Disclaimer: I don't own Wicked.
Glinda entered the kitchen after rolling out of bed at eleven thirty in the morning. She saw that Elphaha, her roommate, had already woken up and was preparing something to eat. To Glinda, it looked like the green girl was making lunch, but the blonde wasn't too sure. Sharing an apartment instead of a small dorm room was much better, Glinda thought, because she could sleep as late as she wanted without being disturbed. After all, who wakes up at six in the morning if one doesn't have to? The answer to her question that should be rhetorical was indeed her best friend, Elphaba Thropp. "Good morning, Elphie!" Glinda said happily and went into the cabinets to find something suitable to eat.
"It's hardly the morning anymore," Elphaba said and took a bite of her left over take out meal that the two had eaten for dinner the night before.
"It's a whole twenty five minutes before noon, Elphie, so therefore, it's the morning," Glinda said, thinking she sounded intelligent.
"Twenty two minutes, actually," Elphaba corrected her.
"Well, look who woke up on the wrong side of the bed," Glinda commented and opened up the fourth cabinet and was only met with empty space. She opened another and scowled when she saw only a can of lima beans. Why in Oz would they even be in there? After all, she hated them.
"I would have woken up on the right side of the bed if you didn't come in at three in the morning because you had a nightmare about some decrepit toenail," Elphaba said and put her food down, completely losing her appetite.
"Elphie, it was oozified!" she exclaimed.
"You're lucky I agreed to move off campus with you," Elphaba said and threw her food away into the garbage, which was full. "Glinda, it was your turn to take out the garbage! Two weeks and you can't even remember to do something so simple."
"Well, I for one have more important things to do," she grumbled as she slammed the refrigerator shut.
"Like what? Dream of oozing toenails?"
"Shut up Elphie!" Glinda stomped her foot. "There's nothing to satisfy my tummy."
"Please tell me you didn't say that," Elphaba shook her head left to right in disbelief.
"Elphie," Glinda whined. "There's absolutely nothing to eat! Where is the food?" the blonde continued to search for some, but couldn't find any. "Maybe it's hiding."
"Glinda, we have to, I hate to say this, but we have to go shopping," Elphaba replied.
"Shopping? Yes! We will go on a shopping spree and then when we come home, there'll be food! But I thought you would have suggested the stupid library again, but hey, maybe I'm finally rubbing off on you!" the blonde clapped excitedly at Elphaba's offer.
"No, not clothes shopping, food shopping," the green woman said, making sure to put an emphasis on the food part of that sentence. Glinda looked at her cutely with her head slightly tilted to the left. "You aren't following me on this, are you?" The blonde shook her head and her blue eyes continued to stare up at Elphaba. "We have to go somewhere and buy food," she said slowly. "Food doesn't just appear out of thin air." Glinda gave her a deadpanned look. "Sweet Oz, you really thought food just appeared in the refrigerator, didn't you?" Elphaba looked at her in disbelief. "My sweet, we have to go out and buy food."
"They have stores for that?" Glinda questioned, finally breaking her silence.
"Yes. Like Ozbay Supermarket and Ozco."
"So that's what those stores sell."
"But food shopping is different from clothes shopping."
"I know that, Elphie! I'm not stupid."
"I beg to differ," Elphaba said under her breath.
"Nothing! Now, go get ready and we'll go to the grocery store. We can't keep living on take out. Your parents gave you a budget, so go figure out how much money you didn't spend. We need whatever that is for the food."
"Right," Glinda said. "I have a feeling grocery shopping isn't going to be all that funified. I usually have people for this."
"Just go," Elphaba sighed, and Glinda went into her room to change into something suitable for going out.
About forty five minutes later, Glinda came out with her hair and makeup done, and was wearing a simple (well, for her anyway) pink dress and her heels weren't as high as Elphaba had expected. "I'm ready! And I have the money," she said and handed it to Elphaba. The green girl counted it (mainly because Glinda didn't) and stuffed it in her pocket. Glinda grabbed her purse and the two were out the door.
The two had arrived at Ozco, a new giant supermarket not too far from their new apartment. Glinda stared at it in awe, slightly intimidated by the size of it. Elphaba rolled her eyes and grabbed the blonde's hand. "Come on. The food isn't going to buy itself," she joked.
"Elphie, don't be mean!" Glinda said and whacked Elphaba with her purse lightly. The green girl grabbed a shopping cart. It was oversized, just like the store. And when the two walked in, they realized everything was oversized. Elphaba was glad that it was a superstore that sold everything in bulk because that meant she and Glinda wouldn't have to come here often. She already knew that something was going to happen, and it wouldn't be good. She looked over to her side and already saw the blonde had run off into the crowds of Ozco. Luckily, she hadn't gone too far and was standing by a radio. "Look at this radio, Elphie! Can we get it?"
"No," Elphaba said. "We're here for food and food only."
"But it's my money," the spoiled girl whined.
"No, it's your father's money and he put me in charge of it," Elphaba replied. Glinda couldn't even fight back because that was the truth. The only reason her parents let her live in an apartment off campus was because Elphaba had agreed to watch the bubbly blonde.
"Elphie, everything here is oversized…the store, the shopping carts, the food, the people…oh look! Free sample!" Glinda said and ran off to get one. It was some kind of cake, and she had grabbed one for Elphaba. The emerald girl didn't want it. Glinda shrugged and ate it herself. She didn't feel like finding a waste basket, so she threw the paper sampler cup on the ground without a second thought.
"Glinda, you don't just go around littering. Pick it up." Elphaba wanted to kill herself. This wasn't going to be an easy day, she could tell.
"But it's on the gross floor," Glinda whined. Elphaba glared, and Glinda obeyed and threw the remains of the free sample in the garbage. Meanwhile, Elphaba took this opportunity to put things in the cart. Luckily, she knew what she was doing. "Eww, Elphie, why are you getting broccoli? And spinach?"
"Because it's good for you," Elphaba said barely paying attention.
"Good for what? It isn't good for my taste buds, that's for sure."
"It's good for your insides, the parts that don't taste," Elphaba said and got some carrots, red peppers, and mushrooms. Glinda could be such a child! Why did she agree to share an apartment with her, why?
"Like your colon?"
"Yes, Glinda," Elphaba said angrily. "Like your colon."
"But I poop just fine and-"
"Glinda, never discuss your bowels in public. Actually, never discuss them again. Hey, why don't you go over there and get a lemon before you give me a headache?"
"Okay!" Glinda said and skipped off. Sometimes, Elphaba wondered how they were friends. It was a question she'd ask herself often, but she never found an answer.
"Is this good?"
"That's a lime."
"No, it's a lemon."
"Lemons are yellow, limes are green."
"So baby lemons aren't like baby bananas?"
"No they aren't."
"But if that's true, then how come only baby bananas are green and baby lemons look like adult lemons? You make no sense, sometimes."
"Glinda," Elphaba said trying hard not to make a scene in the store. "Go get me an adult lemon." She gripped the shopping cart so hard, her knuckled turned a lighter green. Glinda skipped off and came back with an "adult lemon".
"Now what?" Glinda questioned.
"Now you follow me," Elphaba replied as they entered the next section. She put things like oranges and strawberries in the cart, carefully inspecting them before she decided on the ones she was going to purchase.
"Look at these tiny bananas, Elphie! They must be from Munchkinland!" Glinda said happily.
"Those are plantains," Elphaba corrected her.
"Can we get them?"
"Why not? You got to buy colon food."
"If there is an Unnamed God out there, he must really hate me," Elphaba said.
"Elphie!" Glinda fumed.
"Just make this easy for me and put them back." Glinda sighed and did as she was told. After all, the green one was the one who got to hold the money, and money, to Glinda, meant power. She felt like such a child!
Eventually, they got to the meat section and Elphaba wanted to vomit when she saw the pork tender loins, prime ribs, steaks, and chicken breasts and thighs. She desperately wanted to get away from there, but of course, the blonde wouldn't let her. "Elphie, what kind of meat do I like?" Elphaba had to think of a way to get out of that section, and fast. Her mind was racing; these might be Animals? No, that wouldn't work. They were once living beings, too? Meat was a bunch of dead animals? Yes, that might help her! It might make Glinda get all grossed out and want to leave this section! "Meat is a bunch of dead animals, or Animals. You wouldn't like it."
"Well, we're made of meat, aren't we?" What in Oz was she even saying? Elphaba had to swallow her lunch back down her throat for the second time. "And we aren't a bunch of dead animals or Animals." Glinda really knew how to gross Elphaba out without even trying. "We're living meat, and they're well, dead meat. I say we eat the dead meat."
"Glinda, that is disgusting." Then a thought occurred to her. "Do you even know how to cook meat?"
"Well, no…" Glinda confessed.
"And since I'm a vegetarian, I'm not cooking it for you because it's against my morals. So, how are you going to eat it?"
"Point taken. We won't buy any meat, I guess," Glinda replied. Happily, Elphaba pushed the cart as fast as she could out of that section.
Elphaba threw some cheese in the cart. "Eww, Elphie, that cheese has holes in it."
"What kind of cheese would you prefer?"
"Any kind without holes in it. And none of that stinky cheese," Glinda decided. Not wanting to argue, Elphaba got some cheddar cheese instead, and then they were off. Suddenly, everything became quiet…too quiet, and despite the fact Elphaba enjoyed not hearing the blonde chattering up nonsense, it worried her. She looked around her.
Glinda was missing.
Elphaba began looking through the crowds of people. Of course, she was probably looking for the smallest girl in the store, which didn't help in the slightest. She stopped searching frantically and stopped to think. "If I was a bubbly blonde who doesn't have a care in the world, where would I go?" she said to herself. "Clothes!" Elphaba said and bolted off towards the clothes section.
But no Glinda.
Then she remembered how Glinda picked up all of the free samples her little hands could get on. Twenty something free sample stands later, still no Glinda. Elphaba stopped and thought long and hard-probably too hard- of the whereabouts of her friend. Seriously, caring for her sister was easier than this! "Think, Elphaba, think…" she said to herself. Luckily, the people there were weird, so they didn't really pay much attention to the green girl talking to herself. "She didn't eat breakfast today!" Elphaba exclaimed and dashed over towards the cafeteria. And there was Glinda, sitting with a random family (perhaps she knew them considering she was talking so casually with them), eating a cinnamon stick. Nutritious.
"And then I was all like 'Biq, you should totally take Nessa to the Emerald City for her birthday 'cause she'd love it because I loved it when Elphie took me there' Oh, hi Elphie!" Glinda waved her over. "She's green," Glinda said as if the horror stricken family hadn't noticed. However, Elphaba realized that they weren't afraid of her for being green.
"You don't know these people, do you?" Elphaba figured out.
"Not before today!" Glinda said happily.
"I am terribly sorry," Elphaba said to the family. "I'll be sure to return her to the asylum before dusk." Elphaba guided the blonde over to where she had put the shopping cart. "Are you insane? You can't just go up to people and- don't nonchalantly nibble on the cinnamon stick as I'm scolding you!"
"Sorry, Elphie. But I was hungry and I didn't have a proper lunch or breakfast. This cinnamon stick is satisfying."
"I never realized how creepy you are," Elphaba said.
"Elphie!" Glinda yelled.
"Now, how can I be sure that you won't run off and talk to random people again…" Elphaba trailed. Then, and idea struck her. She lifted up the petite girl and placed her in the corner of the shopping cart.
"Elphie!" Glinda said and went to stand up, but Elphaba was quicker and began pushing the cart, forcing Glinda to sit down. She huffed, but didn't argue.
"Mom, you said I was too big to ride in the cart!" a twelve year old whined and pointed to the blonde who had been forced to ride in it. Elphaba rolled her eyes and wondered why a twelve year old would want to sit in one. Elphaba laughed and thought That's because she isn't too big. She would have said it aloud, but she didn't want Glinda to become obsessed with her height again. Last time, she had taken Elphaba's books and strapped them to her heels, making book shoes. Elphaba never asked why she would think that was a good idea, but she had demanded Glinda take the books off her heels. She didn't. And then Glinda proceeded to fall down the stairs, books flying everywhere.
"Elphie, it's the dessert section! Can we get a cheesecake for tonight?" Glinda asked. Since she had been behaving herself in the shopping cart, Elphaba decided it was okay to let her choose something she wanted.
"Of course, my sweet," Elphaba said.
"I love that nickname you gave me," Glinda smiled at her sweetly. "It makes me appreciate you more."
"Whatever you say," the green girl rolled her eyes.
"I want that one," Glinda said, pointing to one of the cheesecakes. It was a fruit sampler, each one a different flavor. Elphaba took it and placed it in Glinda's lap.
Finally, it was time for them to check out. After paying for the food, the two took a carriage home with their groceries.
Later that night, Elphaba had prepared a meal using broccoli and spinach, and Glinda found herself enjoying it. "Actually, Elphie, this weird salad you made is actually pretty good."
"Thank you. But I think one of us needs to learn to use the stove." She thought of Glinda trying to cook, and that just screamed disaster. "Correction, I'll learn to use the stove."
"Good, because there was this one time when Momsie thought it would be beneficial for me to learn how to cook a simple meal."
"How did that go?" Elphaba cocked an eyebrow.
"Horrendible. The meat caught fire, my dress caught fire, I ran around the kitchen with the meat on a tray while we were on fire and, well, Popsicle said I was a running flaming ball of fire," Glinda explained.
"That really does sound, umm, horrendible," Elphaba said, trying to use a word that didn't even exist in any dictionary. "I'll get the cheesecake." Glinda clapped her hands and chose a slice before the green girl could even put the cheesecake down.
"Elphie, I'm glad that you didn't go off on that broom in the Emerald City."
"And why's that?" Elphaba asked, surprised (well, not really) at Glinda's randomness.
"Because then we wouldn't be able to share this apartment, and I don't think I'd ever be able to see you again. I don't know how I'd live without my Elphie."
"Oh, so now I belong to you?" Elphaba laughed as Glinda began to blush.
"Well, I'm your sweet, so do I belong to you now?" It was Elphaba's turn to blush. Glinda began to reach for Elphaba's hand with her small one. They gazed into each other's eyes. Elphaba didn't know whether or not they were doing what normal friends did, but she did enjoy having a moment with one. Elphaba was becoming nervous at the blonde's actions, and she honestly didn't know if she was doing whatever it is she was supposed to do correctly. But then, Glinda felt the need for the bathroom and bolted up. "I told you it was colon food!" she shouted before she slammed the bathroom door shut.
Elphaba simply cackled.