Summary: As a young boy, Izuna's parents were murdered in front of him where he was raped and left for dead. Growing up with many problems because of that, Izuna doesn't have many friends. His only friend is Tobirama, but Tobirama tends to forget about Izuna a lot and choose other people over the Uchiha. While most people tend to ignore or overlook Izuna's pleas for help, the only ones who will listen to him are Hashirama and Madara, though both of them cannot understand Izuna's true pain. To Izuna, everyone he cares about doesn't seem to care about him back, so what will happen when Izuna feels the ultimate betrayal by Tobirama?

Warnings: Yaoi (HashiMada ONLY – NO TobiIzu), cutting, rape, tragedy.

People say that you cannot understand another's pain unless you yourself have experienced it. But just how traumatic does the pain you experience have to be before you can understand someone else? Could it be as simple as breaking your arm or being bullied? Or did you have to go through something so traumatising that you came out of it with irreparable mental damage?

What was it like to want to die on a daily basis? To have tried to take your life more times than could be counted – at the mere age of five? Being alone with no one to relate to. To have only a handful of people to take care of you and love you through all of the hard times? Did many people know what that was like?

Well, Uchiha Izuna knew what it was like. Through all of the fake smiles and forced laughs, inside his heart was shattered into millions of tiny fragments – unable to be pieced back together.


"Izuna." Uchiha Madara smiled, poking his head into his little brother's room. "Hashi is here and he brought Tobi over."

Sixteen-year-old Izuna looked up from his book, tilting his head and smiling cutely as his long black bangs fell to the side. "Thank you, aniki. I'll come down in a minute. I want to finish this page first."

"Make sure you do." Twenty-year-old Madara smiled back. "I'm sure that Tobi-kun doesn't want to have to spend all of his time here with Hashi and I when we're always so… affectionate with each other."

Izuna nodded, his eyes finding the paragraph that he had just read. "I will, aniki."

As soon as Madara had left his bedroom, Izuna dropped his smile and placed his book onto the bedside table, frowning. He loved Tobirama – they were best friends – but sometimes Madara just didn't understand that he wanted to be left alone every now and then.

Madara would ask for his own best friend and lover, Senju Hashirama, to bring Tobirama over for Izuna to get out of his room and interact with someone.

Izuna really didn't like that at times – it felt like his privacy and alone time was being disrespected and intruded upon.

Izuna knew that Madara truly loved him and was only trying to help, so he could never be annoyed with his brother. He also wondered why Madara had never given up on him after so many years of taking care of his traumatised, depressed otouto.

Right now, Izuna just wanted to be alone - he had had a terrible day and he only wanted to sleep. Despite this, he still made his way to his bedroom door and opened it, forcing himself out of his safety sanctuary. Though it took him a few minutes to get downstairs, he smiled as Tobirama glomped him happily from out of nowhere once he had reached the bottom.

"Izu!" The younger Senju cried happily, hugging Izuna tightly. "Izu, aniki is letting me have a party! Do you wanna come?"

Izuna smiled brightly. A party? He very rarely got invited to those, and the only times he did were when the parties were being hosted by either his own brother or one of the two Senju – no one else cared or liked Izuna enough to want him to go to their own parties.

"Yes, Tobi!" Izuna exclaimed, hugging Tobirama. "Thank you so much! I love going to parties!"

Madara smiled at his brother and took Hashirama's hand, leading him upstairs and into his bedroom, wanting to give the two younger boys some privacy.

"Thank you so much for doing this, Hashi." Madara smiled at the twenty-two year old. "It will mean a lot to Izuna."

"No problem, Madara-chan." Hashirama smiled back, kissing the Uchiha lovingly. "Let's leave them alone for now."

As they disappeared upstairs, Izuna released Tobirama, feeling happier by the minute - Tobirama's mere presence tended to cheer him up most of the time.

"How have you been lately, Izu?" Tobirama smiled, knowing that Izuna liked to be spoken to as if he were any other teenager. Izuna had said that it made him feel like he was 'normal', but what he meant by that, the young Senju didn't quite understand. "Hashi-nii tells me that Madara took you to the zoo the other day."

Izuna nodded back, hugging the Senju again. He loved cuddling with people because it made him feel safe and warm. "Aniki let me see all the animals, and he paid extra so I could go in and pet some of them! Oh, and he even bought me a wolf teddy!"

Tobirama smiled. He knew how much Izuna loved animals and felt relaxed by them, and it would have meant a great deal to Izuna to go somewhere full of animals so that he could calm down and have a great time without always being tense and frightened for once.

"That's wonderful." Tobirama grinned, leading the smaller and younger boy out to the backyard - Madara didn't like how Izuna always locked himself away in his room.

They sat down at the table on the back porch, talking happily and ignoring the neighbours' dog that was barking at them.

Tobirama could already tell that Izuna was cheering up, and that was a good thing. He hated seeing the young boy always so upset.

"So when is your party?" Izuna smiled. He played with his long hair as he thought about how great the party would be. He was so excited he almost couldn't wait.

"Oh, I haven't got a set date just yet," Tobirama explained. "In a couple of weeks at the most. We still need to set up the house and get the supplies. I'll let you know when it is."

Izuna squealed happily, hugging the Senju for the third time that hour. He pulled back with a frown as he soon remembered something after having locked his arms around the Senju. Looking down at the ground, he spoke sadly.

"…I don't think aniki understands…" Said Izuna quietly. "…He's only trying to help me - I know that - but he… always tries to push me into spending time with other people…"

"Madara loves you," Tobirama soothed, rubbing Izuna's back. "He just doesn't understand. He's always talking about you at our home."

Izuna sniffled. "…I love Mada-nii, too…"

Tobirama smiled, knowing to be patient with the fragile boy. "C'mon - I can hear your brother calling out my aniki's name."

Izuna giggled softly, only just noticing the noises drifting through the open upstairs window in his older brother's bedroom. There was the unmistakable sound of a squeaking bed and skin slapping upon sweaty skin, coupled with soft grunts and loud cries.

As the two younger brothers went back into the house, Izuna couldn't help but wonder what Tobirama's party would be like. He made a mental list of everything that he would need and what he would wear, so excited he couldn't focus on reality.


It was a few weeks later when Izuna's heart broke more than ever before. He was walking through the school corridor, searching desperately for Tobirama. He had heard kids in class talking about how awesome the Senju's party had been, among other things, and he just wanted to know if Tobirama would even mention his absence – he wanted – no… he needed to know that Tobirama had just made a mistake and thought that Izuna had already known the times and hadn't forgotten about him again.

Izuna didn't understand why Tobirama had ignored him after telling him just how excited the older boy was for Izuna to join the party. Having been talking about it all the time for the last couple of weeks, how could Tobirama have forgotten about him?

Izuna - being Izuna - could never question Tobirama face-to-face, though. But, as he would soon find out, much to his growing heartache, Tobirama hadn't even bothered coming to school today.