Okay, so this is my first Z-Land fic, so try to be nice-ish!

Disclaimer: unfortunately, not even for Christmas…

"Ya stupid spit-fuck…"

"Do you want me to apologize again?"

"Fuck no, I want some fuckin' gas!"


This story starts out like a lot of the others do in Zombieland.

Our favorite group of zombie slaying heroes are stranded with an empty tank.

Blame it on Ohio, naturally.

Unfortunately for them, they're nowhere near a gas station or even another car they can jack.

"Of all the fuckin' stupid dipshit things ya had ta do, it's get us fuckin' stranded. In the middle of the fuckin' desert. IN the middle of the fuckin' hottest day in fuckin' history!" Tallahassee wasn't leaving anything out of this tongue lashing. The Floridian man had not only gone back into severe Twinkie withdrawal, but he wasn't dealing with the high temperature very well. None of them were, really. Wichita and Little Rock were still in the truck, too hot to be bothered to do more than stick their heads out the window every once in a while. Columbus was leaning out the driver's side and watching Tallahassee pace with mild concern. In fact, the only one who seemed unfazed by the heat was Nashville, who was lounging in the passenger seat with his small feet on the dashboard.

Nashville had joined the little group after they left Pacific Playland. They found him slaughtering the undead in Las Vegas on top of a casino. How the child from Tennessee got halfway across the country to Nevada was a complete mystery. For a 6-year-old, he was pretty bad ass, not to mention smarter than he should've been with a mouth and dead aim fit to rival Tallahassee's. Tallahassee had actually taken to him first, treating him like his own son. You couldn't tell they WEREN'T father and son, save for the slight differences in their accents. He even had his own hat, a baseball hat that was for a minor league team called the Smokies and was slightly too big for him. No one else had heard of them, but it was safer not to tell the boy that.

Tallahassee kicked the truck hard, letting off another stream of cusses when it surprisingly hurt. Tennessee leaned over Ohio, frowning.

"Yer not 'sposed ta do that, dumb-fuck," He said, halfway falling out of the truck. Tallahassee gave him a stiff finger. Nashville hopped out, running around to the trunk and rummaging for his little backpack.

"We better start walkin', y'all. Dead battery I cin fix, but not no gas," he called, throwing everyone else's bags onto the road.

"Hold on a sec, you little hick," Little Rock burst from her seat, "we are NOT walking!"

Nashville crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, Princess Bitchette, I don't see YOU comin' up with no brilliant plans! At least I got one!"

"Did you just call me a bitch?" Little Rock shrieked, lunging at the young boy.

"Enough! We don't need to walk!" Wichita pointed down the road with a wicked grin. All eyes followed her finger. A very nice Escalade was speeding right towards them. The rest adopted Wichita's smirk. The girls had taught them how to con, and this was a perfect time to practice. Nashville and Little rock threw their stuff back into the truck and leapt in. Columbus shrugged his jacket off and joined Tallahassee in flagging them down.

The Essie slowed down little by little until it stopped right next to them. Even in the broke down truck they could hear the intense bass pounding from inside.

The tinted window rolled down, revealing a teenage boy, about 15 or 16. He looked Asian, but was very tan. His eyes were covered by aviators that glinted sunlight. His hair was a mix of black, blonde and aqua blue, and he was wearing a black shirt with a white skull and a black and green scarf. He had a baseball hat on, shading his face even more.

Beside him a young woman leaned over the wheel to get a good look out the window. She looked older than 20, but younger than 25. She also was wearing aviators, although her right lens was covered by red and brown bangs that tumbled everywhere. She had some band t-shirt over a long sleeved, blue leopard print shirt that had thumb holes. Her right hand had a moto glove with the fingers cut off. A single dog tag hung off a chain around her neck. She had a baseball hat, too, only it had a big white KC embellished across it.

"'Sup?" the boy said, slumping down into his seat like he was disappointed. Beside him the woman began giggling.

"You were DEAD wrong, fucktard! There're no chicks here! Just a big guy and his bitch!" She sat back in her seat, laughing to herself.

"Now, I've never hit a girl," Tallahassee growled, pointing a finger at her. The boy just sighed and pushed his finger away.

"I'm Maine, that's K.C." He jerked a thumb over at her.

"Kansas City," She said, suddenly lurching forwards with a menacing look, "MISSOURI. I am not from fuckin' Kansas!" Maine pushed her back into her seat.

"What can we help you with?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest. Right on cue, Little Rock and Nashville popped up in the backseat and pointed their barrels at the two's heads.

"Outta the car," Nashville said with a smirk. The owners audibly gasped and whipped around to look at him. A look of dread spread across the blonde boy's face and he literally flew out of the car.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT, GET YOUR FUCKIN' ASS BACK HERE!" K.C. screamed, jumping out after him. Nashville immediately ran to Tallahassee.

"You know them?" Columbus asked naively. Wichita had already gotten out of the truck, getting another gasp from Maine. Tallahassee was hopelessly confused, leaving him useless to Nashville. The young boy realized this and began running down the road, knowing the furious woman was hot on his heels.

"GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU BITCH!" He cried as K.C. body checked him to the ground.


"YOU CRAZY BITCH, GET TH' FUCK OFF 'IM!" Tallahassee roared, prying the woman off. There was a click and the all stopped.

"Drop her. NOW," Maine growled, pushing his gun into the man's neck. Florida set her down with a growl. K.C. looked back at the tan boy. He jerked his head towards the car and she obeyed, sticking her tongue out at Nashville. He returned it when her back was turned, getting a chuckle from Tallahassee. Maine took his shades off, revealing dark eyes.

"Nashville," he said casually after he heard the car door slam. He walked forwards and held his hand out. Nashville took it and stood up. Maine kept it outstretched once he was up, an expectant look on his face.

"C'mon, she won't let any of us leave until you give her the damned thing," he said irritably, glancing back at the Escalade. Nashville sighed and dug into his pocket, handing the older boy a ball of headphones and glints of orange. Maine nodded, shoving the device into his pocket. He turned to Tallahassee.

"Sorry, man, but it was either you or her, and she's the boss." Maine gave a shrug. Tallahassee frowned and opened his mouth to say something when the horn in the Essie blared loudly. He glared back at K.C., who had a smirk on her face and was waving innocently.

"Anyways, if you needed a lift, you could've said so. How else do you think we know Squirt here?" Maine lightly punched Nashville. "We give people rides all the time. The Essie holds 7 people, so we have just enough room." Maine strolled back over to the passenger side and sat heavily. He looked at all of them.

"Well? If you're coming, then hurry up; I'm fucking sick of this heat." With that he slammed the door shut and propped his feet up on the dash, closing his eyes and putting his aviators back on. K.C. suddenly let out a squeal and fiddled with something for a few seconds before the radio was blaring hard guitars and bass. A huge smile spread across her face and she furiously began head banging. Maine began to tap his foot on the windshield to the beat.

"Hurry up! We're leaving in 2 minutes!" He called again.

Given the choice of going with the insane pair or staying where they were, the group was in the Escalade in 5 seconds.

The assault to their eardrums was worth the A/C.

Good? Bad? Horrible? Spectacular? I love Z-Land, and this helps me blow off steam… SO I NEED TO KNOW!

R&R! Be first and get a chapter dedicated to you!