A/N: I wrote this a long time ago. It's a... lemony parody? Well, whatever it is, I hope you enjoy it. Happy holidays!


"I hope you win, Professor Cullen," Ms. Carmack told me, a warm smile on her face.

The elections of a new headmaster were the main topic in the teachers' room today. Headmistress Kirova had decided to resign and her heir would be elected this evening by the professors. The tight was between Daris and me.

I nodded in acknowledgment, smiling back at her. "Thank you."

I finished packing my suitcase and left. On the way to my room I wondered where Dimitri was. He was an old friend of mine who got a job at St. Vladimir's about a month ago, after his last assignment ended badly. We were usually inseparable, but he was nowhere to be seen today.

As I entered my room, my eyes immediately registered a watch on my bedside cabinet I most certainly hadn't put there myself. I walked over to it. There was also a note next to it that said, "Good luck," and at the bottom of the little piece of paper was Dimitri's signature.

I smiled and put the watch on. It was black and elegant, looking quite expensive. I would have never expected this of him, but I was glad nevertheless.

Wanting to thank him, I went to his room which was near mine. I knocked on the door and he opened it almost immediately.

"Hey, I wanted to-" I was cut off by the lust that clouded my mind at once. I never saw it coming. It just pooled right into me, consuming every atom of my being. His eyes, his lips, his scent, his firm body… It was all too much. Just by looking at him, I was instantly hard. He was wearing his black duster, his hair loose, apparently about to go out.

"Edward?" he gave me a questioning look, confused by my behavior. His deep voice with a slight Russian accent made me shiver with need.

I reached for him without a second thought, covering his mouth with mine. He tried to push me away at first, but instead he pulled me even closer and after closing the door he pinned me against it.

My blood boiled with the ravishing force of this unexpected primal desire. He grounded his erection against mine, making us both groan. I twisted my fingers into his hair, deepening the kiss. His tongue swirled against mine, the motion and the taste making me lose control. As if I had any left.

I slid the duster off his shoulders and it made a soft sound as it crumbled to the floor. He in turn reached for my shirt. He ripped it open, the buttons spilling all over the floor, the rest of it following soon. One by one, pieces of clothing shared the same destiny, until it was just our hot, sweaty, naked bodies pressed together in this irrational fervor.

Dimitri remained the one in charge, pushing me down on his bed. The sheets felt soft yet cold beneath my heated skin as I lay underneath him, wearing nothing except the black watch on my wrist. I ran my hands across his muscled chest, nibbling at his collar bone at the same time. He let out a staggering breath, his lips right next to my ear. It made me realize how uneven my own breathing was, my chest rising and falling rapidly, my heartbeat frantic. The lust fully possessed my body and I had absolutely no control over it.

Dimitri grabbed my knees, pushing them apart and nestling between my legs. This sent another rush of heat straight to my groin.

I clawed at his back, bringing him closer as my mouth found his neck. I could feel his lips parting at this, his arousal growing. I sank my fangs into his skin and warm blood flooded my mouth. He moaned loudly as endorphins rushed through his veins. It was the single most erotic sound I've ever heard, combined with the warm pleasure that accompanied the sweet taste of his blood.

Careful not to take too much, I pulled my teeth away from his neck and brought my lips to his into a heated kiss. He groaned, tasting blood in my mouth, still high on my saliva.

"Turn around," he whispered huskily.

"God, yes…"

We shifted so that I was lying on my stomach and Dimitri was on top of me. I knew I should be wondering what the fuck we were doing, but I couldn't bring myself to.

I felt him reach for the bedside cabinet. There was a sound of a drawer opening and then closing. I didn't see what he took, but I was pretty sure I knew its purpose.

His hands grabbed my hips, lifting me up a bit. I gasped as his lubricated fingers slid into me, stretching me for what was yet to come. It was cold at first, and quite a strange feeling, but it soon became pleasant.

His other hand came to my cock, slowly pumping. I moaned at the sensations awakening in my body.

"Ready for this?" His voice was strained as he held back, yet I could hear his smirk.

"Need you ask?"

I gasped as his finger brushed the head of my cock. "You might want to… ah... slow that down… God… if you don't want me to come… ugh… before we even started…" I managed through my panting.

He moved both of his hands to the sides of me, holding himself up. My body was trembling with anticipation.

"Up," he commanded. I resisted the urge to groan at the dark, carnal tone of his voice and lifted my hips toward his.

My mouth fell open as he pushed himself inside me. His lips were near my ear and hearing his harsh breathing turned me on even more. There was pain, of course, but I failed to register it. It felt so good that it made me wonder if he's done this before or it was simply the fact that he was good at everything. A god.

My thoughts were wiped away once he was all the way in and started thrusting. He was going slowly at first, letting me adjust. Once my moans assured him that I was ready for more, he quickened his pace, his thrusts becoming rougher.

I didn't think I could ever feel better than I did at that moment. And than I felt his hand on my cock again.

My face was contorted as I fought to hold back my release and I had no strength left to even try to be quiet. The sounds we were making filled the room and probably went beyond it. I couldn't care less. Anyone could walk in at this point, but no one could stop us.

And that was exactly what happened.

I faintly heard the door opening and the voices that followed it. I wasn't able to decipher the words, just the tone that reflected shock and disbelief.

Dimitri was groaning into my ear, moving on top of me and his hand… God, his hand… This was more than sex, this was… unearthly. I was on the edge, all of my muscles tense. That was when he hit my prostrate.

I screamed, unable to take in the feeling so intense. Light exploded across my eyelids as I squeezed my eyes shut, my whole body shivering, reaching the point of pleasure so enormous that it hurt. I never came so hard in my life.

With a loud groan, Dimitri spilled himself inside me and collapsed by my side after pulling out.

We were panting, high and unaware of the world around us. I sighed contently, exhausted and thoroughly fucked.

And that was when the haze started to disperse.

Dimitri was the first one to react, grabbing a blanket and covering us, his face a perfect guardian mask as he stared at our audience. I gasped when my gaze fell on the two people standing in the doorway. Headmistress Kirova and Professor Daris.

Both of them wore identical expressions of utter shock. Daris was the first one to recover.

"This is inexcusable," he spoke to the headmistress, "Especially considering that Mr. Cullen here is a candidate for the new headmaster."

Kirova did nothing to acknowledge his words and just kept staring at us.

"Something was wrong. Something…" Dimitri spoke, deep in thought.

I knew he was right. It wasn't normal, the lust that fell upon us so suddenly and disappeared in the same fashion. For heaven's sake, we didn't stop even when they walked in on us. No, it definitely wasn't normal. We were controlled by something.

My eyes fell on the watch on my wrist.

"Did you leave this for me? In my room?" I asked Dimitri, pointing at the watch.

His brow furrowed. "No."

"It had a note-" I looked at Daris. "You set the whole thing up!"

His eyes widened. "What the hell do I have to do with this?"

Kirova lifted her hand to silence him. "Tell me about the watch."

It was obvious to her too that what happened wasn't our responsibility. I sighed in relief and explained everything.

"It must have been a spell," she concluded, her brow furrowed. I took the watch off my wrist and let her examine it.

After she made sure that she was indeed right, she turned back to the two of us. "Don't worry, I won't hold this against you. You, on the other hand," she her eyes reverted to Daris, "are coming to my office. Now."

His mouth set into a tight line, he followed her out of the room. Which left Dimitri and me in an awkward silence.

"I- I'm sorry," I muttered. I had no idea what else one should say to their best friend after 'accidentally' having anal sex with them.

"It wasn't your fault." He got up and started getting dressed, avoiding looking at me.

Of course, he was going to act like it was no big deal. Sure it wasn't. We'll just ignore the fact that every time I see him, I'll have a flashback of what it felt like to have his dick up my ass. No big deal.

"Dimitri, I really think we should discuss this."

"What's there to be discussed?" he turned around, shirtless, his pants hanging low on his hips. Uh… Must be the remains of the spell.

"I don't want us to be awkward around each other."

"Well, it would be a good start if you'd look me in the eye."

I realize my gaze was still plastered to his happy trail. I quickly met his gaze and he gave me that half-smile of his.

"You see? No awkwardness."

"Um… It's impossible for the spell to work if the watch is not around anymore, right?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Oh."

"What?"

"Well… In that case…"

"Yes?"

"Well… I liked it."

"You liked what?"

"Um… you. What we did."

Oh yeah, he was rendered speechless alright. I've never seen his face so full of… expression. His eyes practically popped out of his head, his mouth opening and closing without a sound.

I swallowed. I doubted there was any chance of going back after this so I might as well go all the way.

"Y-you don't feel the same way?"

A small shake of his head was all he could manage.

I resigned the next day, having decided to go back to Forks to my family. Dimitri, however, tough as he was, put it all behind quicker than you could say "anal sex". Daris got fired after it was proven that he charmed the watch and got the headmistress to see us in order to disqualify me from elections. And Kirova, outraged as she was, decided she'd stick around for another few years. The whole thing was covered up and the real reasons that stood behind both of the candidates leaving the academy were never revealed to the wider population of St. Vladimir's.

I can't say I wasn't hurt by Dimitri's rejection. I was, that much so that I was unable to continue working in a place where I would get to see him almost every day. But I had a good feeling about going back to my family. You know, that feeling when you just know there's something good on the horizon for you.

Having said my goodbyes, I set off into the twilight.