A/N: If you are unfamiliar with the "Mameshiba" videos, go to youtube and watch a couple before reading this! You'll love them!
"One a day trivia, la la la la la la la!"
-Mameshiba Theme Song
Izumi sat at her desk running her fingers her fingers through her hair. Her elfish features were clenched tightly together as she stared at the pile of papers skewed messily over her desk. They were all proposals from the Sole rank girls. It seemed that they had been coming up with all kinds of crazy ideas to improve St. Lucia's lately, and Izumi had to go through and approve or deny each one. Sure, she was glad to have gained the title of Lucia-sama, but at times the work was unbearably overwhelming.
Kiba stood behind her with his hands folded properly behind his back, peering over his lady's shoulder as she read one proposal after another.
"Would you like to take a break, Izumi-sama? I can make you some tea," Kiba said politely, noting his lady's stress. Izumi only shook her head in response. She had been working diligently for three hours straight, and she wasn't stopping now.
Suddenly a rustling sound could be heard from under Izumi's desk. She jumped slightly and scooted her chair back in order to see what had caused the disturbance in her work. A tuft of familiar orange hair appeared from under the desk and Kento jumped up from the hole he had been hiding in for who knew how long. With his hands on his hips and a wide grin on his face, Kento stared at Izumi without saying a word.
After a few moments of awkward silence, Izumi , annoyed about the disturbance, finally asked, "Kento, is there anything I can do for you?"
"Hello," Kento said slowly. Never breaking eye contact and never blinking, he went on to add, "Did you know that houseflies buzz in the key of F?"
"Mameshiba!" Kento cried as he threw his arms up in the air and turned on his heel. He dashed quickly out of the room yelling something about one-a-day trivia.
Both Izumi and Kiba stared at the door for several minutes with matching expressions of confusion on their faces.
"Doesn't Mei-sama call him 'Mameshiba' all the time?" Kiba asked, breaking the silence. "And just what was that about?"
"Mameshiba is a little bean dog who appears in food and spouts random bits of information. He's a character in a commercial series," Izumi explained, her voice still sounding bewildered and confused.
"How do you know that?" Kiba asked, casting a side glance at his lady.
"My little brother loves Mameshiba," Izumi replied, then added as an afterthought, "Kiba, don't you think Kento was acting very…strange?"
"Well, yes," Kiba said. "Do you think something is wrong with him?"
"I don't know," Izumi said, placing a hand on her chin. She appeared to think Kento's behavior over for a moment before reaching out and grabbing Kiba's wrist. "But we're going to find out," she said as she began dragging Kiba out the door.
Meanwhile, Kyoko sat in the dining hall, preparing to dig into a beautifully displayed plate of Kobe beef. She had just sunk her fork into the tender, succulent meat and was about to pull her knife through it for the first bite when Kento himself popped up from underneath the table.
"Hello!" Kento greeted just a hair too loudly. This, however, did not phase Kyoko one bit. She simply smiled up at Kento and offered him a seat.
"Would you like to join me, Kento?" she asked politely. "I can have Roppongi prepare a plate for you."
"Did you know," Kento began as though he hadn't heard Kyoko's offer at all, "that you burn more calories eating celery than the celery actually has?" Then, without giving Kyoko a chance to reply, Kento screamed "Mameshiba!" and went running off again, singing loudly and off-key about one-a-day trivia.
Completely disregarding the orange-haired butler's strange behavior, Kyoko simply stared down at her plate in horror. Amongst the mountain of beef were several sticks of celery.
"Get this away from me!" Kyoko cried, flailing her arms as she desperately scooted her chair back in an attempt to get away from the "evil" celery. Roppongi, used to this behavior, simply picked up the plate, removed the celery, and set it back down in front of his lady. Kyoko paused her antics, stared at the celery-free plate, and went back to happily eating her beef while Roppongi stared at the spot where Kento had run off to, wondering just what was wrong with him.
While Kyoko was busy freaking out about her food, Tami was happily prancing about the gardens playing badminton with Kanda. The birdie flew back and forth through the air, and Tami hit each shot flawlessly. She was determined to win. Currently she and Kanda were tied in the game, and she absolutely refused to lose.
The birdie was heading for her once more and Tami raised her racket and was preparing to whack it with full force when out of nowhere, Kento popped up in front of the Tami…and the birdie. It hit him squarely in the chest, fell to the ground, bounced twice, and came to a rest at Tami's feet.
She stared down at the birdie in shock before raising her angry eyes to give Kento a piece of her mind. Kanda quickly rushed over to see what situation was sure to arise and paused when he noticed something about Kento was a bit…off. His lopsided grin was wider than normal, and his eyes rolled about crazily in their sockets. Something was definitely wrong.
"Why you-," Tami began, pushing up her sleeves as she spoke, preparing to fight.
"Hello," Kento said, totally unfazed by Tami's anger. "Did you know that hedgehogs are lactose intolerant?"
"Uh, no?" Tami said, scratching her head in confusion, all anger forgotten. "I didn't know that. But why are you telling me?"
"Mameshiba!" Kento cried, throwing his arms up in the air and running off in wild circles screaming once more about one-a-day trivia.
Tami and Kanda stared as the clearly crazed man disappeared into the forest. Suddenly, Izumi's voice cut through the air and the sound of running feet approached the spot where the two eccentric Ombra's stood.
"He went this way, Kiba! I heard him!"
Kiba and Izumi came to a screeching halt and stood, panting, for a moment before looking up at the very confused Tami and Kanda.
"Have you seen Kento?" Izumi asked breathlessly.
"Yeah," Tami replied slowly. She raised her hand and pointed to the woods. "He went that way."
"Did he seem off to you?" Izumi asked in all seriousness.
"Yes," Kanda answered. "Something is clearly wrong with him."
Izumi nodded. "Help us find him," she demanded, "we need to figure out what his problem is before something bad happens!" And with that Izumi took off running for the forest with Kiba at her heels. Bored of the badminton game, and figuring they had nothing to lose, Tami and Kanda quickly followed.
While the "Great Kento Chase" was just beginning on the school grounds, Rose lay sprawled out on the couch in her office, a One Piece manga in one hand and a cup of hot tea in the other. Suddenly a pair of eyes rose above her manga and Rose glanced up to see would dare to disturb her One Piece time.
"Oh, Kento, how are you today?" Rose asked pleasantly enough, though she wanted nothing more than to get back to her story.
"Hello," Kento said with a bow. He was acting perfectly normal until he straightened himself back up and folded his hands behind his back. The lopsided grin spread over his face once more and he said rather loudly, "Did you know sheep can recognize each other through pictures?"
"That's nice," Rose replied, her nose already buried back in her manga. The academy director most likely didn't hear a single word the slightly-off Kento had just shouted at her.
"Mameshiba!" Kento screamed as he threw himself into a somersault and rolled his way out of the room. Shouts of one-a-day trivia could be heard echoing throughout the halls.
Back in the forest, Izumi had lost her trail of the "crazed" butler-in-training and now stood hopelessly in the middle of a clearing with the rest of her hastily thrown together group.
"Where could he have gone?" Izumi groaned. "If he's allowed to run around and wreak havoc all day, who knows what will happen!"
"Izumi-sama," Kiba interrupted, "um, where are Rika-sama and Aoyama? Kento is Aoyama's apprentice after all."
"Rika left the academy this morning to pay a visit to her parents. Aoyama, of course, went with her," Izumi explained. "There's no way to get into contact with her to find out what's wrong with Kento." Her features lit up as though she had been struck with a sudden brilliant idea. "Where is Mei? She is best friends with Kento, right? She'll know what's wrong with him."
"Brilliant idea, Izumi-sama!" Kiba praised, clapping his hands giddily. Tami and Kanda merely nodded in agreement. They were clearly only in on this little investigation for the fun of playing detective.
Suddenly Rihito's voice cut through the forest and all four temporary investigators began walking towards the source of the S-class butler's voice.
"You're pulling it too hard, Mei-sama," Rihito said gruffly. "Loosen your grip."
"My hand is getting tired. Can we stop yet?" Mei's voice followed.
"Not yet," Rihito replied. "You're the one who wanted to do this. I'm not finished yet."
All four investigators-turned-eavesdroppers froze in their places. Izumi's face turned the color of bleached cotton and Kanda clapped a hand over Tami's mouth to keep her from bursting into laughter. Kiba tried his best to remain as stoic as possible, but all kinds of images were flooding through his mind and the feeling of fear was suddenly welling up inside of him. After all, romance between a lady and her butler was prohibited, and Izumi had every right to kick Mei out of school with the snap of her fingers.
"Those two," Izumi growled, clenching her fists tightly together, "are in so much trouble!" She stormed into the clearing with the others following close behind her only to freeze in her tracks once more. The others ended up nearly knocking Izumi down as they came to a screeching halt behind her as well.
Mei stood in the center of the clearing, an archer's bow clenched tightly in her hands. Her arrow was aimed and ready to go, pointed straight at a target that had been drawn on a tree. Rihito stood behind her, his hands folded properly in front of him. Both turned to stare at the strange group of intruders who had entered the clearing.
"Hi," Mei greeted with a smile. "What are you all doing here? Did you want to learn archery too?"
"Archery," Izumi muttered under her breath. "It was just archery." She shook her head rapidly back in forth as if trying to clear all improper thoughts from her mind. Once she had regained her composure, she got right to the point. "Do you know what's wrong with Kento?"
"Something's wrong with Mameshiba?" Mei asked, concerned. Rihito only spared Izumi a raised eyebrow. It seemed that his younger brother was always getting into trouble.
"Mameshiba!" Izumi cried, frustrated. "That's just the problem! He's been running around all day today shouting random, useless facts at people then running off screaming about 'one-a-day trivia'! I was hoping you of all people would know what his problem would be!"
"He…has?" Mei said slowly, sounding as if her mind was having trouble processing this information. She glanced up at Rihito, who was smirking back at her.
"Where is he now?" Rihito asked, the smirk never leaving his face. He assumed his brother must have just cracked under the pressure of butler training.
"We don't know," Izumi admitted.
"We're hunting him down!" Tami declared as she pulled a knife out of her sleeve. Kanda mimicked the motion and the two stood back-to-back, twirling their knives around their fingers.
Mei carefully set her bow and arrow on the ground and massaged her cramping hand as she stood back up. "Well," I suppose my lesson is done for the day," she sighed. "Let's see if we can find him."
As the impromptu "rescue" squad began their search, Fujiko sat in St. Lucia's main study lounge. She was perched on the edge of an old, weathered leather couch, a book open in her lap, and the blazing fire warming her face. Nezu stood beside her, refilling her teacup. Bored of studying, Fujiko slammed her book shut and said in her high-pitched, whiny voice, "Nezucchi, I don't want to study anymore!"
"Just a while longer," Nezu replied, his voice sounding slightly seductive. "After you are finished, we can do whatever you like."
Letting out a small squeal of delight, Fujiko reached out to grab her book, but was suddenly interrupted by Kento, who jumped up from behind the couch and plopped down right next to her. Shrieking, Fujiko jumped up and grabbed onto Nezu's arm.
"Hello," Kento greeted as he folded his hands in his lap and began to swing his legs back and forth. "Did you know that the average human grows five hundred and ninety miles of hair in their lifetime?"
"Mameshiba!" Kento screamed before Fujiko could finish her sentence. He threw himself to the ground and army-crawled out of the room at a nearly inhuman rate.
"What was that all about?" Nezu asked slowly, his eyes fixed on the door.
"I'm scared, Nezucchi," Fujiko whined, tightening her grip on her butler's arm.
Suddenly a whole crowd of ladies and butlers burst into the room with Mei in the lead. She glanced around and stomped her foot in frustration.
"I could have sworn I heard him in here!" she groaned. Izumi glanced behind the rest of the mob and sighed as she ran her hand through her hair.
"Are you talking about Kento?" Nezu asked. "He was just here."
"Really?" Tami asked as she reached into some unknown pocket and pulled out a long length of rope. "Which way did he go?"
"There's no need to be so rash," Kanda muttered as he carefully removed the rope from his lady's hands.
"He went out that way," Fujiko said, raising her arm to point out the door the group had just entered in.
Sighing, Rihito placed a hand on Mei's shoulder and said, "Let's go Mei-sama, before he gets too far."
"Right," Mei said with a nod. She turned on her heel to lead the group out the door once more and paused to glance over her shoulder at Nezu and Fujiko. "You two come with us. We're going to need all the help we can get."
The center courtyard was calm and peaceful, the perfect place to try and predict the fortunes of classmates. And that's just what Rin was doing with the help of her advanced psychic butler, Yotsuya. The pair sat side-by-side, their hands raised in the air in order to channel the spirits better. Feeling a sudden, overwhelming presence, Rin and Yotsuya slowly opened her eyes to face what they believed was a spirit.
Kento stood in front of them, his arms held out in front of him, mimicking the channeling of spirits. "Hello," he greeted, making his voice sound shaky and ghost-like. "Did you know that cats have thirty-two muscles in each ear?"
"Why would I need to know such a useless fact?" Rin asked angrily. She stood up and crossed her arms, glaring at Kento for interrupting her fortune telling session.
"Mameshiba!" Kento yelled as he turned on his heel and began to skip back to the main school building.
"What a strange aura he has," Yotsuya said mysteriously. "It seems that something is interfering with his mind."
"Interfering?" Rin asked. "You mean like drugs?"
"It would appear so," Yotsuya replied gravely. He opened his mouth to say more but was interrupted by a shout in the distance. The pair looked up and saw a rather large group of ladies and butlers running towards them.
"Hey!" Mei called as the group got closer. "Have you two seen Mameshiba around here?"
"He went towards the school," Rin said, and the whole group groaned loudly in response.
"He has been drugged," Yotsuya announced, and this time the group gasped in unison.
"Drugged?" Mei cried, shocked.
"Did someone drug him?" Izumi asked, switching to Lucia-mode.
"It's unclear," Yotsuya replied, waving his arms lightly in an attempt to see into the past. "But we must get to him quickly before whatever drug is affecting him wears off."
"Right!" everyone cried in unison and ran back towards the school.
Miruku sat in the classroom with a notebook and an advanced calculus textbook spread out before her. She had been working through problems for the past several hours in the quiet of the classroom with Daimon cheering her on. Finally she set her pencil and sighed.
"Daimon," she began, "I'm hungry. Let's-."
"Hello!" Kento screeched as he slid into the classroom on his stomach. He jumped back onto his feet and threw his arm around Daimon's shoulders. Grinning widely he said, "Did you know your thumb is the same length as your nose?"
"Really?" Miruku asked, intrigued. She raised her thumb to her face and held it against the side of her nose. "Well, Daimon, is it the same length?"
"Yes, Miruku-sama," Daimon began. "But-."
"Mameshiba!" Kento shrieked, his voice echoing through the high-ceilinged classroom. He turned to make a mad dash out of the room once more but froze in his tracks when all of the gathered members of the "Great Kento Chase" burst into the room.
"Grab him!" Izumi cried as Rihito made a dash for his younger brother.
The elder Shibata managed to wrestle his brother to the ground as he screamed loudly about 'one-a-day trivia' and scratched madly at the air. Finally, Rihito pushed Kento onto his back and placed his foot on his chest to keep him down.
"Did you know," Kento cried as he struggled to free himself, "that you can't hum while pinching your nose?"
"What's gotten into you?" Rihito muttered as he stared down at his crazed bother.
"Mameshiba!" was all Kento replied with.
The room was in chaos. Questions that no one could answer were flying left and right and everyone crowded around the crazed butler who had caused them all so much trouble that day. Their voices meshed together in a jumble that no one could understand when suddenly, a new voice cut through the confusion.
"What's going on in here?"
Rika, with Aoyama by her side, strolled into the room and came to halt when she saw Kento lying spread-eagled on the floor with his brother's foot still planted firmly on his chest. "What is he doing out of bed?" she demanded.
"Bed?" everyone else cried out in unison. They didn't even try to hide their shock as they stared down at the delirious apprentice butler.
"Why should he be in bed?" Izumi asked seriously.
"The apprentice caught a bad cold," Aoyama explained. He reached down and grabbed Kento, who was now falling into unconsciousness, underneath the arms and pulled him to his feet.
"That's right," Rika agreed with a sigh. "He was so sick today that I demanded he take some medicine and stay in bed to rest while Aoyama and I went to visit my family. But he looked so miserable, so before I left I gave him a couple of extra pills to help him feel better faster."
Hearing this, Aoyama froze suddenly and looked sheepishly up at his lady. "You…gave him extra pills?"
"Yes," Rika confirmed, "just two."
"I gave him extra pills as well," Aoyama admitted.
"So," Izumi said slowly, trying to piece the story together, "you both gave him extra pills?"
"He's high!" Tami declared happily as she clapped her hands and jumped up and down. "He's actually high off of cold medicine!"
"That explains his strange behavior," Mei said with a sigh. She glanced over at Rihito, who was clearly embarrassed about his brother's situation.
Izumi looked around at everyone's faces, noting all of the trouble the apprentice butler had caused that day. "What can we do for him?" she asked with a sigh, suddenly feeling very tired.
"Rest should be all he needs," Rihito put in. "The overdose should wear off in a few hours."
"Right," Aoyama agreed with a nod. He threw Kento haphazardly over his shoulder and began walking towards the dorms muttering about annoying apprentices under his breath.
Hours later, Kento slowly opened his eyes, groaning at the soft light from the lap beside his bed in the infirmary. Sniffling, he threw his arm over his eyes and moaned loudly as a headache began to radiate through his forehead.
"So, you're finally awake?"
Kento glanced to the side and saw Mei and Rihito sitting side-by-side in chairs that lined the wall by the door.
"What are you doing here?" Kento groaned as he rubbed at his temples.
"You were quite a nuisance today," Rihito said simply. "You caused everyone trouble."
"What are you talking about, you prick?" Kento spat as he struggled to sit up. "I was in bed all day."
"Wrong!" Izumi yelled, exasperated, as she filed into the room along with the rest of the members of the "Great Kento Chase".
"Huh?" Kento looked around at the group of people suddenly surrounding his bed. "What did I do?"
"You," Izumi growled, storming right up to Kento's side and pointing an angry finger is face, "had us chasing after you all day! You popped out of nowhere and screamed random facts at us! We chased you for hours before we finally caught you telling Miruku that people's thumbs are the same lengths as their noses!"
"They are?" Kento asked, surprised. He raised his own thumb to his nose to see if it was true. "How cool, it is!"
"How is it that he doesn't remember the facts he was spouting?" Kiba muttered under his breath.
"Forget it!" Izumi cried, nearly pulling her hair out in her frustration. She pointed her finger once more in Kento's face and said, "You are never allowed to have cold medicine again!" She whirled around on her heel and pointed her finger at Mei this time. "And you…are never allowed to call him Mameshiba again!" With that being said, Izumi threw up her arms and stormed out of the room. The rest of the group followed Izumi out, wanting to get back to their normal daily routines. Only Mei and Rihito remained.
"What was that all about?" Kento asked, scratching his head in confusion.
Mei chuckled lightly and patted Kento on the knee. "Don't worry about it," she advised. "Let's just forget this day ever happened."
"All right," Kento agreed. Mei and Rihito stood up to leave the room so Kento could get some rest, but froze in their tracks when he said, "Hey guys, I have the weirdest song stuck in my head! 'One-a-day trivia! La, la, la, la, la, la, la!'"
Ah, my first "Mei-chan" story. I hope everyone enjoyed the complete and utter crackiness of this fic! Please leave a review (and ignore the fact that Kento was supposed to be training in Europe…)!