Inspired by the episode from Shin Chan.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to Kishimoto. I am in no way related to the characters, etc, just stealing them for a sec, blah, blah, blah, if that's a crime then lots of people on this site are goin' ta jail with me. Hehe, we'd make everyone in prison our bitch cuz then we'd know how to use our ninja-like moves! Hi-yah!
Naruto and other characters, around 8 years old
No pairings, (well, sort of) but this is a crackfic so don't take the pairings seriously... seriously bro~
It all started with a request.
"NARUTOOOOOOOO!" A loud demonic scream yelled across the playground of the Academy for ninjas. Sakura Haruno, a pretty girl with a reputation known for her big forehead and evil mind, ran up to the monkey bars where four boys were hanging out at.
"S-Sakura-chan?" Naruto said aloud, blushing brightly as he noticed an envelope in her hands with a heart on it. 'Is she confessing?' he thought, his poor eight year old mind hoping and longing for it to be the truth.
"Okay Naruto, get down here I need to talk to you." She called out rudely, stomping her foot on the ground with a hand on her hip. Her mean glare was all it took for the boy to jump down in fright. His three friends, Shikamaru, Kiba, and Chouji all stayed, wondering as well what the pink haired girl wanted.
Sakura smirked evilly at Naruto like a mad scientist after a creation. She pushed the envelope into Naruto's face.
"Is…this for me?" he asked, grabbing the envelope and staring at the big red heart in the blank middle. His big blue eyes looked back at the girl and noticed how she had turned deep red. 'Ah, it is!' He thought with glee, imagining her and him holding hands as they ran through the fields of fresh flowers. Naruto's face stayed a drooling happy one, until he felt a stinging sensation on his cheek and came back to reality.
"No you idiot! I have a job for you!" She screamed. Her face was red from anger not embarrassment.
"A job?" Naruto wondered, staring at the envelope again as he rubbed his slapped cheek. He heard Shikamaru sigh above him tiredly.
"This is for Sasuke, isn't it?" He asked, his boring tone evident as always.
Naruto's face fell and hardened into a huge frown when he watched Sakura blush and look away while giggling. He can tell that the girl was imagining Sasuke and her running through those fields of flowers and not him.
"Grrr, what's so great about Sasuke anyways? He's not special." Naruto huffed, looking away.
Sakura gasped, smacking Naruto on the head. "Sasuke is very special! He's the last of the Uchiha clan, he's also very handsome, and he's the top of our class! You're the idiot, Naruto. Now give this to him or-…"
"Or what?" Naruto pouted.
He immediately regretted it when he found himself under a tall angry Sakura hovering over him with red eyes and a dark face. "Or die." She said a bit too happily.
"O-okay." Naruto stuttered, going off into a random direction with Sakura to find Sasuke.
"Oh boy, this won't go well," Shikamaru sighed.
"Why do you say that?" Kiba asked, chuckling at the turn of events.
"I just know," Shikamaru shrugged. "Come on Chouji, let's get some chips and watch the show."
Chouji nodded as all three boys jumped off the monkey bars.
"You're a weird guy, Shika." Kiba laughed, earning a 'troublesome' from the eight year old.
"Ah, there he is!" Sakura pointed, watching as the cool and calm Sasuke ate his onigiri peacefully. Naruto glared as Sakura sighed with hope.
"Now listen Einstein, this is my love letter confessing everything from my diary. If you screw this up, you'll pay. Got it?" Sakura threatened, holding the boy by his black shirt. Naruto nodded his head up and down signaling that he understood. The girl let him go and smiled happily again, making the boy sweat in fear.
"Humph! I guess I don't have a choice," he mumbled, now heading in the direction of where Sasuke was.
'Cha! I can't lose him now!' Sakura giggled, hiding behind a tree as she watched Naruto approach Sasuke at the benches.
"Oi, Sasuke!" Naruto called, waving his hand in the air excitedly even though he just wanted to die right then and there. The said emo boy looked in the direction of Naruto with no expression, watching him with luring eyes that can kill you in an instant... figuratively.
Naruto knows Sakura is watching, so he better act nice and give him the letter.
"Here," Naruto said, blushing lightly as he handed Sasuke the letter. Sasuke stared at the envelope with the heart, then at Naruto's blushing smile. He took the letter slowly in his hands and stared at it as Naruto walked away.
Sasuke opened the letter, curious as why Naruto, the class idiot who obviously hates him, would give him an envelope with a HEART on it. He read the contents inside with steady eyes.
/ I love you.
I love you with all my heart, so please, be my boyfriend! Do whatever you want with me, I don't care. That's how much I'm in love with you Sasuke.
Your true love. /
Sasuke stared at the letter for what seemed like hours. Let's all just say that the blush was never there on his cheek and that twitching lip wasn't twitching at all into a smile. I mean, who gets confessions from your RIVAL everyday?
"This is…odd," he said to himself as he sweat dropped, rereading the very dramatic love letter over and over again. The 'do whatever you want with me' was a bit too far but he didn't mind. The sloppy handwriting seemed like his but his words are of like a girls. Sasuke snorted. 'This is some trick he's pulling,' he thought.
"YES!" Sakura cheered. "He didn't rip it or burn it like he did with all those other confessions Ino, me and the girls sent him. He actually read it too…twice! He has to like me."
"What are you doing, forehead girl?" Ino asked, popping out of no where behind Sakura.
"GYAH! Ino-pig! What are you doing here?" She shouted, pointing accusingly at Ino. Ino raised a blonde eyebrow at the girl and tossed her short hair aside to show a knowing look.
"This is school you idiot. And plus, I just saw Naruto give Sasuke what appears to be a love letter and he hasn't ripped it yet," she said, pouting her lips and crossing her arms.
"Yeah I know. That letter was from me," Sakura smirked. "I just had Naruto deliver it for me."
"Oh?" Ino paused, frowning deeply at the large forehead girl. "Well, I won't lose to you!" She said, storming off in a random direction, making Sakura wonder what Ino could possibly do to top off the love letter she stayed up all night to write. Her hand was so nervous it didn't stop shaking while she wrote it! That's true love!
Sakura sighed lovingly, "Sasuke-kun!"
"Okay guys I'm back," Naruto called, waving at his friends.
"Yo, what took you so long?" Kiba asked, snickering. "What was Sasuke's expression?"
Naruto thought for a while as he stood in front of the jungle gym with his friends dangling upside down. "Hm, no expression as usual, " he said. Naruto put a hand on a handle and kicked up from the ground to climb up, until he felt a hand on his foot.
"What the-…GYAAAH!" He girlishly screamed, being pulled back down by a bustling blonde, Ino.
"Way to be cool Naruto," Ino sighed, rolling her eyes. "Anyways, I have a job for you."
"Oh no not again!" Kiba moaned.
"We should've saved the chips," Shikamaru muttered, Chouji nodding enthusiastically.
"Whaaat! I wanna play!" Naruto whined, crossing his arms as he pouted like a…well child, even though he is one.
Ino flicked Naruto on the nose and glared at him. "Don't give me that now. I need you to give Sasuke these," she said, handing Naruto the flower, Marigold, and a note. "I need you to say this out loud to him. And be poetic too!" She scolded.
"What! Why can't you girls do this yourself?" Naruto asked, clutching the flower in one hand and the note in the other as he tried to rub his sore nose. Poor boy is being abused lately!
"Because it's easier this way, now do it!" Ino yelled, pointing in the direction where Sasuke was still at.
"What if I refuse?" Naruto wondered.
He immediately regretted saying such idiotic things again when he noticed a taller Ino hovering over him with red eyes and a dark face. She had a demonic aura worse than Sakura's.
"Do it….or die," she said specifically on the 'Die' word. Naruto nodded up and down again, sweat dropping as Ino turned back to normal and smiled sweetly at him.
"Well good luck! I'll be behind that tree over there watching. You better say it poetically too you know!" She giggled, threatened, and yelled all in one say.
Naruto sighed as he slumped forward and walked towards his destinations, the benches, once again. Ino giggled, following behind as she ran for the tree Sakura was just hiding behind.
"Hey forehead girl. See Naruto now? He's sending Sasuke my gift of my undying love for him," Ino smirked, watching Sakura's face turn to horror as she craned her neck to see Naruto indeed walking towards Sasuke.
"No way! You pig, I can't believe you!" Sakura yelled, getting up from the ground she was sitting on playing jacks. Both evil girls ran behind the tree, watching as Naruto handed Sasuke the flower. They were eager to see the results.
"Hey Sasuke," Naruto called again, blushing that he has to do this stupid job again.
Sasuke looked up from the scroll he was reading, eyes slanting as he watched the boy suspiciously walk up to him and hand him the pretty flower. The blank stare on the plant didn't reach the blonde as he raised the note up to read it.
"Okay," he began, looking at Sasuke to see if he was listening before continuing, "My love, the heart is throbbing with want and need,
I must be with you or else I'll bleed,
The flower of affection,
Is the true key to get your attention.
So love me today and love me tomorrow,
I know you won't regret it,
My handsome new lover."
'God this is corny,' Naruto thought in his head while he read it.
Naruto pocketed the note in his pants and turned around and left. Sasuke watched the boy leave and run back to his friends, feeling the flower (Marigold was it?) go limp in his hands. He paused for a few minutes and remembered everything from the poem he just heard. Is Naruto saying he wants him to be his lover or else he'll die? And the flower, Marigold, is the symbol of his affection for him? Sasuke's lip twitching while his face turning into a healthy shade of dark red is definitely not there people!
"How…odd, " he mumbled again. 'His eyes were honest, I watched the entire time. They held no mischievous look like they always do when he's about to pull a prank. Odd how I would know how he'd look, but anyways…Naruto's confession is true.'
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ino laughed out loud, "He didn't burn this one either! I think he was smiling too!"
"No way!" Sakura protested, "My confession was WAY better than yours!"
"Oh yeah? Then why did he sniff my flower, huh?" Ino asked, wiggling her eyebrows at the pink haired girl.
"He was NOT sniffing it, he was checking to see if there were bugs on it!"
"You're in denial," Ino giggled, "How cute."
"Shut up Ino-pig!" Sakura screamed, ready to strangle the blonde as the said girl walked away.
"My poem was great too, wanna hear it?"
"Hey guys, I'm back," Naruto smiled brightly.
"Oh look, Naruto's back from his top secret mission of looovve~, how'd it go cupid?" Kiba asked, laughing at his lame joke.
"Stupid, as always. You should have heard Ino's poem. It was so mushy and lovey dovey I almost puked. Even though…it was kind of good," Naruto said, huffing away with an annoyed look.
"Oh really?" Chouji asked. "Did you get anything out of Sasuke from this one?" he asked.
Naruto stared astonished at his friends, now relocated on the ground with chalk scattered around them. "You guys are enjoying this!" He realized.
"Please Naruto, this is good. Especially with what Shika told us," Kiba giggled maniacally.
Naruto raised a confused eyebrow at Kiba, who only shook his head. Naruto shrugged it off and sat down next to his friends.
"Shika's a weird guy…where is he by the way?" Naruto asked, picking up a blue chalk as he looked at Chouji. The fat little boy only answered with a shrug.
"I think he has a job of his own," Chouji said, making Naruto even more confused.
"Oh well," he grinned, beginning to draw a pretty blue butterfly on the ground.
Ino and Sakura walked side by side, arguing over and over who Sasuke really liked.
"Sasuke-kun likes ME, you dirty rotten…rotten…whore!" Sakura yelled back, her face red with anger as her fists shook.
Ino gasped. "I'm telling my mother! Plus, the only whore here is YOU!" She pointed, a hand to her mouth with her face also red.
The two girls continued to glare at each other on the wind blowing sandy ground, ready for an all out showdown of Sasuke's love. That is…until an intruder stepped in and stopped them.
"Troublesome," he spoke.
Ino and Sakura turned their glares to Shikamaru, who stood in front of them both, unfazed with their death glares of doom. "Jeez, stop with the looks. I've received worse from my mother," he sighed, a hand slipped lazily in one pocket as the other waved in the air to show them off.
"What do you want Shikamaru, can't you see I'm trying to kick some wannabe's ass here!" Ino yelled, raising her fist to Shikamaru instead.
"Che, yeah right! Like you could!" Sakura yelled back, also raising a fist to Shikamaru.
"What a drag, I only came here to tell you guys something involving your love mission for Sasuke," he sighed again.
Ino and Sakura's ears perked when they heard 'Sasuke' and 'love' together in a sentence. "Waaaah! Really? What is it? Did he send you here to tell me his answer," Ino asked, hands clasped together with hearts in her eyes.
"No pig! He was sent here to tell me he accepts my letter!" Sakura growled, making Ino growl back.
Poor Shikamaru sweat dropped as he rubbed the back of his head in a lazy way only he could do. "Uh no, neither," he said, causing Ino and Sakura to stop their growls and focus on Shikamaru again.
"Then…what is it?" Sakura asked, eyes big with curiosity.
Sighing again and again, Shikamaru couldn't believe how stupid these girls are. "You see," he began, "I've been watching this situation from afar and I noticed a few things from Sasuke."
"Like what?" Ino aggressively asked, not happy that this weirdo was spying, even though she and Sakura spied on Sasuke just a few minutes ago.
"Well, did you two happen to put your names at the end of your notes?" He asked.
The girls paused…thought…and gasped out loud.
"I didn't put my name, I put 'From, your true love.'" Sakura explained, getting all giggly and happy again at that fond memory of signing it that way.
"Yeah, I didn't put my name either," Ino agreed, glaring at Sakura and her fairy tale mind.
"Hm," Shikamaru grunted, closing one eye as he inwardly held a smile. "And I bet you guys didn't tell Naruto to tell Sasuke FIRST that the confessions were from you guys, right?"
"I…don't recall, ever telling Naruto that...," Ino mumbled slowly, with Sakura nodding her head, trying to remember if she ever did or not.
"And knowing Naruto, he probably didn't even think to mention you guys before handing the confessions over, right?"
"Shikamaru…what are you saying?" Sakura asked, suddenly horrified about what she was about to hear.
"I'm saying… Sasuke doesn't think you two gave him those confessions, he thinks Naruto did," Shikamaru clarified, getting to the point at last about their main conflict.
Shikamaru now had to let out his smirk he was hiding inside. The shock faces of Ino and Sakura were too good to not laugh at. Fists were both at their sides, shaking with their shoulders in realization of their mistake and…Naruto's.
"NARUTOOOOOOOO!" Both girls screamed, fists rose in the air with pure rage. Shikamaru slowly backed away from the oncoming torture and hell the two evil demons were going to raise.
The two sprung off, beginning their search for the stupid blonde. But apparently for them, Kiba and Chouji arrived laughing their asses off as they tugged Shikamaru with them back to the chalk area where Sasuke was talking to Naruto with the love letter and flower in his hands.
Sasuke sighed, putting a hand over Naruto's shoulder as he sniffed back tears. "Naruto," he began, "I'm sorry, but I can't accept these. You see…I'm a lone wolf, destined to avenge my dead clan and die alone. You must live on and find someone else who would love you forever. I'm…I'm sorry," Sasuke said, wiping his eyes in a dramatic way that made Naruto sweat drop.
"I wonder what he's talking about…," Naruto muttered, his eyebrows twitching at the sight.
Kiba, Chouji and even Shikamaru continued to laugh on the ground, rolling around like little piggies.
"Oh man! This was too good Shika!" Kiba laughed, wiping away tears.
"Yeah! You could have stopped all of this sooner though, why didn't you?" Chouji asked, rubbing his sore jiggling stomach.
Shikamaru got up and brushed away the dirt. "It'd be boring if I did," he explained. "Plus, now maybe Ino and Sakura would stop whining over Sasuke now."
The three boys laughed again as more screams came from Ino and Sakura along with the sight of Sasuke trying to hug poor Naruto to death to say 'good bye' forever from his lover. Naruto was having massive brain damage here and couldn't grasp on to why Sasuke was acting so weird and why Ino and Sakura were angry at him.
Shikamaru, Chouji, and Kiba decided to keep this their little secret from him.
Until Episode 3…
Thanks for reading. Again, this was inspired by the Shin Chan episode. If you have ever seen that specific episode then you will understand the entire joke, and would find Sasuke's tear jerking rejection more hilarious. If not, then check it out yo~
The episode also explains why 8 year olds are cussing and being violent, so yeah.