A/N: Okay well the votes had it, and I got a little too excited to start over. Once again this will be nothing like the last book. This is the way I imagined it, the way I wrote it. I hope you enjoy!
I don't own anything!
So much can change in a month. People can die people can be born. People can leave people can come back. There is no saying what a month will bring someone. Everything changes much faster than the human race would like. We all fear about growing older and dying. I used to fear that as well, but in light of recent events I welcome it.
I looked down at my stomach, still flat with no need for suspicion. But that will soon change. I don't know what will happen, if I'll blow up within a matter of weeks because of the unnatural circumstances, or if this will be normal and take nine months. I hope for the latter, but really when has anyone been recorded carrying a half vampire fetus. Not many.
It was 5:30 in the morning. I could hear Charlie begin to shuffle around his room getting ready for another day of work. I still had over an hour to wake up and get ready for my day. However, I never actually want to close my eyes anymore. I've seen too much, heard too much. I know that if I close my eyes, then it will all come back to haunt me in my dreams.
He left. I took a deep breath, calming myself down. He left me alone. It was as simple as that. He left me three weeks ago. All alone, and pregnant. He left to chase some distraction of his, probably to find a more beautiful vampire than my plain, human self. He probably wants to stop worrying about how fragile I was. He wanted someone he didn't have to save from tripping over stick every day.
He said he would live without a trace; that I would never have to remember him, and our time together. It would all just be a distant memory. I sighed, placing a hand over my stomach. He never thought that this would happen. He didn't think he would live a trace so huge that I would have to carry it around for nine months.
That was probably the worst part. Not the memories I would have to repress at some point. Or the fact that I still have pictures of us together that I would have to burn. Not even that fact that I was still in love with him, and he took pieces of my heart when he left that I will never get back. No the worst part of his leaving was the fact that I had to carry around the fact that we were together. I will have to carrying it with me for nine months and then care for it every day of my life for 18 years at least.
I got up from my place on my bed and walked over to my dresser where the at home pregnancy test still was. I had to drive all way to a neighboring town so that no one would recognize me and be able to let it slip to Charlie.
On my drive home I felt as though the test was going to burn a hole through my bag, the weight of the answer pushing me down. Waiting for the answer seem to take longer than the half hour drive I took. I just sat there staring at the stick wondering what would happen if there was a little pink plus.
Well, for one thing I would have to tell Charlie and Renee. Tell them that he knocked me up and then left before I even had a chance to consider the possibility that it may happen.
I could see the disappointment on their faces. My mother sighing, looking at my father as though she could have prevented this if I just stayed with her and Phil. That's probably true, but I would have never realized what love was unless I came to live with Charlie.
I buried my face in my hands. This wasn't supposed to happen. Vampires weren't supposed to be able to reproduce. Then again not many vampires ever had relations with a human.
But he wasn't supposed to leave me. He told me he loved me. He said he couldn't live without me. Was everything he ever said to me a lie? Did he really not care for me? Did he just grow tired of me?
There were so many questions left unasked.
Of course, there was another option. I didn't really need to have the baby. This could all just be a terrible dream. Then he really could keep his promise. If I did this, then there would be no trace of him. He would be erased from my life once and for all.
I ran my hands through my hair. How could I even be considering this? This is still a life after all. But you don't know what it is going to become, a voice countered in my head.
I truly didn't know what was going to become of the baby. Would it become a parasite and drain the life out of me. After all it was half vampire. Don't they need blood to survive? What would my baby need to live?
I didn't know if this would be safe for me. I couldn't live Charlie or Renee with a half vampire baby…
I looked at the clock on the wall. Two minutes had passed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath then walked over to the sink to meet my fate.
A little pink plus showed in the box.
Staring at it on my dresser now it doesn't seem like such nightmare. Now it just looked like any other geometrical symbol. Yet that little thing had so much weight on it.
I sighed and sat down at my desk. Can I really raise a child? Especially one that is only half human. It doesn't even make sense! This shouldn't have happened! I don't understand how it did happen.
I rolled my eyes at myself. Of course I knew how it happened. I just didn't understand how it could have happened. It was said to be impossible. Yet here I am a month later, sick every morning, barely being able to eat anything, and tired. Always so tired.
Tired from trying to act like I'm okay. Tired from trying to act like I never loved him as much as I really did. So tired from trying to act like there was nothing out of the ordinary happening to me. With every day, however, the last one was getting harder and harder.
This could all be a dream, I thought. This could all be over in a matter of minutes and no one would know the difference.
I know I shouldn't even be considering it, but every time I thought about what the child may become, just terrified me more. I mean what if I did survive the birth? What if the baby was human? Then I could care for it, easily.
But what if I survived, but it was still a vampire. How could I can for a vampire infant? I could go and catch its meals for it. Or maybe I would become its meal.
Then there is the question about if I didn't survive the birth.
First things first, if I was going to have this baby, Charlie would need to know what to do. He couldn't care for a child that wasn't human.
I opened my desk draw, shuffling through it until I found a piece of paper. Grabbing the closest pen to me I began to write:
Dear Charlie and Renee,
If you are reading this, then I didn't make it through the birth of my child. I really don't know what to say, how to explain that I knew this was a possibility. It was just something I felt.
I need you two to do something for me. I need you to find Edward. He left me without knowing that I was pregnant. He needs to know. He needs to take care of the baby.
I love you both, and I know you would be able to care for the baby much better than anyone else, but Edward needs to raise this baby. I can't explain why, only that the baby needs to have its father in its life.
I love you both,
I looked down at my letter. It almost felt like a waste of paper. They would never tell Edward about his child, especially if it killed me. They would never forgive him for doing this to me, even if it weren't his fault. He didn't think this could happen; otherwise he would have never let things get out of hand a month ago.
I sighed, trying to repress that memory once more as I got up from my desk. I ruffled through some clothes I left on the floor until I found a shoebox. Taking a marker I wrote EDWARD on the top.
I sunk to the floor and put the note in it. If anything my mother would look through this before she threw it away.
Next I put the pregnancy test in it. I felt as though I should throw it away, but it was still so hard to believe that this was all still happening to me. It's almost as though Edward's box was everything I didn't believe, and nothing I could forget.
Sorting through the things in my room I found more things I'm surprised he didn't take with him when he erased himself from my life. A picture of us I put in my sock draw. Alice took it during the summer when neither of us, well at least I didn't, notice. He had his arm wrapped around my waist smiling down at me, as I angled myself a little further away so I could look into his eyes. I was giving him a questioning look, but smiling all the same.
Looking down at the photograph was like looking into the life of two strangers. They looked in love, almost as though they really were the only two people in the world. The boy looked at the girl as though she were the most precious thing in the world, yet his eyes also told you just how fragile she was. The girl looked up at him as though he was her savior. It was like he showed her a world that she only dreamed of, something that belonged in the movies.
That's just it though. The love I believed we shared was something that belonged in the movies. Two people who against all odds fell in love, constantly put up to tests that may drive them apart, yet their love always conquered. Or at least it used to.
We were star-crossed lovers like Romeo and Juliet. One cursed to living a life in the night, while the other cursed to live out the sun alone.
Except Romeo and Juliet really did beat the odds. Even in death they were together. The love I thought Edward and I shared was clearly all in my head. We were too different to love each other for eternity. It just wasn't meant to be.
I quickly wiped away the tear that escaped from my eye, as I placed the picture in the box. Next was a dried up flower. It was from the meadow where Edward exposed himself to me. He had placed one in my hair a long time ago when we were spending one of those rare sunny days away from public eyes. Closing my eyes I could almost feel the warmth on my skin from the sun as his butterscotch eyes stared down at me.
Everything was a lie, I reminded myself. All a lie.
I rolled my eyes looking at the next object. A CD he had given to me. I quickly shoved that into the box knowing that it contained the lullaby he wrote for me. I didn't have enough time in the world to contemplate why he wrote a lullaby for me if he clearly didn't love me.
Lastly I had the note he wrote me so long ago. Be Safe.
I sighed closing the lid and pushing the box into my closet. It was now 6:45. Charlie was shuffling downstairs about to leave for work. I took a deep breath leaning back resting on the wall gazing up at the ceiling.
How was I going to tell Charlie that his only daughter was now pregnant? It was only the second month of school, my senior year. I had to finish school for him and my mother. I groaned. Life couldn't get worse.
A half an hour later I was in my car ready for another day at Forks High School. The only thing getting me through the day was my doctor's appointment I scheduled for later today. I mean there still was a possibility that I was pregnant.
Who am I kidding? I knew I was. I've been sick every morning, and I'm already starting to gain weight, even if I could barely hold anything down long enough to digest.
The day moved on uneventful as I weighed the options of keeping the baby. Each side had good points. One, I couldn't take care of a baby who was a vampire, and I could not give that responsibility to someone else.
On the other hand, there still was a fifty percent chance that the baby would be human. Still fifty percent isn't that comforting.
"Bella, are you okay?" Angela asked me as I sat down next to her a lunch. "You've been looking a little pale lately."
I smiled weakly at her. I already was pale, now I was looking more like ghost. "I'm okay Ange. I think I have just a little cold. I'll be fine."
She nodded letting it go. I have been getting this question a lot lately. Sometimes I feel as though it would be easier if I could just yell back at them that I'm pregnant and you would look pale too if you had been up for three hours throwing up. But that probably isn't the best way to handle things.
Stupid vampires. Life would be so much easier if they really were a myth like everyone believed them to be.
Nothing made sense to me anymore. At this point I wouldn't be surprised if Angela was a witch and Ben was a werewolf. Having a witch on my side could be pretty cool though.
"Isabella," a voice called to me as I stared at the wall in the waiting room. "The doctor will see you know."
I got up and follow the lady in bright pink scrubs to the back room. I barely remember driving here. The rest of my school day just went by in such a haze nothing seemed to actually stick out to me. It wasn't raining to I didn't have to drive slowly, and there aren't many hills to grab my attention. It's like I've been a zombie until now.
My room was white and plain. I sat uncomfortably on the table in my dressing gown. My heart was hammering; my feet kept jumping up and down. I couldn't keep still. My life could change in the matter of an hour.
"Hello Isabella," a young doctor said opening up the door. He was tall, probably around six feet, with jet-black hair and piercing gray eyes. He had a very strong jaw, high cheekbones, and olive colored skin. He was very handsome. "My name is Dr. Booth."
I forced a smile, not being able to move my hands from my lap. There was something different about him. Something about him made me want to trust him…
"So, Isabella, you haven't been feeling too well lately?" he asked taking a seat opposite of me, pen in hand ready to write.
"Bella," I stated, finally looking into his eyes. He smiled. I took a deep breath and shrugged. "I feel fine, it's just every morning I get sick. I can't seem to be able to eat anything without feeling sick afterwards, but I don't have a temperature."
He nodded, writing something down before looking back up at me. "When was your last cycle?"
I grimaced trying to remember. "A little over two months ago," I whispered.
"Have you been sexually active in that time?"
He nodded again. "Well, everything seems to be normal as of now. Another nurse will come in to do some blood work and we will get to the bottom of this." He stood up and put a hand on my knee. "Would you like me to get anyone from the waiting room to come back and wait with you."
I shook my head. "No, I'm alone."
He pressed his lips together and nodded before leaving me to my own thoughts. So much was changing. The doctor and I knew what was wrong with me. The blood work was unnecessary.
The blood work happened faster than I thought, and too my surprise I didn't feel faint at all. Instead I just stared straight ahead and waited for it to be done. Then before I knew it my results were in.
Dr. Booth came back into the room, and quickly sat down across from me again. "Bella, according to your blood work you are pregnant. I would like to do a quick ultrasound to make sure everything is in order and then we can talk about what is to come and what options you have."
He pulled over the machine that was in the corner. After he sorted it all out, a little black and white picture came on the screen.
Dr. Booth smiled at me and pointed to the center of the screen. "That right there, Bella, is your baby."
I stared at the screen, not believe that that little thing was my baby. It was only the size of a peanut, yet it already was functioning, making it's brain and heart. It was mesmerizing.
I didn't even realize the doctor leave the room, until he came back and handed me a picture of my baby.
"I thought you would want the first photo of your baby," he said smiling at me. "Now Bella, I know you are only 18 and raising a child can be extremely hard. Is the father in the picture?"
I shook my head. Not caring to elaborate.
He nodded, looking solemn. "Well, it will be difficult to do this on your own, but you do have options. There is always adoption and then there is the last option."
I nodded, knowing what option would probably be the safest and smartest. "Yes, I know."
"Bella, did the father do something that he is not in the picture?" he asked pulling his chair up closer to me.
I shook my head slowly. "No, no. He was very kind. He just moved recently, and the way we left things weren't exactly the best."
"Okay, well if you need to talk to anyone, there is a hotline for young mothers. I will have the secretary give you the number. They will help you with whatever decision you make."
"Thank you," I said softly getting up.
"If you decide to keep the baby, than then just call the office and make an appointment with me in three weeks. Okay?" I nodded staring down at the ground. "Take care Bella," he said touching me lightly on the arm.
I pulled back a little, not even noticing what I was doing, and turn to get my clothes together to leave.
The ride home seemed longer than before. The options I had fogging my mind. I could not take care of this child on my own. No one knows what it will be! The Cullens wouldn't even know! This has never happened before. Then again no one actually knew the vampire myth was in fact reality.
When I finally made it home, I rushed to my room, dropping my bag at the door and collapsing on my bed.
My choice was clear. There was never really a choice for me. How could I care for a baby that wasn't even human?
I sighed reaching into my back pocket pulling out the picture Dr. Booth gave me. That little peanut was my baby, though. That peanut was the last piece of proof that my love for Edward was real, and not just a hallucination.
I knew if I got rid of the baby I would get rid of the last piece of my heart that was still able to beat every day. I would rip apart my soul if I got rid of it. Staring at the little peanut in the photograph, I knew my answer was clear, even if it was the best decision.
I was going to be a mother.
A/N: I hope this was good! Please review and let me know what you think!