Disclaimer: Is this really necessary? Has anyone ever even tried to really steal JKR's work via fanfiction website? But I suppose I have to make it clear that I don't own Harry Potter or other recognizable characters. Simply manipulating them into my own plots. There. Now leave me alone!
Dear loyal, brave, beautiful fans from around the world,
Ron here, Ron Weasley. Now, now, don't make that face, I've spent a lot of time learning how to use one of these contraptions you Muggles call computers and after months I think I've earned the right to be heard. Erm, read. So I've been using that thingy majig 'Gobble' or whatever it's called, to search my own name -something Muggles apparently spend time doing, just to see what comes up- and didn't think it would actually work, being Muggle technology (don't tell Hermione I said that), but it did! But don't go thinking this is a grateful, humble, ardent, thank you letter from Ron. No, I've got a bone to pick with you!
There was a lot of mental stuff that came up when I put my name in this computer thing. Now, I realize that Muggle culture is different and everyone interprets Harry's story and all of us 'fictional' characters differently, but there is just one thing that I cannot overlook.
There I was, clicking on the different 'websites' -gawking at that short, freckleless ginger kid that's supposed to be me in those Muggle films, reading forums on people's opinions of my characteristics (some of you are harsh), looking at my 'fan art'- when I came across some stuff called 'fan fiction'. This is where you lot get mental to the point where I can no longer sit back and allow you to rip me as a character to shreds. I can take that you want to make me nicer, less rude, more romantic, gay, hate Harry, evil, etc. But one thing I will not stand for is my wife, -Hermione Jean Granger, in case any of you have forgotten- being paired with that toerag of a person, Malfoy! Have you all read the books? And I know that's hypocritical, coming from me, but really? Really? It's not even because of my 'ego' or my 'chivilry' or 'jealously'. Not even the obviousness of our love.
What I want to know is, who the bloody hell did you really think would marry me, me, if Hermione didn't? Hello, this is me. Ronald Bilius Weasely. You know, almost seven feet tall, ginger, freckles everywhere, constantly stuffing my face, scared of spiders, obnoxious, rude, lazy, potentially slower than a bald kneazle, learns curse words from naked gnomes. That Ron Weasely. I understand these Muggles that interpret Hermione and Malfoy in films are extremely attractive, but that does not mean that you all can just go and leave ickle Ronnikins for the dogs. And don't try to say I can marry Luna when you know damn well that Luna, though great value, would not want me. Nobody besides Hermione, -except maybe Lavender... but let's not go there- would want me, so I would appreciate it if you would stop forgetting that when you write 'Dramiones', you're not giving me my credit for seven years of being an idiot in front of the woman I'll love for eternity. Who retched up slugs for Hermione? Me. Who saved Hermione from Malfoy's Manor? Me. Who wanted to kill Hermione even though we were only twelve? Malfoy! And you daft dimbos want to leave me forever alone?
Anyways, I just thought I'd let my fans know how I feel when they leave me in the dust so that the light of my life, the reason I'm here, writing this, can run off with bloody Malfoy!
Yes, I'm pissed at you numpties.
Ronald Bilius Weasley
A/N: This does not reflect my feelings on Dramione fanfics, I even enjoy them. I just got to thinking a few hours ago that Ron probably would not like Malfoy stealing his girl in these fanfics after 7 years of sexual tension and confusion, you all read what he did to Krum's action figure. ;)