: this is based on a true story of my day today. I was walking around the mall with my friend, ran into a stalker that I managed to avoid over the last 7 months, but he somehow found me again. I mean I literally had to change my number, avoid all my hangout spots, and even drop some of my friends because of this guy. He noticed me, and at once started following me again. While searching for security, I ran into an old enemy of mines from school, and well… this is how this story came to mind(:
"Harry's getting on my last nerves lately," the waddling fire haired girl grumbled, holding a bag filled with pointless trinkets in it. Furrowing her equally fire colored eyebrows together, one of her hands absentmindedly began to rub the large bulging belly of hers.
Rolling her coffee colored eyes, the curly haired girl lightly chuckled. "What is he doing now Gin?"
"He won't let me out of his bloody sight," she started complaining again, for the umpteenth time this day. "If I stand up just to walk to the kitchen, he's running to my side, and insisting that I sit down."
"You're due in one month," Hermione reminded her best girlfriend. "He's just nervous. You shouldn't be moving around as much as you do," she then cocked a chestnut colored eyebrow, and frowned a little, "Which by the way… how did you get him to agree with you asking me to bring you to muggle London for a day?"
Guilt flooded Ginny Potter's face, and she nervously chuckled when she heard Hermione groan. "Well… he's out of town for work. Something about a mad wizard ravaging the poor Chinese muggles, so Harry's going to be gone for a couple of days."
"The Chinese?" Hermione asked, fiddling with the handles of her own bags. "Why didn't they send Cho?"
"They did. Cho's assigned as Harry's partner. Ron and Seamus went with them as well."
Hermione listened for a bitter sound in Ginny's voice, but it never came. "And you're fine with that?" she asked her. "I mean, you're fine with Harry working as Cho's partner?"
"They did their thing back in your guys' fifth year," Ginny nodded her head. "I don't mind it at all actually. Harry had her, and now he has me. After all, I'm the one he got down on one knee for. I'm the one he gave his last name to, and I'm the one he impregnated with his demon seed. So yes, I'm perfectly fine with that."
"Your son isn't a demon spawn Ginny," Hermione rolled her eyes once more. "You really need to-"
Hermione stopped talking immediately. Ginny saw the fear in her friend's eyes, and turned to find the source of it. Her own jaw dropped, and she didn't know whether to laugh or to cry for her friend. They finally just managed to get rid of him. Ginny grabbed Hermione's elbow to pull her away instantly, but it was too late. His dark brown eyes spotted them. A sickening grin spread over his darkened lips, and he was moving towards them in a quick pace. Hermione growled to herself as she made a mental note to kill Scotty. Scotty was a good friend of hers from her primary school days, and the boy walking towards them was his little brother. Peter Travers. Peter ran into Hermione one day, a little over a year ago. Things were fine, until he started calling her through all hours of the night. He would text her constantly, and somehow he didn't seem to understand the words; leave me the hell alone, and no matter how many times Hermione changed her number, he still found a way to get to her.
In the beginning, they were okay, because she made it known to him that they were just friends. He was two years younger than her, and they were strictly just friends. Soon he was getting pissy with her when she would talk to Scotty instead of him, then the constant phone calls and text messages. One morning when Hermione went out for a jog, he was waiting for her with a rose and a stupid grin on his face. When it became obvious enough that Scotty couldn't control his little brother, Hermione had to eventually cut off all ties with her muggle friends, and moved out of her comfortable flat in muggle London, and rented a flat somewhere in the wizarding world. It's been seven months since she's last seen or heard from Peter, but now… now he was walking towards her and Ginny.
"Let's just pretend we don't see him," Ginny muttered under her breath, continuing to still pull at Hermione. "We can sneak off to the loo, and apparate back to-"
"You can't apparate," Hermione shook her head, reminding her friend of her condition. "It's dangerous to the baby this far along in your pregnancy."
"We can-" but she was soon cut off, by the figure standing in front of them.
"Hullo Hermione," Peter grinned down at the shorter woman in front of him. It made Hermione uneasy at how he stood at six foot one at only nineteen years old. Whereas she was twenty one, and only five foot six. Even Ginny's five foot nine seemed too short in comparison next to him.
"Peter," she said in a calm voice, although her hand was tightly gripping onto Ginny's for some sort of support.
"It's been seven months since I've seen you last," there was a bitterness to his tone. "I tried calling you, but your number's been disconnected. And Scotty told me that you just disappeared from everyone. Where have you been all this time?"
"I've been around," she said, her eyes shifting. "You remember my friend Ginny right?"
Peter's eyes landed on Ginny's large rounded belly before her face. Slowly, he began to politely smile. "I see that Harry's knocked you up," his tone was friendly now. "Congratulations to you both. Do you know what it is yet?"
"A boy," she nodded her head, trying to remain as polite as possible. "We don't mean to be rude Peter, but we have to meet up with our friend."
"Oh," he began to search the area, seeing if he recognized anyone. "Is Luna here with you two as well?"
Hermione and Ginny gave each other quick glances. What could they say? "No," it was Hermione who answered him. "You don't know him."
"Oh," the bitterness returned as his head snapped towards Hermione. There was darkness in his eyes this time though. "But I know Harry, and Ron. Even Neville," it was true. Hermione had introduced him to all of her friends before. She hadn't told them they were witches, and wizards, but she explained to him that they became friends in her boarding school. She introduced them before he became crazy.
Hermione saw the rage boiling in Ginny's cheeks, and it looked as if her friend were contemplating on doing something stupid, so she said the first thing that popped into her mind. "Actually, this is my boyfriend. Harry is out of town for work for a couple of days, so he agreed to take Ginny and I baby shopping."
"It was nice seeing you again though," Ginny lied, while pulling Hermione away before Peter had a chance to say anything else.
The two friends remained silent. They had their wands close to them, but it was too dangerous to use it now. The mall was extremely crowded this day, for reasons that neither of them understood, but they didn't need to speak. They both knew what they were doing. They were searching around for a security guard to help them out. Ginny looked back a couple of times, and saw that Peter was still following them around. Occasionally, they would pop into a random store for a couple of minutes, but he was still there. He didn't even bother to hide the fact that he was watching their every move.
That was when they spotted him. Ginny just mentioned to Hermione that Peter had been following them for half an hour and they still didn't find any security guards, when Hermione saw that Peter was approaching them once more. They spotted him at the same time. His hair was different than they remember, but it was still the same prat from school. Pale blonde locks fell into the quicksilver eyes while he looked bored. Standing in the middle of the muggle mall, was Draco Malfoy, nearing six foot three. Hermione caught her breath; she had always admired his looks. To her, he had always been handsome. If only he hadn't been such an evil headed git, she would have admired more than just his looks. It's been three years since any of the golden members had seen him, and she felt a loss because of it. He seemed to grow up nicely into his features.
His pointed chin rounded out a little, while he had a little patch of pale blonde fuzz on it. His hair reached just above his shoulders, and she felt her body involuntarily shudder as he used both of his hands to push it out of his face. She had never seen him look so comfortable in all their seven years of knowing each other. Instead of the death suit he always took to wearing, he was dressed in muggle jeans, and a plain long sleeved shirt. Even Ginny had to admit it. Draco Malfoy was hot in blue jeans, and a beige shirt. As comfortable as he seemed, he looked even more bored. Ginny had no time to think, when she was suddenly being tugged in the ferrets direction.
"Draco!" Hermione squealed in a high pitched voice. Ginny's face blanched as she realized what her friend was doing, and Draco stared at the two approaching female's with a look of confusion. Quickly dropping Ginny's hand, Hermione mustered up all of her remaining Gryffindor courage, and jumped into Draco's arms. "Please play along," she whispered in his ear, so closely that a passerby would have thought she was whispering intimate things to him. "I'm begging you Malfoy, please just do this."
Before Draco could even reply or react to the Mudblood hand that was now linked in with his pureblooded fingers, he saw a guy approach them. There was venom in his eyes, and Draco felt Hermione tense against him. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the very pregnant Weaselette scoot closer to him as well. "Hermione," the guy practically spat out.
"Peter," Hermione faked an enthusiastic grin, trying to ignore just how close she was to Draco. "This is Draco Malfoy, the boyfriend that I told you we were supposed to be meeting up with. Draco, love," keeping a grin on her face, she looked up at Draco, and silently begged him to play along. "This is Peter Travers. I told you about him before. My friend Scotty's little brother; from primary school."
Unsure if she was more appalled or proud at Hermione for choosing to succumb Malfoy to this, Ginny decided to play along, "Yes Draco," she said in her own sweet voice, curling her arm into his, and leaning against him for support, "Peter here was nice enough to follow us around to make sure we found you safely."
Draco nodded his head. He understood. This muggle had been following the Gyrffindors around, but there was more to it. Hermione knew him from before. The way that his two enemies made themselves comfortable against him, proved to him that this wasn't the first time this Peter fellow had followed them around. Hermione was the victim. "Thank you for making sure that Hermione and Ginny were safe," Draco said, holding back the chuckle when the two girls froze at hearing him speak their first names. They quickly relaxed though, and he continued, "But as you can see, they are fine now. You can go now."
"I've never heard of you before," Peter challenged, not ready to leave Hermione yet. He's been waiting to see her again for seven months, and he wasn't ready to lose her again.
Draco rolled his eyes. This kid was annoying him. "We only started dating seven months ago," he quickly lied. He thought of seven months because that was when his relationship with Astoria was brought to an end. It was the first number that popped into his mind.
"Seven months," Peter spat out, causing both Hermione and Ginny to push more into Draco. He noticed their reactions at once. "We've been ended for only seven months Hermione," he argued in a childish manner, "What did you do? Once you left me, you went straight to this bloke?"
"Honestly Peter," Hermione sighed. Draco chuckled at recognizing her scolding voice, he's heard her use it many times at Hogwarts. "We were never together. I told you many times that we were only friends. You are two years younger than me, and not to mention, you're my friends little brother. Draco and I went to school together, and we ran into each other again seven months ago, we've been dating ever since."
"Which is why Hermione disappeared," Ginny said with a smug smirk on her face. "She moved in with Draco."
"What about all those nights we would fall asleep on the phone with each other?" Peter asked Hermione, his voice dripping with venom now. "And all those times I would meet you after one of your morning jogs with a rose? And that time that I filled your flat with candles, and rose petals? And I even sent chocolates to your job for you. And we sent each other those cute texts."
"I put my phone on silent so you would stop waking me up every other hour by calling me," Hermione corrected him, pulling away from Draco so she could slap the annoying nineteen year old in front of her. "I'm allergic to roses, and I asked you nicely to please stop showing up at all the places I went to. I still demand to know how you got a copy of my flat's key that time, and I've asked security many times to escort you away from my job. I quit because of you, and I had to change my number three times because of you Peter," Draco pulled Hermione back. Without thinking of what he was doing, he grabbed Ginny's hand, and placed it in the front pocket of his jeans as to not lose her, than he pulled Hermione back into his arms. Her back thudded against his chest, but he didn't care. He just wanted to make sure she didn't do something stupid, like hit the guy who towered over her.
"I told you I loved you!" Peter now shouted, drawing some, but very little attention their way.
Draco had heard enough. So far he concluded that this guy was a nutter. Hermione made it very obvious that she wanted nothing to do with him, and this guy was now shouting at her? "I think my girlfriend made it very obvious that she would like you to leave her alone," he said in an icy tone. Hermione shivered against his chest, remembering the evil-tempered Draco from school. "As of this moment, I don't want to even hear anything about you attempting to talk to her, find her, or do any sort of thing with her in your mind. I want you to turn away, and leave this mall, and forget all about her."
"I don't know who the bloody hell you think you are," Peter said, daring to step closer towards Draco.
Draco growled. Gently pushing Hermione out of his arms, he made sure that both she and Ginny were behind him, before he towered over the annoying muggle. "You may frighten her, but in my eyes you are nothing more than a tiny little ant. I will stomp on you like the ant you are. Now I suggest you leave before you piss me off."
Hermione and Ginny glanced at each other. Ginny gave Hermione widened eyes, while Hermione showed a soft smile. She never imagined the day that Draco Malfoy would have to come to her rescue. "Hermione," Peter tried to step around Draco to talk to the girl, but Draco followed his steps. Sighing in annoyance, Peter growled, "Let me talk to my friend."
"I'm not letting you talk to my girlfriend," he shook his head. This was annoying. He had been minding his own business, trying to search for something to buy for Blaise's birthday, and now he was pretending to love Hermione Granger enough to protect her. But this guy was mental. Who in their right mind would want to stalk Granger? "Come on girls," he said in a protective tone, automatically linking his fingers in with Hermione's, and placing his hand on the small of Ginny's back, to help her walk.
Hermione and Ginny remained silent. Draco was leading them around the mall, and Peter was still following them. They weren't sure why Draco was still playing along with them, but they were grateful for it. Draco continued to walk with them, muttering under his breath the entire time. Holding Hermione's hand in his, he resisted the urge to turn around, and punch the guy in his face. If it weren't for the fact that Ginny looked as if she were ready to give birth any day now, he would have. He just didn't need Potter looking for an excuse to send him to Azkaban. If Ginny went into labor because he beat up some muggle guy, they would find a way to put all the blame on him.
"Is he still following us?" Draco asked, breaking the awkward silence.
Peeking over her shoulder, Ginny nodded her head, "Yep!"
"Damn Granger," Draco shook his head, "What the hell did you do for this guy to want you?"
"I don't know," she admitted with a shrug of her shoulders. "We ran into each other one day in the store. He recognized me as his brother's old friend, and we started talking. He began stalking me, and he wouldn't leave me alone no matter what I did. I even got the muggle police involved. I changed my number three times, and he still found a way to call me. Eventually I ended up quitting my job, and dropped my phone completely. I moved to the wizarding world, and I lost contact with all of my muggle friends just to avoid him."
"Seven months ago," Ginny added, then rubbed her belly, "Sorry 'Mione, this is my fault. I shouldn't have dragged you with me to muggle London. We could have brought the babies things in Diagon Alley."
Hermione sighed, "It's not your fault Gin. I thought he would have forgotten me by now. And it's not as if I expected to run into him today. This is the first time I've stepped into muggle London since I left it behind. What were the odds of seeing him again?"
"Apparently higher than you thought," Draco smirked. He could feel Ginny slowing her pace down, and without thinking, he leaned forward and grabbed her bag out of her hand. "Let me get that for you Ginny."
Shocked, but appreciative, Ginny smiled, "Thanks Draco."
"Give me your bags as well Hermione," he ordered her, reaching over for them.
"You don't have to," she tried to argue, but before she could finish her sentence, he was already holding all of their bags in his free hand, that he was using to hold onto Ginny with. "Thanks," she blushed
Draco looked down, and saw that she changed since he last saw her. No longer being forced to fight in a war, Hermione was no longer frail looking. It seemed she grew up as well. At Hogwarts she was always hidden beneath heavy layers of clothing, but now she seemed so comfortable in her skin, almost too comfortable actually. She was wearing white jean shorts that stopped right on her thighs, showing she had thick legs, even if her body seemed petite. The yellow tank top that she wore, ended right at the button of her shorts, but showed skin every time she would raise her arms even slightly. Glossy ringlets fell around her shoulders like it did at the Yule Ball in their fourth year. Ginny changed as well. Wearing a short sleeved purple dress that fell to her knees, Draco could tell she changed as well – she wasn't pregnant the last time he saw her. Nor was she wearing the Potter family ring on her marriage finger. His eyes scanned over Hermione's hand, and he chuckled lightly. Of course she wasn't married, she was using him as her pretend boyfriend wasn't she?
"Well he's not leaving us until we leave here," Draco told them. "Blaise's birthday is tomorrow, and he has a fascination for muggle things, so I need to get him something. And I'm assuming you two are here for a reason as well. What do you say, we get Blaise's gift then we shop for you two?"
"Thanks Draco," Hermione shyly muttered. "In all honesty, I wasn't expecting you to play along with this. It's just that he wouldn't leave us alone, and we couldn't find a guard anywhere. I spotted you just as I realized he was going to talk to us again."
"It's alright," he shrugged his shoulders. "You two can help me out now. I don't know what to get Blaise for his birthday. I don't know what muggles usually get for each other."
"Harry gets his uncle a tie every year for his birthday," Ginny shrugged her shoulders.
"Blaise has a closet full of ties," he frowned, shaking his head. Besides, in the wizarding world, a tie meant the gift giver hated you.
"He gets his aunt something for the kitchen," she offered again.
"Blaise has house e-" suddenly remembering that his fingers were currently locked in with the creator of S.P.E.W, he quickly shook his head. "He doesn't cook."
Ginny tried one last time, "He buys his cousin a book."
"Dudley doesn't even know how to read," Hermione chuckled. "Harry gets them those things, because he knows how much they hate those items."
Draco chuckled at the idea of the savior of the wizarding world doing something very Slytherin like. "Besides, Blaise has his own library."
"What sort of muggle things does he like?" Hermione asked. "Sports? Muggle stories are different from wizarding stories. Or does he prefer muggle clothing?"
"I think he likes…" Draco tried to think about it. "Erm… handball?"
"Handball?" scrunching up her nose, she started to laugh. "Football? British football or American football?"
Draco looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "Is there a difference?"
"Yes, Draco," there was a tease in her smile now. "There is a difference. Our football is where we actually kick the ball. But American football involves padding, helmets, and throwing the ball."
"British then," he nodded his head. "He made me watch it once with him. They were in a huge field, and they were kicking a ball everywhere."
Ginny thought about it for a second then she grinned. "You can get him a jersey. Do you know who his favorite player is?"
It took nearly an hour, but they finally had Blaise's present. They got him an Ashley Young jersey, along with a football, a pair of muggle football shorts, and a net so that he could attempt to play it in his yard. Draco was about to ask the two girls where they wanted to go now, seeing as how it was their turn to shop, when he spotted Peter from the corner of his eyes. He growled to himself. In all their thinking of buying Blaise's gift, he forgot about the stalker. It seemed as if Hermione forgot about him to by the way she stiffened once she saw him. Holding the bags in his hand, Draco made sure that Ginny was close to him, but he could see she was getting tired already. Peter started moving towards them.
"Oh," Ginny gasped.
Hermione turned away from the smug look on Peter's face, and faced Ginny, "What is it Gin?"
"You and Draco have only been holding hands, and he held our bags," she slowly said. A grimace was set on her face, "It doesn't exactly prove that you're in a relationship."
"What are you talking about?"
Draco knew what Ginny meant, and an odd part of him was excited about it. He grew up with this brat of a woman, and knew her only when she was a prude. Now that she showed skin, and was surprisingly okay to talk to, he found himself wanting to do this. "Sorry about this Granger," he whispered above her lips.
Hermione opened her mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but soon enough his tongue was massaging hers. Feeling his fingers grip onto her hips, she found her fingers acting to their own accord, and running through his hair. From when she was only twelve years old, she's wondered what it would be like to snog him. There were rumors that he started shagging girls when they were only thirteen, and she often wondered what it would be like to be one of them after a while. Even though they weren't shagging, she still never thought this day would actually come. A soft moan escaped her lips while a low chuckle escaped his. Draco pressed her body tightly against his, and warmth flooded Hermione's body. His tongue shocked hers, and now she was heating up. He tasted of coffee and cake, whereas she tasted of watermelon bubble gum. For a second, Draco forgot that he was snogging his enemy. This was the girl he hated more than life itself, and now he was snogging her. Not once, had this idea ever ran through his mind until he acted upon it, and it was surprisingly nice. She definitely knew what she was doing, and he found himself allowing her to take dominance. She definitely knew what she was doing.
"Guys," Ginny cleared her throat. She's been standing there for what seemed like four minutes, and Peter was out of sight already. She saw him leave the mall actually. "Guys," she cleared her throat louder this time. Draco moaned this time as well. "GUYS!"
Jumping away from Draco in fright, Hermione turned to her friend. "What?"
"He's gone," she smirked. "Peter. Once you guys started snogging, he left the mall. That was four minutes ago."
"Four minutes?" Hermione felt as if she were going to be light headed? It felt like they've been snogging for only a couple of seconds.
"He left?" Draco felt a little disappointed. The whole point of him hanging around the two of them was to make sure the stalker left them alone.
Ginny nodded her head, "Yep."
"Oh," Hermione turned to Draco. This was awkward once again, just like it had been in the beginning of their little tirade. "Well thanks Draco, if it weren't for you, he would probably still be harassing us."
He nodded his head, one hand brushing through his hair. "No problem," handing them each their bags, he looked over at Ginny. "You should name him after me you know – Draco, I think it's a cute name."
"I don't think Harry would go for that as much," Ginny chuckled. "How'd you know it's a boy?"
He shrugged his shoulders, "Lucky guess."
"Well take care," Hermione awkwardly said, standing there with her bags in her hands. Her lips were swollen from his kiss. Her mind was still dizzy, and her stomach was fluttering.
"You to," he nodded his head. Walking over, he hugged Ginny, and politely kissed her on her cheek. When he saw her flush, he chuckled, "C'mon Weaselette, we've been best friends all day, I think we're allowed to be on good terms now, don't you?"
Nodding her head, Ginny smirked. "Of course Ferret," she then leaned in, and kissed his cheek as well.
Draco laughed; a friendly laugh, then turned back to Hermione. Her cheeks were still heated, and her lips still plump. "I'll be seeing you around Hermione."
He nodded his head. "I moved back to wizarding London last week."
"I thought you moved to Italy after Hogwarts, to play professional Quidditch?" she asked him.
"Keeping tabs on me eh, Granger?" he smirked, reminding her of the Draco who once flirted with everyone but her. It caused her to sigh. Seeing Hermione sigh instead of answering him, he shook his head. "I gave up on that. I realized my father liked me playing Quidditch more than I did. I just got a job at the Ministry."
"Really?" Ginny quirked an eyebrow, "Doing what?"
"I'm starting out small," he told them. "Right now, it's just working as a desk clerk in the Auror department. The Minister wants to make sure I'm on the right path before he allows me to apply to become an Auror."
Hermione was mixed between wanting to smile because she would see Draco every day, and wanting to grimace because she would be seeing Draco every day. She worked in the Auror department as well. As a desk clerk. "Well I'll see you around then."
Draco saw Hermione turn to leave. Ginny turned away already as well. He realized that this was the moment when they say goodbye, and they go back to how it was before this awkward day. He didn't want that. He didn't want Hermione to be able to go back to hating him so he did the only thing he could think of. It was the only thing that made sense in his twisted little mind. Grabbing hold of her shoulder, he pulled her back against him, snogged her senseless until they both couldn't breathe, and then he pulled away. Right when he saw Hermione open her mouth to say something, Draco winked then walked away.
Oh yes! It was on now!
A/N: So yes, this is what happened to me earlier. I jumped on my enemy, and asked him to play along with me. My friend is 8 months pregnant and we were at the mall looking for baby things, and he was looking for something for his friend's birthday for tomorrow. His friend just so happens to love Harry Potter, and this guy happens to hate it for some reason. He remembered me being obsessed with it back in school, and asked for my help. We chose a box set for the 3rd year (which happens to be his friends favorite movie- as is mines) that comes with photos, a script, the movie, a figurine, and some other things in it. Peter is actually the name of my stalker, and my friends name really is Scotty, and Peter really is Scotty's brother. My enemy really did kiss me to prove to Peter that we were together, and he really did kiss me again before leaving.
Are we together now? No! Why are we enemies? He picked on me for being fat from 7th grade all through graduation. Am I still fat? Yes! Why did he go along with it? I have no bloody idea! But I had to write this story because of my idea. My enemy (who I shall just call Draco for now because his friends read my stories) is the biggest douchebag I know, and now I'm utterly confused at everything. Draco and I had the hugest arguments back at school, and I actually punched him in our junior year because he called me a bitch. I hated this guy, and in a way I still do. Our thing reminds me of Dramione in a way. If only I didn't want to puke every time I thought about him.
So I hope you guys enjoyed this story. And I hope I didn't offend anyone with the stalking thing, because trust me… stalking is not a thing to joke about. Please review! (: