Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or Castlevania. Buffy and related characters belong to Whedon. Castlevania and related characters belong to Konmai.
Originally for TwistedShorts August Fic-a-Day Challenge (Day 29)
A/N: This is set after Season 7 of Buffy, disregarding the comics except for a few things here and there. This is just a short little comedic piece. Enjoy!
Being just who he was, Xander was used to the strange and macabre. After all, his BFF was a vampire slayer who had shared her powers to make many other slayers, and his other BFF was an uberwitch. But all that preparation aside, it still freaked him out to wake up with a skeleton peering down at him.
He screamed. Sure, it wasn't manly, but it definitely wasn't a high-pitched girly scream. He just screamed, jumping up to shove his back against the headboard of the bed. He blinked his one, good eye and searched the musty-smelling room. He was in a castle… but he was damn sure it wasn't the slayers' castle.
"Where the hell am I? I'm pretty sure I was still in Scotland when I fell asleep last night."
The skeleton, because of its inherent lack of vocal cords, only rattled at him, lifting a lazy arm in the direction of the door. Xander's brow furrowed.
"You… want me to leave?"
The bones rattled again, a bit more pronounced. Xander put up his hands, edging away from the bones. He wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He crossed the wide room in six steps, yanking open the door. It swung open with a loud creak, and Xander darted out into the dark hall.
He was blinded, for a moment, by the sudden lack of light. Xander threw his arms out in front of him, trying to find his footing. A moment later, he jumped, yelping.
"Ah, you're awake," said a voice from somewhere where Xander's hands had landed.
"Dracula!" the one-eyed man yelled, trying to turn and run.
However, Dracula grabbed his arms, pulling him back. With a wave of his hand, the vampire lit the torches that lined the walls of the hall. Xander blinked, adjusting his vision once more. When he looked up at the legendary vampire, he blinked.
"You're… you're blond?"
Dracula laughed, wrapping a long arm about Xander's neck and directing him up the hall.
"You're seeing me as I usually like to keep myself. I apologize for not welcoming you personally. This, Alexander, is my home. Castlevania."
"Uh-huh," Xander said, trying his best to dig his heels in. "Nice place. Rent has to be Hell. Say, um… why am I here?"
At this, Dracula let loose a heavy, dramatic sigh. Unnecessary, Xander knew, except for showing emotion.
"Do you ever get lonely, Xander?"
"Um… well, I live in a castle surrounded by hundreds of girls."
The vampire lord chuckled. "Yes, well… here, I am surrounded by the dead and dying. The only visitors I have are those trying to kill me. Even my own son."
"Well, that's a shame… Wait. You have a son?"
Dracula led Xander into a wide hall, a long banquet table set with steaming food. Xander's stomach growled. He had no idea how long he had been asleep, but as far as his body was concerned it was breakfast time. But then again, after passing all the dead and half-dead in the hall, Xander's stomach did a very different kind of roll. Nobody wants to eat a roast prepared by a dead guy.
"Please, take a seat," Dracula said, all but pushing him down into a car.
Dracula was across the table, seated at the other in before Xander could blink. A demon—because the chick had leather wings and was half-naked—served up a gold plate laden of food to Xander, and its matching goblet to Dracula.
"Eat, eat!" Dracula said, lifting his goblet as if in toast.
"… You'll forgive me, but I don't eat well under after being kidnapped."
Dracula rolled his eyes. "Xander, I assure you. I was merely lonely, wanting to have dinner with a much more lively audience."
"And then what? Kill me? What is it? I know too much? I mean, you kidnapped me from Scotland!"
"All just to have dinner. I mean, is that really too much to ask? Does everyone have to assume that I have some nefarious plan besides wanting a little company?"
Xander blinked, looking over his shoulder. Finally, he shook his head, picking up a fork and a knife.
"If I sit here, chat with you, you'll return me unharmed?"
"Yes. I mean, do you know my own son won't even grace me with his presence for a little talk? Oh, what his mother would say…"
Xander nodded, forcing the thoughts of the dead preparing the food from his mind. He shoved a bite of the roast into his mouth, finding it quite delicious.
"So…" he sighed, "how's your summer been?"
"Oh, can't complain. Terrorized some villagers. You?"
Xander shrugged. "Slayer stuff."
"Master!" the same food-serving demon yelled as she ran back into the room. "There's a mass of slayers outside of the castle!"
Dracula rolled his eyes. "Really! All I want is some conversation!"
Xander shoved another bite of food into his mouth. "You really should've just called me."
End Notes: Short… but funny, right? Please review!