Grilled Cheese Nightmare
Sylvester Tennant, Dylan Carbonell, & Andrew Mantynen
Based on Original Artwork by:
[Linda and Lawrence drive down the street and approach the house.]
Linda: Well, that convention was lackluster.
Lawrence: Yes, the rotary phone relay was undoubtedly the low point. But at least the auction wasn't a total loss. Where else could one buy a Platybelodon tooth? My brother's next birthday present is now taken care of.
[They pull into the driveway, where Candace stands, quivering in excitement. Linda and Lawrence step go out of the car and brace themselves.]
Candace: Mom! Dad! Look, look, look!
Linda: What is it this time?
Candace: They're doing a reenactment of the Anglo-Nepalese War.
[Linda and Lawrence look at her with arched eyebrows.]
Linda: The Anglo-Nepalese War?
Candace: Yes! Come on!
[Candace drags her parents to the gate and kicks it open.]
Candace: Now what to you have to say about that?
Lawrence: That's no Anglo-Nepalese War reenactment, it's the complete opposite.
[Candace looks and sees only her brothers and their friends occupying the vacant backyard.]
Phineas: Hi, Mom, hi, Dad.
Linda: Now that that's over, isn't there something you ought to get ready for?
[Candace thinks and then it hits her.]
Candace: The sleepover! Stacy and Jenny will be here any minute!
[Candace rushes off to get ready for the sleepover. Later she hears the doorbell ring and rushes to answer the front the door. She opens the door and there stands Stacy and Jenny, each with overnight bags.]
Stacy & Jenny: Hey!
[Candace then notices the size of Stacy's bag.]
Candace: Yikes, Stace, checking in?
Stacy: What, you gotta be ready for anything.
[Stacy and Jenny enter.]
Jenny: We didn't hear from you. Your brothers do anything?
Candace: When do they not? Well, there was that time they were boring all day when I had Mom watch them. But anyway, they did a reenactment of the Anglo-Nepalese War.
[Stacy's expression goes to one of confused pondering.]
Stacy: The Anglo-Nepalese War?
Candace: Yeah, I haven't heard of it either. You should've seen it. They even had volunteers from the community college, some as the British and Indian army and the rest as Gurkhas.
[Stacy's expression goes to even more confusion.]
Stacy: What do pickles have to do with a war?
[Jenny rolls her eyes.]
Jenny: That's gherkins. Gurkhas are a people from Nepal.
Candace: Can we wait until school starts for the history lesson? Right now, how about a game of Skiddley Whiffers?
[The girls now play Skiddley Whiffers, with Candace in the lead, Stacy in the middle, and Jenny in last place. Candace rolls the dice.]
Candace: Ooh, double kings. (moves her piece) Sorry, girls, but the Queen of Skiddley Whiffers won't be dethroned…
[Just then the game's victory bell rings.]
Jenny: I win!
[Candace's jaw drops.]
Candace: I-I lost…?
Stacy: Congrats, Jenny.
[Candace looks disappointed, but then smiles.]
Candace: Yeah, good job, Jenny. Now who's up for the next game?
[Afterwards, Stacy and Jenny talk when Candace comes back in carrying a plate filled with grilled cheese sandwiches. Stacy and Jenny lick their lips and take a sandwhich. Candace sits and takes her own sandwich. She takes a bite out the sandwich and smacks her lips.]
Candace: Oh, yeah, this is good.
Jenny: These are great.
Stacy: Yeah, no one makes better grilled cheese.
[Candace gobbles down the rest of her sandwich, takes another, and leans back in her seat.]
Candace: Ah, good friends, games of Skiddley Whiffers, and grilled cheese. This can't get any better. (takes a bite)
[The Kitchen-Linda cleans some dishes as Phineas and Ferb help out. Candace, now in her pajamas, enters.]
Linda: You girls doing fine?
Candace: Yeah, I'm just getting one last snack before bed.
[In a flash, she whips up another stack of grilled cheese sandwiches. As she starts to leave, Linda sees the plate of sandwiches.]
Linda: Candace, you've already had at least two platefuls. Any more and you'll explode. (she tries to take the plate away)
Candace: Phfft, Mom, that type of talk scared me back when I was like five years old.
Ferb: As the old saying goes, "Too much of a good thing is a bad thing".
Candace: Too much of a good thing? As if. (takes her plate)
[Candace's Room-Stacy and Jenny have changed into their pajamas as well and now roll out sleeping bags. Candace lies in bed, eating away, having already eaten one-third of the stack. She suddenly stops, rubbing her full stomach. She sets the half eaten sandwich aside and pulls the covers up to her chin.]
Candace (groans): This must be what it feels like to be pregnant.
Jenny: Maybe you ate too many sandwiches?
Candace: You kiddin'. Those things are makin' me stronger. (she belches and then passes out)
Stacy: Well, good night!
[Candace opens her eyes and finds herself lost in a woodland setting that looks like something out of Brothers Grimm.]
Candace: Oh, great. Now how did I get out here? And how do I even get out of here?
Zebra: It's best that you turn back before it's too late, Kevin.
[Candace screams and sees the Zebra suddenly before her.]
Candace: You again? Do you get paid to show up in my dreams and call me Kevin?
Zebra: It's mostly a summer job. Beware Kevin! Beware!
Candace: Beware of what?
Zebra: I can't tell you because it would spoil the twist in this episode.
Candace: Always leaving the people watching in suspense, aren't we?
Zebra: Hey. That's how we roll.
[The Zebra then ducks behind a large rock and disappears completely.]
[Candace wanders down the path, passing by freakishly shaped trees and a number of pairs of glowing eyes. As she walks under a branch, two owls, one with the head of Stacy and the other with the head of Jenny, hop out and into view.]
Owl Jenny: Hey, why are we owls?
Owl Stacy: Because nobody else would be hooting at this.
[Candace continues on her way, wary of shadows and strange sounds. She stops when she sees the tree in front of her is filled with squirrels. She remains frozen, not making any moves, while the squirrels stare at her. Suddenly one chatters, breaking the silence.]
Candace: Squirrels! Squirrels! (she runs off screaming)
[She runs until she runs out of breath. She heaves deep breaths. She takes notice of where she is now and realizes she's even more lost. She suddenly hears singing and looks. Skipping down the trail is a pair of plump children, a brother and sister. They are Hansel and Gretel knock-offs. They stop in front of Candace and smile creepily.]
Boy: We're on an adventure. We're going to the candy house.
Girl: A magical Platybelodon has told us the way.
[Candace makes a face expressing her "creeping-me-out-ness" and eagerness to put distance between herself and the siblings.]
Candace: Yeah, magical Platybelodon, whatever that is. Is is something like Perry? Man, one of those times Phineas and Ferb would be useful…
Girl: See, it is right over there. (points towards off in the distance)
[Candace looks to see a gingerbread house, covered in frosting, gumdrops, and other assorted candies.]
Candace: Okay, no thanks, creepy little German kids. I recall this story so I'm going for that house, that's the safe one. (she points to a normal looking cottage)
Boy: (tugs on Candace's arm) You should come with us.
Candace: I'm not going. (pulls boy's hand away)
Girl: You have to come. There'll be sweets, and much joyous joyful joy.
Candace: No, N-O, no.
Boy: Oh well, that means more for us, I suppose.
[The kids go skipping down the path.]
Boy and Girl: La, la, la, la.
Candace: (muttering) Bye, kids, tell the witch I say hi.
[Candace walks down the path that leads up to the cottage. She approaches the front door and knocks.]
[The door is answered by Doofenshmirtz, dressed in an outfit akin to Geppetto from the Disney version of Pinocchio.]
Candace: Yeah, hi, I've wandering aimlessly through the woods and was wondering… (she stops) You look familiar, haven't I seen you in another dream of mine?
Doofenshmirtz: I don't know why this is, since we've almost never interacted in real... Hey, wait a minute; didn't you deliver cupcakes to my door?
Candace: Um...no, I don't recall that.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, anyhow who, come on in, make yourself at home. Here, read a magazine or two. Yeah, they're all in Swahili, but you know…
[There then come the screams of children coming from the gingerbread house.]
Doofenshmirtz: Don't mind that, that sort of thing happens at my neighbor's a lot.
[Candace enters the cottage.]
Doofenshmirtz: My, you're a scrawny one. Are you hungry?
[Candace's stomach then growls.]
Candace: Yes. Yes, I am.
Doofenshmirtz: Lucky for you I was just about to fix lunch. Here, let me get some more ingredients from the basement.
[Doofenshmirtz goes to the basement door, opening it, but ends up tripping and goes tumbling down the stairs. Loud thuds and crashes accompany him falling.]
[Candace winces as she looks down towards the basement. She sees Doofenshmirtz at the bottom of the steps. She rushes down to him.]
Candace: Are you okay?
[Doofenshmirtz groans in pain.]
Doofenshmirtz: Some just bones and organs, nothing too serious. Here, why don't you have a seat right over there? (points to a chair)
[Candace is seated. Suddenly clamps snap out, restraining her arms and legs.]
Candace: Hey, what's going on? (She struggles, unable to get loose.)
Doofenshmirtz: I was going to lure you down here, but that fall down the stairs saved me time. (pulls a tarp off his device) Say hello to the Feed-inator! It'll force feed you an unforeseen amount of…GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES!
Candace: Grilled cheese sandwiches? But, but I love grilled cheese sandwiches.
Doofenshmirtz: Well, I'm still going to let the Feed-inator do its thing.
Candace: Why would you even do this?
Doofenshmirtz: Why does anybody do anything? (presses button on a remote)
[The Feed-inator starts up and a clawed hand grabs the top sandwich. It is then crammed into Candace's mouth. She chews it up and swallows, having just enough time to get ready for another. Soon it begins to shove one grilled cheese sandwich after another into Candace's mouth at a rapid pace. She barely has time to fully chew and swallow each sandwich. Still the machine's pace quickens.]
[As time passes, Candace's belly expands, bulging out all the more. Her belt creaks from the strain.]
Candace: So...much…grilled cheese.
Doofenshmirtz: I'd say you're close to half-full.
[After another sandwich is eaten, Candace's belt finally snaps and her belly bulges fully out. Time passes more and Candace becomes larger. Eventually the last sandwich is fed to Candace and the Feed-inator powers down.]
Doofenshmirtz: Well, that's the last of the sandwiches. Good for you though, you look like you're about to pop. (pokes Candace's belly) Okay, you're free to go.
[Candace is released from the chair and gets to her feet, rubbing her belly. She tries to walk, only to manage an awkward waddle thanks to her gargantuan belly.]
Candace: Oh, I gotta walk with this…
[Her belly grumbles loudly.]
Candace: Shut up, you.
[She makes her way upstairs and heads for the door. She reaches for the doorknob, only to be stopped by her belly squishing against the door. She turns to face the viewers with a look on her face that seems to say "Really?" She then twists about to get the doorknob in her reach. Her hand grabs the doorknob, when suddenly…]
Doofenshmirtz: Ooh, wait, what's this?
[Candace turns her head to see that Doofenshmirtz has one last grilled cheese sandwich.]
Doofenshmirtz: I'd sure hate to see this go to waste and since you love these…
[Candace shakes her and tries to open the door. The sandwich is shoved into Candace's mouth and she swallows it down. Suddenly her belly starts to quiver.]
[Candy's belly rumbles loudly, and then nothing happens.]
Doofenshmirtz: Hmmm, that's weird; I was expecting you to….
[Candace explodes and orange smoke fills the air.]
[Candace's Bedroom-Candace stirs and bolts up in bed.]
Candace: No, no!
[Stacy and Jenny are woken up.]
Stacy: Candace? Candace, what is it?
[Candace looks around and then feels her stomach.]
Candace: Whew, it was just a dream.
Candace: Yeah, I was lost in some woods, and there was a zebra, creepy German kids, and you two were there, but you were owls…
[Candace sees her friends' tired but smiling faces.]
Candace: Oh, I'll tell you the rest at breakfast. Night, girls.
[Candace curls back under the covers as Stacy and Jenny climb back into their sleeping bags.]
[The kitchen the next morning. Stacy and Jenny are at the oven, making food on the stovetop. Candace then enters.]
Stacy: Hey, girl, good morning. Have any other mando bizarro dreams?
Candace: (chuckles) Oh, you wouldn't think it's funny if you had the dream I had.
Stacy: Don't worry; we've got something to make you feel better.
Candace: Oh really? What is it?
[Jenny holds up a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it.]
Jenny: Grilled cheese.
[Candace's eyes go wide in fear.]
Candace: AAAAAAAHHHHH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!
[Candace runs straight through the door leaving a Candace-shaped hole. Stacy and Jenny are wide eyed in utter disbelief.]
Stacy: Candace Flynn afraid of grilled cheese?
Jenny: I don't believe it.
[Candace pokes her head through the hole she made in the door.]
Candace: I can't believe it either. (She grabs the sandwich and eats the whole thing in one bite.)