This was borne out of frustration when playing N&B: I hate Humba's little challenge where she pits you against Klungo, Mumbo and Pikelet, to race to the finish. She fits you in the slowest freaking car in the game. I've tried to take off some parts, I've been more careful, and yet the "troll hags" always bash me into walls and objects and make me lose. Again. And again. And again. So I wrote this out of frustration, for your enjoyment and humor, and my (and Banjo's and Kazooie's) delight. Also, this is told from Kazooie's perspective because she's funnier.
Note that this doesn't mean I have anything against First Nations people if anyone gets that impression. I'm actually quite fond of them. Humba, however, just annoyed me, and I really had to write this.
"How Banjo expect to win when he cannot beat even most hopeless racers Humba can find?"
That was the tenth freaking time I'd heard that. Humba put us in this race challenge with a really crappy vehicle. The amount of times we lost, I can't believe I hadn't already pecked out her eyes.
"Banjo, let's try again." I said. He just shrugged and jumped in the car. We tried again. Just as before, bam! Boom! Kablam! Kabloom! Kablooie! Kazino! Kazooie! EXPLOSION!
Our car was left in shambles and completely totaled and destroyed. Humba said, once again, for the now eleventh time… "How Banjo expect to win when he cannot beat even most hopeless racers Humba can find?"
I just rolled my eyes and made a sound at her. The two of us tried again, and again, and again, and again.
"How Banjo expect to win when he cannot beat even most hopeless racers Humba can find?" she said, for the 70th time.
I slammed my wing on L.O.G.'s once again ruined truck. "That's it! I'm finished with you!"
I got out of Banjo's backpack, threw him off the truck, took out my wrench, and put the medium engine that Humba herself had sold to us on the truck. Kicking it into full gear, I turned it to face her, and made a bird's evil cackle.
Humba raised her eyebrow just as I drove the car right into her. She cartwheeled out of the way. Driving back, I tried to drive into her again. She was hit, and she flew backward.
"Stop it! Mumbo always say you crazy, Humba never believe him!"
"Take this now, you stupid twit!" I drove into her much harder, grinding her against the wall. I kept her on the wall as I ripped off her magical feather, and then poked her eyes out with it, before using it to turn her into a box of pizza.
"Kazooie!" Banjo shouted. "That wasn't necessary!"
"Oh come on, Banjo, L.O.G. will just remake her!" The bear just shrugged as he ran over to the truck, hopped in, and helped me feast on the Humba pizza.