A/N - So its been awhile guys, don't really know what to say other than I'm sorry for the wait and hopefully the next wont be so long.
Big thanks to my Beta queenred12 and of course to everyone that has reviewed this story so far.
Disclaimer - Twilight and Characters belong to Stephanie Meyer.
Being patient has never been one of my strong suits, I am more of a get up and go kind of girl, if I see something I want it there and then. So just standing here hovering over Bella's pale and lifeless body is painstakingly frustrating. With an annoyed sigh I kneel down at her side and lean forwards placing a kiss on her forehead, "Not long now Bella I promise", I whisper against her clammy skin, moving back I share a worried glance with Rosalie who at the minute is tending to Bella's bandages. I have never really spoken to her but everyone's interpretation of her cannot be further from the truth, sure she comes across as cold and heartless but underneath all that exterior is kind and caring woman.
"Where is she", Emmett mutters to himself as he paces back and forth near Bella's feet, he looks at his watch for the umpteenth time tonight, "it's been an hour", he fumes, his hands running through his hair, pulling slightly at the dark strands as his eyes rest on Bella.
"I knew I should have gone with her, why didn't I go with her?"
"Because you're about to be a father and I cannot do this on my own Emmett", Rosalie snaps before her angered face becomes sullen, "especially not now."
"I'm sorry Rosie", he apologises, coming to sit beside her he leans in and kisses her temple gently, "I just can't bear to see her like this…this isn't Bella", he whispers to himself and I easily understand what he means by that comment. Sure the person lying here in front of us is Bella but it is so far from the person we know and love, we are used to seeing her at the forefront of any bad situation taking control and charging in without an ounce of self-preservation.
"She'll be ok babe, Kadin will be back soon and then Alice can start to work on her."
"And if she's not", he counters glancing over at me for an answer that I can in no way provide, what does he want me to say anyway 'I'm sorry Emmett but if Kadin doesn't come back she will die'. My lack of words gives him all the information he needs however, getting back to his feet he steps over Bella and storms through the blanket into the other room.
"He is just-", Rosalie begins to say but she is cut off by Bella's strangled breath her eyes shooting open as she struggles to breathe.
"Bella, Bella", I say shaking her shoulder lightly, when her fearful eyes settle on me I struggle to contain myself, "its ok breathe for me baby…copy me Bella…in through the nose", I take a deep breath and watch as Bella struggles to copy me, "good…now exhale", I instruct slowly releasing the breath through my mouth. I whimper when I notice that she is really beginning to struggle, her gasps for air becoming more and more panicked
"What's happening", Rosalie asks urgently hovering next to Bella. I don't have the time or energy to give her an answer instead I glance into Bella's eyes silently pleading with her to keep strong, to just wait a little while longer.
"Al-…Ali", she chokes out, a single tear caressing her cheek as her eyes and her breathing ceases.
"BELLA…please", I cry out as I jump into action my hands coming forward to start CPR, chanting in my head 1,2,3,4. As I look into her unfocused eyes "please", I gasp tears streaming down my face, "stay with me Bella."
"Alice", Emmett asks as I hear him enter the room again, I don't pay him any attention instead leaning in to pinch her nose and tilt her head back pressing my mouth over hers giving her the kiss of life.
I don't know how long I repeat the process, numbers are the only thing running through my head '100 chest compressions, 2 breaths, repeat'.
"Alice she's gone", I furiously shake my head at Rosalie's words, she can't bedead. "Emmett", her grave voice echoes over Bella's body and I feel him wrapping his arms around me to take me away.
"No", I seethe, struggling in his grip my hands fighting to continue CPR, he sinks to the floor pressing me against his chest trapping me. I sob uncontrollably my eyes looking into Bella's cold lifeless ones, I know that someone else has entered the room but as I focus on her I block out my surrounding. She holds my gaze and I am frozen in place. Bella is gone, I couldn't save her. Anger surges through me at the thought, leaping forward I slam my fist down on Bella's chest flinching slightly when I hear something crack.
"Alice, stop! She's gone you can't help her", Emmett cries as my fist once again hits her body making it jerk. "Alice", he whimpers but he makes no attempt to stop me so I continue, my fist coming down over and over again.
"COME ON!" I scream leaning in to give two more breaths and I hover for a second after cupping her cheeks to whisper against her lips, "come back to me baby", I move back and hit her chest again over and over.
"How long has she been out", a voice asks and I notice it as Lucy's.
"Roughly seven minutes", I am aware of her moving to crouch next to Bella's head and as I look up I watch as she runs her fingers through her hair, she glances up at me and nods her head softly before bowing her head once more.
"Kadin's back!" I hear Sasha's voice ring out from the other room as my fist slams against Bella's chest.
Grabbing my rucksack I open the car door and sprint to the ladder, Carlisle wordlessly keeping up behind, I open the hatch in the floor and burst through. Immediately I am overwhelmed by people asking questions but I know that time is running short so I hurry towards where Bella is.
"Alic-", I begin to say but words fail me when I see her pounding her fist against Bella's chest, I only freeze for a second before I fall back into action setting my rucksack next to her, "I got everything on the list plus I found someone he says he knows you his names Dr. Cullen", her head shoots up at the sound of his name, her eyes flicker towards the man behind me and she whimpers a small 'help me'. The next thing I know I along with everyone bar for Rosalie and Alice is being ushered out of the room by Carlisle.
"I need room to work", he says impatiently and none of us even attempt to put up a fight, we silently walk back through into the main room where people are huddled together talking sheepishly, worried glances being shown to each of us in turn.
My eyes immediately go in search of Sasha, I just need to see her then I can relax a little. Tonight's events have more than taken it out of me, all those dead people, the little girl, the nurse and then Jessica 'You left her to die' his words have not stopped echoing in the depths of my mind and no matter how much I try to push them back they keep springing back to the forefront of my thoughts.
I wince when I hear her stern tone but I know I deserve it in more ways than she actually realises, my tired eyes follow the sound of her voice and when they finally settle on her I have to bite my lip to stop myself from crying. She notices immediately that something is wrong. "Kadin", she asks, this time her voice much softer as she takes me by the hand and leads me over to a secluded corner of the room.
We stand there for a few minutes her eyes fixed on mine searching for answers but like usual she comes up with nothing. I clench my jaw hating myself for being so weak in front of her but before I can stop myself a small sob escapes me, "Hold me", I choke out.
"Of course", she replies, taking me into to her arms as we sink to the floor, I hide my face in the crook of her neck so that people cannot see the state I am in, but also to just smell her amazing scent which always soothes me. I am so close to the edge that I hold on for dear life, as she holds me like this she is slowly raining me back in bringing me closer to her and away from the vast drop I feel like I'm about to fall down.
"I'm so sorry Sasha", I mumble into her neck and her grip around my waist tightens silently telling me that it's already forgotten. A wave of love so strong surges through me and I pull away to simply marvel at this woman that will just let her fury pass so as to not upset me any further, she must have been so pissed at me for leaving her yet here she is comforting me when it should be the other way around.
"I love you", I whisper cupping her cheeks as I look into her eyes, she smiles gently and I cannot help but smile back.
"I know you don't want to talk about it…but when you're ready I'm here Kadin", she says and the slight pain that she tries so hard to cover up shines through in her voice, my chest tightens when I think of all the things I have not told her. All the things you can't tell her my mind reasons with me.
"Thank you", is my usual reply and the faint sigh of disappointment doesn't go unnoticed by me either. There have been many arguments about me not opening up about my past and she says she understands but deep down I know it's affecting her, but no matter how much I want to tell her words always fail me.
I slowly get to my feet knowing that this discussion is over, brushing out the crease in my jeans I notice for the first time that I have four very distinct nail marks running down the back of my hand.
'Please don't leave me here to die!'
I gasp as I remember Jessica's words and her strong unrelenting grip. I clench my hand into a fist mumbling to Sasha that I need to talk to Emmett and as I walk away I take a deep calming breath that I know will in no way help my current state.
"Kadin, thank you so much for doing what you did", Emmett's gratitude is unwanted as I stand in front of him, I swallow the reply I really want to give and instead decide to shrug my shoulders.
"Not sure how much help it will all be, Bella looked in a bad way when I walked in."
"Yeah", he sighs running his hand through his short hair, "but Dr. Cullen showing up must be a good thing." I nod along with him as he tries to reason with himself.
"Hey guys how's the Sheriff", a grey and sweaty Gus interrupts as he staggers towards us.
"We're not sure at the minute, Dr Cullen is in there working on her still", Emmett explains as I appraise him, I frown when I notice him wiping his brow with the back of his hand.
"You hot there Gus? I would suggest getting some air but given the circumstances I don't think that's such a good idea huh", Emmett jokes snickering at his own jibe.
"He's not hot", I say as Gus chuckles lightly before holding his side with a look of displeasure on his face, "going cold turkey is the worst", I explain when they both look over at me, Emmett with a confused expression and Gus with one of annoyance.
"I'm dealing with it ok", he snaps.
"Good cause I don't want someone watching my back when all he is thinking of is where he's going to get his next fix from."
"Fix", he asks shaking his head, "you're making me out to be some kind of drug addict. I like a drink every now and then, who fucking doesn't", he growls before stepping back and moving away to stand next to Paul.
"Must be hard for him going this long without a drink", Emmett says with a hint of sympathy which annoys me to no end. Why should we feel sorry for some pathetic fool who can't handle his addiction? 'A fool like you' my subconscious snidely remarks back to me, I bite back the reply I want give to both of them, instead I pinch the bridge of my nose and squeeze my eyes shut blocking out all the painful memories that threaten to seep through the gaps in the back of my mind, "You alright Kadin?"
"I'm fine Emmett I just need some space", I reply a little more harshly than I would have liked. "I was going to suggest patrolling the tower before Gus came over, I'll just head out now and make a quick sweep of the area."
"Ok. Oh Kadin, those four kids that brought us and Bella in insisted that they go out and sleep in their van for the night, will you just check on them for me please?"
"Sure", I said walking towards Sasha. "I'm just going out to check things are ok I'll be no longer than fifteen minutes", I explain before leaning in to kiss her, "fifteen minutes", I repeat with a smile as I grab my gun and flashlight before stepping away to walk towards the hatch.
"I'm holding you to that", I hear her call out as I climb down the ladder, I chuckle slightly as I jump the last couple of steps. Turning on the flashlight I quickly look around making sure that nothing is lurking close by, when nothing jumps out I slowly start to make my way towards the white van parked about 20 feet away.
As I walk I think of Sasha and all that she has to put up with because of my more than colourful past. My mood swings and quick change in demeanour are sometimes so rapid that it throws her so much that I'm sure it gives her emotional whiplash. I want to be better for her and I am really trying but sometimes my thoughts are too dark to handle by myself and because I find them hard to explain I take it out on her.
I stop with a sigh in front of the van. "Guys", I whisper into the darkness and after waiting for a few seconds without a reply I move around the side of the van. I freeze slightly when I see the bloody handprint on the handle of the sliding door. I take a quick glance up at the tower wondering if I should get some help. Just as I begin to back away after deciding that I would in fact like a little backup I hear a faint sob. "Shit", I mutter knowing that I cannot leave now not after hearing that. Looking around the forest again I step up to the door and slowly begin to open it with my gun raised, a surprised gasp leaves my mouth when I catch a glimpse of what is inside.
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