An Irrational fear of Spiders.

Well. I guess this one came to me when I went into my room. I'm always very paranoid that there's a spider. Then I read some Sirius fanfiction, and now I'm writing about Sirius and a Spider. Enjoy! My logic makes less than no sense, so don't even try to find out what I mean...

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Except Professor Lang... Yeah, he be mine. See you at the bottom!

Sirius Black woke up in the middle of the night, once again, for no apparent reason. Instead of trying to go back to sleep, he lit the tip of his wand and examined the room. Remus sleeping. James sleeping. Peter… Reading? No, that couldn't be right. Peter didn't read unless it was necessary. Remus was the only one who read for pleasure, not Peter.
"Damn it Pads, put that light out would you?" Peter hissed, glaring at his friend. With one last whiz round the room, Sirius extinguished the light.

"Wait… What the…" Sirius muttered, lighting his wand again. Peter muttered something under his breath and rolled away. Something was moving on the floor. He noticed, because he was hanging upside down off the side of his bed, like he always did when he was bored. There was suddenly an almighty shriek, and Sirius leapt into James' arms.
"Bloody hell Pads, what's wrong?" James said groggily, reaching over to his nightstand to retrieve his glasses.
"S-S-S-S- Spider!" Sirius stuttered, quivering in James' arms. Peter sighed heavily and Remus yawned, and then sat up in his bed.
"With a scream like that, I'd thought we were being ransacked or something, mate. Where is it?" Remus said, walking over to sit on the bed currently occupied by the two raven-haired boys. Sirius pointed over to the other side of his bed, his fingers trembling as he shuffled in James' lap. No-one moved for a while. Peter, deciding that something needed to be done, stood up and grabbed Remus by the arm.

"Ow… Bloody hell Wormy. You've dug your fingers right into my arm, there… Fair grip, though. You'd probably make a fair beater..." Remus muttered. Then he froze. There was another high-pitched scream, and another weight was thrown onto James' bed.
"Merlin's beard Pads, I see what you were scared of. That thing… It's more like a bloody dog than a spider! I've seen smaller rats! Sorry, no offence Wormtail. Bad choice of words, I know..." Remus said, pulling the other two boys closer.
"Scared-y cats, all of you," Peter sighed, still not moving from his position above the supposedly "ginormous" spider.
"I, Sirius Orion Black, am NOT a fraidy-cat. Arachnaphobic, maybe. But I take serious offence." Sirius said, chuckling. "Moooooonnyyyyy. Um, Moony? Hey! MOONY! Kill it for me?" Sirius pleaded, putting on his best puppy-dog face.

"Are you kidding? NO! I'm just as scared as you are, Pads. Prooooongs? D'you reckon you could, yano, be a babe and kill the damn thing?" Remus said, smiling innocently at the bespectacled boy.

"Uh, that'd be a definite NO. Partially because, in essence, you just called me 'babe'... Thanks for that. And partially because I'm worse than both of you combined. So, Wormy. That leaves you… Squish it, or... Aha! You... You'll be receiving a good old hug from Moony, Pads and Myself. We know how you hate people invading your 'personal space'. Unless it's Dorcas, that it." James said slyly, his eyes growing wider behind his glasses. Remus and Sirius were about to shove him over, but James hit them both in the stomach.

Without a moment's hesitation, Peter grabbed the closest shoe available to him and with an almighty thump, the spider was dead.

"Potter, Black, Lupin, Pettigrew! What are you doing? I've had seven complaints in the last hour saying there have been screams and bangs from in here! Detention, Friday, the lot of you!" Professor Lang hissed sternly, and then marched from the room.
"Yes sir…" the boys said in unison, but then all fell about laughing.
"I MEAN IT! SHUT. UP!" they heard the Professor call from the end of the corridor, and the boys were silenced.

Sirius whimpered, and for a second, the others thought he'd seen another spider.
"What, Pads?" Remus asked, walking back to his own bed and reaching for the curtains.
"I've got spider guts on my shoe, Remus," Sirius frowned, drawing the curtains around his own bed and lying back.

Remus stifled a laugh and pulled the red curtains closed, laid back and remained there chuckling to himself. 'Well, that was amusing...' he said, before he drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

The End!

You stuck with it? Yey!

Thanks for reading. What did you think? I tried to be funny, but I'm no comedian. Review! Thanks. You might get a reply!