Not So Great Expectation

Pip Pirrip was your average, geeky teenage boy. His head was flushed down the toilet on a daily bases; and it was pretty much a daily occurrence that some prick of a jock would shove his saliva coated finger in his ear. His best friend: Herbert Pocket was an ex-member of the football team. He was kicked off it because he decided to date Clara Barley; a fairly plain girl with huge glasses and a serious case of acne.

You can't date somebody like Clara and still have the connections with the popular people.

So, even though Herbert had tried to beat Pip up in the Third Grade- and Pip had surprisingly socked Herbert across the face and made him run home crying- they had found in each other a kindred spirit.

Even if, in the opinion of the cheerleading squad: Herbert was ' smokin' ' whilst Pip was: ' Scruffy, Geeky Midget'.

But Pip was sick of being constantly tormented by his peers.

You see, Pip was in love. He was in love with Estella Havisham; the hottest, coldest and bitchiest girl to ever walk the corridors of Satis High.

She was also his next door neighbour and dating Bentley Drummle: the bane of Pip and Herbert's pathetic little existence.

Bentley Drummle was a twat. At least in the opinion of the majority of Satis High's students.

But Drummle was also the quarterback of the football squad so nobody was exactly going to say anything to him.

Pip knew that whilst Drummle was in the picture, Estella would never see him as more than the five-year-old boy who had wet his pant in her sandpit. Twice.

He had to leave his old persona behind and become a gen- become one of the 'In Crowd'.

Estella had even kissed him when they were eight and playing in the flower bed of her garden!…But that bastard Drummle claimed to have, in his own words, 'Tapped that ass.' .

Pip really didn't like that bastard.

But Pip had somebody who wanted him to become popular. He was sent a pair of top of the range Nike trainers and a pass to a football training camp for beginners.

He had even been given vouchers for a new hair cut and gift cards for Finch.

All the popular guys shopped at Finch.

He was sure that this benefactor of his was Miss Havisham; Estella's step-mother. It always seemed to him that she was constantly trying to set them up.

Always telling them to Play, play, play! She also told Pip, in a rather disturbing voice to 'Love her! Love her! Love her!'

Well he did love her. He was whipped.

She asked him to carry her shopping home?

He would drop everything and help her immediately.

She phoned him up to ask for a lift back from some wild party on the other side of town?

He would crawl out of bed at whatever obscene time of the night it happened to be and sneak out of the house and take his sister's precious car without her permission and risk her going on some rampage which occurred due to her constant state of PMSing.

He would do anything for Estella and she knew that he loved her unconditionally.

She dated dickhead Drummle anyway.

So, with his new haircut, clothing and impressive skills on the sports field: Pip was ready to take Drummle down.

He now had various females hanging of his every word and, thanks to him, Herbert had even been accepted back into his old crowd. Before he decided to challenge Drummle for Estella's heart: Pip decided to go and thank Miss Havisham for allowing him the opportunity to date her beautiful and treasured daughter.

However, when he gave his thanks to Estella's slightly deranged step-mother: she laughed in his face and told him she hadn't got a clue what he was talking about.

So, feeling very confused and slightly disturbed that some completely random person had paid for him to become awesome, he headed towards the shopping mall where he knew Estella and her friends would be hanging out.

This is the End of the First Part of Pip's Not So Great Expectations


A/N- Yo, having just finished reading Great Expectations today, I really felt the need to do this. It's a parody. Go me. I love this book and even the BBC'S 2011 adaptation of it was pretty awesome. This is a two-shot. PLEASE REVIEW!