A/N: I know, I KNOW, ongoing stories. I'll get right back to that. ..Um yeah. (Also, please let me know if this story needs an explanation. It might be a bit confusing.)
I don't own Swan Queen though my heart is beating for those two and English is not my first language, so in its core, this is me trying to get Regina in character and expand my limited English vocabulary via shipping, yada yada.
Heaven's Not Enough
I remember the time we celebrated Mary and David's engagement, though saying "we" is an overstatement; I was invited and you were invited and that's where the story would have normally ended if it weren't for you being yourself. You always had to crack a hole in all those happy endings, didn't you? Nothing ever went according to the book with you. I admit; that was more of a pull factor than anything else. The great thing about you was that in a world of predetermined fates, you had no idea what you were doing and you always dove right in anyway.
And so where the dusty pages said "the Queen was defeated and they lived happily ever after," something that had been unheard of happened – you. A new character appeared on the stage and took the Queen's side. Of course, again I am exaggerating. But you did watch me out of the corner of your eye as I stood on the balcony of David's house alone at night, missing out on all the fun because I didn't need it. I didn't need any of it, really.
"What are you doing?"
I was going to say here but the sentence worked just as well without an unnecessary appendix. Even like this, it took some of my strength to say. Not much. But more than a little. I didn't even need to look over my shoulder to know it was you. After all, you're always the smudged letter wandering off the page.
You said this as if it explained everything, as if it gave you all the right to throw your arms around my neck like a homesick child. Countless times, Henry looked as if he were in pieces, about to do the exact same thing, but he never took more than a step. The first time that happened, some other kid took the ball Henry was playing with and threw it in the river. Henry didn't come as close to me as you did, but I made the kid's parents buy him a new one.
The second time it happened, he had gotten a low grade in math. I remember him stuttering, mumbling something about Ms. James being an "un-understandable" teacher. He was scared for a reason; I yelled and I scolded and I forbade him from watching TV for the rest of the week, but I told him I was only acting this way for his own good, because I wanted him to be able to achieve whatever he would set his mind to. He took a single step then, but changed his mind. I think he didn't believe me.
The third time it happened, I was reading him a book after he had spent the entire evening persuading me to. I complained that Red Riding Hood was a pompous idiot if she couldn't tell fur from skin and for some reason he found it amusing. He almost snuggled up to me but pulled away at the last second. Apparently, I had just disclosed my secret identity somehow.
Either way, until you appeared out of nowhere on the balcony, it was never about me – and I was content with that. I thought you were being ridiculous; I hadn't cried in years and wasn't about to start for some wedding. Surely no one expected tears of sheer joy from me either. But then I froze as I felt water stream down my cheeks and realization dawned on me that it wasn't raining. To this day, I don't know what Mary's blue birds had told you to make you see what I had been ignoring for quite a while.
Then you put your hand on my shoulder and goose bumps ran down my bare arm. I turned around to tell you off but before I could say a thing, you wrapped me in your embrace as if you had all the right to. I'm not sure I've forgiven you yet, but I am grateful, and I was then too. Unbeknownst to many, appreciation and vindictiveness can coexist and I am a living proof. It had really been… forever.
"It's okay," you said and I knew you weren't trying to rub in this fleeting moment of fragility – you're too righteous for your own good – but something strange flared up in my chest. Something alien.
I have something to say, but I'm not sure I should. I'm conflicted. Time seems to be frozen while I wonder; if I tell you, this whole disguise that I've been building up for a cold eternity will crumble and your pain might lessen. On the other hand, if I don't, I will face death the same way both I and the Queen stood up to life. There will be no difference. But yet one is there, asleep deep inside of me, and I know that it wouldn't be here should you have stayed where you didn't belong. I know that we're not the same because of you. You changed us. And you should see it too. After all, soon I won't care whether or not they fear me anymore, so I suppose can make a little compromise for you.
"It's okay. You have to."
I give you a nod of encouragement as I let go and surrender myself to you and the colt in your hand that I could never in my right mind describe as yours, because it burns the hands holding it with no mercy, knowing it cannot be dropped, and I can only guess the pain is making you weep. I would call you weak, as you always were, but I know I have no right because this is the one thing I could not bear myself. As sad as it is that I am the only one here to witness your power – and it's formidable indeed – I respect your wish for it to be just the two of us, here, in the vault, where it all began.
It's okay, really. Though I created it, it gave me no joy. Hopefully it'll do for you when you are free, but heaven just wasn't enough for me.
A/N2: Okay, so apparently, this wasn't understandable at all. Basically, what happened there was that in order to break the curse, Emma had to kill Regina, and so she shot her - in the Storybrooke vault - as Regina realizes just how much she's changed. The "heaven" she's talking about is essentially Storybrooke - her own happy ending that was far from happy. If there's anything more to it, I'll let you wonder.